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(Townhall)   Obama needs one more justice. If elected, he will get it, and same-sex marriage will be forced on all of America   (townhall.com) divider line 67
    More: Scary, obama, human beings, cultural conservative, culture war, Antietam, Battle of Antietam, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Justice Stephen Breyer  
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2472 clicks; posted to Politics » on 11 May 2012 at 10:36 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-05-11 09:15:18 AM  
14 votes:
He may get two more justices, since I imagine that when Scalia goes, there's a stipulation in his will that Clarence Thomas must be sealed alive in his tomb.
2012-05-11 08:50:29 AM  
12 votes:
Will I have to divorce my wife and get gay married? If so, I call dibbs on Jon Hamm.
2012-05-11 08:58:38 AM  
6 votes:
Is he going to jam it down our throat or ram it up our ass?
2012-05-11 08:57:09 AM  
6 votes:

SilentStrider: I hope the guy I'm gay married to is a good cook,


I'm a good cook, but I've already promised myself to the dog. Sorry.
2012-05-11 08:54:36 AM  
5 votes:
I hope the guy I'm gay married to is a good cook,
2012-05-11 10:52:30 AM  
4 votes:

YouWinAgainGravity: Is he going to jam it down our throat or ram it up our ass?


Both. And if you're very, VERY lucky, he'll do it in that order.
2012-05-11 10:07:02 AM  
4 votes:

FreakyBunny: There were a few protests, but Prime Minister Chretien basically said "We want to do this thing the gay marriages, so to do that we need to go to the Canada Supremes to get the opinions for the decision so that will be made the government OK with making the law to make the gays and lesbians getting their marriages in Canada".


I never knew meow said the dog was Prime Minster Chretien's login.
2012-05-11 08:52:02 AM  
4 votes:
I'ma polygamarry Paul Rudd and Ryan Gosling.
2012-05-11 08:52:01 AM  
4 votes:

Vodka Zombie: What exactly IS being forced on America?


That sickening UnAmerican notion of "equal rights for all"

It's a shame really, to see freedom be imposed upon America.
2012-05-11 11:20:45 AM  
3 votes:
Liberals make me sick. Let's go back to traditional marriage as defined by the bible, as a marriage consisting of one man, his many wives, and sexual access to his wive's maid servants. If you don't agree with this, you must think you know better than God and the bible.
2012-05-11 11:07:13 AM  
3 votes:
So, since I am already married, do both of us have to get gay married, or only one? Because I am totally down with my wife marrying Mila Kunis, or Zoe Saldana. That is a gay marriage I could get behind!
2012-05-11 11:03:20 AM  
3 votes:
You all laughed and mocked those of us with man-boobs for years. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?
2012-05-11 10:50:56 AM  
3 votes:
I'm going to buck the trend here and pick Rick Santorum.
2012-05-11 10:34:58 AM  
3 votes:
Everybody has to choose a partner to gay marry by January, 1 2013. If you don't choose a partner by that time then one will be assigned to you. However, I should point out that we have a lot more people who want to be tops than bottoms, so if you wait until the deadline you may be assigned as a bottom even though you wrote "top" on your form. The forms will be arriving in your mailbox soon.

We also have space available for power-bottoms, but you need to pass some speed tests. Speed has everything to do with it. You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply. Speed's the name of the game.
2012-05-11 09:58:56 AM  
3 votes:

sweetmelissa31: I have been practicing my scissoring skills in anticipation of this.


...and there was a mighty crash as the rush to click on the lady's profile resounded into the Heavens...
2012-05-11 09:56:05 AM  
3 votes:
I have been practicing my scissoring skills in anticipation of this.
2012-05-11 11:49:15 AM  
2 votes:

dervish16108: SilentStrider: I hope the guy I'm gay married to is a good cook,

I hope the guy I'm mandated to gay marry has the same clothing sizes as me so I can double my wardrobe.


You will be mandated to marry a man, not necessarily a gay man. Your fashion options may not be that impressive.
2012-05-11 11:21:35 AM  
2 votes:

GhostFish: If you're so bothered by having to put up with the happiness of other people you don't like, you're probably just an asshole.

Your religion or creed or whatever is immaterial. You're simply just an asshole.


People forget that the US was founded by Puritans, and in many ways is still a Puritan country.

A Puritan, of course, is a person who is deathly afraid that somebody, somewhere is having fun.
2012-05-11 11:09:56 AM  
2 votes:
On the plus side, men with really really small penises will be in demand again.
2012-05-11 10:59:51 AM  
2 votes:
Everyone will be forced to line up for assignment of gender roles. Dogs and dogs living together. Mass hysteria and like such as.
2012-05-11 10:54:36 AM  
2 votes:

JerseyTim: Will I have to divorce my wife and get gay married? If so, I call dibbs on Jon Hamm.


