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(The New York Times)   Oh JP Morgan? The SEC would like a word with you over those reckless trades that lost you $2 billion in the last six weeks, two words, actually, and they are "you're farked"   (dealbook.nytimes.com) divider line 207
    More: Followup, JPMorgan Chase & Co.  
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14658 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 May 2012 at 7:51 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-11 03:10:27 PM  
Where "you're farked" is actually defined as, "in 2 years, you'll pay a $25,000 civil fine, and 2 current members of the SEC staff will become assistant directors of government liason at JP Morgan"
 
2012-05-11 03:21:43 PM  
Oh man, I can't wait to see how big of a slap on the wrist the S.E.C. gives them.
 
2012-05-11 03:43:28 PM  
they were only trading recklessly because their taxes are so high.
 
2012-05-11 04:00:46 PM  

doublesecretprobation: they were only trading recklessly because their taxes are so high.


I thought it was because they were over regulated.
 
2012-05-11 04:14:16 PM  
I have one word.

Jump.
 
2012-05-11 04:38:14 PM  

Dinki: doublesecretprobation: they were only trading recklessly because their taxes are so high.

I thought it was because they were over regulated.


they had to concentrate on risky short-term gains because there was so much long-term uncertainty in the market due to the threat of obama further tinkering with the economy. can't we just vote that scumbag out of office yet so the banks can get back into the business of stimulating job growth?
 
2012-05-11 04:40:58 PM  

Sliding Carp: Where "you're farked" is actually defined as, "in 2 years, you'll pay a $25,000 civil fine, and 2 current members of the SEC staff will become assistant directors of government liason at JP Morgan"


^^^ True dat
 
2012-05-11 04:45:17 PM  

Codenamechaz: Oh man, I can't wait to see how big of a slap on the wrist the S.E.C. gives them.


They might even look at the JP Morgan execs with a look of stern disapproval when they do so. EPIC!
 
2012-05-11 04:49:17 PM  
Hm ...

He admitted the losses were linked to a Wall Street Journal report last month about a trader, nicknamed the 'London Whale', who, the report said, had amassed an outsized position which hedge funds were betting against.

...

At that time, Mr Dimon said that the media coverage was "a complete tempest in a teapot", but on Thursday he said the bank's loss had "a bit to do with the article in the press". He said: "I also think we acted a little too defensively to that."

...

The trading losses are an acute embarrassment for Mr Dimon who has led Wall Street's fight against what banks have deemed excessive regulation in the wake of the financial crisis. Mr Dimon said that the set of trades, which includes credit default swaps, was designed to shield the bank from risk in the financial markets. "In hindsight, it was bad strategy, bad execution," he said.

Looks like they have their scapegoat already lined up.

This article suggests the loses could be worse. But I am not seeing a quote from JPM about that.
 
2012-05-11 04:51:57 PM  

Shostie: Codenamechaz: Oh man, I can't wait to see how big of a slap on the wrist the S.E.C. gives them.

They might even look at the JP Morgan execs with a look of stern disapproval when they do so. EPIC!


Like the execs would allow themselves to be sullied by the gaze of a commoner.
 
2012-05-11 04:52:13 PM  

thomps: can't we just vote that scumbag out of office yet so the banks can get back into the business of stimulating job growth?


Don't worry, come next January Rmoney will be in the white house, the GOP will control both houses, and wall street will be out from under the heavy hand of government, free to lead the world into a new dawn of capitalist freedom. We need a forward thinking free market visionary, a man with a true grasp of what this country needs in economic terms in the white house. And Rmoney, the guy that would have let the car companies collapse into ruin, is just that man.
 
2012-05-11 05:04:53 PM  
Seeing Paul Volcker's name in the news reminded me how he was such a hero to Conservatives during the 80s and now is considered to be an idiot.

My how times change.
 
2012-05-11 05:15:28 PM  
Jump you f*ckers
 
2012-05-11 06:16:45 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Jump

Break it up you f*ckers

FTFY?
 
2012-05-11 06:21:02 PM  
They're going to have to pay $50.00 and pick up the garbage in the snow.
 
2012-05-11 06:50:10 PM  

abb3w: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Jump Break it up you f*ckers

FTFY?


No, no, I think the original was accurate. Breaking up the corporation leaves out an important step- the one where greed-driven bastards plunge to their doom on filthy pavement, possibly shattering their skull in a pool of wino urine. That step's important to me.

//Jump, you f*ckers.
 
2012-05-11 07:52:31 PM  
api.ning.com
 
2012-05-11 07:55:04 PM  
I am upset, actually.

Why do we subsidize these farkers?

Because they are apparently important.

Well.

So are students, mans.

We pay for dumb?

We pay for smart.

Word.

;)
 
2012-05-11 07:55:15 PM  
2 billion is chump change for them.
 
