As a Christian, I get seriously annoyed by places like this.



/SRSLY

Wanted: Science teacher. Must not understand science.

"I reject as acceptable all sexual activity not in agreement with the Bible,.."

Whew.. As a rapist who forced his victim to marry me, at least I'm still safe.

Loucifer: I thought Shorter would be around longer.

You might say they are a bit Shorter on faculty now.

Kraut10: I say let the market handle this. If they cannot find enough teachers to make people want to come to their collage, they loose $$$$$$

Kraut10: If enough students decide to go to other collages they loose even more $$$$.

Kraut10: I say let the market handle this.

Can't we just refer this to the Arts and Crafts Department instead? Loose collages are serious $$$$$$, man.

Shorter University shall now be called Way Smaller University.

Looks like Shorter University is going to be...

...a little short staffed.

/what the hell do you expect from me at 340-drunk in the mornig?

I thought Shorter would be around longer.

To whom it may concern:

I'm very interested in the newly opened position as an adjunct Spanish professor. I'll do the job for whatever you paid the last guy and sign the contract for $200,000/yr on top of that.

As a Ph.D., I applaud the job openings this policy creates. As a moderate, I decry the injustice and bigotry. In other words, I take a wide stance on this issue.

My own policy is not to get involved with groups of religious people, unless I'm trying to subvert their message or fark their women.

kukukupo: I'm actually surprised they didn't already have this in their contract.

The school will be better off in the end. They will have teachers who actually believe/teach the way they intend and students who attend the university won't get stuck with teachers who believe/teach otherwise.

*head pat* It's ok. I missed the part of the thread where the school was compared to an American madrassa too. It sounds like the school would be better off if it were closed, burnt, buried, paved over and replaced with something more inclusive and forgiving, such as a whites-only all-male golf course.

SkunkWerks: Ace of Swords: Zosimus, is that you?

I dunno, is that the sort of thing you'd normally ask a guy conspicuously not named Zosimus?

Sure. I LARP.

Ace of Swords: Zosimus, is that you?

I dunno, is that the sort of thing you'd normally ask a guy conspicuously not named Zosimus?

Religious University

Isn't that like dividing by zero?

I just love stories like this. "We're a bunch of bigots who think that the Almighty holds our misguided beliefs to be law!"
'So... you're a church?'
"Yes, and when you're anywhere near our church, our beliefs will have to be your beliefs, or you will be condemened for all time."
'Well, that's all well and good, but by that logic, whenever you're anywhere near the real world, you have to be tolerant of the lifestyle choices of the people around you'
"Stop oppressing my religious freedom! Derp!"

the_chief: Wanted: Science teacher. Must not understand science.

I know the perfect teacher for them, actually. He's a young-earth creationist who proselytises about intelligent design, God vs Satan and the demonic possession of unbelievers under the guise of being a high school science teacher and doctor. The only problem is he lives in backwater redneck Australia, rather than backwater redneck America. Hmm...

As a gay recovering southern baptist all I can say is FARK YOU SOUTHERN BAPTISTS! What planet do you live on? That's not the way the planet works, has ever worked, or will ever work!

Now back to being touched by His noodly appendage.

0Icky0: "I reject as acceptable all sexual activity not in agreement with the Bible,.."

Whew.. As a rapist who forced his victim to marry me, at least I'm still safe.

And as a chronic Onanist I would be both f*cked and not f*cked ( :( ) at the same time.

/i just don't feel right getting this cuckold-crazy guy's wife pregnant

HawgWild: Good grief, why would you even want to work there in the first place?!

/I know, a job is a job
//also, change from the inside and all that
///but still

I think the horny factor from all those hot christian chicks just primed to explode is worth an academic year there to try out.

Bhasayate: They don't seem to teach any philosophy courses.

There's a shocker.

ArcadianRefugee: Looks like Shorter University is going to be...

