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(The Sun)   The 70-Year-Old Virgin   (thesun.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Interesting, The Voice, Roger Moore, eurovision, Greater Manchester  
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14608 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 May 2012 at 3:34 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



82 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2012-05-10 12:20:50 AM  
...but the cherry is rotten!
 
2012-05-10 12:23:53 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: ...but the cherry is rotten!


I think at that point, you just don't go for it and write "RETURNED UNOPENED" on the tombstone.
 
2012-05-10 12:25:40 AM  
She must be pretty damn tight
 
2012-05-10 12:56:26 AM  

cman: She must be pretty damn tight


And dry. Don't forget really dry.
 
2012-05-10 02:45:34 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: ...but the cherry is rotten!


Yeah, I don't wanna catch fruit flies from that.
 
2012-05-10 03:36:58 AM  
crates and crates of KY jelly.
 
2012-05-10 03:37:31 AM  
Career woman forgoes family and children

What a sad epitaph for the Women's Movement.
 
2012-05-10 03:39:32 AM  
Would I hit that? Depends.
 
2012-05-10 03:40:19 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: ...but the cherry is rotten!


Just dried up. Kind of like a raisin, but way more disturbing.
 
2012-05-10 03:43:09 AM  
I'll be happy to be her cherry popper.
 
2012-05-10 03:47:49 AM  

Eatin' Queer Fetuses for Jesus: Would I hit that? Depends.


The funny part about that joke is that it applies both to the very old and the very young
 
2012-05-10 03:49:56 AM  
70 is the new 55...
 
2012-05-10 03:50:39 AM  
Be a terribly sad day for me if I ever consider hitting a woman looking like that.
Not only would you be getting a woman far removed from physically desirable, anyone who decides at age 70 to try sex is bringing a big dose of weirdo in the package. Some guy somewhere will tap it. When he does he will displace her from the top of the 'Most Desperate Person in England' list.
 
2012-05-10 03:51:32 AM  
chtei.homestead.com

Maybe she should do a gig with these guys...
 
2012-05-10 03:57:38 AM  
more like crazin...
 
2012-05-10 03:58:57 AM  

Speedofdarkness: cman: She must be pretty damn tight

And dry. Don't forget really dry.


More like fossilized.
 
2012-05-10 04:01:55 AM  
Isn't Pat Roberson available?
I mean no sex prior to marriage - right?
 
2012-05-10 04:07:19 AM  
..She's a cabaret singer!
There's no better a metaphor for illusion right there.
 
2012-05-10 04:08:15 AM  

Yaxe: crates and crates of KY jelly.


Or this....a 55 gallon drum of lube.

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2012-05-10 04:09:05 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Career woman forgoes family and children

What a sad epitaph for the Women's Movement.


It's mainly newsworthy because her profession is essentially "stripper", albeit a very pretentious form of stripping. If she was an office manager or something and just never had time it would make enough sense that no one would find it remarkable, but when you make a career selling sex people tend to assume you've had some at some point.
 
2012-05-10 04:10:24 AM  
Dip her in a Sonic grease trap and bring her to my bunk.
 
2012-05-10 04:11:19 AM  
If you're 70, does she not look old? I'm 29 and the older I get, the less old people my age and up into their 40s look old to me.
 
2012-05-10 04:12:54 AM  
I think I became slightly less heterosexual after seeing her picture and having a terrible, terrible image flash through my brain.

Now I have to go replace that image with something about 50 years younger, and with a face that looks a little less like someone left a Halloween mask on hot pavement in the summer.
 
2012-05-10 04:22:24 AM  
Not even with my Thai tranny girlfriend's dick.
 
2012-05-10 04:35:25 AM  

swingerofbirches: If you're 70, does she not look old? I'm 29 and the older I get, the less old people my age and up into their 40s look old to me.


Works the other way too. High school girls look WAY younger now than 21 years ago (when I was in HS).
 
2012-05-10 04:36:24 AM  
Pam explained she does not believe in sex before marriage.

"My standards are still very high, though. I'm hoping to bag a tall, dark and handsome millionaire."

"I like to think I'd be a real catch."


Sounds to me like you're going to die a virgin, too.
 
2012-05-10 04:56:59 AM  
"My standards are still very high..."

lawl
 
2012-05-10 05:02:56 AM  
What a cunning stunt
 
2012-05-10 05:10:07 AM  
And that dark and handsome millionaire seeks an experienced 20 year old.
 
2012-05-10 05:14:51 AM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I think at that point, you just don't go for it and write "RETURNED UNOPENED" on the tombstone.


Ho Ho! Just like that guy posted in the comments...

/You're not having that one
 
2012-05-10 05:15:27 AM  
i.imgur.com

Thou shalt not pass.
 
