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(Sports Pickle)   Youth football coaches complain that anti-bullying campaigns are leaving them without linemen. Don't worry, guys. It gets better   (sportspickle.com) divider line 83
    More: Asinine, military officials, offensive team  
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13241 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2012 at 11:35 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-14 09:17:46 PM  
Maybe you should teach your kids not to be dicks, then.

/can i get a slow clap?
 
2012-05-14 09:20:40 PM  
Please tell me that article is satire
 
2012-05-14 09:44:37 PM  

SushiJoe: Please tell me that article is satire


Please tell me that you're able to tell.

/read allll the way to the bottom
//Brought to to you by CollegeHumor
 
2012-05-14 09:50:14 PM  

SushiJoe: Please tell me that article is satire


Oh boy. I figured out by the fourth paragraph that this is basically the Onion for sports stories. Just relax and enjoy the ride.
 
2012-05-14 09:56:18 PM  
FTA:

"This anti-bullying push is killing football in this country," said Robb Medowski, who runs youth football camps throughout the Midwest. "We need huge, angry, hate-filled children who like inflicting pain on others, especially on the line of scrimmage. While life may be better for the nerds and pansies, we could be 10 to 15 years away from not having any linemen. I don't think America wants that to happen."

Definitely satire.
 
2012-05-14 10:01:18 PM  

ambassador_ahab: FTA:

"This anti-bullying push is killing football in this country," said Robb Medowski, who runs youth football camps throughout the Midwest. "We need huge, angry, hate-filled children who like inflicting pain on others, especially on the line of scrimmage. While life may be better for the nerds and pansies, we could be 10 to 15 years away from not having any linemen. I don't think America wants that to happen."

Definitely satire.


ambassador_ahab: FTA:

"This anti-bullying push is killing football in this country," said Robb Medowski, who runs youth football camps throughout the Midwest. "We need huge, angry, hate-filled children who like inflicting pain on others, especially on the line of scrimmage. While life may be better for the nerds and pansies, we could be 10 to 15 years away from not having any linemen. I don't think America wants that to happen."

Definitely satire.


Not even good satire.

/DNRTFA
 
2012-05-14 11:37:34 PM  
Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?
 
2012-05-14 11:39:30 PM  
I call BS on this article. Even had my coaches felt that way, they would never be so foolish to give a quote.
BS
 
2012-05-14 11:39:34 PM  
Some people's priories are beyond farked.
 
2012-05-14 11:43:33 PM  
There's a satire tag but the color is all teal and shiat, who's gonna use it?
 
2012-05-14 11:44:06 PM  
Aw, come on, who doesn't like to knock the shiat out of someone smaller than them?
 
2012-05-14 11:44:46 PM  
It's Sports Pickle. Of course it's satire...
 
2012-05-14 11:44:50 PM  
Normally I would be shocked at peoples lack of sarcasm detection but then I remember ... this is fark.
 
2012-05-14 11:45:58 PM  
Definitely among the least funny things I've read all month.
 
2012-05-14 11:46:48 PM  

Voiceofreason01: Aw, come on, who doesn't like to knock the shiat out of someone smaller than them?


I use to smack the biggest farker around just to prove myself
/5'9" 150lb
 
2012-05-14 11:47:41 PM  
Farkers, it's SPORTSPICKLE! A cynical sports column. You need to realize that you're reading something from a source like "The Onion"...or worse, "FARK"!
 
2012-05-14 11:48:11 PM  
CLUES!! FREE CLUES! EIGHT OUT OF TEN POSTERS HERE NEED ONE....FO' SHO!!!!!


COME AND GET 'EM!


Jesus.
 
2012-05-14 11:48:38 PM  

Voiceofreason01: Aw, come on, who doesn't like to knock the shiat out of someone smaller than them?


I'd certainly like someone to knock the shiat out of subby.

I'll just be over here tsk, tsk, tsking.
 
2012-05-14 11:49:27 PM  

ambassador_ahab: Definitely satire.


The anti-bullying campaign has turned us into a nation of over sensitive pansies who do not understand satire.
 
2012-05-14 11:50:30 PM  
Haha, some of you got trolled!

If I didn't read sports pickle, I probably would have figured it out by the time I reached the word "pansies"
 
2012-05-14 11:51:24 PM  
It's like The Onion, except The Onion is funny.
 
