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(Slate)   "Dark Shadows will remind you why you once liked Johnny Depp"   (slate.com) divider line 89
    More: Unlikely, Johnny Depp, Danny Elfman, Rocky Horror Picture Show, sight gags, Michelle Pfeiffer, soundstage, Fest Magazine, Laugh-In  
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3448 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 11 May 2012 at 11:05 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-11 01:18:47 PM  

Sybarite: I kind of wish Depp would find his inner rebel again, the one that made him pass up all the heartthrob roles he was being offered after 21 Jump Street and do some amazing films that were wildly different. It feels like he's been stuck in a rut for most of the last decade, constantly returning to the same characters or some mild variation thereof.


When you are being buried under dumpsters full of cash for doing things like Pirates of the Carribean I think that you can be excused for perhaps not working so hard and taking the time to enjoy life. If you are not performing to your full artistic potential (whatever that is) then so what? I try to remember that all movies are not art, some of them are just mindless entertainment. I need a little of that in my life too.
 
2012-05-11 01:25:07 PM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: orclover: grinding_journalist: Prometheus, on he other hand, would NOT work as a PG13, much as the new Pixar flick wouldn't work as an "R".

If Pixar made a R rated animation flick then the next sound you would hear is the thunderous clap as thousands of Japanese Animation studious sphincters slammed shut. A R rated version of Pixar's imagination spewed onto the screen would start a new art industry over night in America.
It would be this:
[www.cyberpunkreview.com image 640x360]
on a lethal cocktail of steroids and LSD...

I'll be the first to say it: Heavy Metal the movie sucked. Like, Ralph Bakshi's 'Wizards' sucked. Two cartoons on the verge of greatness destroyed by a lack of a truly cohesive plot. Great if you were there; suck if you were born after.


i can see how it isn't for everyone, but to say it "sucked" is pretty far from the truth. PARTS of it aren't as good as is should be. The good stories remain excellent.
 
2012-05-11 01:32:24 PM  

SweetSilverBlues:

It was very dark and took itself very seriously.

It was a vampire based soap opera. While hysterically campy to some, it is not, in and of itself, funny or meant to be.

But I suppose I shouldn't worry. In 20 years we'll get the Tim Burton Vampire Diaries starring Johnny Depp, Jim Carrey and Will Ferrel.

With lots of Botox.


ExperianScaresCthulhu: alwaysjaded: Honest question to Dark Shadows fans (the T.V. show). Was the T.V. show kinda campy and light hearted like the movie looks like or was it darker and more serious?

Can't speak to the original, but the 90's remake was horrible and creepy - in the same way Twilight and Fifty Shades of Suck are horrible and creepy. The rich vampire dude who is willing to kill for you and kill you while controlling your life and becoming angry when he can't control it must be a damned irresistible fantasy for many, many women.

The only good part of the 90s remake was Adrian Paul. they could have built an entire series around him. but then, he wasn't a horrible, creepy, controlling millionaire willing to act irrationally and violent in the name of 'love'.


I guess that's what has been bothering me about the previews. I've never seen more than 5 minutes of the show while flipping past whatever that all horror channel is on DirectTV but I never remember it being like The Addams Family.
To me it's like seeing a preview of a movie for Law and Order where the lawyers are cracking jokes and putting makeup on the corpses. It just seemed off.

For the record, I have nothing against Depp or Burton. It's a big world, there's enough room for most every kind of entertainment.
 
2012-05-11 01:35:02 PM  
My question is: how does Johnny Depp manage to look so good despite being almost 50?
 
2012-05-11 01:37:24 PM  

frepnog: ExperianScaresCthulhu: orclover: grinding_journalist: Prometheus, on he other hand, would NOT work as a PG13, much as the new Pixar flick wouldn't work as an "R".

If Pixar made a R rated animation flick then the next sound you would hear is the thunderous clap as thousands of Japanese Animation studious sphincters slammed shut. A R rated version of Pixar's imagination spewed onto the screen would start a new art industry over night in America.
It would be this:
[www.cyberpunkreview.com image 640x360]
on a lethal cocktail of steroids and LSD...

I'll be the first to say it: Heavy Metal the movie sucked. Like, Ralph Bakshi's 'Wizards' sucked. Two cartoons on the verge of greatness destroyed by a lack of a truly cohesive plot. Great if you were there; suck if you were born after.

i can see how it isn't for everyone, but to say it "sucked" is pretty far from the truth. PARTS of it aren't as good as is should be. The good stories remain excellent.


