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(New Zealand Herald)   "Limited availability of penis surgery is not due to risk but because there is no formal training for it..If I cut too much it'll be like that," Dr Viel says, drawing a drooping outline, "not the best for sex"   (nzherald.co.nz ) divider line
    More: Scary, penis, surgery  
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2205 clicks; posted to Geek » on 16 May 2012 at 9:44 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



17 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2012-05-16 09:50:43 PM  
He is fully licensed to carry out his procedure, inspired in part by the pioneering work in the 1980s of Dr Long Daochao
 
2012-05-16 09:51:03 PM  
Look Doc, I'm not all that concerned about size, but do you think we could go ahead and make it prehensile?

...on second thought it'd probably just tie itself in knots. Nevermind.
 
2012-05-16 10:08:02 PM  

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: Look Doc, I'm not all that concerned about size, but do you think we could go ahead and make it prehensile?

...on second thought it'd probably just tie itself in knots. Nevermind.


At age 11, I had to learn monkey knot or promise never to wear shorts.
 
2012-05-16 10:08:29 PM  
Dr Veal?
 
2012-05-16 10:11:57 PM  
why did i read that in borat's voice?
 
2012-05-16 10:15:20 PM  
penoplasty?

sounds more like an addadicktome
 
2012-05-16 10:41:36 PM  

ChrisDe: He is fully licensed to carry out his procedure, inspired in part by the pioneering work in the 1980s of Dr Long Daochao


Oh Long Dachaoo
 
2012-05-16 11:15:38 PM  
Famed penis enlargement surgeon Dr. Stubbs not available for comment.
 
2012-05-17 12:16:24 AM  
Penis
 
2012-05-17 12:19:59 AM  

Ugh. This again.

Guys...look. Most women seriously don't care how big it is (personally, I do...as much as I hate to reference a terrible show that I didn't even WATCH, I'm going to have to say that when I heard Samantha on Sex & the City say that she "just loves the feel of a big dick inside her, filling her up," that I couldn't find more accurate words to sum up my feelings on the matter...); what they DO want you to do, however, is stick that engorged member of yours ALL THE WAY INSIDE and as DEEP as you can go and ride her pubic bone as HIGH UP as you possibly can so that when you're thrusting, your pubic bone is mashing into her clit. Yes, that means actually having to be face to face and LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

But seriously...who wants a "longer" dick if it's only longer when it's flaccid and hanging? Is a wobbly dick that's not even going to be bigger when it's actually erect and in use really worth letting a surgeon snip a ligament just so that it can hang a little further out of your body? Check out what our friends over at Cracked.com have to say about the subject:

Already you know there's got to be some serious drawbacks to dick enlargement surgery, otherwise 40 percent of all medical procedures performed in America would be this.

We're not sure what the problem is. After all, if it's length you're looking for, all you need to do is give the surgeon permission to snip the two ligaments that hold your package to the pubic bone, and the newly saggy areas can be coaxed outside like a flaccid and horribly scarred turtle coming out of its shell.

i.crackedcdn.com



Once your dong has healed, you begin phase two. Either the aforementioned traction devices (#4 on the list) or weights are attached to your new and improved areas to prevent the scar tissue from reeling your unit back into your torso and undoing all of the surgeon's hard work.

Also, your new and improved tower of power will tend to be floppier, and there's a much higher risk of "structural failures" like buckling and penile fractures (surely not as horrifying as it sounds, right?).

Oh, and just to make it clear: This is all about appearances. The length shows while your soldier is at ease, but erect you're the same size as before. But it's totally worth the expensive surgery and six-month recovery time to show everybody in the shower who's top dog. Now, if it's girth you want, that's a whole separate operation altogether and gives you two equally horrifying options.

Liposuction Fat Transfer is the most common, and involves sucking the fat out of your love handles, thighs or ass and injecting it into your unit. Healing time requires several weeks of keeping everything tightly wrapped to prevent your newly stuffed sausage from creating lumps of free floating ass fat that wander around instead of staying where the surgeon put them. If all goes as planned then you'll have a literal chubby. If all doesn't go as planned, then you have a scarred, malformed lumpkin cock.

Dermal Fat Grafts, on the other hand, involve strips of fatty flesh harvested from your thigh, or if you are not keen to add more scars to your own body and have nothing against mutilating the dead, you can find a surgeon that uses FDA approved grafts harvested from organ donors. The corpse flesh is then stitched in from stem to stern along the length of your new Frankensteinian shaft.

6 Horrifying Ways to Improve Your Sex Life!...oh and you bet your sweet ass that phalloplasty is #1 on that list...

So yeah, guys. Seriously. Please. For the love of all that is holy. Do not EVER consider phalloplasty as a means of enlarging your member. Unless your penis has somehow been mutilated or you were born with a microphallus as a result of some chromosomal disorder, just skip the cosmetic dick surgery; as long as your gal (or guy) loves you and is happy with your sex life, there's no reason whatsoever to ever consider doing this. And if you're THAT worried about what other guys think when they see your dick, then chances are you should be locked away in a padded room somewhere cuz you gots some serious motherfarkin' issues...
 
2012-05-17 01:19:04 AM  

seapig: Yes, that means actually having to be face to face and LOOK AT EACH OTHER.


You forgot about the mighty powers of the paper bag.
 
2012-05-17 01:39:45 AM  

bhcompy: Oh Long Dachaoo


img.photobucket.com
 
2012-05-17 02:25:29 AM  
Slicing your penis to increase its flaccid length, of all things?

Also, the fat injections being "absorbed" is unsettling. It must be good for the heart to have some loose fat just floating around in there.
 
2012-05-17 03:33:32 AM  
I don't have a penis, so I'm no expert...but I would think that any cutting would be too much.
 
2012-05-17 09:40:08 AM  

bingethinker: Famed penis enlargement surgeon Dr. Stubbs not available for comment.


The doc that performed my vasectomy : Dr. Stopp
 
2012-05-17 11:32:44 AM  
Just imagine the social ramifications of an effective penis enlargement procedure. Every dude with a minimum wage job would mortgage his future to be swinging a footlong coke can. Humanity would cease to exist in one generation as, assuming the guy could maintain conciousness with half his blood supply in his wang, there aren't many women on the planet that would be physically capable of sleeping with him, much less willing to risk getting ripped in two trying.
 
2012-05-17 06:10:31 PM  
"A vast painting covers the wall above a marble mantelpiece on which rests a human skull. It depicts Maurizio and Roberto Viel, who are twin plastic surgeons, and a nude woman whose breasts they have augmented. The imposing work, called Creation, greets patients at the brothers' clinic on Harley Street in London."

Don't want those tools anywhere near my special place.

static.flickr.com
 
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