Hm. I was going to gay marry my best friend from childhood, because he's awesome and we get along so great. But he's already gay, and I assume he will marry the dude he's been with for the last 15 years, and anyway his boyfriend is like my brother in law and I'm supposed to be the best man at their gay wedding so I can't very well break them up without being a dick so I guess that's not going to work.

I guess I'll take dibs on Peter Dinklage. He seems like a fun sort to go drinking with.
2012-05-11 10:50:39 AM  
2 votes:
Rapmaster2000


I'm going to need to see the results of your speed test.

chrisb.name
2012-05-11 09:37:07 AM  
2 votes:

JerseyTim: Will I have to divorce my wife and get gay married? If so, I call dibbs on Jon Hamm.


If I have to leave my wife and marry a man, I'm not going to be happy but I would cross my fingers and hope to at least get a tranny with a micro-penis.
2012-05-11 09:18:05 AM  
2 votes:

BunkoSquad: He may get two more justices, since I imagine that when Scalia goes, there's a stipulation in his will that Clarence Thomas must be sealed alive in his tomb.


Seems reasonable. With Scalia gone, how will Clarence know how to vote / dress himself?
2012-05-11 08:56:56 AM  
2 votes:

SilentStrider: I hope the guy I'm gay married to is a good cook,


They're all good cooks. In fact, once you're gay married, you'll become a good cook too. But be prepared to have to update your wardrobe.
2012-05-11 08:52:57 AM  
2 votes:

JerseyTim: If so, I call dibbs on Jon Hamm.


I want Mrs. Kucinich. Can I have her?
2012-05-11 05:20:56 PM  
1 votes:

Jackson Herring: On the plus side, men with really really small penises will be in demand again.


This is bad news... for Obama.
2012-05-11 01:56:07 PM  
1 votes:
Well, what can I say?

OBAMA 2012!
2012-05-11 01:33:17 PM  
1 votes:

Baryogenesis: Rapmaster2000: We also have space available for power-bottoms, but you need to pass some speed tests. Speed has everything to do with it. You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply. Speed's the name of the game.

Speed's what we need! Greasy, fast speed!

[blogs.amctv.com image 560x330]


Geez, I guess there's more to know than what I currently know about gay sex. I hope they release some pamphlets on this stuff.
2012-05-11 01:09:19 PM  
1 votes:

colon_pow: i hope the guy they make me marry has a little tiny peener so it won't hurt my butt.


Right - Jonah Goldberg it is, then.
2012-05-11 01:01:14 PM  
1 votes:

EnviroDude: I'm homeschooled, and maintain an obvious lack of history, so I didn't know Social Conservatives fled the Democratic Party in 1965 and went to the Republican banner to protest civil rights for black people.


Yeah, we can tell from your posts.
2012-05-11 12:54:59 PM  
1 votes:

Mr. J 13: Alright guys, I'm a good cook, love sports and XBox, and can go all night. Looking for someone for a forced gay marriage. Anyone down?


My house is a mess right now, so I'm really looking for someone with an eye for interior decorating.
2012-05-11 12:47:17 PM  
1 votes:
Oh, and if Robert Downey, Jr. isn't taken, I'll have him too. Screw it, I'll gay marry all the avengers.
2012-05-11 12:47:00 PM  
1 votes:

LucklessWonder: If I'm forced to gay marry, I'm bagging me Chris Heelmsworth. That there is a pretty, pretty man.

If he's taken, then I'll settle for Bradley Cooper.


Booyah! I called him ten posts before ya, sucker.

/Bradley Cooper is a good 2nd place catch.
2012-05-11 12:07:16 PM  
1 votes:

Ayn Rand's Cervix: I came into this thread expecting Magic Johnson to be taken.


Oh it will be. It will be...
2012-05-11 12:01:24 PM  
1 votes:
I'll marry Grace Jones or David Bowie. I figure I'll be safe either way the court rules.
2012-05-11 11:57:37 AM  
1 votes:

Aarontology: Vodka Zombie: What exactly IS being forced on America?

That sickening UnAmerican notion of "equal rights for all"

It's a shame really, to see freedom be imposed upon America.


Well, you know, this will be a huge national security issue. Imposing these freedoms will only make the terrorists hate us more and attack us again. This will completely undo all of the goodwill we've gained with the terrorists by restricting freedoms thus far. It's going to be hell; it'll be 9-11 happening every day!

I guess Fartbongo really does want the terrorists to win. :(
2012-05-11 11:53:02 AM  
1 votes:

YoungSwedishBlonde: Forced gay marriage? I got dibs on Anthony Bourdain.