2012-05-11 07:56:26 PM  

basemetal: [api.ning.com image 640x424]


MaudlinMutantMollusk: Jump you f*ckers


i.imgur.com
 
2012-05-11 07:57:20 PM  
Dimon has a white whale problem.


/some Moby
 
2012-05-11 07:58:46 PM  
Why hasn't

occupywinstonsalem.org

led to

ierg.net

?
 
2012-05-11 07:59:30 PM  
Wait... these farkers are STILL trying to crash the world economy to make a quick buck for themselves. Seriously? WTF?

If China ran the world, Mr. Dimon would be shot to death on Monday and this wouldn't happen again. Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like...
 
2012-05-11 07:59:50 PM  
Thier stock is still up 13% for the year... They are farked alright.
 
2012-05-11 08:00:11 PM  

9beers: 2 billion is chump change for them.


Nah, this wasn't investor money- it was THEIR money. I'm not saying they'll collapse, but it ain't chump change for them.

They forgot the first rule of investment banking.
 
2012-05-11 08:01:03 PM  

Sliding Carp: Where "you're farked" is actually defined as, "in 2 years, you'll pay a $25,000 civil fine, and 2 current members of the SEC staff will become assistant directors of government liason at JP Morgan"


No, they're farked because they are going to be hit with MASSIVE securities litigation. The CEO went on record saying "egregious mistakes were made." That demonstrates that they farked up, and they're going to pay millions to shareholders over it.

I said it in another thread, but I wish I held some of their stock as I'd be going straight to the law office.
 
2012-05-11 08:03:10 PM  
I was told the Frank-Dodd financial reform would prevent these kinds of shenanigans.
 
2012-05-11 08:04:59 PM  
Inherently systemic flaws abound.

STFD.

Make right and be real about profitabilities, now.

I mean it.

;)
 
2012-05-11 08:05:06 PM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: They forgot the first rule of investment banking.


Never get involved in a land war in Asia?
 
2012-05-11 08:05:50 PM  

Indubitably: Inherently systemic flaws abound.

STFD.

Make right and be real about profitabilities, now.

I mean it.

;)


P.S. Cyber-punch for what is right...
 
2012-05-11 08:07:10 PM  
Seriously, at what point do we gather a mob and drag these motherfarkers through the streets?

And by "these motherfarkers", I also mean every member of Congress who has accepted money from them and has willfully turned a blind eye to all this.
 
2012-05-11 08:07:22 PM  
JPMorgan Chase has contributed over $20 million to political campaigns since 1989. Its favorites are split evenly between Democrats and Republicans, and its donations influence contests around the country.

JPMorgan also spends heavily on lobbying. For most of the 2000s, its yearly contribution to K Street coffers has ranged between $4 million and $6 million. Morgan's money has gone to influence banking deregulation and bankruptcy reform rules. Morgan was a major beneficiary of government bailout money.

Link

Yeah, I don't think they're going to get in too much trouble for this.
 
2012-05-11 08:07:57 PM  
Probably just suffering from family issues.


/let's form a drum circle and show them we care about their welfare
 
2012-05-11 08:08:11 PM  

Erebus1954: I was told the Frank-Dodd financial reform would prevent these kinds of shenanigans.


I never thought anything short of a return to Glass Steagal with updated rules would work. However, I did hope that Dodd would do something to be remembered by. What an asshole.
 
2012-05-11 08:08:22 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: Why hasn't

[occupywinstonsalem.org image 524x432]

led to

[ierg.net image 428x318]

?


We live in a democracy, good sir, and in a democracy, everyone's opinion matters, even those of ignorant and evil people.
 
2012-05-11 08:08:34 PM  
Isn't that technically three words? Or is that the joke?
 
2012-05-11 08:09:46 PM  

remotecody: Thier stock is still up 13% for the year... They are farked alright.


This
What did the stock dump in the last two days, $5 ? By Monday all will be forgotten and it will be business as usual.
 
2012-05-11 08:11:06 PM  

Plant Rights Activist: Isn't that technically three words? Or is that the joke?


I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not alone in wondering about this. Wouldn't a contraction count as (technically) two words just written in "short-hand"?

/Oh, and what's the meaning of life?
 
2012-05-11 08:12:01 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: Why hasn't

[occupywinstonsalem.org image 524x432]

led to

[ierg.net image 428x318]

?


Because they're farking us over the RIGHT way. The vast majority of us still get enough to eat, aren't homeless, and if we're out of a job, we likely have some assistance. Sure, I had to decide not to go on a nice vacation this year, but really, I'm fine. And if I did want to go on vacation (or buy a new TV), I'd still have many choices available to me. And I can't even imagine a time when I wouldn't be able to buy food, or clothes, or the basics.

Revolution doesn't happen until a lot of us are truly hungry or unable to buy the necessities of life. We're a LONG way from that, and "they" (bankers, the 1%, Republicans, whoever) know this.
 