The parts were not greater than the whole, though, and I think I know the story which almost saved the mess (it wasn't the Taarna crap).

They had an idea.. that whole glowing green orb of whatever, and built up like 4 different stories around the glowing green orb of whatever which had ZERO to do with each other. Heavy Metal the movie was an anthology, which ended on the corny-but-classically-70s-and-80s 'you can be taarna too!' note at the very end. Instead of an anthology showcasing different studios cartoon styles with a flimsy mcguffin at the middle, every studio doing their own thing with the green glowing orb of whatever and what they thought it should meant.

Fk that. make a cohesive story from the beginning, tell each studio they are to do one part of the story instead of making their own shiat up, and then we've got four truly bound together stories which make sense, make something deeper, when viewed together.
 
2012-05-11 01:41:34 PM  

FarkedOver: I'm waiting for the Armond White review. I will make up my mind then.


It's got bad reviews so he will give it a glowing one.
 
2012-05-11 01:46:51 PM  

orclover: grinding_journalist: Prometheus, on he other hand, would NOT work as a PG13, much as the new Pixar flick wouldn't work as an "R".

If Pixar made a R rated animation flick then the next sound you would hear is the thunderous clap as thousands of Japanese Animation studious sphincters slammed shut. A R rated version of Pixar's imagination spewed onto the screen would start a new art industry over night in America.
It would be this:
[www.cyberpunkreview.com image 640x360]
on a lethal cocktail of steroids and LSD...


Your image was too hot for me to see, but from the comments I presume you're talking about Heavy Metal.

How about a Pixar-animated Akira remake, instead of the stupid one they're doing?

Could also try Snow Crash or The Diamond Age, but I feel like those would be better as "traditional" 2d anime.
 
2012-05-11 02:04:23 PM  
www.deppimpact.com

I very much doubt it.
 
2012-05-11 02:09:13 PM  

I_C_Weener: This movie looks awful.


I don't care what anyone says. It is better to be on the offensive at all times against mean and evil than not. It reduces the number of mean people. It's like terrorists. You can't appease them. You have to kill them.
 
2012-05-11 02:11:37 PM  

fisker: I_C_Weener: This movie looks awful.

I don't care what anyone says. It is better to be on the offensive at all times against mean and evil than not. It reduces the number of mean people. It's like terrorists. You can't appease them. You have to kill them.


What the fark, man? What the fark?
 
2012-05-11 04:03:38 PM  
"Dark Shadows will remind you why you once liked are so damn tired of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton"
 
2012-05-11 04:12:40 PM  

Mugato


Depp can do 10 more movies with Burton under a ton of make-up and that won't change the fact that he was in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. So free pass.


Donnie Brasco, too.
 
2012-05-11 04:25:18 PM  
Maybe we'll get lucky, this might draw all the attention away from the glitter vampires and back to something more tolerable.
 
2012-05-11 04:33:28 PM  

Evil Mackerel: Maybe we'll get lucky, this might draw all the attention away from the glitter vampires and back to something more tolerable.


If Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 wasn't opening in November,I'd be just as-if not more-optimistic.
 
2012-05-11 04:34:52 PM  

Evil Mackerel: Maybe we'll get lucky, this might draw all the attention away from the glitter vampires and back to something more tolerable.


I'd take a crappy joke vampire over a glittery one any day.
 
2012-05-11 04:52:07 PM  
Tim Burton remakes Rocky Horror, Johnny Depp is Frank-N-Furter, Helena Bonham Carter is Magenta

Tim Burton remakes Little Shop of Horrors, Johnny Depp is Seymour, Helena Bonham Carter is Audrey.

Tim Burton remakes The Shining, Johnny Depp is Jack, Helena Bonham Carter is Wendy.

Tim Burton remakes The Nightmare Before Christmas, Johnny Depp is Jack Skellington, Helena Bonham Carter is Sally.

/I'd bet one or more of those has already been proposed.
 
2012-05-11 04:52:58 PM  
I am taking my Mom to see Dark Shadows for Mother's Day. So I hope it's a fun campy movie.

