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(News Leader)   Yes, I'd like to have a hot dog, please, with extra proselytizing   (newsleader.com) divider line 86
    More: Asinine, hot dogs, image zoom  
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2673 clicks; posted to Politics » on 11 May 2012 at 10:12 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-11 08:55:26 AM
i196.photobucket.com
 
2012-05-11 09:25:13 AM
So you found a niche that works. Good for you. But I have to tell you it has more to do with marketing than Jesus.
 
2012-05-11 09:40:48 AM

Generation_D: [cmsimg.newsleader.com image 547x410]

I was certain this was either talking about the contents of the food, or it was one of those Westboro Baptist sign photoshop things.



I'll have the cake.
 
2012-05-11 09:53:11 AM
That's funny...I don't remember ordering the Christian Sandwich...and if I had I would remember, because if i was given the choice, I would totally order the Buddhist Pasta
 
2012-05-11 10:06:22 AM
Good thing I don't like religion or hot dogs so I don't have to go there. That and I have no clue where staunton is
 
2012-05-11 10:15:34 AM
startheory.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-05-11 10:16:17 AM
meh, there business. I actually appreciate if they do this, since it helps me decide to go somewhere else.
 
2012-05-11 10:16:55 AM

Forgot_my_password_again: meh, there business


dang, I will not post before coffee
 
2012-05-11 10:17:38 AM
There was a Christian themed restaurant near where I work. It didn't last long.

To be fair, I've no idea if the food was good or not, my only time in the place was during an intense discussion on the infallibility of the Pope. I just wanted lunch.

More customers will take exception to a Christian based restaurant than the number of Christian who'd take exception to a non-religion based restaurant. If you've ever eaten lunch at Swiss Chalet on a Sunday, you know full well Christians don't care.
 
2012-05-11 10:19:25 AM

HeartBurnKid: [startheory.files.wordpress.com image 488x367]


Came for this, thanks.
 
2012-05-11 10:20:45 AM
I always wondered what happened to Pastor Rod Flash -- "A Mighty Hot Dog is Our Lord."
 
2012-05-11 10:21:37 AM
So, hot dogs + religion = Politics tag?
 
2012-05-11 10:22:42 AM
I can't wait for the Muslim Pizza joint to open up across the street. Special: large pie with Allah toppings.
 
2012-05-11 10:22:44 AM

Forgot_my_password_again: meh, there business.


WhEre BusINEss
wHe-
 
2012-05-11 10:23:09 AM
When you put ketchup on your hot dog, Satan holds the ketchup bottle.
 
2012-05-11 10:24:15 AM

Dead for Tax Reasons: Good thing I don't like religion or hot dogs so I don't have to go there. That and I have no clue where staunton is


This. TWO FARKING LETTERS, Spencer Dennis - nowhere on that page am I informed as to what state this takes place in. There are probably Stauntons in several states, but for some reason, I'm thinking NC.

Also, this is the double-edged sword of worldwide social connectivity - on the one hand, it brings people with differing views closer together (I've seen a rational discussion or two here, even); but on the other hand, it can create ever-more-insular groups like the Christians mentioned by the owner in TFA who are so insecure about faith that they need their farking HOT DOG STAND to sell religious validation along with the processed pig anuses.
 
2012-05-11 10:25:11 AM
Man now I have the strongest craving for hot dogs for lunch. Sorry, intestines.
 
2012-05-11 10:26:39 AM
img189.imageshack.us
 
2012-05-11 10:27:43 AM
It's rare that I hear about a restaurant I have absolutely no interest in visiting.
 
2012-05-11 10:30:19 AM

Bloody William: It's rare that I hear about a restaurant I have absolutely no interest in visiting.


There are three businesses on a corner a few blocks from my house where each tries to outdo each other with idiotic christian themed quotes. I fine it remarkably easy to never stop at those businesses.
 
2012-05-11 10:30:45 AM
There's only one hot dog company I want involved with religion:
bphotdogs.com

I fear that the christian hot dog places will say that Jesus wanted rat feces and bug parts in the hot dogs.
 
2012-05-11 10:31:23 AM

Sybarite: Generation_D: [cmsimg.newsleader.com image 547x410]

I was certain this was either talking about the contents of the food, or it was one of those Westboro Baptist sign photoshop things.