2012-05-10 05:44:31 AM  
That's OK - neither does that saber you're rattling, Ivan.
Cold wars aren't all bad. I grew up during one, and I'm here to tell you that guys brandishing weapons they are too scared to use at each other beats the shiat out of them actually chucking those weapons at each other.
Civilized men with something to lose don't scare me any more.
There are other kinds of men in the world now.
 
2012-05-10 05:47:28 AM  
img.thesun.co.uk

Anyone else think she looks like Phyllis Diller in better days?
 
2012-05-10 05:51:06 AM  

jso2897: That's OK - neither does that saber you're rattling, Ivan.
Cold wars aren't all bad. I grew up during one, and I'm here to tell you that guys brandishing weapons they are too scared to use at each other beats the shiat out of them actually chucking those weapons at each other.
Civilized men with something to lose don't scare me any more.
There are other kinds of men in the world now.


wat
 
2012-05-10 06:24:14 AM  
Virgins. Bringing self importance to a whole new plateau.
 
2012-05-10 06:25:19 AM  
Gimme some KY and I'll treat her to the best two minutes of her life.
 
462
2012-05-10 06:27:50 AM  
So some stuck up jerk, who thinks the sun rises and sets in her pants is finally willing to settle? Die a virgin you self important twit!
 
2012-05-10 06:28:19 AM  
I would have hit that, back in the days of her youth. Now, though, I think that I would much rather be a born again virgin than to be the first to tap that well.
 
2012-05-10 06:28:24 AM  
The sun should never go there. I thank god every day that when my wife and I are that old, she'll think I'm sexy because of my brain and I'll think she's sexy because of hers.

/not a schmaltzy soliloquy
//legally blind since birth
 
2012-05-10 06:30:27 AM  
I call bullshiat on this. She is just trying to get attention. And by that I mean, she wants to get laid. Again.

//Sorry, I have nothing funny to contribute.
///I'm quite sure this is a load of malarkey.
////okay, well, malarkey is a pretty funny word.
 
2012-05-10 06:32:08 AM  

7th Son of a 7th Son: Yaxe: crates and crates of KY jelly.

Or this....a 55 gallon drum of lube.

[ecx.images-amazon.com image 500x500]


Fun story. When the filmed the movie Frankenstein in 1994 with Robert De Niro the special effects guys were trying to come up with the "goo" that was in the tank where Frankenstein was born. They wanted something that just "looked right." The final solution that they came up with involved KY Jelly. A lot of KY Jelly. 1 ton of KY Jelly. I would have loved to have been the person to place that order.
 
2012-05-10 06:33:49 AM  
Yuk. There's a reason people in their 70's don't have sex. Look in a mirror for fark's sake.
 
2012-05-10 06:53:34 AM  
Pam explained she does not believe in sex before marriage.


It exists. Take my word for it.
 
2012-05-10 07:03:02 AM  
She's as much a virgin as I am a 25 year old Adonis.

AW with attitude and needing to get laid.
 
2012-05-10 07:05:56 AM  
Man, Cyndi Lauper is looking a bit rough these days.

img.thesun.co.uk
 
2012-05-10 07:09:48 AM  
I like how they thrown in a photo of Tom Jones in the article as if he had anything to do with her lack of action.
 
2012-05-10 07:11:31 AM  

kokomo61: Man, Cyndi Lauper is looking a bit rough these days.

[img.thesun.co.uk image 266x338]


"I wave my crooked, arthritic finger at you. No, no. no! Bad boy! You ain't getting any of THIS!" And, yeah, I'm sort of fine with that.
 
2012-05-10 07:17:27 AM  
Slut
 
2012-05-10 07:27:12 AM  
I want to throw any woman who unabashedly says she will only fark a millionaire into a volcano. You are a vapid, tactless, cackling sow. Have a little subtlety! On what planet is this an okay thing to say out loud? I know women have a natural inclination to feel that way, but keep that part to yourself. If a man stands up and says "I am only interested in women in their 20s with huge tits and skinny waists," he is going to catch hell for being superficial.
 
2012-05-10 07:48:29 AM  

Tommy Moo: I want to throw any woman who unabashedly says she will only fark a millionaire into a volcano. You are a vapid, tactless, cackling sow. Have a little subtlety! On what planet is this an okay thing to say out loud? I know women have a natural inclination to feel that way, but keep that part to yourself. If a man stands up and says "I am only interested in women in their 20s with huge tits and skinny waists," he is going to catch hell for being superficial.


I dunno. The older I get, the more I appreciate the honest approach. It would save me a great deal of time if my dates simply told me up front what my average income had to be to date them, or better yet just have me write a one time check. Skips the whole bit where she winds up inspecting my car, my house, and asking far too many questions about what I do for a living.

Pro tip for the ladies, however. When you are dating for the money and the status, it only works as long as you have your looks and can be charming on a date..

Huh. Apparently 21st century dating has made me a bit of a jerk.
 
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