If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Venture Beat)   World exclusive Diablo III review   (venturebeat.com) divider line 274
    More: Satire, AMD, screen resolution, Nikola Tesla  
•       •       •

18999 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 May 2012 at 2:57 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



274 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-05-15 02:59:58 PM
winning
 
2012-05-15 03:00:21 PM
As I sit here staring at an error 37 message at noon, May 15th, I am saddened by this satire.
 
2012-05-15 03:00:41 PM
Om my god, I love the dog's face at the end. Priceless.
 
2012-05-15 03:01:38 PM
I never buy these games right off the bat because of this type of crap. I'll buy this weekend once this gets sorted out.
 
2012-05-15 03:01:42 PM
Things are going well then, I take it?
 
2012-05-15 03:02:43 PM
Yeah, if you're going to require people to login to your servers for the single player experience, the least you could do is be ready for the event. Then again, this biatching will die down in a few days and no one will even remember it.

My question is, how long is the story portion of the game? I've been hearing 4 to 8 hours which is...really short considering it is a $60 game. Random dungeons aside, that isn't much game.
 
2012-05-15 03:02:44 PM
cdn2.holytaco.com
 
2012-05-15 03:02:50 PM
Is the joke that the review page never loads?
 
2012-05-15 03:02:56 PM
Final score made me lol
 
2012-05-15 03:02:59 PM
So i'm assuming making a connection to bnet necessary to play the game is already paying dividends...
 
2012-05-15 03:03:06 PM
How does Russell Crowe fit into this scheme? I am confuse.


/know precisely dick about Diablo III
//Intend to find out even less.
 
2012-05-15 03:04:08 PM
FYI servers are supposed to be up about 1:30 PM PST (4:30 PM EST)

Course that was a revised post from Blizzard after saying it would be up 2hrs earlier.
 
2012-05-15 03:04:43 PM
Those Skittles look good.
 
2012-05-15 03:05:40 PM

Iluka: Those Skittles look good.


Just don't try the Skittles coated with pop-rocks. They're the epitome of God-awful.
 
2012-05-15 03:05:45 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: /know precisely dick about Diablo III
//Intend to find out even less.


You and everyone who bought it.
 
2012-05-15 03:06:18 PM
Your blog doesn't suck.
 
2012-05-15 03:06:35 PM
Was hoping for a new Diablo sandwich recipe.
Oh, well.

www.ratemoviescenes.com
 
2012-05-15 03:06:43 PM
I'll admit it. went to bed and 7pm last night, got up at 1am... Crtl-Ved my pword until 3am, when I actually got to play, went back to bed around dawn so I could get and go to work tonight. Aside from the very much expected (at least by me) launch issues, it seems like a great game. worth almost every second of the decade long wait.
 
2012-05-15 03:06:57 PM
review sounds like what I expected. pretty much every big game recently has failed to launch.

but, here's a serious question: is there a reason to be excited about diablo 3? I only ever played diablo 1. the whole top view point and click aspect bored me. is this another point and click marathon through repetitive dungeons?

/ that worked for me in the 90s, but now I need a little more action.
 
2012-05-15 03:07:17 PM
Pretty excellent piece. On the flip side, I'm worried my DnD game might get cancelled this week as our DM will not be able to drag himself away from D3 long enough to craft the next part of the adventure.

Amusingly enough, one of our players actually got into a pot to socket a gem into his weapon last week and we all had a good chuckle about the D3 beta taking over our DM's life.
 
2012-05-15 03:08:09 PM
I hope they keep a list of everyone who logs into this game to help identify future school and workplace shooters. What kind of sick animal would get enjoyment out of these abominations? I'd rather my child learn to slaughter hogs than engage in these carnal fantasies.
 
2012-05-15 03:08:24 PM

Rev. Skarekroe: Is the joke that the review page never loads?


Actually, it kinda works that way.

Playing Max Payne 3 just fine right now! Worked as soon as I put it in.
 
2012-05-15 03:09:39 PM

KellyX: Course that was a revised post from Blizzard after saying it would be up 2hrs earlier.