/also got her the Genisis greatest hits CD
 
2012-05-11 04:57:06 PM  

amindtat: "Dark Shadows will remind you why you once liked Johnny Depp need to take a seat right over there"

[www.blogofdarkshadows.com image 640x359]

/waiting in line around the block to get in the annex


If I had a legality countdown calendar, she'd be the pin-up. Some time in the last 6 months or so, she's gone from little girl to "how could she possibly be only 15?"

i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com

/future dirty old man
 
2012-05-11 05:13:28 PM  

100 Watt Walrus: amindtat: "Dark Shadows will remind you why you once liked Johnny Depp need to take a seat right over there"

[www.blogofdarkshadows.com image 640x359]

/waiting in line around the block to get in the annex

If I had a legality countdown calendar, she'd be the pin-up. Some time in the last 6 months or so, she's gone from little girl to "how could she possibly be only 15?"

[i.imgur.com image 429x594]
[i.imgur.com image 640x634]

/future dirty old man


She looks like an Olson Twin, and we all know how that countdown turned out.
 
2012-05-11 05:19:55 PM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: 100 Watt Walrus: amindtat: "Dark Shadows will remind you why you once liked Johnny Depp need to take a seat right over there"

[www.blogofdarkshadows.com image 640x359]

/waiting in line around the block to get in the annex

If I had a legality countdown calendar, she'd be the pin-up. Some time in the last 6 months or so, she's gone from little girl to "how could she possibly be only 15?"

[i.imgur.com image 429x594]
[i.imgur.com image 640x634]

/future dirty old man

She looks like an Olson Twin, and we all know how that countdown turned out.


Oh please...She resembles an Olsen about as much Denzel Washington resembles Wesley Snipes.
 
2012-05-11 06:08:01 PM  

Apos:

Oh please...She resembles an Olsen about as much Denzel Washington resembles Wesley Snipes.


I'm just gonna leave that alone...
 
2012-05-11 06:14:14 PM  

100 Watt Walrus: amindtat: "Dark Shadows will remind you why you once liked Johnny Depp need to take a seat right over there"

[www.blogofdarkshadows.com image 640x359]

/waiting in line around the block to get in the annex

If I had a legality countdown calendar, she'd be the pin-up. Some time in the last 6 months or so, she's gone from little girl to "how could she possibly be only 15?"

[i.imgur.com image 429x594]
[i.imgur.com image 640x634]

/future dirty old man


I just got back from seeing it. It wasn't great, but it wasn't that bad. If you're a fan of the old series, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and the rest of the cast, then I'd say it's worth a rental. Johnny Depp was really good. Eva Green was smoking. Pfeiffer still looks good. As for Chloe Moretz, have they finished the damn annex yet? I brought coffee and donuts.
 
2012-05-11 06:37:21 PM  
Saw the movie today. It was ok, but it doesn't even come close to capturing the vibe of the old series. Not sure that someone unfamiliar with the tv show would like this movie at all.

Someone asked about how the old show was perceived: The original came on tv before the movie Bram Stoker's Dracula, before Ann Rice and Twilight and True Blood. It was wonderfully scary and sexy to those of us who'd never seen any good vampire stories before. It was kind of funny to watch for the blown lines and production goofs too, but mostly people loved the show and took it seriously.

I still watch the original series from time to time. It gives me the warm fuzzies.
 
2012-05-11 06:47:14 PM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: orclover: grinding_journalist: Prometheus, on he other hand, would NOT work as a PG13, much as the new Pixar flick wouldn't work as an "R".

If Pixar made a R rated animation flick then the next sound you would hear is the thunderous clap as thousands of Japanese Animation studious sphincters slammed shut. A R rated version of Pixar's imagination spewed onto the screen would start a new art industry over night in America.
It would be this:
[www.cyberpunkreview.com image 640x360]
on a lethal cocktail of steroids and LSD...

I'll be the first to say it: Heavy Metal the movie sucked. Like, Ralph Bakshi's 'Wizards' sucked. Two cartoons on the verge of greatness destroyed by a lack of a truly cohesive plot. Great if you were there; suck if you were born after.


Can vouch for the "great if you were there" line. I first saw Heavy Metal at a midnight showing during high school. It may seem dated to you CGI-spoiled kiddies, but in 1982 it was the greatest thing to ever be shown on a movie screen. The whole theater reeked of pot so I imagine they sold a lot of popcorn at those midnight showings.

