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(The New York Times)   Oh JP Morgan? The SEC would like a word with you over those reckless trades that lost you $2 billion in the last six weeks, two words, actually, and they are "you're farked"   (dealbook.nytimes.com) divider line 207
    More: Followup, JPMorgan Chase & Co.  
•       •       •

14656 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 May 2012 at 7:51 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-11 09:33:15 PM  

drateR: /Serious.theteacher: The Jami Turman Fan Club: 9beers: 2 billion is chump change for them.

Nah, this wasn't investor money- it was THEIR money. I'm not saying they'll collapse, but it ain't chump change for them.

They forgot the first rule of investment banking.

Honest question: where did the money go?

I was wondering this as well. None of the articles I've seen mention anything. Could it be tied to the Greek market in any way?

b0rg9: Ugh, Mike_LowELL is sarcastic troll, not trolly troll.


/still interesting seeing it get bites

Mike Lowell is my favorite Farker.


Nice.

I like it too, however, if the sum of yer posting is you going "rah-rah" I suspect d'urp...

Heh.

P.S. Apologies, asshole cam engaged...;)
 
2012-05-11 09:35:09 PM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: 9beers: 2 billion is chump change for them.

Nah, this wasn't investor money- it was THEIR money. I'm not saying they'll collapse, but it ain't chump change for them.

They forgot the first rule of investment banking.


Never bet against a Sicilian when death is on the line?
 
2012-05-11 09:36:55 PM  
Anyone got any money on Monday run on JP Morgan, followed by the remaining big banks absorbing it and becoming even bigger?!?!?
 
2012-05-11 09:36:55 PM  

frontwheeldriver: The Martian Manhandler: [26.media.tumblr.com image 500x278]

RIP JP Morgan

Who is that womanin the picture? She looks familiar.


Jaye P. Morgan, one of the regular panelists from The Gong Show. Dunno what else she ever did.

It was like Dancing with the Stars or American Idol, only hilarious.
 
2012-05-11 09:37:24 PM  

vestona22: Plant Rights Activist: Isn't that technically three words? Or is that the joke?

I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not alone in wondering about this. Wouldn't a contraction count as (technically) two words just written in "short-hand"?

/Oh, and what's the meaning of life?


Link
 
2012-05-11 09:38:26 PM  

Indubitably: drateR: /Serious.theteacher: The Jami Turman Fan Club: 9beers: 2 billion is chump change for them.

Nah, this wasn't investor money- it was THEIR money. I'm not saying they'll collapse, but it ain't chump change for them.

They forgot the first rule of investment banking.

Honest question: where did the money go?

I was wondering this as well. None of the articles I've seen mention anything. Could it be tied to the Greek market in any way?

b0rg9: Ugh, Mike_LowELL is sarcastic troll, not trolly troll.


/still interesting seeing it get bites

Mike Lowell is my favorite Farker.

Nice.

I like it too, however, if the sum of yer posting is you going "rah-rah" I suspect d'urp...

Heh.

P.S. Apologies, asshole cam engaged...;)


Nah, no problem; the number of times I've posted here can be counted on one and no more than two hands. Just commenting that I enjoy the fake trolls--usually in the sports section.
 
2012-05-11 09:40:24 PM  

Shadyman: Shostie: The Jami Turman Fan Club: They forgot the first rule of investment banking.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia?

Don't talk about fight club?


There is porn of it, no exceptions?
 
2012-05-11 09:41:40 PM  
After what we found out in 2008, the three biggest banks can do ANYTHING they want now. Anything.
Because if one goes, they all go. And with them, the world economy.
 
2012-05-11 09:49:41 PM  

Disgruntled Goat: After what we found out in 2008, the three biggest banks can do ANYTHING they want now. Anything.
Because if one goes, they all go. And with them, the world economy.


img.photobucket.com
 
2012-05-11 09:53:15 PM  
sharpen your pitchforks boys.

/you don't have pitchforks?
 
2012-05-11 10:04:10 PM  
They're gambling addicts, plain and simple.
 
