I Feel Fantastic - Jonathan Coulton
listen
I get up early when the sleeping pill wakes me
I take a wake up pill and fill with energy
I power on hard and I check my messages
But I don't have any messages
I take a driving pill and head to my car
I drive around a bit cuz work isn't very far
I call my phone and I check my messages
But I don't have any messages

All I know is driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription
All I know is the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful

I feel fantastic
And I never felt as good as how I do right now
Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
When I felt the way that I do right now, right now.
I feel fantastic
And I never felt as good as how I do right now
Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.

Work is anything but quiet these days
I try to medicate my concentration haze
I can see the day unfold in front of me
So I take the stairs and hit the gym
The phone is ringing when I get to my desk
What was a stinging's now a sharp pain in my chest
So I take a Calminex and just chill
And then it's time for lunch again

All I know is work is easy when you don't stress out about deadlines
All I know is I take my medicine I always take my medicine.

And I feel fantastic
And I never felt as good as how I do right now
Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.
I feel fantastic
And I never felt as good as how I do right now
Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now. (6 right now's that fade out)

Sometimes I'd like to slow things down
And enjoy the moment
But when I look the moment's gone

Work is over but I can't stay to work late
Got to leave and get ready for my second date
With a pretty girl that I met at the pharmacy
Right in the prescription line
I take a pill for my social anxiety
I get a table and a nice bottle of chablis
Now it's getting late and there's still no sign of her
I have another glass of wine

All I know is the wine lasts longer when you don't gotta share it with someone
All I know is the steak tastes better when I take my steak tastes better pill

And I feel fantastic
And I never felt as good as how I do right now
Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
When I felt the way that I do right now, right now.
And I feel fantastic
And I never felt as good as how I do right now
Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.

Superjoe: Drugs are bad.

Mmmmkay?

LavenderWolf: bunner: Marine1: jjwars1: There's a reason we invaded Afghanistan, the worlds #1 producer of opiates used in painkillers, and it wasn't to get the bad guys.

Conspiracy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

Any time you see yourself smirking and thinking "conspiracy theory", just say "business plan" instead. You'd be amazed at how much less tinfoil hatty things look.

Yeah I'm still a little iffy on the chemtrail business model.

Big bottled water is deep into the DHMO in the sky thing. One might even go so far as they want it in damned near everything from battery acid to baby food.

dotSylvia: I've got a migraine that isn't responding to pansy UK painkillers. I would currently sell my soul for something stronger.

Are you allergic to triptans? I tried using triptans (Zomig, Axert, etc.) for migraines but ended up feeling horrible every time. It wasn't pain like a migraine but my heart raced, I was extremely nauseous, and I couldn't function. My neurologist finally broke down and gave me a Vicodin script instead- 20/month, no early refills. Vicodin works and I have no side effects. It's also about 1/20th the cost of migraine meds. I can see how they become addicting, but at 20 pills per month I don't really have that problem.

Guess I'm a good example of why opiate prescriptions are so high in the US. Then again, thanks to the meds I can run my business and pay my taxes instead of missing work or claiming disability. If the doctors prescribing the meds do it responsibly there shouldn't be such a big problem.

caddisfly: Guess I'm a good example of why opiate prescriptions are so high in the US. Then again, thanks to the meds I can run my business and pay my taxes instead of missing work or claiming disability. If the doctors prescribing the meds do it responsibly there shouldn't be such a big problem.

Nah, sounds like you're a good example of a good candidate to prescribe an opiate to.

"I got a pocket full of crumpled bills and a stomach full of different pills."

Because heroin isn't legal?

/dude, you can never catch the dragon

bidness: Why do people get so uptight and moralistic at the thought of someone else getting jollies off a pill?

Idolatry.

Pharmdawg: Rasraf Mekerk: This is why I don't prescribe narcotic pain meds. If your pain is that bad then you need to see a pain specialist.

/doctor

We've got "pain specialists" out the wazoo writing for relatively normal and also elephant-killing doses of narcs around here. Some may be legit I can't fill any of those without wondering when DEA will show up and fark us over.

/pharmacist

Maybe you should become a doctor instead of a drug and cigarette dealer.

HAMMERTOE: Could it possibly have anything to do with the fact that the U.S. is the only country where Big Pharma is allowed to market directly to the consumer. No? Ask your doctor if Viagra is right for you.

/If Cialis really works, why are they in SEPARATE TUBS???/

I asked my brigade pharmacist about Levitra one day (quoting the commercial, which I hadn't seen it months at least) when I was inventorying the controlled substances. He said I don't need it and he wasn't really sure why it was part of his stock. The opiates and amphetamines on the other hand had valid medical uses that were easily explained. (Our veterinarian actually used the most controlled substances. You can't save all the strays.)

jjwars1: bunner: Feral Duhbya: heroine

CujoQuarrel: Heroine used to be legal. It's actually a brand name from Bayer that they lost the rights to (think Aspirin). It stands for Heroic Pain Reliever I think .

jjwars1: That includes illegal drugs like opium and heroine as well.