*puts on sunglasses*

...a little short staffed.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

FTFY

RobSeace: AreWeReallyDoingThis: Fair enough. I can understand and appreciate the way you see the world.

My thoughts on "sexual sins" via the Bible is that they are internal and like you said not damaging anyone, so I completely understand viewing them as "inert" I guess you could say.

I certainly don't think teh gheys are killing the sanctity of marriage or any of that garbage. Self centered heterosexuals do a fine enough job of that themselves.

You may be the single most reasonable religious person I've ever seen post on Fark... Are you sure you have the right website? Around here, we usually just scream and throw poo at each other from both sides of the issue...

I must have forgotten to remind you all of your status as "hell-bound lib-tards". Am I doing it right now?

Fizpez: greenboy: Pichu0102: Benevolent Misanthrope: The only remedy for sin is personal salvation through faith alone in Jesus Christ, wholly apart from human merit and works.

No. That is not how it works. You do good deeds, regardless of if you believe in God or not, you go to heaven. You do evil deeds, you are required to reflect on your misdeeds in life, and once you have atoned, you are allowed into heaven. There is no hell.
Any God who would deny entry to the afterlife based solely on if you believed on him or not, or one that would truly create a place of eternal suffering such as hell, even for the people most vicious during their few decades on this Earth not only deserves no respect, but actively deserves absolute hatred.

That is one of my most argued points. So if you led nearly the exact life of someone who was religious but you did not believe in god, you were to go to hell? If that is the case, hell is probably already completely full.

If I said you were welcome to use my swimming pool as long as you talked to me at lunch time and you decided that you didnt want to talk to me then you won't be using my swimming pool. You are free to not talk to me and I am free to not let you use the pool. If you feel that is worthy of absolute hatred knock yourself out.

We were always taught that people who had never heard of god were not judged/sent to hell but those who had heard but chose not to believe were.


Eternal punishment: a bit like not going swimming.

enemigo_de_pepe: To whom it may concern:

I'm very interested in the newly opened position as an adjunct Spanish professor. I'll do the job for whatever you paid the last guy and sign the contract for $200,000/yr on top of that.

Clearly you're not a good Christian. You see, by signing all our documents, you acknowledge that you can't ever become rich (you know, camel and eye of needle stuff).

So you can sign the documents and you'll get $24,000 a year. 10% PRE TAX goes to the church; we'll just take care of that for you. So you get $21,600. There's no health insurance (bless you, you won't need it because God will take care of you).

You start on Monday.

rosebud_the_sled: A PhD from a fundie university is as valued as a used piece of toilet paper.
Very close to a PhD from a real university though.

My PhD is from a real university and I'll have you know it is worth at least several pieces of used toilet paper.

ladyfortuna: CSB short, not all Baptists are scary religious people. Some really do walk the walk. The problem is figuring out which kind you're dealing with in the first 4 seconds of conversation...

In high school, there was a smokin' hot blond that had a bit of a thing for me. But alas, she was baptist, and I was not religious, so she wouldn't go out with me. It's a shame, she could really hula hoop...........I almost hypnotized myself right now just remembering those hips.

Benevolent Misanthrope: From their HR website:


3. I reject as acceptable all sexual activity not in agreement with the Bible, including, but not limited to, premarital sex, adultery, and homosexuality.

I found the PDF you referenced, isn't there kind of a grammatical loophole here?

Bhasayate: 404 page not found: Bhasayate: Bhasayate: So, if they have Philosophy instructors, they must be OK with this.

Yeah, I went to their web page. They don't seem to teach any philosophy courses.

(0_o)

I saw that they teach apologetics courses, though.

Well, philosophy is really only the infidel's theology, anyway...

WhyteRaven74: apoptotic: Wow. The way that's worded it appears they could nail someone for breaking the pledge if they found out that person had a glass of wine in a restaurant while on vacation anywhere in the world.