2012-05-11 10:04:33 PM  

phaseolus: Jaye


The muppet show is where I remember her from lol
 
2012-05-11 10:04:55 PM  
The full quote from the SEC, "You're farked taxing paying peons. We're going to cancel those trades which cost JP Morgan all the money. Afterall, we can have our banks losing money right? I mean, really, if we bailed them out five years ago you can't expect us to allow them to experience any bad times now. Think about how much they must be hurting inside."
 
2012-05-11 10:10:40 PM  

some_beer_drinker: sharpen your pitchforks boys.

/you don't have pitchforks?


I have pitchforks, actually. A 10 tine and a 4 tine. While the 10 sounds better, I'd recommend the 4 for bankers and lawyers.

I don't have any torches, but I guess those can be whipped up quickly enough out of stuff lying around.
 
2012-05-11 10:12:30 PM  

Novart: They're gambling addicts sociopaths, plain and simple.


=============

Fix it for you.
 
2012-05-11 10:13:53 PM  
Crap...does this mean I'm going to have to move my checking account again?
 
2012-05-11 10:17:02 PM  
 
2012-05-11 10:19:23 PM  

Erebus1954: I was told the Frank-Dodd financial reform would prevent these kinds of shenanigans.


it will. Something called the Volcker Rule that was passed as part of Dodd-Frank would have specifically forbid this. Problem was the SEC was still drafting the regulations to implement the Rule. In fact Dimon had held a meeting of Wall Street bigwigs earlier this very week to outline a strategy to try to block those regulations or render them toothless, because he has loudly and publicly denounced the Volcker Rule as ridiculous and unnecessary,

Well that effort just went boom in a rather spectacular and public fashion, so at least there is that.
 
ows
2012-05-11 10:28:52 PM  
i hope they had insurance.
 
2012-05-11 10:29:17 PM  

Smackledorfer: It feels sometimes like the more money a business is working with, the LESS responsible they are with it


That is exactly how it works.

The dot com boom provided lots of examples of this. Companies that got huge amounts of funding almost immediately became irresponsible with it. A company I worked at during the boom started hiring masses of people. What they were all doing I don't think anyone knew. There was just this insane desire to grow. The company increased its burn rate by ridiculous amounts while revenues grew only slowly. This lasted three years through five rounds of funding until they just couldn't get any more money from anyone to continue burning. (They did have the decency to die gracefully, they gave everyone good severance packages with the last of the cash)

In contrast my current company is a dot com started in the late 90s. It never got major funding and had to keep tight control of finances from the start. For this reason we survived the dot com bust and weren't greatly affected by economy caused by the real estate bust.
 
2012-05-11 10:30:47 PM  
I am really surprised that no one has mentioned "The Big Short" by Michael Lewis. I figured that once this was published, a few years ago, no Wall St. banker in their right mind would get this deeply involved in these kinds of derivative positions. The hedge funds made out like bandits on this position, and look for the "London Whale" to pick up some cushy executive position at one of them soon enough.
 
2012-05-11 10:31:33 PM  

Magorn: Something called the Volcker Rule that was passed as part of Dodd-Frank would have specifically forbid this.


The Volker rule, as written, would not have stopped this.

The Glass-Steagall act that was killed under Clinton was reinstated, on the other hand...

dl.dropbox.com
 
2012-05-11 10:39:45 PM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: 9beers: 2 billion is chump change for them.

Nah, this wasn't investor money- it was THEIR money. I'm not saying they'll collapse, but it ain't chump change for them.

They forgot the first rule of investment banking.


The first rule of investment banks is that investment banks should be investment banks, and banks shouldn't be investment banks

See: mr glass and mr stegall(sp)
 
2012-05-11 10:45:16 PM  

BullBearMS: In particular, informed sentiment has shifted against continuing to allow very large banks to operate in their current highly leveraged form, with a great deal of debt and very little equity.


This wager was with their equity. That's why people are so upset.

They were gambling with the very money that they're not supposed to gamble with.
 
2012-05-11 10:51:20 PM  
*ring* "Hello. Yes. Just a moment. Mr. Dimon? There's an Angelo Mozilo on the phone and he says he's gotta good joke to tell you."
 
2012-05-11 10:53:40 PM  
Oh but if they reported GAINS no one would in power would give them a look and people raising a stink would be looked into.
 
