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(Reading Is For Snobs)   Idiot congressman defends denying poor children school lunches by quoting non-existent scripture   (readingisforsnobs.blogspot.com) divider line 61
    More: Dumbass, congressman, widows and orphans, Meals on Wheels, school lunches, Methodist Church, scriptures, United Methodist  
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6533 clicks; posted to Politics » on 17 May 2012 at 9:38 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-05-17 09:41:39 AM  
7 votes:
To be fair, quoting non-existant scripture in a debate isn't any more idiotic than quoting existing scripture.
2012-05-17 09:42:46 AM  
6 votes:
img2.timeinc.net
But it FEELS like what I
wish the bible said.
2012-05-17 08:46:55 AM  
6 votes:
I, for one, am shocked a Republican Christian doesn't have the first clue about his own religion.
2012-05-17 10:10:08 AM  
5 votes:

swaniefrmreddeer: So when jebus feed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and a few fish, the bible left out the, "Go get your own goddamned food, you lazy f*cks", part?


There were centuries of conflict about the scriptures of Jesus. The truth is much more interesting. For example, did you know:

- John the Baptist did not baptize Jesus. Jesus was at a spa and John the Baptist was giving him a foot massage after a long day laying off people at a factory that made crucifixes. The irony was not lost on Jesus when they finally tracked him down and crucified him.

- Jesus did not turn water into wine. His grape operations were extensive, and it was a process that required 400 employees working overtime and at low wages. However his wines were without question the jewel of the region.

- Jesus actually spent 40 days and 40 nights at the Ritz Carlton in Lebanon, which was where he held his board of director meetings.

- Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute. She was his secretary. She oversaw many of his holdings in Jerusalem and Nazareth, but occasionally she gave him a BJ under the table. She was not worthy to kiss his sandals but she did it anyway when he told her to.

- His death at the hands of Pontius Pilate was the result of unions which demanded better compensation.
2012-05-17 09:54:23 AM  
4 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-05-17 11:00:18 AM  
3 votes:
j.wigflip.com
2012-05-17 10:34:33 AM  
3 votes:
goo.gl
2012-05-17 10:29:39 AM  
3 votes:
j.wigflip.com
2012-05-17 10:01:49 AM  
3 votes:
And so it was that derp begat herp, and herp begat hurr, and hurr begat wharrgarbl, and wharrgarbl begat the GOP, and GOP begat Rep. Joe Barton
2012-05-17 09:58:26 AM  
3 votes:
Take not from the coffers of Defense, but from the mouths of hungry children for thine is the blessed Republican budget. Amen.
2012-05-17 09:49:16 AM  
3 votes:
This should automatically be posted on the top of every Fark thread where somebody makes an argument that America is a Christian nation:

nhne-pulse.org
2012-05-17 09:44:43 AM  
3 votes:
jakeisfantastic.com

The Lord helps oil companies that help themselves...
2012-05-17 09:29:48 AM  
3 votes:
How can we possibly afford to give subsidies to oil companies with all those greedy children begging for food? Where is the justice?
2012-05-17 09:05:25 AM  
3 votes:
It's inferred, dammit. Don't tell me the Lord's a GINO.
2012-05-17 11:23:58 AM  
2 votes:

AiryAnne: Or are you one of those who picks convenient times when to believe something?


oh fark the irony oh my godddddd
2012-05-17 10:53:19 AM  
2 votes:

Aidan: While I agree with what's said, I thought we hated blogs. Because that's a blog. Isn't there a news outlet reporting on this?


Well, MSNBC is a kind of news outlet.
2012-05-17 10:37:17 AM  
2 votes:

tnpir: Joe Barton is a corrupt, polluter-fellating piece of rubber dog shiat


Coincidentally that was his campaign slogan, it is a quite effective message that resonates with many Texas voters.
2012-05-17 10:27:23 AM  
2 votes:

sweetmelissa31: God was like, "Give a man a fish, he'll become a welfare queen. Teach a man to fish, waste of time, why doesn't he teach himself?"


Jesus was like, if I take all the fish then I'll have fish.
2012-05-17 10:17:13 AM  
2 votes:

sweetmelissa31: God was like, "Give a man a fish, he'll become a welfare queen. Teach a man to fish, waste of time, why doesn't he teach himself?"