/love Johnny Depp in everything except Tim Burton films
 
2012-05-11 08:39:46 PM  

frepnog: point me to one scene that makes that evident in the original Burton Batfilms. Because all I ever see is Mr. Mom dressing up like Batman


Well I guess his entire performance.
 
2012-05-11 09:12:09 PM  

Apos: Depp is a very capable actor who simply prefers to quirky fop roles to more serious ones these days. It might not be everyone's cup of tea,but it certainly shouldn't engender hate. Polite disdain is okay,though.


This is where I am. He seems like a good, personable guy, who manages to avoid being a tabloid whore despite his worldwide fame (unlike, say, Clooney or Pitt), but I've never been a fan of the costumed clown characters that he seems so married to and that everyone else enjoys. Now Donnie Brasco? He was epic in that, very underrated performance when compared to his others. I would toss Blow in there, also.
 
2012-05-11 11:21:08 PM  
This looks like the absolutely WORST retake of Dark Shadows anyone could ever make. I will NOT be seeing it.
 
2012-05-11 11:37:56 PM  

caddisfly: ExperianScaresCthulhu: orclover: grinding_journalist: Prometheus, on he other hand, would NOT work as a PG13, much as the new Pixar flick wouldn't work as an "R".

If Pixar made a R rated animation flick then the next sound you would hear is the thunderous clap as thousands of Japanese Animation studious sphincters slammed shut. A R rated version of Pixar's imagination spewed onto the screen would start a new art industry over night in America.
It would be this:
[www.cyberpunkreview.com image 640x360]
on a lethal cocktail of steroids and LSD...

I'll be the first to say it: Heavy Metal the movie sucked. Like, Ralph Bakshi's 'Wizards' sucked. Two cartoons on the verge of greatness destroyed by a lack of a truly cohesive plot. Great if you were there; suck if you were born after.

Can vouch for the "great if you were there" line. I first saw Heavy Metal at a midnight showing during high school. It may seem dated to you CGI-spoiled kiddies, but in 1982 it was the greatest thing to ever be shown on a movie screen. The whole theater reeked of pot so I imagine they sold a lot of popcorn at those midnight showings.

/love Johnny Depp in everything except Tim Burton films


Its official, I am an old old man now.

/I guess get off my lawn......
 
2012-05-12 12:46:13 AM  

verbaltoxin: What I like most about the '89 Batman film is that it is so quotable. It's really an adaptation of the 60s TV show when you think about it. The characters spend most of their time vamping and making wise-cracks, the violence is pretty cartoony and the Joker is inexplicably possessed with all these Joker-faced gadgets, trucks and helicopters.

The main issue I have with the Nolan Batman movies is that when you try to make a superhero story too realistic, you all but abandon the point of having a superhero. He's just a crazy guy in a suit. A "real" superhero is a guy like Phoneix Gold up Seattle, and all he is is a poser with a costume and some pepper spray. So I prefer my comic book properties to be more like the Avengers - fantastic and unrealistic, but still grounded in humanity. I like the Nolan movies, but there is the sense of walking the tightrope so the movies don't get too realistic, lest you destroy the entire fantastic premise it's predicated upon.



And here I was told just this evening on Fark that Batman '89 had nothing in common with Batman '66

/vindication!
 
2012-05-12 01:05:12 AM  
Things I've learned from the Dark Shadows movie:

1. Michelle Pfeiffer is quite sexy. Her acting isn't bad either.

2. Eva Green as sultry femme fatale = WIN. MOAR,please!

3. Helena Bonham Carter was CRIMINALLY underutilized.

4. Chloe Grace Moretz apparently has superb birthing hips.

5. Tim Burton's brand of quirkiness is becoming tiresome.
 
2012-05-12 04:05:23 AM  

unlikely: Unlikely tag busy laughing at how closely this film matched that CollegeHumor video.

/Get me johnny depp and my wife on the phone
//I can't NOT do that...


lala-LALA-lala-LALA

BOM-bom-BOM-bom

deedly-DEEDLY-deedly-DEEDLY

YOUR GREATEST YET!
 
2012-05-12 06:01:03 AM  

Sybarite: I kind of wish Depp would find his inner rebel again, the one that made him pass up all the heartthrob roles he was being offered after 21 Jump Street and do some amazing films that were wildly different. It feels like he's been stuck in a rut for most of the last decade, constantly returning to the same characters or some mild variation thereof.