2012-05-11 10:53:50 PM  
www.ritholtz.com
 
2012-05-11 10:56:00 PM  
 
2012-05-11 11:05:25 PM  

bunner: Does ANYBODY still think it's an all American, ever to clever, nifty spifty idea to just beat your brains out making people in nice suits rich and then handing it to other people in nice suits who shove it up their ass while you work overtime so you'll cash out with enough for a coffin, a place to put it and doughnuts for the mourners? Seriously? Are we still just standing in line to ride the wheel of endless debt and call it a life? Are we still that f*cking gullible and lazy?


Who is on next seasons Dancing with the Stars?
 
2012-05-11 11:05:26 PM  

BullBearMS: Magorn: Something called the Volcker Rule that was passed as part of Dodd-Frank would have specifically forbid this.

The Volker rule, as written, would not have stopped this.

The Glass-Steagall act that was killed under Clinton was reinstated, on the other hand...

[dl.dropbox.com image 600x663]


farm7.static.flickr.com
 
2012-05-11 11:07:55 PM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: BullBearMS: In particular, informed sentiment has shifted against continuing to allow very large banks to operate in their current highly leveraged form, with a great deal of debt and very little equity.

This wager was with their equity. That's why people are so upset.

They were gambling with the very money that they're not supposed to gamble with.


Can someone explain to me how the investment bankers are not allowed to invest their own, i.e. owners/stockholders, money, but are only allowed to invest their customers' money? Aside from the fact that it's a bad idea (to risk playing the game when you're effectively the referee), what illegal/immoral/unethical shenanigans are going on when an investment bank is effectively its own customer?
 
2012-05-11 11:09:22 PM  

dosboot: [www.ritholtz.com image 530x325]


Oh, I get it.
Financial criminals being free causes global warming.
 
2012-05-11 11:11:31 PM  

Eddie Adams from Torrance: They're going to have to pay $50.00 and pick up the garbage in the snow.


www.irocknroll.com

Approves

/I said Shrink.... I wanna kill.
 
2012-05-11 11:14:19 PM  

Begoggle: dosboot: [www.ritholtz.com image 530x325]



Keep not getting it. Flaunt your imperfection

 
2012-05-11 11:15:37 PM  

Indubitably: frontwheeldriver: IrishBlunder: thisisyourbrainonFark: frontwheeldriver: thisisyourbrainonFark: Why hasn't

[occupywinstonsalem.org image 524x432]

led to

[ierg.net image 428x318]

?
because the vast majority of the current american public has been raised to be submissive, conforming, naive, not bright, and to unfailingly believe every single word of the ceaseless bs marketing and advertising lies spoon fed daily on television, online, etc, etc. by governments and corporate liars? not to mention that the single greatest goal in modern human life is just to be super lottery winner rich and insatiable consumers?

[oi49.tinypic.com image 245x250]

/munches on the govt subsidized crop of genetically modified corporate popcorn ;)

So ...

[rlv.zcache.com image 400x400]
[work - buy - consume - die]

I'm thinking there should be a necessarily-discrete "borrow" somewhere in there; in between "consume" and "die" most likely.

/reverse mortgage, anyone?

don't forget "pay taxes, sometimes twice"

Hah!

We pay taxes many times over.

Pay attention, much?

Attention adds up.

Poet-out.

;)


Poet? I figured someone with a liberal arts degree who took too much acid 10 years ago and still gets too much cash from their parents. Bad guess? While I don't disagree with your basic thoughts, your presentation and attitudes about them instantly make me want to side against you.

Word.

:./
 
2012-05-11 11:24:11 PM  
madashelland.com
Three words...I...Got...This
 
2012-05-11 11:25:41 PM  

robertus: Eddie Adams from Torrance: They're going to have to pay $50.00 and pick up the garbage in the snow.

[www.irocknroll.com image 300x411]

Approves

/I said Shrink.... I wanna kill.


"Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"

/Mother rapers.

// Father stabbers.

///Father rapers!

//// Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me!
 
