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(SFGate)   If you think baby names are getting stupider than ever, you can thank reality TV and religion   (sfgate.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, SSA, baby names  
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12946 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2012 at 10:36 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-14 11:54:08 PM  
I got about halfway through the first paragraph before I exited and slammed my head while damning humanity.

People are naming their kids after the demon crotch fruit that came out of the rotten twats of the kardaahians?
 
2012-05-14 11:54:43 PM  
I met a kid whose parents thought it was a good idea to name him "Chopper." I was signing him in for a group and I paused for a second, thought I must have misheard, and asked his mom, "uh, how do you spell that?" It was all I could do to keep a straight face. Poor bastard.
 
2012-05-14 11:54:58 PM  
rynthetyn: I know some Republicans with a son named Reagan, and a very NOT Republican couple who named their daughter Reagan and made it clear it had nothing to do with our 40th president.

So, It's The Exorcist then?
 
2012-05-14 11:56:49 PM  

RexTalionis: Salt Lick Steady: ///what does it mean?

Three vowels in a row forming a single syllabic sound.


Wait, are you Ow My Balls?!
 
2012-05-14 11:58:08 PM  

Mock26: Drunken Mistake.
Broken Record.
Bastard.

All good names.


As is Cinderblock.
 
2012-05-15 12:01:56 AM  

wraith95: I met a kid whose parents thought it was a good idea to name him "Chopper." I was signing him in for a group and I paused for a second, thought I must have misheard, and asked his mom, "uh, how do you spell that?" It was all I could do to keep a straight face. Poor bastard.


Was his full name Chopper (sic)Bawlz?
 
2012-05-15 12:04:57 AM  
My friend's name is Mike, but his mom wanted to name him Riley, but his dad won out and said Riley wasn't manly enough. So his mom and sister call him Riley and his dad calls him Mike. It took a while to adjust when we are around his parents because we all call him by his last name due to having another friend named Mike that we met first.
 
2012-05-15 12:05:10 AM  

12349876: GuyCaballero: Kriggerel: And kindergartens are full of Edwards and Jacobs right now.


It's not just babies. Pets get this stupidity too.

Every single male labrador retriever (or cross) born over the past seven years is named Marley.

People usually let kids name their pets. (at least i hope adults aren't this unoriginal)

And every Republican dog is named Reagan.


I had a dachshund I got in 1990 my family named Chelsea. I named my current one that I got in 2006 Sasha.

I am not a democrat, but am now certain that the name of my dog predicts the name of the daughter of the next democratic president.
 
2012-05-15 12:05:59 AM  
Nimrod
 
2012-05-15 12:11:30 AM  

zinny: Nimrod


Link
 
2012-05-15 12:14:42 AM  
I would lean towards "Arlo."
 
2012-05-15 12:19:30 AM  
The article mentions "Dana" falling several places... this is bad. Danas are always cool, we need more of them.

For my kids(assuming I have any), Silas Eugene, an for a girl, yes, Dana.
 
2012-05-15 12:19:32 AM  

Swoop1809: My friend's name is Mike, but his mom wanted to name him Riley, but his dad won out and said Riley wasn't manly enough. So his mom and sister call him Riley and his dad calls him Mike. It took a while to adjust when we are around his parents because we all call him by his last name due to having another friend named Mike that we met first.


i618.photobucket.com
 
2012-05-15 12:26:34 AM  
What about characters from Sesame Street?

Kermit
Grover
Susan
Oscar
Elmo
Abby
Alice Snuffleupagus
Alistair Cookie
Anne Phibian
Aristotle
Barkley
Bert
Ernie
Aloysius Snuffleupagus...
 
2012-05-15 12:26:57 AM  

Fano: Inchoate: I'm mildly annoyed that "Sophia" is so popular. Wanted to use it myself; it's an elegant classic name with a nifty meaning. But it isn't quite one of those perennially common names that fits in every generation (e.g. Elizabeth, Katherine, Margaret, etc.), so my kid would just be the 2010s equivalent of a Jennifer or Ashley.

Huhm. Sophrosyne?

I am sad too. I planned the same thing about 15 years ago, only to find to my horror it got very common.