I'll have the cake.


The cake is a lie.
 
2012-05-11 10:31:37 AM
From here: http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shiat out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shiat out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shiat out of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."
From the Desk of Karl

1. Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2. Use alcohol in moderation.
3. Kick the shiat out of people who aren't like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list Himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don't use alcohol.
10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shiat out of you.

Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shiat out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shiat out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
 
2012-05-11 10:31:48 AM
I still say I'm going to start up my own little greasy spoon some day just so I can make the Friday lunch special be, "$1.00 off the price of your lunch when you deny the divinity of Christ."
 
2012-05-11 10:32:24 AM
Why is this on the politics tab?
 
2012-05-11 10:33:08 AM
Sam's Hot Dog Stand across from the Staunton Mall is taking a chance - and a stance

Ooh, yeah. A brave stance! Proclaiming your Christianity in the Bible Belt! Gotta admire their courage.

/Staunton, VA
//Where I'm from (AL) businesses posting similar messages are a dime a dozen.
 
2012-05-11 10:33:17 AM
Meh, I don't get how this is a story at all, let alone one on the politics tab.

Our church does take out suppers from time to time. We include a piece of scripture on the take-out box. We don't push, or anything else, we figure if people come to us to buy take-out they pretty much know what to expect.

It's like anything else... don't like meat? Don't go to a steakhouse. Don't like smoke? Don't go to an establishment that allows it (are there any anymore?). If you don't like the sign, don't go to the place.

Now if it said "GOD WILL STRIKE U DOWN IF U DON'T EAT HERE!!!1!" then I would at least laugh.
 
2012-05-11 10:39:21 AM

drongozone: So, hot dogs + religion = Politics tag?


Fark caters to the US, where like the middle east, religion is really just a tool of the politicians, so it makes sense.

We've got Burger's Priest nearby - the guy running it is sincere with the religion, but it ends with bible quotes on the wall, and nobody cares, because

a) they make tasty burgers
b) it's Canada, namely Toronto, and the nutjobs are sparse enough around here that our nerves haven't been made raw by this kind of bullshiat
 
2012-05-11 10:41:03 AM
Wait. Are they saying that life and death come with sides? What kind of sides? Do you get a choice of sides as well? Can you get a life/death combo platter? How much are extra sides?
 
2012-05-11 10:42:31 AM
"Every day new people are signing up," Hover said of the directory, which has listings in all 50 states and includes Christiannon-Jewish attorneys, dentists, nail and hair salons, plumbers and mechanics. "What we're seeing is people are grouping. People want to know who has the same ideas, who has the same beliefs and values in their community.

You know who else etc..etc..
 
2012-05-11 10:44:59 AM

ArkAngel: That's funny...I don't remember ordering the Christian Sandwich...and if I had I would remember, because if i was given the choice, I would totally order the Buddhist Pasta


I usually just get the Dalai Lama hot weiner. Make me one with everything.
 
2012-05-11 10:46:16 AM

HeartBurnKid: [startheory.files.wordpress.com image 488x367]


Came to post this.

These people will have their rewards here on Earth, and forgo those in Heaven.
 
2012-05-11 10:48:30 AM
A classic hotdog is violating about half the food laws in Leviticus.

A hell of a lot more laws that a little old bum-sex is.
 
2012-05-11 10:50:37 AM

bigbadideasinaction: b) it's Canada, namely Toronto, and the nutjobs are sparse enough around here that our nerves haven't been made raw by this kind of bullshiat


Canuckistan & 'merikuh have different mission statements.

Puritans on Plymouth Rock: `Let's cram our religious beliefs down the throats of anyone unfortunate enough to cross our path!'

Hudson Bay Company stooge in Halifax: `Beaver hats for Euro-trash swells! That's what I'm talkin' aboot!'
 
2012-05-11 10:51:19 AM
Dammit, I hate it when my browser refuses to load pictures...
 
2012-05-11 10:56:11 AM
Funny, god thinks people deserve to eat pig snout and a-holes.
 
2012-05-11 10:56:19 AM
Life or Death sides? So, they sell food poisoning and undercooked chorizo?
 