Dammit! He was my first choice.

Fine, I have dibs on Will Wheaton.... and if someone has already called him... I guess dibs on Drew.

/Grumble grumble... stupid forced gay marriage.
2012-05-11 11:50:55 AM  
1 votes:

FreakyBunny: Subby, I hope you are some kind of meta troll. If so, 4/10. If not, I hear the Westboro "Baptist Church" is looking for new members.

Why is America seen as this bastion of liberty for all the world to gaze upon with hope and aspiration when so many in your country are actively involved in trying suppress an out-group's pursuit of marriage equality? That's right, it's not. Your country looks like a sad joke to the majority of Canadians when it comes to this. How can Canada and the US be so alike in so many ways when you are so backward when it comes to this issue?

Explain to me how that would threaten the institution of marriage any more than drive in wedding chapels and celebrity serial marriages?

What is it to you if two women or two men get married to each other? How are you harmed? I guess you are afraid to find out, so you and the other bigots like you enjoy making your preemptive strikes against an oppressed group that is hated for no more than whom they love.

/Christian.
//Canadian.
///Proud we sorted this out years ago up here.


I agree with this, although I will note that Canadians buy milk in bags, which is farked up.
2012-05-11 11:36:16 AM  
1 votes:

SilentStrider: I hope the guy I'm gay married to is a good cook,


I hope the guy I'm mandated to gay marry has the same clothing sizes as me so I can double my wardrobe.
2012-05-11 11:35:14 AM  
1 votes:

Lando Lincoln: I hope we get a random lottery of who we have to same-sex marry. That would be kinda exciting and interesting.


You could wind up with an internet dentist. Still excited?
2012-05-11 11:27:47 AM  
1 votes:

FloydA: namegoeshere: FloydA: namegoeshere: Does it have to be an American forced upon me, or can I pick a furriner?

'Cause I kind of have a girl crush on Emma Watson.

I would gladly gay marry you.

Awww.. thanks! Can we still bring Emma along as our love slave?

Teh Bible is full of slaves so it's all good.

Oh yeah, most definitely, as long as I get to bring Johnny Depp- plus he has to wear the Captain Jack Sparrow costume.


That's acceptable. But you must also take Michael Bolton, so he can sing this the whole time.
2012-05-11 11:25:09 AM  
1 votes:

Splinshints: I mean, c'mon. You write a book whining about the state of the American media and how it's just a stupid dog and pony show feeding people crap because it's what makes money, then you turn your website into exactly what your book lambasted. I know Fark isn't supposed to be the media, but, like the Daily Show, whether it likes it or not it is positioned in a way that makes it possible to be both a source of humor AND substantive discussion at the same time.


Elections are not about who has the better ideas. Understand that and realize why we never talk about policy positions here. All there is to talk about is "my team versus your team". You're attacking this site for something endemic in the entire democratic system. If I were you I would apologize, we should be so lucky to have such a wonderful forum upon which to express our opinions. I am very thankful to Drew and the entire Fark staff and never take it for granted.
2012-05-11 11:21:46 AM  
1 votes:

namegoeshere: FloydA: namegoeshere: Does it have to be an American forced upon me, or can I pick a furriner?

'Cause I kind of have a girl crush on Emma Watson.

I would gladly gay marry you.

Awww.. thanks! Can we still bring Emma along as our love slave?

Teh Bible is full of slaves so it's all good.


Oh yeah, most definitely, as long as I get to bring Johnny Depp- plus he has to wear the Captain Jack Sparrow costume.
2012-05-11 11:19:25 AM  
1 votes:

colon_pow: I'll choose Johnny Depp.

if i must.


Pretty sure Tim Burton's already got dibs.
2012-05-11 11:11:59 AM  
1 votes:

Rapmaster2000: Everybody has to choose a partner to gay marry by January, 1 2013.


Hmmmmm. Joan Jett or Neko Case? I think Neko would be a better life partner, but Joan is so damn hot. Decisions, decisions.
2012-05-11 11:08:48 AM  
1 votes:
I wonder if there really are people out there who think they will be forced to gay marry? I know one of my co-workers is gay, and no one is forcing me to gay-tech-write.
2012-05-11 11:07:54 AM  
1 votes:

jayhawk88: You all laughed and mocked those of us with man-boobs for years. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?


So, you're a bottom?
2012-05-11 11:07:21 AM  
1 votes:

KellyX: So wait, if Obama is reelected, it's assured that one of the conservative justices will retire


Scalia is 76 and looks like he's going to have a heart attack at any moment. And if he goes, Clarence Thomas will have to retire, because how else will he know what opinion to have?
2012-05-11 11:05:17 AM  
1 votes:
Obama simply stated his personal position. It's Mitt who has signed the National Organization for Marriage pledge promising to implement a Constitutional Amendment for his particular definition of marriage, superseding the states who have voted for gay marriage.