2012-05-11 11:27:11 PM  
Start hanging a few and see if that helps.
If it doesn't then
HANG 'EM ALL and start all over

upload.wikimedia.org

Couple of the boys gettin' ready to hang some pasty white bankers fat asses
 
2012-05-11 11:28:48 PM  

Nrokreffefp: Indubitably: frontwheeldriver: IrishBlunder: thisisyourbrainonFark: frontwheeldriver: thisisyourbrainonFark: Why hasn't

[occupywinstonsalem.org image 524x432]

led to

[ierg.net image 428x318]

?
because the vast majority of the current american public has been raised to be submissive, conforming, naive, not bright, and to unfailingly believe every single word of the ceaseless bs marketing and advertising lies spoon fed daily on television, online, etc, etc. by governments and corporate liars? not to mention that the single greatest goal in modern human life is just to be super lottery winner rich and insatiable consumers?

[oi49.tinypic.com image 245x250]

/munches on the govt subsidized crop of genetically modified corporate popcorn ;)

So ...

[rlv.zcache.com image 400x400]
[work - buy - consume - die]

I'm thinking there should be a necessarily-discrete "borrow" somewhere in there; in between "consume" and "die" most likely.

/reverse mortgage, anyone?

don't forget "pay taxes, sometimes twice"

Hah!

We pay taxes many times over.

Pay attention, much?

Attention adds up.

Poet-out.

;)

Poet? I figured someone with a liberal arts degree who took too much acid 10 years ago and still gets too much cash from their parents. Bad guess? While I don't disagree with your basic thoughts, your presentation and attitudes about them instantly make me want to side against you.

Word.

:./


Your misread loss, man.

Peace out.

;)
 
2012-05-11 11:33:53 PM  
So, if you disappear $2,000,000,000 no one goes to jail.
If you make a profit on a $90 bag of weed you go to jail for 15 years.
Got it.
 
2012-05-11 11:38:08 PM  
How about they make money the old fashion banking way: loaning money with interest?

These bastards think they can make more money by playing the trading markets, which benefits very few, instead of putting their capital directly to work in industry (or real estate mortgages).

/hates bankers
 
2012-05-12 12:04:36 AM  

Aarontology: sullied


lizditz.typepad.com
images.huffingtonpost.com
images.tvrage.com
profile.ak.fbcdn.net
images.fanpop.com
redhill.org

ohhhhhh i sullied myself
 
2012-05-12 12:08:31 AM  
Where "you're farked" is actually defined as, "in 2 years, you'll pay a $25,000 civil fine, and 2 current members of the SEC staff will become assistant directors of government liason at JP Morgan"

That's the way it works. But it will be more like 3-4 members, and the civil fine will be reversed on appeal.
 
2012-05-12 12:18:41 AM  

Jument: Wait... these farkers are STILL trying to crash the world economy to make a quick buck for themselves. Seriously? WTF?

If China ran the world, Mr. Dimon would be shot to death on Monday and this wouldn't happen again. Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like...


Congress makes the laws and decides whether the regulations are enforced. As long as you have a bought Congress - and who's got more money to buy politicians than the financial sector? - there's going to be a lot of sound and fury but precious little action.
 
2012-05-12 12:21:03 AM  
 
2012-05-12 12:22:40 AM  
Some of you people get pissed when the banks make and lose money.
Do you even know why you're md?
 
2012-05-12 12:24:40 AM  
There's something intrinsically hilarious when the federal government goes after a private organization for losing 2 billion dollars.

It's a bit like a murderer becoming enraged at a jay walker for his heinous crime.
 
2012-05-12 12:27:26 AM  
Oh JP Morgan? The SEC would like a word with you over those reckless trades that lost you $2 billion in the last six weeks, two words, actually, and they are "you're farked"

Well, dang it

I woulda guessed What? Again?
 
2012-05-12 12:28:09 AM  

tjfly: Do you even know why you're md?


I'm not md, I just play one on tv.
 
2012-05-12 12:29:00 AM  

Sliding Carp: Where "you're farked" is actually defined as, "in 2 years, you'll pay a $25,000 civil fine, and 2 current members of the SEC staff will become assistant directors of government liason at JP Morgan"


10000x THIS! Subby is either a complete idiot or didn't actually RTFA.
 
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