2012-05-11 10:56:30 AM
So, are people really more likely to eat hot dogs when they didn't initially want hot dogs because Jesus, or are they more likely to eat else where because who wants to eat in a church? Also, aren't hot dogs a Discordian thing?
 
2012-05-11 11:02:39 AM

moriarty23: So, are people really more likely to eat hot dogs when they didn't initially want hot dogs because Jesus, or are they more likely to eat else where because who wants to eat in a church? Also, aren't hot dogs a Discordian thing?


Not at all. Christians love to put sausages in their mouths.
 
2012-05-11 11:10:09 AM
Is this like a guy hoping to get sex from a woman because she pities him?

"Our food may suck but because we are such nice Christians you should hold your nose and eat here"
 
2012-05-11 11:11:15 AM

moriarty23: So, are people really more likely to eat hot dogs when they didn't initially want hot dogs because Jesus, or are they more likely to eat else where because who wants to eat in a church? Also, aren't hot dogs a Discordian thing?


Not on BUNS! What are you, some kind of cabbage or something?
 
2012-05-11 11:12:57 AM

Bungles: A classic hotdog is violating about half the food laws in Leviticus.

A hell of a lot more laws that a little old bum-sex is.


Not mention;Have you ever glanced at the ingredients on a hot dog or a can of Spam Lite and wondered about an ingredient called "mechanically separated chicken" or "mechanically separated meat"? This type of meat is collected from animal carcasses after all the prime cuts of muscle have been removed.

In order to not waste the meat scraps still clinging to the bone, slaughterhouses remove the meat either by scraping, pressing or shaving the scraps off the bone, or by simply blasting it with pressurized air or water. The meat comes off in a reddish slurry, which is then mixed into low-grade meat products such as hot dogs and lunchmeat in order to bulk them up.

Eat up, Jesus loves you
 
2012-05-11 11:18:35 AM

meat0918: These people will have their rewards here on Earth, and forgo those in Heaven.


Sounds like a good deal to me, considering there's no heaven.

IXI Jim IXI: I usually just get the Dalai Lama hot weiner. Make me one with everything.


Nice.
 
2012-05-11 11:19:12 AM

TV's Vinnie: There's only one hot dog company I want involved with religion:
[bphotdogs.com image 352x253]

I fear that the christian hot dog places will say that Jesus wanted rat feces and bug parts in the hot dogs.


Those are some delicious dogs. They are spicier than regular hot dogs. Funny thing, I've been buying their dogs for years, and I have never felt the need to play with a driedle.
 
2012-05-11 11:19:33 AM
 
2012-05-11 11:23:01 AM

monoski: Bungles: A classic hotdog is violating about half the food laws in Leviticus.

A hell of a lot more laws that a little old bum-sex is.

Not mention;Have you ever glanced at the ingredients on a hot dog or a can of Spam Lite and wondered about an ingredient called "mechanically separated chicken" or "mechanically separated meat"? This type of meat is collected from animal carcasses after all the prime cuts of muscle have been removed.

In order to not waste the meat scraps still clinging to the bone, slaughterhouses remove the meat either by scraping, pressing or shaving the scraps off the bone, or by simply blasting it with pressurized air or water. The meat comes off in a reddish slurry, which is then mixed into low-grade meat products such as hot dogs and lunchmeat in order to bulk them up.

Eat up, Jesus loves you



Waste not, want not.


Also, dog food.
 
2012-05-11 11:24:49 AM
I don't understand th asinine tag. The restaurant is not being stealthy. Don't eat there if you don't like the message. Same reason some people boycott Chick-fil-a.
 
2012-05-11 11:25:08 AM

drongozone: So, hot dogs + religion = Politics tag?


Religion is politics, these days.
 
2012-05-11 11:30:30 AM
Nice, a directory to know where not to shop!
 
2012-05-11 11:42:50 AM
Sometimes when tubing the Comal on weekends, we've encountered a church group handing out free hot dogs about halfway through the float. No proselytizing, no nothing, just free food to a bunch of drunken tubers. That may well count as the most welcome charitable act performed by any church ever.

Apparently, hot dogs are the loaves and fishes of our time.
 
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