It also indicates the people running the school have no idea at all about Jesus. He after all did the whole water into wine thing at a wedding feast. The man was not in any way opposed to having a good time.

kimwim: Assistant Professor of Christian Studies

When you're a Christian school who loses a professor of Christian Studies due to your new policies, you may have gone too far.

One of the more amusing derps from the Fundies is that Christ turned the water into unfermented grape juice. Which is evidently synonymous with wine. Good to know.

WhyteRaven74: Crudbucket: , but they are indoctrinated against that argument.

Yeah some are. Course one could ask how exactly you keep grape juice from turning into wine when you have no refrigeration handy.

The usual argument is that they boiled it before bottling;yes, really. The 19th c. Prohibitionist & Temperance movements were very thorough in their zealotry. I don't have links on hand, but there's a rather lovely body of pamphlet literature on the topic that makes wonderful bedtime reading, with just a finger or two of bourbon to wash it down...

Ace of Swords: SkunkWerks: Ace of Swords: Zosimus, is that you?

I dunno, is that the sort of thing you'd normally ask a guy conspicuously not named Zosimus?

Sure. I LARP.

LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT!

I hope every new faculty person who gets a job there does so strictly to troll them and file lawsuits about their stupid new lifestyle pledge.

Either that, or their replacement faculty are going to be a joke. Chances are pretty good if you have the narrow mind to sign a pledge like that, you're also not exactly top in your field when it comes to your subject matter. Just a hunch.

Bit'O'Gristle: Perhaps jesus will come down and teach classes now that you've run everyone off with your retarded draconian rules. Idiots.

Pretty sure Jesus would have trouble signing that contract as well.

Dude, when the faculty of a barely- (and in some cases un-) accredited Christian university that exists almost solely as a religious brainwashing camp still think you've taken the religious bullshiat too far, and are quitting over it, you may have taken the religious bullshiat too far.

I mean, how much clearer a sign does the religious right need exactly? Are we going to have to find some hungry lions or something?

gimmegimme:
Jesus was executed by the government for his criminal acts, but many of his followers support the death penalty.

Science 2
Jesus 3

Jesus cured a few hundred people, tops, of leprosy.
Science discovered that Leprosy is an entirely preventable disease, then went for the double and eradicated smallpox almost entirely form the face of the earth.

Science 4
Jesus 3

Keizer_Ghidorah: Pff...Jesus made wine by snapping his fingers over some jugs of water.

Jesus 1
Science 0.

Jesus walked on water. Man walked on the Moon.
Jesus cured the sick. Man eradicated the cause of several sicknesses.

Science 2
Jesus 1

Jesus created the Vatican. JPMorgan Chase not yet an independent country.

Science 2
Jesus 2

Ha ha, wow. There isn't a big enough 'fark you' in the world for those people.

gimmegimme: foxyshadis: rosebud_the_sled: Maybe it's because technology and science can't be found in the Bible.

Not true! It clearly says pi = 3. SCIENCE!

WhyteRaven74: Crudbucket: , but they are indoctrinated against that argument.

Yeah some are. Course one could ask how exactly you keep grape juice from turning into wine when you have no refrigeration handy.

Well, you sure wouldn't get wine if you just left grape juice out. You have to seal it without oxygen, or it rots instead of fermenting, and if it's exposed to too much heat, it turns into vinegar instead of wine, so it still had to be stored underground while fermenting. Even with all of that, if you leave it to the natural skins you can get anything from great wine to rot, so they were already introducing good yeast at least two thousand years ago.

By Jesus's time, the Romans had engineered science into winemaking, it wasn't remotely as primitive by then as most would think.

Pff...Jesus made wine by snapping his fingers over some jugs of water.

Jesus 1
Science 0.

Jesus walked on water. Man walked on the Moon.
Jesus cured the sick. Man eradicated the cause of several sicknesses.

Science 2
Jesus 1

I pledge to not tolerate others, nor tolerate others who do.