I don't think you realize how big the checks are.
 
2012-05-12 09:04:26 AM  
So there's a Dark Shadows remake marathon on Chiller right now, and as someone mentioned Adrian Paul, I thought I'd give it another try.

Ugh. Ben Cross is just as wooden and awful as I remember. And the girl playing Victoria just as insipid and trite. Still no sign of Adrian Paul. Ah well, Michael T. Weiss will do for now even if he is in a coma.
 
2012-05-12 09:36:54 AM  

SweetSilverBlues: So there's a Dark Shadows remake marathon on Chiller right now, and as someone mentioned Adrian Paul, I thought I'd give it another try.


Heh, I just turned it on. I think they're intentionally doing over dramatic soap opera acting. It's terrible.
 
2012-05-12 09:43:21 AM  

Mugato: SweetSilverBlues: So there's a Dark Shadows remake marathon on Chiller right now, and as someone mentioned Adrian Paul, I thought I'd give it another try.

Heh, I just turned it on. I think they're intentionally doing over dramatic soap opera acting. It's terrible.


"I think you need...more sun..."

DUUUUUUN-DAH-NAAAAAAAA

Hee hee hee!

It's not the melodrama that bothers me, it's Dark Shadows, but the two leads are just horrid!

Jean Simmons is a nice plus. Moar Jean!
 
2012-05-12 11:49:39 AM  

Jake Havechek: I blame Edward Scissorhands. Depp was born to play that roll, so that is what he will be cast as from now on.

See: Malcolm McDowall.


Didn't read through the comments...what was the name of said doc?
 
2012-05-12 09:02:23 PM  

Mugato: verbaltoxin: I don't hate Tim Burton films (Quite the opposite in some cases). His last several though have stuck to formula and he doesn't seem to have the same, subversive and surreal wit he used to have with past films. His best stuff lately are things he's written and/or produced, but not directed.

People hate on Burton's Batman because it seems so campy compared to the gritty crime drama that the new films are but I always dug his gothic German expressionist version of Gotham city over "Chicago" in the Nolan films. And casting a wispy comedic actor like Michael Keaton was inspired, IMO. No, it had nothing to do with the muscle bound ninja that Batman was supposed to be and that was what was cool about it. Burton's Batman had nothing to do with the comic book version. He was a guy out of his league physically but did his shiat anyway.

And Burton did a lot better job of making Bruce Wayne a broken, mentally unhinged individual. Nolan's Wayne has none of that. He could be a regular cop except for the costume. There's a lot more to be said about Burton's Batman than he's given credit for.

And the Batmobile is a lot cooler, if less practical.


I enjoyed the Burton Batman.
That Bale guy just sounds like he has to poop really bad.
 
2012-05-13 01:48:14 AM  

tony41454: This looks like the absolutely WORST retake of Dark Shadows anyone could ever make. I will NOT be seeing it.


Well, that's a relief. I was thinking of not going to see it purely on the off chance of running into you and now I don't have to worry about it.

Thanks.

Depp and Carter are always good together and I'm interested to see how Michelle Pfeiffer plays off them.

Really enjoyed the Burton-Depp-Carter Alice in Wonderland collaboration.

Maybe it's an age thing. I was born in 1963 and would have been 8 when this went off air. Through the eyes of a kid back in that barren media landscape Barnabas was a notable stand out. Got to watch it cos my mom was a big fan of this and the "Ghost and Mrs Muir" series as well.
 
2012-05-13 02:14:33 AM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: orclover: grinding_journalist: Prometheus, on he other hand, would NOT work as a PG13, much as the new Pixar flick wouldn't work as an "R".

If Pixar made a R rated animation flick then the next sound you would hear is the thunderous clap as thousands of Japanese Animation studious sphincters slammed shut. A R rated version of Pixar's imagination spewed onto the screen would start a new art industry over night in America.
It would be this:
[www.cyberpunkreview.com image 640x360]
on a lethal cocktail of steroids and LSD...

I'll be the first to say it: Heavy Metal the movie sucked. Like, Ralph Bakshi's 'Wizards' sucked. Two cartoons on the verge of greatness destroyed by a lack of a truly cohesive plot. Great if you were there; suck if you were born after.


Fall into a black hole.
 
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