My theory on female names: (ymmv) It's nice to have a name that's elegant, classic, and sophisticated for an adult woman, but with a nickname you could call a little girl. (Sophie) Nice combo. You don't want to saddle a child with a name only an old person would have, like "Gertrude," but you can't imagine that any of the kiddie/stripper names would belong to a C.E.O..

Similar rules apply for guys as well.


If you want to keep their stripper and CEO options open, though, you can always give them names like Candace.
 
2012-05-15 12:29:26 AM  
RexTalionis: Oldiron_79: If there has not been a King or Queen of England of the same name I would not consider it.

So, Æthelwulf, Sweyn Forkbeard, Harold Harefoot, Æthelstan and Ecgfrith are all under consideration?

Incidentally, you can't deny that Sweyn Forkbeard is an awesome name.


Valiente: RexTalionis: Oldiron_79: If there has not been a King or Queen of England of the same name I would not consider it.

So, Æthelwulf, Sweyn Forkbeard, Harold Harefoot, Æthelstan and Ecgfrith are all under consideration?

Incidentally, you can't deny that Sweyn Forkbeard is an awesome name.

I see your Forkbeard and raise you an Eric Bloodaxe. (Blóðøx, which would look amazing as a band name on a Norwegian death-metal T-shirt.)


OK, let me modify my original statement, if there has not been a post 1066 AD English Monarch of the same name I'll not consider it.
 
2012-05-15 12:31:44 AM  

Coelacanth: The one time I almost got married, I wanted to name the kids after characters from Robert A. Heinlein novels.


My daughter's middle name is from a Heinlein novel. Her dad's idea.

/most beautiful flower in the forest.
 
2012-05-15 12:32:00 AM  

Valiente: Coelacanth: The one time I almost got married, I wanted to name the kids after characters from Robert A. Heinlein novels.


Come on, Lazarus Long? That's a gay porn name. And Friday's a Saigon hooker.


And what can we possibly do with your name? Link
 
2012-05-15 12:33:17 AM  

12349876: Salt Lick Steady: fanbladesaresharp: rynthetyn: If more people stuck with traditional Bible names, we'd have less stupid baby naming.

You mean Peter, Paul and Mary? So they can also have 14 middle names to differentiate between who's who?

More like Malachi. Do you know how many limerickspoo jokes you can make with a name like Malachi?

2:3 Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.


You rang?
i1130.photobucket.com
 
2012-05-15 12:34:18 AM  

Evil Canadian: My parents were really stuck on Old Testament names - we are VERY lucky there are no Zebadiahs, Zebulons or Nimrods (he was the Mighty Hunter, right?).

We could always go back to tradition on my Mom's side and resurrect the name Ebenezer? Or my Dad's with Josiah?

/Lucky - my OT names are pretty standard, at least in the Jewish community , though we happen to be Protestant.


Ebeneezer thought he was Julius Caesar,
so they put him in a home
where they gave him medicinal compound.
Now he's the emperor of Rome.
 
2012-05-15 12:36:11 AM  
Who the fark names their kid Aaden?
 
2012-05-15 12:44:12 AM  
If you think baby names are getting stupider than ever, then you should stfu and find something serious to worry about.
 
2012-05-15 12:49:26 AM  
Daenerys Targaryen Horowitz has such a cool ring to it!

/Dog's middle name is 'Madison'
 
2012-05-15 12:50:41 AM  

agentshadow: If you think baby names are getting stupider than ever, then you should stfu and find something serious to worry about.


Oh dear... what did you name your children?
 
2012-05-15 12:51:03 AM  
If I hear of another kid named Jayden or Dakotah or any variation of those, I'm going to gouge out my eardrums. It pains me that one of my good friends named her daughter the latter. Also, almost any other stupid made up name that rhymes with Jayden (Jaylen, Brayden, Kayden, etc). Those names just scream "trailer park" and "welfare baby" to me.

When I have kids, they are going to be named based on a combination of family names (that aren't overused) and names from their ethnic heritage. The bad news: trying to find Dutch names that English speakers can farking pronounce; The good news: I'm also significantly part Dane, so I have a legitimate claim to names from Norse mythology. Fingers crossed, I get to have a little Thorben in the future. My Oma's anglicized name is also awesome and classy, and I have called dibs on it to my sibling (Oma's name was Audrey).
 