2012-05-14 11:53:06 PM  
It pretty much defeats the purpose of Fark to post student newspaper satire at a similar status to regular bizarre Farkworthy news. Come on subby, lift your game. We can all dig up university newspaper satire any time we need it. We want the truly out there factual (or at least genuinely masquerading as factual) news.
 
2012-05-14 11:53:58 PM  
Is it bad that I couldn't tell if it was a satire or not initially?
 
2012-05-14 11:54:17 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: the Onion for sports stories


The Onion's sports stories are funny. The Pickle's? Not so much
 
2012-05-14 11:55:59 PM  
I suspected it was satire, but with the amount of derp that's quoted in the news on a daily basis, it hard to tell.
 
2012-05-14 11:56:41 PM  
I got tricked into clicking a College Humor page. Screw you subby.
 
2012-05-15 12:00:14 AM  
[Satire] tag bullied by [Asinine] tag?
 
2012-05-15 12:02:07 AM  
 
2012-05-15 12:04:47 AM  

ambassador_ahab: FTA:

"This anti-bullying push is killing football in this country," said Robb Medowski, who runs youth football camps throughout the Midwest. "We need huge, angry, hate-filled children who like inflicting pain on others, especially on the line of scrimmage. While life may be better for the nerds and pansies, we could be 10 to 15 years away from not having any linemen. I don't think America wants that to happen."

Definitely satire.


You have never worked with youth football coaches then. That seems like a compassionate and liberal view of the issue comparatively.
 
2012-05-15 12:05:57 AM  
Satire? Now I'm pissed! I'm going to steal their milk money.
 
2012-05-15 12:09:24 AM  

CliChe Guevara: You have never worked with youth football coaches then. That seems like a compassionate and liberal view of the issue comparatively.


My personal trainer and my neighbor both coach high school football and your comment is largely bullshiat.
 
2012-05-15 12:14:34 AM  

dahmers love zombie: SushiJoe: Please tell me that article is satire

Please tell me that you're able to tell.

/read allll the way to the bottom
//Brought to to you by CollegeHumor


I didn't get that far. The quote from the CJCS is what told me this was satire.
 
2012-05-15 12:14:55 AM  
"This anti-bullying push is killing football in this country," said Robb Medowski, who runs youth football camps throughout the Midwest.

So, again it's the cash thing - it's the "It's my livelihood dammit" thing

"We need huge, angry, hate-filled children who like inflicting pain on others, especially on the line of scrimmage. While life may be better for the nerds and pansies, we could be 10 to 15 years away from not having any linemen. I don't think America wants that to happen."

Given what we've found about concussion damage in the brain, I could see football fading away and I'm okay with that.
Nerds and Pansies, Nice touch ass-hole. I could see him fading away as well.
 
2012-05-15 12:15:26 AM  
Though the article is satire, it wouldn't surprise me if youth football starts to suffer in the years to come. Not because of anti-bullying measures but because of the publicity that the NFL is giving concussions, especially now that many believe the damage to be cumulative. Certainly it won't drive participation to zero but it wouldn't surprise me if it fell by about half.
 
2012-05-15 12:18:53 AM  
Mmmmmm. Satire.

However, I have never heard a coach say "if I hear about anyone on this team bullying the other kids you're off the team!"

/Never
 
2012-05-15 12:19:58 AM  
sad thing is the folks on here who didn't catch that this is satire are miniscule in comparison to the outrage this would cause in places like here in Oklahoma where "football is king" Even sadder is you could send this article to some of the local media outlets and they would run with it.
 
2012-05-15 12:20:53 AM  
30.media.tumblr.com
""This anti-bullying push is killing football in this country," said Robb Medowski, who runs youth football camps throughout the Midwest. "We need huge, angry, hate-filled children who like inflicting pain on others, especially on the line of scrimmage."

This article was lifted from The Onion, right? Please tell me it is.
 
2012-05-15 12:23:06 AM  
Oh, it's satire. Okay. Because I was a lineman when I played in high school and I never bullied anybody. Hell, I was a huge farking nerd. And the guys who played on the line with me remain some of the nicest people I have ever known.
 
2012-05-15 12:28:03 AM  
You can tell that fark has gotten pretty popular because there are many more very, very stupid people posting here.
 