And yea, I say unto you, blessed is the man who pulls himself up by his own fishing pole.
2012-05-17 09:55:24 AM  
2 votes:

gimmegimme: So which is it, religious people? Was Jesus a great guy who wanted all children to have full bellies or was he a terrible guy who wanted them to starve?


Republicans believe in a Quantum Jesus, or "Quesus". He can exist in both all-loving and delusional narcissist states at once.

Although this can explain how he supposedly appears in two places at once, it lacks concrete cohesion with the standard model. Quesus is/not Lord!
2012-05-17 09:48:12 AM  
2 votes:
...and now a reading from the Book of Moran...
2012-05-17 09:43:21 AM  
2 votes:
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain, a Biography

Thank God Mark Twain is already dead because the sheer concentration of derp today would kill the poor barstid.
2012-05-17 08:52:19 AM  
2 votes:
Bless his heart.
2012-05-17 12:14:42 PM  
1 votes:

skullkrusher: ooh, kids love the Hunger Games shiat


Definitely a selling point. We could even combine my two ideas. "Oh, well done, Li'l Billy, you made an extra shoe over your requirements! You get an extra scoop of Timmy Lardass pot pie today!"

The best thing, I think, is that the overachievers then get fattened up and are more likely to be chosen the next year. I think the whole thing will educate children on mediocrity and drudging toil, which is great, as school is supposed to prepare you for the real world.
2012-05-17 11:49:33 AM  
1 votes:

skullkrusher: We still haven't discussed the pros and cons of school lunch programs.


Pros: kids get to eat
Cons: kids don't learn how to be bootstrappy
2012-05-17 11:47:57 AM  
1 votes:

GentDirkly: deadcrickets: GentDirkly: Bendal: GentDirkly: Bendal: I call people who pick and choose quotes out of the Bible to justify their opinions "fake Christians". I work with a lot of them; when we were voting for the amendment that would ban gay marriage (even though we had a law that already made it illegal), I kept hearing how "the Bible says it is wrong" as reason to vote for it. But then, these same people would claim "we don't follow the OT so don't ask why we're wearing two kinds of fabric at the same time, or working on Sunday", but couldn't find a quote in the NT condemning homosexual acts.

/or they could be called hypocrites
//or bigots

Such an NT quote is easily found. Romans 1:26-27. Acts 15. Lots of praise and expounding of male-female marriage, while homosexuality is referred to as a sin belonging in a believer's past. So your co-workers are correct. The word you are looking for is maybe ignorant, but even that is too harsh. They know what it says, they just can't remember exactly which chapter and verse. Hypocritical, maybe, is a better word for you, since you expect them to hold to some vague code of behavior that neither of you understand.

Well yes, there's that phrase, written by Paul, right? So are you saying that this one phrase by a disciple overrules all the quotes by Jesus about helping your fellow man, treating him as you would yourself, etc, etc, etc? Or would you consider that Paul's quote was added by later scribes of the Bible, who added that quote to reflect current (at the time) thinking?

Or do you have some other explanation to justify Paul's comment over those of Jesus?

Acts 15, written by Luke, records unanimous consent by all disciples.

Link

Enough said.

So we don't know for sure that Luke wrote Acts... if we accept that, how do we know for sure that Jesus actually said the things attributed to him in Luke or any other Gospel? You seem to imply that you would respect my analysis if I used only the words of Jesus, not of Paul or o ...


Derp derp derp. Putting words into the mouths of others to hide your own incompetence does not assist your case. Did Jesus or did Jesus not say anything DIRECTLY about people should help themselves? The obvious, non-'You're going to Hell for being a hypocrit and liar" answer is NO, He did not.
2012-05-17 11:44:04 AM  
1 votes:

Salt Lick Steady: Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.


Loophole!
Give a beggar a twen' and call it a stamped ticket, Hoss!
2012-05-17 11:34:04 AM  
1 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
2012-05-17 11:14:37 AM  
1 votes:

Citrate1007: Normally I'm all for free speech, but I want a law that makes this phrase illegal.


Can we throw it under the bus along with "throw x under the bus"? Also: methinks, slashies, asshat, and said as a farking adjective.
2012-05-17 11:08:18 AM  
1 votes:
Silly people. He's quoting from the True American Liberty Bible, the one without all that Liberal "Help the sick, Feed the poor." garbage. Its due in stores in a couple of months.