Anybody who ever played WoW knows that when Blizzard says something will be up at a certain time, that means you might as well just go do something else for the rest of the day because it'll probably be hours after that.

That, and there's no such thing as "routine maintenance" in the Blizzard world.... how the hell you can release a patch to the launch tools on the wrong day with a game-crippling bug in it then top it off by crashing an entire datacenter in your attempt to patch the servers is beyond me.

/ but their games are fun
// when the damn things actually work
 
2012-05-15 03:09:49 PM

Sun Worshiping Dog Launcher: Yeah, if you're going to require people to login to your servers for the single player experience, the least you could do is be ready for the event. Then again, this biatching will die down in a few days and no one will even remember it.

My question is, how long is the story portion of the game? I've been hearing 4 to 8 hours which is...really short considering it is a $60 game. Random dungeons aside, that isn't much game.


Since only people who speed-run through the game could tell you and it's been 12 hours since release, you're probably safe.
 
2012-05-15 03:10:20 PM
picked it up last night/this morning at the midnight release. Install took as long as I remember the last one taking. I actually progressed, with a shiat-ton of lag, to level 4, then decided to get 3 hours sleep before having to get ready to go to work. I may as well have kept playing, as I am currently unable to access any of the patches, and can't play. Motherfarker, after 12 years, you'd think they'd have gotten this shiat under control. Last one had one of the worst launches in history because E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E bought the game, and got on all at once. Now you have most of those people, and shiat-tons more people who are trying the game and failing because Blizzard didn't take the whole, "E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E" factor into account. Again.
 
2012-05-15 03:10:25 PM

ProfessorOhki: AngryJailhouseFistfark: /know precisely dick about Diablo III
//Intend to find out even less.

You and everyone who bought it.


I figure I can buy and (un)used copy in a few days for half the original price. Unless you can't re-sell your copy since it has the battlenet connection. If so, I'll need to make sure my friends attach it to a dedicated battlenet account so I can buy it when they move on to something more challenging.
 
2012-05-15 03:10:37 PM
i.imgur.com

Wow indeed
 
2012-05-15 03:11:14 PM
Heheh.... on a whim I checked Amazon. 2.5 stars at the moment.

Guess people are a little annoyed.
 
2012-05-15 03:12:15 PM
Instead of an error 37 message, I got a rule 34 message.
 
2012-05-15 03:12:29 PM
click-click-click-clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickcl ickclickclickclick-click-click-click

/you know, once you can actually get on to play the game
 
2012-05-15 03:14:19 PM
ok that article was pretty epic
 
2012-05-15 03:14:45 PM
World of Warcraft's still up and running, though. And the weekly reset occured with NO MAINTENCE TODAY!

Just sayin'.....
 
2012-05-15 03:14:55 PM

TheGogmagog: ProfessorOhki: AngryJailhouseFistfark: /know precisely dick about Diablo III
//Intend to find out even less.

You and everyone who bought it.

I figure I can buy and (un)used copy in a few days for half the original price. Unless you can't re-sell your copy since it has the battlenet connection. If so, I'll need to make sure my friends attach it to a dedicated battlenet account so I can buy it when they move on to something more challenging.


From my understanding, this time around the cdkey is tied to the battlenet account.
 
2012-05-15 03:15:00 PM
Hell, I got past error 37; now I'm just hung at retrieving heroes. I can't complain, though, that's the first hitch I've personally had. Was having fun previously; I'll have more fun later.
 
2012-05-15 03:16:21 PM

Sargun: Since only people who speed-run through the game could tell you and it's been 12 hours since release, you're probably safe.


Good point. I had not thought of that. I tried reading the user reviews on Metacritic, but that was...a very bad idea. People are very angry over the connection issue, and rightly so, but I'm not going near the thing for weeks, maybe months. I know Blizzard well enough to not go near their properties when it comes new game or expansion launches that also involve a server. To their credit though, Cataclysm was pretty flawless when it came to connection issues.
 
2012-05-15 03:16:34 PM
Hah. So the servers aren't letting people play their "must always be online" single-player game?
That's a shame, there's never been a problem with those before.
 
2012-05-15 03:16:37 PM
Is it better than World of World of Warcraft?
 