2012-05-15 12:28:31 AM  
I DON'T WANT TO READ YOUR STUPID farkING NON-JOKES.

You're not funny, you're a meaningless timesink
 
2012-05-15 12:29:55 AM  
All for giving submitter an atomic wedgie?

/To anyone with at least half a brain, It was obvious that it was satire. Clumsy, dull satire, but still...
 
2012-05-15 12:30:22 AM  

gingerjet: CliChe Guevara: You have never worked with youth football coaches then. That seems like a compassionate and liberal view of the issue comparatively.

My personal trainer and my neighbor both coach high school football and your comment is largely bullshiat.


I once listened to a couple of them around here talking about how its bullshiat we are pulling out of the mideast; not for any political or security reason, but because they were espousing the belief that it was absolutely necessary to always have a war going on -somewhere- just so that our society does not lose its 'only way' that we can 'turn our boys into men'.
Just for further perspective, these guys seemed like absolute liberal pansies compared to the ones in Texas when I was stationed down there; those guys thought their players should be able to, and be encouraged, to actually assault/kill other -local- kids (well, the weird, weak, or gay ones anyway) no shipping off to middle east necessary.
 
2012-05-15 12:45:16 AM  

neuroflare: The My Little Pony Killer: the Onion for sports stories

The Onion's sports stories are funny. The Pickle's? Not so much


That would be why I stopped reading at the fourth paragraph.
 
2012-05-15 12:45:16 AM  

neuroflare: The My Little Pony Killer: the Onion for sports stories

The Onion's sports stories are funny. The Pickle's? Not so much


I don't know, I rather enjoyed this one: Link
 
2012-05-15 12:52:13 AM  
I read that and I keep thinking it must be Onion style satire...

/CSB

I got in precisely two fights in high school and both of them were with people who ended up missing football practice thanks to injuries and suspensions.

No, I was not a tough guy, I might have won but I sure as hell didn't appreciate it later when the adrenaline wore off. I remember thinking at the time when I was in middle school fighting was no big deal, you brushed it off after a few hours, but puberty does things to your relative size and strength level that lets you hurt people, unfortunately they hurt back.
 
2012-05-15 12:54:28 AM  
Most of the linesmen I've known weren't bright enough to be bullies.

But they were definitely too large to BE bullied.

I extend a challenge to middle and HS football coaches. Enlist the nerds to help train and coach the burly football players. Get the nerds to become involved in a positive fashion around the team, and get at least in better shape, and there won't be bullying. They will become part of the in group instead of the out group.

/I will always hate you, Coach Odom
 
2012-05-15 12:55:07 AM  
For a moment, let's assume the piece is non-trolling and serious, then the logic is flawed. If big-but-gentle boys are all football teams, wouldn't it balance out? If each team has 11 "pansies" on the field, they'd still be playing football, albeit a kinder-gentler version, right? Or would NFL teams simply import [insert hostile country here] thugs?
 
2012-05-15 01:00:42 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: Voiceofreason01: Aw, come on, who doesn't like to knock the shiat out of someone smaller than them?

I use to smack the biggest farker around just to prove myself
/5'9" 150lb


Any relation?

i213.photobucket.com
 
2012-05-15 01:01:57 AM  

CliChe Guevara: gingerjet: CliChe Guevara: You have never worked with youth football coaches then. That seems like a compassionate and liberal view of the issue comparatively.

My personal trainer and my neighbor both coach high school football and your comment is largely bullshiat.

I once listened to a couple of them around here talking about how its bullshiat we are pulling out of the mideast; not for any political or security reason, but because they were espousing the belief that it was absolutely necessary to always have a war going on -somewhere- just so that our society does not lose its 'only way' that we can 'turn our boys into men'.
Just for further perspective, these guys seemed like absolute liberal pansies compared to the ones in Texas when I was stationed down there; those guys thought their players should be able to, and be encouraged, to actually assault/kill other -local- kids (well, the weird, weak, or gay ones anyway) no shipping off to middle east necessary.


So you had a close enough relationship with local football coaches, as a soldier, not from that area, that they let you in on the football player weird, weak, gay kid annihilation conspiracy? Man you put down some roots in the community.
 
2012-05-15 01:02:09 AM  
At the end of the day, we won't has enuf lyne koaches
 
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