2012-05-15 12:52:39 AM  

madanimalscientist: As someone who narrowly escaped being named Arwen (and instead was named after a country), and who has a sister named after a song from a musical, I have already picked out nice, non-batshiat crazy names for any potential future experiments offspring. If female, Agatha (name of the protagonist in the webcomic that was ultimately responsible for me meeting my girlfriend), Dairine (after the Diane Duane character), or Elaine (name of my aunt/my mother's middle name). If male, Jareth (because, well..David Bowie), or Joseph (and I will not let people call him Joe).

\And these will be written down and my girlfriend will have a copy of said list before I go into labor. I blame the epidural drugs for my name - any sprog of mine will not have to worry about a last-minute, drug-induced change.


Epidural drugs don't dope you up like that.

/anesthesiology resident on call right now, putting in epidurals on the delivery ward, so I got a kick out of your reply.
//pretty calm night so far, hence the farking.
 
2012-05-15 12:58:23 AM  
Cockstone Granite
Girth Bard
Sergeant Irons
 
2012-05-15 12:58:43 AM  

rynthetyn: RexTalionis: rynthetyn: If more people stuck with traditional Bible names, we'd have less stupid baby naming.

Like Enoch, Amok, Azazel, Gog, Nergal and Zidkijah?

The Bible names people pick are nice normal names like Elijah and Joseph.


You mean like this guy's

upload.wikimedia.org

parents did?
 
2012-05-15 12:58:45 AM  

Kriggerel: And kindergartens are full of Edwards and Jacobs right now.


It's not just babies. Pets get this stupidity too.

Every single male labrador retriever (or cross) born over the past seven years is named Marley.


If I get a dog and it's a male pup, his name will be Jarno, after Jarno Trulli, formula one driver. Not my favorite driver, but the formula one driver with my favorite name for a dog. Second place? Rubens.

My wife always thought it would be funny to name a dog Tomas Aurelio and actually call him by his full name. Especially if it was a little dog. I might be tempted to forgo Jarno or Rubens for that, cuz WTH, it's a dog. We can give it a ridiculous name.

Haven't thought about a name for a girl dog though.
 
2012-05-15 12:59:33 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: mamoru: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Combined with a falling national IQ average

Pretty sure the national IQ average is still 100. :p

I'm seriously beginning to wonder

/I think the bell is flattening out into more of an undulation


Yes, but that's the baseline. People are smarter than they were 100 years ago, even though the baseline has the same numerical value.

/Your great-grandparents were morons.
 
2012-05-15 01:00:44 AM  

jaylectricity: If my baby is a boy I'm naming him Jay. If it's a girl, I'm naming her Kay.


MIB reference?
 
2012-05-15 01:00:54 AM  
All mother farking names are made up. Your god damned name is made up. Not just your given name, but your sir name was also made up. Flucking fabricated. Pulled out of someone's arse. All names everywhere are made-the-fluck-up. If you feel the need to say that certain names are ok and other ones are strange then you are just sitting in some kind of appeal to tradition bathtub with candles all around and probably some bath salts that you are abusing and you really need to get over it. We all said, "They'll get over it" and we are hoping it will happen sooner rather then later. It's all made up bullshiat.

Aox:"What's your name?"
Ble:"McGilicranton!"
Aox:"That sounds made up."
Ble:"It's go time!"
 
2012-05-15 01:02:26 AM  
I was watching Toddlers & Tiaras last week (I know...it's shameful. Please don't judge me. I know these are horrible people and I really do watch it for the trainwrecks) and was gobsmacked by the number of either stupid names or stupid spellings.

First of all, almost every kid has a "Lynne" name: BrookLynne, TaraLynne, AshLynne, KariLynn. Then the stupid spellings: Alycesaundra, Elexis, Morghan, Kali (pronounced Kaylee. I'm hoping that kid starts pronouncing her name like the Hindu goddess sometime around 5th grade. Only then will she outgrow the stigma of such a dumb name). And some are just plain out there: Sparkal (no, I'm not kidding), Essence, Story.

These poor kids. Bad enough their mothers are living vicariously through them and they're being taught that looks are everything, they're saddled with these ridiculous names.
 
2012-05-15 01:02:48 AM  

Lorelle: Kriggerel: And kindergartens are full of Edwards and Jacobs right now.