Guess he got an advance copy.
2012-05-17 11:07:36 AM  
1 votes:

LouDobbsAwaaaay: Gordon Bennett: It's the same with Einstein's bit about God not playing dice as a criticism of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics.

Can you explain that?


Einstein really didn't like the Danish. Several of his journals turned up in a private collection about two decades after his death. While his public statements always left some wiggle room for interpretation, and in light of his contributions to science, were almost universally seen in a positive light, the journals looked more like the notebooks at the end of American Psycho, and it was all aimed at the Danish. No one knows why he hated them so much, but Einstein gave new depth to the term 'blood feud'.
2012-05-17 11:00:42 AM  
1 votes:
"I don't want, as you categorize it, our poor to stay poor. I want them to get a good job, to get out of poverty."

"Sir, we're about 80 and 90-year-old seniors who live at home..."
2012-05-17 10:56:09 AM  
1 votes:

Aidan: While I agree with what's said, I thought we hated blogs. Because that's a blog. Isn't there a news outlet reporting on this?


We hate blogs. We're perfectly fine with videos and transcript. Here is the correct way to read this blog:

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

[VIDEO]

BLAH BLAH BLAH here's a partial transcript:

Bashir: I know you're a long time member of the Methodist Church. Is that correct?
Barton: Yes, sir. That's a true statement.
Bashir: How do you square your approach with the Psalm 146, where the Psalmist writes this: "He gives food to the hungry. The lord protects foreigners. He defends orphans and widows." Isn't this the exact opposite of the cuts being proposed by Republicans in congress?
Barton: No, the lord helps those who helps themselves...
Bashir: Which verse of scripture is that, sir?
Barton: Well, it's uh.
Bashir: I don't think you'll find that in the Old or New Testament.
Barton: Well, that was taught to me by my father who is president of the United Methodist school board in Waco Texas, and Bryan, Texas.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Posted by Xenos at 3:45 AM
2012-05-17 10:49:56 AM  
1 votes:
i54.tinypic.com

the asshat congressman in question.
2012-05-17 10:44:26 AM  
1 votes:

Epoch_Zero: gimmegimme: So which is it, religious people? Was Jesus a great guy who wanted all children to have full bellies or was he a terrible guy who wanted them to starve?

Republicans believe in a Quantum Jesus, or "Quesus". He can exist in both all-loving and delusional narcissist states at once.

Although this can explain how he supposedly appears in two places at once, it lacks concrete cohesion with the standard model. Quesus is/not Lord!


Or Queso, i.e., Cheesus.
2012-05-17 10:40:33 AM  
1 votes:
I'm a firm believer that the Bible is a glorious book. I've met "Christians" that can find a quote for whatever belief that they hold. Whether they have liberal or conservative views. Seems this guy was off his game. There has to be a quote in there that would support cutting funding for the poor.
2012-05-17 10:24:44 AM  
1 votes:

Diogenes: How can we possibly afford to give subsidies to oil companies with all those greedy children begging for food? Where is the justice?


They ARE helping themselves... by buying a political system that will further enrich them. How hard is that to understand. If the poor kids were really concerned about 'free' lunches, they would get their own PAC.
2012-05-17 10:19:53 AM  
1 votes:
i47.photobucket.com

i47.photobucket.com
2012-05-17 10:15:23 AM  
1 votes:
goo.gl
2012-05-17 10:15:17 AM  
1 votes:
God was like, "Give a man a fish, he'll become a welfare queen. Teach a man to fish, waste of time, why doesn't he teach himself?"
2012-05-17 10:14:06 AM  
1 votes:

Epoch_Zero: gimmegimme: So which is it, religious people? Was Jesus a great guy who wanted all children to have full bellies or was he a terrible guy who wanted them to starve?

Republicans believe in a Quantum Jesus, or "Quesus". He can exist in both all-loving and delusional narcissist states at once.

Although this can explain how he supposedly appears in two places at once, it lacks concrete cohesion with the standard model. Quesus is/not Lord!