Why does Mitt hate State's Rights?
2012-05-11 11:03:14 AM  
1 votes:
My bum hurt for the first few months of my gay marriage, but these days I can't leave the house without jamming a box turtle up there.

/Canadian
2012-05-11 10:49:26 AM  
1 votes:
I'm not gay but I do support mandated gay marriage for every American for the luls.
2012-05-11 10:47:35 AM  
1 votes:
Conservatism is societies guard against slippery slopes and utter collapse.
2012-05-11 10:43:04 AM  
1 votes:

busy chillin': Rapmaster2000

Everybody has to choose a partner to gay marry by January, 1 2013. If you don't choose a partner by that time then one will be assigned to you. However, I should point out that we have a lot more people who want to be tops than bottoms, so if you wait until the deadline you may be assigned as a bottom even though you wrote "top" on your form. The forms will be arriving in your mailbox soon.

We also have space available for power-bottoms, but you need to pass some speed tests. Speed has everything to do with it. You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply. Speed's the name of the game.

I love you. Will you gay marry me?


I'm going to need to see the results of your speed test.
2012-05-11 10:28:06 AM  
1 votes:

Sock Ruh Tease: namegoeshere: Does it have to be an American forced upon me, or can I pick a furriner?

'Cause I kind of have a girl crush on Emma Watson.

[500motivators.com image 599x479]

Let me know if you want the original of this pic.


I want the original... As a new gay, I love the Rock.
2012-05-11 10:23:37 AM  
1 votes:

namegoeshere: Does it have to be an American forced upon me, or can I pick a furriner?

'Cause I kind of have a girl crush on Emma Watson.


500motivators.com

Let me know if you want the original of this pic.
2012-05-11 10:04:14 AM  
1 votes:

Benevolent Misanthrope: FreakyBunny: /Christian.
//Canadian.
///Proud we sorted this out years ago up here.

Was Canada's process on this as nasty as ours is? I mean did you guys have a bunch of religious f*ckwits with enough power to make things this stupidly difficult?


Not even close. There were a few protests, but Prime Minister Chretien basically said "We want to do this thing the gay marriages, so to do that we need to go to the Canada Supremes to get the opinions for the decision so that will be made the government OK with making the law to make the gays and lesbians getting their marriages in Canada".

Some churches got uppity, but the Supreme Court explicitly stated that they may refuse to perform gay marriages on religious grounds. I myself have performed a gay marriage and it was wonderful. The hall was packed and it felt like any other wedding....except I was more proud somehow to be involved in that one.

/Also an ordained minister with the United Church of Canada
2012-05-11 09:57:50 AM  
1 votes:
Oddly enough, it WILL force folks to realize that not all churches consider Leviticus to be paramount, and that is shocking to some folks, but there's freedom of religion for you...

lh5.googleusercontent.com
2012-05-11 09:28:39 AM  
1 votes:
did closetmitter achieve release when writing this headline?
2012-05-11 09:27:11 AM  
1 votes:
Sweet. I'm all excited to marry my three women and a goat.
2012-05-11 09:25:41 AM  
1 votes:

SilentStrider:
Well, if I must. I hope I can still wear jeans at least.


Of course you can, they're just going to be much tighter now.
2012-05-11 09:17:10 AM  
1 votes:
Pat Buchanan comparing this to Antietam? I'm confused, he thinks being compared to the Confederacy is a good thing?
2012-05-11 09:11:38 AM  
1 votes:

JerseyTim: Will I have to divorce my wife and get gay married? If so, I call dibbs on Jon Hamm.


You don't understand, if gay marriage is legalized that means all marriage is legal. Including polygamy. You can marry your dog and your couch cushions (you dirty adulterer, you).

I, personally am going to use my forced gay marriage to find a nice rich sugar daddy to support me and my current wife. That way I can stay home and play Diablo 3.
2012-05-11 09:08:58 AM  
1 votes:
Thank god. My dating success lately has been awful.
2012-05-11 08:58:43 AM  
1 votes:
If I get forced to gay marry Ryan Gosling I am totally cool with this.
2012-05-11 08:55:34 AM  
1 votes:
So which Supreme Court justice is he going to have assassinated to replace them with the libbiest lib judge that ever libbed?
2012-05-11 08:51:00 AM  
1 votes:
What exactly IS being forced on America?

I mean, right now, conservative christian bigotry is being forced on us all. And, since we're not a theocracy, we really do need to remove that.
 
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