It's not just babies. Pets get this stupidity too.

Every single male labrador retriever (or cross) born over the past seven years is named Marley.

My almost-1-year-old nephew is named Edward James, mainly because his father and grandfather are also named Edward.

/is sooo glad my parents gave me and my brothers traditional first names


What an Edward James might look like:

www.scifiscoop.com
 
2012-05-15 01:03:40 AM  
You know that there will be a lot of kids named "Trayvon"....and judging by some of the farkers on here...a lot of caucasian kids named that. Yep
 
2012-05-15 01:05:24 AM  
My husband vetos all of my cool family names. Dargan, Kitsie, Lucious, Fern, Dunnaris. We're going to have a bunch of Johns, Micheals, or Susans. *sigh* It's not like I'm just making them up or it's Aiden or Jayden. There is being common and then there is being boring. But no, he says "they might want to be professional some day". Pfft...where's the fun in that?
 
2012-05-15 01:07:22 AM  

RexTalionis: [o.onionstatic.com image 630x530]
/Obvious


THAT'S RACIST!
 
2012-05-15 01:10:46 AM  

gadian: My husband vetos all of my cool family names. Dargan, Kitsie, Lucious, Fern, Dunnaris. We're going to have a bunch of Johns, Micheals, or Susans. *sigh* It's not like I'm just making them up or it's Aiden or Jayden. There is being common and then there is being boring. But no, he says "they might want to be professional some day". Pfft...where's the fun in that?


Dargon Sexcannon Grossman
 
2012-05-15 01:23:53 AM  

El Brujo: Dargon Sexcannon Grossman


Heh. I'd be tempted. My great grandfather's name was Septimus Augustus. Septimus! It's practically an action hero name in and of itself. The man has no sense of adventure sometimes.
 
2012-05-15 01:29:46 AM  

DblDad: Aiden, Braiden, Caiden, Hayden, Jayden, Kaiden...

...still waiting for Raiden.

/Flawless victory


Already done. My nephew in law is named Raiden.
 
2012-05-15 01:34:47 AM  

frostus: rynthetyn: I know some Republicans with a son named Reagan, and a very NOT Republican couple who named their daughter Reagan and made it clear it had nothing to do with our 40th president.

So, It's The Exorcist then?


It was for me. Except I changed it to Meghan later on.
 
2012-05-15 01:40:09 AM  
The name "Nevaeh" makes me puke glitter.
 
2012-05-15 01:42:58 AM  
It is said that Mohammed is the most popular/common boy name in the world.

It is also said that Chang is the most common surname in the world.

So why is it that you or I don't know anybody named Mohammed Chang?
 
2012-05-15 01:46:49 AM  

i upped my meds-up yours: The name "Nevaeh" makes me puke glitter.


Ahahahaha that is a perfect summation.

There was a teacher at my elementary school named "Werdna". I guess her parents really weren't expecting a girl.
 
2012-05-15 01:49:47 AM  

nucular bum: It is said that Mohammed is the most popular/common boy name in the world.

It is also said that Chang is the most common surname in the world.

So why is it that you or I don't know anybody named Mohammed Chang?


They exist though, Facebook looks like it has a few... :)
 
2012-05-15 01:51:14 AM  

Inchoate: i upped my meds-up yours: The name "Nevaeh" makes me puke glitter.

Ahahahaha that is a perfect summation.

There was a teacher at my elementary school named "Werdna". I guess her parents really weren't expecting a girl.


i2.listal.com
 
2012-05-15 02:03:20 AM  
If I have a baby, I hope it's a girl so I can name her Fortune, because I'm a guy, and if I have one, then I'm going to be rich.
 
2012-05-15 02:13:07 AM  

xxdonjulioxx: my wife is vetoing the name Zoltan for boy.


I know a Zoltan.
 
2012-05-15 02:16:18 AM  
I named my daughter Mary. You know how many Marys were in her high school graduating class of 287 in 2005? Her.
 
2012-05-15 02:33:04 AM  

gadian: El Brujo: Dargon Sexcannon Grossman

Heh. I'd be tempted. My great grandfather's name was Septimus Augustus. Septimus! It's practically an action hero name in and of itself. The man has no sense of adventure sometimes.


Did he also come from Cyrodiil?
 
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