2012-05-11 08:12:24 PM  
Codenamechaz: Oh man, I can't wait to see how big of a slap on the wrist the S.E.C. gives them.

This,

In our kinda of pro-megacorporation enviorment, what kind of fine can you slap on a loss of 2 BILLION DOLLARS that even starts to approach a moral hazard. Especially when if things went right, and it wasn't a loss, it would have been a 200 billion dollar profit?

Face it, when you;re talking about these kind of numbers, in firms that control this much of our wealth and GDP, it's nationalized by default, when in default.

Privatize the profit, socialize the losses through size, and let the monkeys in political parties stick up for your screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM, LEAVE THEM ALONE".
 
2012-05-11 08:12:43 PM  

Dinki: thomps: can't we just vote that scumbag out of office yet so the banks can get back into the business of stimulating job growth?

Don't worry, come next January Rmoney will be in the white house, the GOP will control both houses, and wall street will be out from under the heavy hand of government, free to lead the world into a new dawn of capitalist freedom. We need a forward thinking free market visionary, a man with a true grasp of what this country needs in economic terms in the white house. And Rmoney, the guy that would have let the car companies collapse into ruin, is just that man.


Lol. Always amazes me that some of you are so ignorant as to not believe Obama has no large wall street connections. Jpmorgan was the 6th largest contributed to Obama on 08 according to opensecrets. Dimon was I. The short list to be the treasury secretary for farks sake.
 
2012-05-11 08:18:10 PM  
But "hope and change" should have prevented this.

/bahahaha!
 
2012-05-11 08:18:33 PM  

Sliding Carp: Where "you're farked" is actually defined as, "in 2 years, you'll pay a $25,000 civil fine, and 2 current members of the SEC staff will become assistant directors of government liason at JP Morgan"


Could be worse. Under Romney, the punishment will be that Dimon will receive a sloppy BJ from the chair for the SEC *without* cupping his balls.
 
2012-05-11 08:19:29 PM  

Shostie: The Jami Turman Fan Club: They forgot the first rule of investment banking.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia?


Don't talk about fight club?
 
2012-05-11 08:19:38 PM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: 9beers: 2 billion is chump change for them.

Nah, this wasn't investor money- it was THEIR money. I'm not saying they'll collapse, but it ain't chump change for them.

They forgot the first rule of investment banking.


Honest question: where did the money go?
 
2012-05-11 08:19:38 PM  

Jument: Wait... these farkers are STILL trying to crash the world economy to make a quick buck for themselves. Seriously? WTF?



Well, there has been no meaningful legislation to curb the activities that led to the last economic crash. The meaningful bits of Dodd/Frank were picked out in committee. None of the old regulations which the removal of also helped lead to the economic crash are also still in the garbage can.

So I'm not sure why anyone expects anything different. Give it a few years and we'll probably find out that they're still doing more voodoo economic trading and all the other irresponsible things that led to the last crash. But next time our ability to soften the landing and recover will be even worse, and it will be an even harder crash.


If China ran the world, Mr. Dimon would be shot to death on Monday and this wouldn't happen again. Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like...


I think you underestimate the deep corruption in the Chinese system. Sure, they'll take a guy or two out behind the woodshed here and there, but there's 10,000 other ones greedily slurping away behind stacks of falsified records. They have a deeply corrupt system.

Also, they are basically building up from a huge 3rd world nation, so they can show growth for a long time that an advanced and developed nation can't.... but there's a limit to that as well. And they're just sitting on this massive pile of US dollars, that when our greedy new age robber barons crash our economy again may turn out to be a huge weakness for them. If we suicide our own economy, we're farking them up on the way down.
 
2012-05-11 08:20:31 PM  

Phony_Soldier: But "hope and change" should have prevented this.

/bahahaha!


Real Americans would have prevented this, if they weren't busy clutching their guns, god and cousin.
 
2012-05-11 08:21:37 PM  

Erebus1954: I was told the Frank-Dodd financial reform would prevent these kinds of shenanigans.


You can't explain that!
 
2012-05-11 08:21:47 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: Why hasn't

[occupywinstonsalem.org image 524x432]

led to

[ierg.net image 428x318]

?

because the vast majority of the current american public has been raised to be submissive, conforming, naive, not bright, and to unfailingly believe every single word of the ceaseless bs marketing and advertising lies spoon fed daily on television, online, etc, etc. by governments and corporate liars? not to mention that the single greatest goal in modern human life is just to be super lottery winner rich and insatiable consumers?

oi49.tinypic.com

/munches on the govt subsidized crop of genetically modified corporate popcorn ;)
 
2012-05-11 08:22:13 PM  
Thankfully, the government maintains a strict policy of not hiring "former" bankers, oil executives, or anyone else that has ever had loyalty to anything other than their own money.
To imply otherwise is simply disgusting.
 
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