I review resumes from time to time. When I see one from Bob Roberts or whatever, I immediately call them for an interview for someone else without any comment. It's music to my ears when I hear from the interviewer "You are a dick!" or "You did that on purpose. You really are a dick" Either way, it's one removed from me so I can't be called for discrimination. True, I know full well that any person "graduating" from fundie "universities" are inadequate 'tards, but no one can call me on be biased against fundies, because I accept every single one of them for an interview. And every single one of them fails.

Maybe it's because technology and science can't be found in the Bible.

Maybe it's because they are all substandard.

A PhD from a fundie university is as valued as a used piece of toilet paper.
Very close to a PhD from a real university though.

My brother-in-law applied to a private religious college because he was interested in a specific program they had there. We read over the application and had a good laugh. They didn't require an essay, but they did ask about the race and religion of all your family members for the past 3 generations including grandparents, parents, and all siblings. I thought that was really intrusive and possibly illegal as it was not an optional part. There was a lot of other ridiculous things in there that I can't remember now that I've never seen on a college application before. Funny enough the cafeteria was filled with high chairs because apparently the teenage pregnancy rate was so high in the community and among the student body that people regularly had their babies on the campus with them. Apparently they also had a daycare. Mind you this school's student body was less than 1,000.... Why yes the school was in a derpy red state.

Mentat: WorldCitizen: I realize there are idiots who manage to get PhD's. I realize that there are fundie schools that hand out PhD's to other fundies after what I'm guessing is not a very truly rigorously intellectual program. However, even with that, it seems like it would be difficult to find enough people with PhD's to fill a faculty at any university with any sizable student population with those requirements. And what reasonable employer outside of some other batshiat fundie organization is going to hire someone with such a school on their resume?

It's easy to find PhD's. They probably get enough applications from China to fill their roster three times over. What's hard is finding good PhD's.

There is a notorious glut of Ph. D's, especially in the humanities. It may be tempting for a barista or "sandwich artist" with $60,000 in student loan debt to sign the pledge. It may even be tempting for them to lie on the pledge and go on drinking and ignoring "Biblical" standards of sexual morality.

On the other hand, in the Old Testament married men could have multiple wives, marrying and divorcing as he pleased. He could have sex with prostitutes, could purchase women for purposes of sexual gratification and could even accumulate a staff of concubines. Also, it's not adultery if both partners are unmarried.

usernameguy: Georgia supreme court.

Well it appears they decided to divide by zero.

WhyteRaven74: Crudbucket: , but they are indoctrinated against that argument.

Yeah some are. Course one could ask how exactly you keep grape juice from turning into wine when you have no refrigeration handy.

You drink it really quick...

WhyteRaven74: apoptotic: Wow. The way that's worded it appears they could nail someone for breaking the pledge if they found out that person had a glass of wine in a restaurant while on vacation anywhere in the world.

It also indicates the people running the school have no idea at all about Jesus. He after all did the whole water into wine thing at a wedding feast. The man was not in any way opposed to having a good time.

I asked a fundamentalist teetotaler coworker about that once, and he claimed that either the word "wine" was a mistranslation or that what they called wine back then was actually non-alcoholic. I don't remember specifically what he said, but they are indoctrinated against that argument.

apoptotic: Wow. The way that's worded it appears they could nail someone for breaking the pledge if they found out that person had a glass of wine in a restaurant while on vacation anywhere in the world.

It also indicates the people running the school have no idea at all about Jesus. He after all did the whole water into wine thing at a wedding feast. The man was not in any way opposed to having a good time.

kimwim: Assistant Professor of Christian Studies

When you're a Christian school who loses a professor of Christian Studies due to your new policies, you may have gone too far.

Oh man, are they going to feel silly once they get out into the real world and find that 0bummer killed all the jerbs. And that's what they get for being all uppity with their PhDs and book-learnin'. Get a brain, morans!

Good on them! No faculty, no university.