Hmmm...Schrodinger's Deity?
2012-05-17 10:14:06 AM  
1 votes:

Jackson Herring: Serious Black: This should automatically be posted on the top of every Fark thread where somebody makes an argument that America is a Christian nation:

[nhne-pulse.org image 640x429]

fark that font forever


Does this font work better for you?

catholicmoraltheology.com
2012-05-17 10:12:52 AM  
1 votes:
Common Sense Jesus Thread?
25.media.tumblr.com

24.media.tumblr.com

24.media.tumblr.com

24.media.tumblr.com

25.media.tumblr.com

/Common Sense Jesus Thread
2012-05-17 10:12:24 AM  
1 votes:

odinsposse: Yes. It's like when athletes spend years training and sacrificing themselves and then thank God when they get a win. It's honestly sad that they can't acknowledge that they did it through their own effort.


Just once I'd like to hear an interview with the losing QB "This is all Jesus' fault." This God character is kind of a douche.
2012-05-17 10:07:00 AM  
1 votes:
I've read the bibleAyn Rand and I don't remember anything in that book about Jesus feeding hungry people.
2012-05-17 10:03:32 AM  
1 votes:
And Jesus did say unto them, "Verily I tell you, Fark you, I got mine".
2012-05-17 10:02:32 AM  
1 votes:
My favorite verse is at the crucifixion, when Jesus says, "Father, things aren't working out down here, can I have a job in upper management at your firm?"
2012-05-17 09:59:33 AM  
1 votes:
What does that line of reasoning even mean? If you help yourself, why or how does God enter into it? Is this God just a glory hog, swooping in to take credit after you did it all?
2012-05-17 09:58:57 AM  
1 votes:

swaniefrmreddeer: So when jebus feed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and a few fish, the bible left out the, "Go get your own goddamned food, you lazy f*cks", part?


When you invite people over to hear you talk it is only proper to provide punch and pie.
2012-05-17 09:56:43 AM  
1 votes:
So when jebus feed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and a few fish, the bible left out the, "Go get your own goddamned food, you lazy f*cks", part?
2012-05-17 09:54:44 AM  
1 votes:

jcooli09: To be fair, quoting non-existant scripture in a debate isn't any more idiotic than quoting existing scripture.


WINNER!
2012-05-17 09:50:48 AM  
1 votes:

thurstonxhowell: Aidan: While I agree with what's said, I thought we hated blogs. Because that's a blog. Isn't there a news outlet reporting on this?

It's a blog post about an interview that occurred on MSNBC. I'm not sure if this proves I'm a wizard, but I'm pretty sure MSNBC covered this.


So you're saying that the blog might, just, in fact....suck, just a little bit?
2012-05-17 09:50:19 AM  
1 votes:
To be fair to that slack-jawed, fatuous dick, he never said the quote was from the Bible. On the other hand, he wants to give favors to his wealthy backers on the backs of the old, the infirm, the indigent, and small children, so Bible verse or no, he should be smote. Smote hard.
2012-05-17 09:49:12 AM  
1 votes:

Aidan: While I agree with what's said, I thought we hated blogs. Because that's a blog. Isn't there a news outlet reporting on this?


It's a blog post about an interview that occurred on MSNBC. I'm not sure if this proves I'm a wizard, but I'm pretty sure MSNBC covered this.
2012-05-17 09:48:21 AM  
1 votes:

jcooli09: To be fair, quoting non-existant scripture in a debate isn't any more idiotic than quoting existing scripture.


Disagrees Mother F**ker

blu.stb.s-msn.com
2012-05-17 09:46:39 AM  
1 votes:
"He gives food to the hungry. The lord protects foreigners. He defends orphans and widows." Isn't this the exact opposite of the cuts being proposed by Republicans in congress?

No; the exact opposite of the scripture would be someone else trying to play God by doing all of those things for Him. If the Republicans were to vote to give food to the hungry, they would anger the Lord. You don't want a redundant God.
2012-05-17 09:45:05 AM  
1 votes:
Barton: Well, that was taught to me by my father who is president of the United Methodist school board in Waco Texas, and Bryan, Texas.

Well there's your problem.
2012-05-17 09:44:20 AM  
1 votes:

TsarTom: It's inferred, dammit. Don't tell me the Lord's a GINO.


First thing I thought of:
i.ytimg.com

Also, that congressman is an idiot.
2012-05-17 09:31:06 AM  
1 votes:
Jesus wept.
2012-05-17 09:08:32 AM  
1 votes:
Area man expert in what he imagines the Bible to be.
2012-05-17 08:59:49 AM  
1 votes:
If you learn your Protestant Christianity stuff in Waco, you might be crazy.
 
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