2012-05-15 03:17:15 PM
Wait, didn't Max Payne 3 also came out today?.

/Not a lot of hype for that, huh?
 
2012-05-15 03:18:53 PM
should also note on playing time, looks like it is almost infinite, cause of all the random changes. Beating the whole thing in 5 hours may be possible, but if you put down $60 just for that, you're an idiot. The game is such a cool one because you can become immersed in it fully. 5 hours doesn't let you explore all the maps. Something I noticed with the playthroughs online was the desire to get from point a to point b as fast as possible. With these games, it isn't the destination, so much as the journey. I only got to play a little, and I am already hooked.

/back to work
 
2012-05-15 03:19:51 PM

INeedAName: Amusingly enough, one of our players actually got into a pot to socket a gem into his weapon last week


www.palzoo.net
 
2012-05-15 03:20:13 PM

xtragrind: So i'm assuming making a connection to bnet necessary to play the game is already paying dividends...


All the suckers that preordered have already paid in full. And received zero of what they have paid for. It's a beautiful system, if you're Blizzard.

/no sympathy for the morons that keep buying into this shiat
 
2012-05-15 03:20:15 PM
There already is an Error37.com

I expected this server crash type nonsense and I wish I hadn't buckled and bought the game. Starcraft2 was bad enough with the login requirement and play online for achievements to count but at least you could play it offline for single player.

Hopefully I get my money's worth out of this game but I'm thinking Torchlight2 will win out in the end for me. I like having options regarding offline and online play. Being stuck with bnet only isn't fun.
 
2012-05-15 03:21:22 PM

Sun Worshiping Dog Launcher:
My question is, how long is the story portion of the game? I've been hearing 4 to 8 hours which is...really short considering it is a $60 game. Random dungeons aside, that isn't much game.


Well, Diablo (and a few games that use the same formula) have you play through the game 3 times to reach the maximum level.
In that sense, at the very most it would be a third of the game.
8 hours sounds low to me, however.

Maybe it will have a good story (no idea), but it is really low on the totem pole as to why people play these games.
 
2012-05-15 03:21:41 PM

Voiceofreason01: click-click-click-clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickc l ickclickclickclick-click-click-click

/you know, once you can actually get on to play the game


Apparently, that's what you have to do just to even get into the game. :P

/will get the game later, maybe in a month or two.
//don't have to play the game right now
///guess I couldn't play even if I had the time. :P
 
2012-05-15 03:21:46 PM

PinkoLeftist: I expected this server crash type nonsense and I wish I hadn't buckled and bought the game. Starcraft2 was bad enough with the login requirement and play online for achievements to count but at least you could play it offline for single player.


You're a farking addict. You know how to get them to stop putting this bullshiat in their games? Stop buying their games.
 
2012-05-15 03:22:21 PM
I have a brilliant idea! Maybe they don't actually need single players to log in to a central server! I know that sounds crazy, but the just might allow the single players to play the game and free up the multi-player servers.

//So crazy it might just work!
 
2012-05-15 03:22:26 PM
Hah. On the plus side, this whole mess is making me feel a lot better about Skyrim's bugs.

/I swear, it crashes more often with very farking patch.
//Damn near unplayable at this point.
 
2012-05-15 03:22:59 PM

KhamanV: Hell, I got past error 37; now I'm just hung at retrieving heroes. I can't complain, though, that's the first hitch I've personally had. Was having fun previously; I'll have more fun later.


In the same boat (I'm assuming along with all of the other millions of people hammering the login screen right now).

Was having a good time, then I went to play with my dogs for a bit and came back to not being able to fetch data for starting a game. Couldn't Blizzard have rented extra servers for the launch week or two? The game itself is pretty entertaining (we'll see if it is 10 years worth of off and on entertaining, like D2), so I have to figure the RMAH is going to be a license to print money for them beyond the initial game purchase...
 
2012-05-15 03:23:29 PM
Every time I look at, or even think of that dog I start chortling, I don't even know why.
 
2012-05-15 03:23:33 PM
Off to play SWTOR, it is at least up and running ... mostly :-)
 
Displayed 50 of 274 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report