From their HR website:

Personal Lifestyle Statement
A. Christian Commitment and Membership in a Local Church

Shorter University will hire persons who are committed Bible believing Christians, who are dedicated to integrating biblical faith in their classes and who are in agreement with the University Statement of Faith. Moreover, employees are expected to be active members of a local church.

B. Principles of Personal Conduct

I agree to adhere to and support the following principles (on or off the campus):

1. I will be loyal to the mission of Shorter University as a Christ-centered institution affiliated with the Georgia Baptist Convention.

2. I will not engage in the use, sale, possession, or production of illegal drugs.

3. I reject as acceptable all sexual activity not in agreement with the Bible, including, but not limited to, premarital sex, adultery, and homosexuality.

4. I will not use alcoholic beverages in the presence of students, and I will abstain from serving, from using, and from advocating the use of alcoholic beverages in public (e.g. in locations that are open to use by the general public, including as some examples restaurants, concert venues, stadiums, and sports facilities) and in settings in which students are present or are likely to be present. I will not attend any University sponsored event in which I have consumed alcohol within the last six hours. Neither will I promote or encourage the use of alcohol.

I have read and agree with the Personal Lifestyle Statement and will adhere to it in its entirety while employed at Shorter University. I understand that failure to adhere to this statement may result in disciplinary action against me, up to and including immediate termination.

But Wait - there's more! In addition to this, they also have to sign off on:

Shorter University Statement of Faith

A. The Bible. We believe the Bible, consisting of the Old and New Testaments, is the inerrant and infallible Word of God. It was given by inspiration of God and is the only certain and authoritative rule of every aspect of the Christian life.

B. The Trinity. We believe there is only one true and living God. The triune God is manifested as God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. In all things we owe Him alone the highest love, reverence, and obedience. Members of the Trinity have distinct individual attributes, but without division of essence, character, nature, or being.

C. God the Father. We believe there is only one God, who created, preserves, and rules over the universe. The historical account of creation found in Genesis declares that God is the personal and direct Creator of all that exists, including the first humans Adam and Eve, from whom all human beings have come.

D. God the Son: Jesus Christ. We believe Jesus Christ is the second person of the Trinity and is the eternal Son of God. Conceived of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary, Jesus lived a sinless life, perfectly revealing and doing the will of God. His substitutionary atonement on the cross made provision for the redemption of sinful humanity. He was crucified and rose on the third day and ascended to the Father. He alone is sufficient as Savior and rules as Sovereign of the universe. He sits at the right hand of the Father making intercession for believers, and He is the only mediator between God and humanity. In Him "dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily" (Colossians 2:9 NKJV) and He is "over all, the eternally blessed God" (Romans 9:5 NKJV).

E. Holy Spirit. We believe that the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God and is fully divine. He convicts individuals of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment, and He enables believers to comprehend God's truth as revealed in Scripture. He indwells and empowers believers for godly service, for worship, and for witness.

F. Humanity. We believe God originally created human beings in His own image, and Adam and Eve were created in perfection. Through Satan's temptation, they fell from their original perfection into sin. All humans are sinners, fall short of God's standard of perfection, and are consequently under God's condemnation. The only remedy for sin is personal salvation through faith alone in Jesus Christ, wholly apart from human merit and works.

G. Salvation. We believe that salvation involves the redemption of the whole person and is offered as a free gift to all who accept Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Savior by repentance and faith alone. Salvation is entirely of God's grace and cannot be achieved through any human work. To be effective, however, it must
be appropriated by the God-given free choice of individuals apart from any human merit or effort. Salvation is not possible apart from personal faith in Jesus Christ, and those who die without receiving Jesus as Savior go into everlasting torment and eternal separation from a loving God.

H. The Church. We believe that Jesus Christ is Head of the church, comprised of all true believers in Him. Christians are to associate themselves as members of local churches and to serve Jesus Christ faithfully in carrying out the Great Commission. Each church has the authority and right from Jesus Christ to govern itself and to administer order, to worship, and to carry out its various ministries.