There isn't an E in heroin.

I know. That was sent from my iPhone. It can be difficult to type on a 3" surface with arthritic thumbs.

You sound like you might need some pain medicine...

My two best friends are "addicted" to that bullshiat. Both are HIGHLY intelligent!
I tell to just quit that stupid shiat, but they won't do it. Unfathomable.

torusXL: jjwars1: Yes, organic is a marketing buzz word. It also refers to a more environmentally friendly way of producing products we consume, or a more natural way of producing them. It has nothing to do with my opinion.

That sounds great to me.

I was only referring to the anti-science crazies who think that a chemical has some mystical quality if it came from a plant as opposed to a lab synthesis (some people even think that if the same exact chemical came from a lab instead of a plant that the plant "version" is better. Even if it's the SAME FUGGIN THING)

There are definitely plants that make very useful chemicals. And maybe some plants make them more easily than we know how to. I'm not on one side of the issue or the other about organics, I just wish people would drop ideologies and look at reality (btw not saying that you're not). Is that so much to ask?

Gotcha.

Legit pain patients being treated like criminals honestly sucks. Some doctors (including my own father) are real gunshy when it comes to prescribing narcotic pain medication and for damn good reason. People lie about seeing other doctors, stockpile previous prescriptions and leave out other medications they're currently taking.

I have no issue with pain patients who use narcotic drugs to improve quality of life. Zero. I do have a problem with the Doctor Feelgoods or the scumbags who operated the fly-by-night "pain management" clinics in South Florida (I'm almost certain the DEA finally got around with shutting those places down). The drugs you can get from the pharmacy counter are now as addictive and powerful as the shiat on the street. And easier for kids to get their hands on and abuse. It's also much more appealing to middle/higher class drug abusers who don't want to go to the big scary inner city to buy drugs.

But, medical marijuana is still illegal on a federal level. Because THOSE are the people who just want to get high.

jjwars1: HoozierDaddy: bunner: RDixon: We don't use 80% of the world's pain killers.

But it said so on the internet.

80% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

It's 80% of the global opiate supply, meaning they aren't counting just opiate based painkillers. That includes illegal drugs like opium and heroine as well. The number has been widely cited. Do you have anything that says otherwise?

Is the person questioning a statistic supposed to provide evidence or is the proponent of it supposed to? TFA offers no link, and "been widely cited" is not exactly persuasive. Peer-reviewed journal link, please?

jjwars1: torusXL: jjwars1: Yes, organic is a marketing buzz word. It also refers to a more environmentally friendly way of producing products we consume, or a more natural way of producing them. It has nothing to do with my opinion.

That sounds great to me.

I was only referring to the anti-science crazies who think that a chemical has some mystical quality if it came from a plant as opposed to a lab synthesis (some people even think that if the same exact chemical came from a lab instead of a plant that the plant "version" is better. Even if it's the SAME FUGGIN THING)

There are definitely plants that make very useful chemicals. And maybe some plants make them more easily than we know how to. I'm not on one side of the issue or the other about organics, I just wish people would drop ideologies and look at reality (btw not saying that you're not). Is that so much to ask?

Gotcha.

Ah, reality.

PiffMan420: Legit pain patients being treated like criminals honestly sucks. Some doctors (including my own father) are real gunshy when it comes to prescribing narcotic pain medication and for damn good reason. People lie about seeing other doctors, stockpile previous prescriptions and leave out other medications they're currently taking.

I have no issue with pain patients who use narcotic drugs to improve quality of life. Zero. I do have a problem with the Doctor Feelgoods or the scumbags who operated the fly-by-night "pain management" clinics in South Florida (I'm almost certain the DEA finally got around with shutting those places down). The drugs you can get from the pharmacy counter are now as addictive and powerful as the shiat on the street. And easier for kids to get their hands on and abuse. It's also much more appealing to middle/higher class drug abusers who don't want to go to the big scary inner city to buy drugs.
.

Yep, those pharmacies sell some addictive shiat.

Cigarettes and gambling.

They are not your friend.

PiffMan420: Legit pain patients being treated like criminals honestly sucks. Some doctors (including my own father) are real gunshy when it comes to prescribing narcotic pain medication and for damn good reason. People lie about seeing other doctors, stockpile previous prescriptions and leave out other medications they're currently taking.

I have no issue with pain patients who use narcotic drugs to improve quality of life. Zero. I do have a problem with the Doctor Feelgoods or the scumbags who operated the fly-by-night "pain management" clinics in South Florida (I'm almost certain the DEA finally got around with shutting those places down). The drugs you can get from the pharmacy counter are now as addictive and powerful as the shiat on the street. And easier for kids to get their hands on and abuse. It's also much more appealing to middle/higher class drug abusers who don't want to go to the big scary inner city to buy drugs.

But, medical marijuana is still illegal on a federal level. Because THOSE are the people who just want to get high.

This is why my mother and fiance are very truthful with every doctor they see. All the doctors know about each other and about all the medications. My fiance does smoke cannabis yet at the same time he does have some serious medical issues,glaucoma/epilepsy/cervical spinal stenosis. No matter if he goes to the ER or to the neurosurgeon he saw earlier this week we stay honest with them,if it helps any he's very sensitive to opiates/opioids anyways. Better to be safe than sorry. My mother on the other hand has high blood pressure,type 2 diabetes which is well controlled with medication,a birth defect in her brain and spinal/hip issues. She receives narcotic pain medication,anxiety medication,migraine medication,blood pressure pills,thyroid pills and I could probably go on forever. I believe if cannabis didn't have such a stigma and if she didn't have to do a piss test every month before she can receive her meds she wouldn't have to be taking that many narcotics. But what do I know?

A Terrible Human: PiffMan420: Legit pain patients being treated like criminals honestly sucks. Some doctors (including my own father) are real gunshy when it comes to prescribing narcotic pain medication and for damn good reason. People lie about seeing other doctors, stockpile previous prescriptions and leave out other medications they're currently taking.

I have no issue with pain patients who use narcotic drugs to improve quality of life. Zero. I do have a problem with the Doctor Feelgoods or the scumbags who operated the fly-by-night "pain management" clinics in South Florida (I'm almost certain the DEA finally got around with shutting those places down). The drugs you can get from the pharmacy counter are now as addictive and powerful as the shiat on the street. And easier for kids to get their hands on and abuse. It's also much more appealing to middle/higher class drug abusers who don't want to go to the big scary inner city to buy drugs.

But, medical marijuana is still illegal on a federal level. Because THOSE are the people who just want to get high.

This is why my mother and fiance are very truthful with every doctor they see. All the doctors know about each other and about all the medications. My fiance does smoke cannabis yet at the same time he does have some serious medical issues,glaucoma/epilepsy/cervical spinal stenosis. No matter if he goes to the ER or to the neurosurgeon he saw earlier this week we stay honest with them,if it helps any he's very sensitive to opiates/opioids anyways. Better to be safe than sorry. My mother on the other hand has high blood pressure,type 2 diabetes which is well controlled with medication,a birth defect in her brain and spinal/hip issues. She receives narcotic pain medication,anxiety medication,migraine medication,blood pressure pills,thyroid pills and I could probably go on forever. I believe if cannabis didn't have such a stigma and if she didn't have to do a piss test every month before she can receive her meds she wouldn't hav ...

Well, that's why you are here.

Good luck, we're all counting on you.

That guy is full of shiat. 90 percocets would probably contain almost 30 grams of tylenol (at least) and he would be dead. Maybe he was taking that much oxycodone, but he was not taking that much percocet.

StoPPeRmobile: Well, that's why you are here.

Good luck, we're all counting on you.

Lol are you trolling me? I can't even tell anymore.

cryinoutloud: SandMann: Maybe the US does a better job of managing pain than anyone else.
What the hell do they do in the rest of the world for pain control?
Still no cure for cancer.

I wonder what poor people in the U.S. do for pain control, since they can't afford to go to the doctor and pay for expensive drugs?

Americans are a miserable farking bunch and we take drugs to forget about it. But keep telling yourself that we're the greatest country EVAR, USA USA USA!

Aside from the doctor visit, most narcotic pain pills are some of the cheapest pills to get. I think I paid $13 at Costco for 60 Lortabs, (generic) didn't bother with the insurance, it would've cost more for the pricing structure.

CSB: I moved to Indiana recently with my mother from Mississppi. In MS, she was on Medicare and received something like 13 scripts a month. When we moved to IN, she didn't qualify for Medicare for many months, so she didn't receive any of her medicines. Her health got better... a lot better. To steal a phrase from my late grandmother, I think she was living to take the pills, not taking the pills to live.

Zimmy: CSB: I moved to Indiana recently with my mother from Mississppi. In MS, she was on Medicare and received something like 13 scripts a month. When we moved to IN, she didn't qualify for Medicare for many months, so she didn't receive any of her medicines. Her health got better... a lot better. To steal a phrase from my late grandmother, I think she was living to take the pills, not taking the pills to live.

Anecdotal evidence FTW.

Everyone, stop taking your medicine immediately, you'll get better!

For all those who think painkillers aren't necessary, I'll give you my kidney stones and a standard over-the-counter dose of Advil and see how long it is until you're curled up in a fetal position with the dry heaves. Sometime pain management is needed.

Other times, such as just for being old, it isn't. An oxy script for my hypochondriac grandmother is the doc's way of saying "gtfo and come back in 2 months".