I. Evangelism and Missions. We believe that it is the privilege and duty of all believers to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ personally and by all methods in harmony with Holy Scripture. A Christ-centered education includes the ongoing integration of biblical faith into every academic discipline of the University. All subject matter is to be approached, presented, and evaluated from a biblical worldview.

J. Last Things. In accord with biblical prophecy, we believe that God will bring the world to its appropriate end, that Jesus Christ will return personally and visibly in glory to the earth, that the dead will be raised, and that Christ will judge all humanity in righteousness. Unbelievers will be consigned to the place of everlasting punishment, while the redeemed in their resurrected and glorified bodies will dwell forever with the Lord in Heaven.

K. Life of the Believer. We believe that Christians should be consistent with Scripture in their character and in their conduct. We believe that the Bible is our supreme authority and that it provides the moral and ethical principles for personal conduct within and outside the academic community.

AAAAANNNND, finally:

Biblical Principles on the Integration of Faith and Learning

When questioned as to the greatest commandment, Jesus offered the following declaration:
"And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength." Mark 12:30
As a scholarly community of excellence, Shorter University seeks to embody this commandment in the following ways:

A. Academic Excellence/Scholarship (Strength and Mind). We commit ourselves to explore our disciplines with scholarly excellence and with diligence and to help develop in our students a biblical worldview, thus preparing them for servant leadership in the world through their chosen academic disciplines. The mission of Shorter University includes the integration of biblical faith and learning in its educational experiences which are designed to enrich scholarship, Christian discipleship, and lifelong learning within the disciplines. University faculty and staff will pledge themselves to integrating biblical faith into every aspect of the life of the University in which they serve.

1. University Faculty
University faculty will submit an annual plan with their contract that includes the following goals:

a. An approved plan for developing their scholastic, educational, and instructional skills in order to stay current in their particular academic disciplines

b. An approved strategy for integrating biblical faith into the academic disciplines

2. University Staff
University staff will submit an annual plan with the letter of agreement that details how they will integrate the Christian faith into their specific areas of work.

B. Spiritual Vigor (Heart and Soul). Shorter University employees commit themselves to cultivating a campus environment that encourages spiritual, moral, and intellectual growth in concert with a biblical worldview.

1. Shorter University employees will encourage the spiritual development of our students by sharing with them the biblical message of Jesus Christ and by encouraging them to implement biblical truths in their daily lives and decisions.

2. Shorter University employees will strive to practice biblical standards of ethics, morality, and behavior in all endeavors and among their colleagues and with students in all endeavors, contexts, and situations.


Now, who wouldn't want to work there?

I'm frankly surprised that Shorter didn't have a "lifestyle clause" before now.

The "Personal Lifestyle Statement" requires employees to reject homosexuality, premarital sex, adultery, drug use and public drinking near campus. It also mandates that staff be active in a local church.

In an anonymous survey in April, only 12 percent of faculty and staff said that they planned to stay at Shorter University, a 139-year-old Baptist school, reports Inside Higher Ed. More than 50 resigned before the new contracts were even distributed, and certain departments, such as science and fine arts, have been "eviscerated," according to Michael Wilson, a tenured librarian for the university who's worked there for 14 years.

Fine Arts and Science. You don't say.

Actually, I'm also surprised that Shorter has Fine Arts and Science departments. Seriously - Shorter is where really batshiat Baptists send their kids, when the kid can't get into a better school or can't afford Liberty U. Academically, it's a joke. And now they're proving what they're really there to do - basically it's an American Taliban training camp. Jesus Camp for young adults, as it were.

I hope they go right the fark under because of this.

I think it's fantastic. You see, I want the American Taliban to be as loud and obnoxious as they can be. It's good to have these cretins out of the shadows.