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(Connecticut Post)   Cop: "Sir, could you step out of the car, please?" Driver: "Uhhh... no speako Englisho"   (ctpost.com ) divider line 49
    More: Dumbass, UHHH  
•       •       •

14850 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 May 2012 at 5:51 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2012-05-09 05:48:06 PM  
Yes sir no sir OK OK hot dog.
 
2012-05-09 05:58:54 PM  
No no, hate the Americanos. I spit on them (spits). El Scummo. Scum!

(bewildered look)... Et vous Francais? (Are you French?)
 
2012-05-09 05:58:55 PM  
Do what I do: Toss a donut out the window and take off. I ain't had a cop chase after me yet...
 
2012-05-09 06:05:26 PM  
The war on drugs is such the silliness of this.
 
2012-05-09 06:07:11 PM  
Sir, could you step out of the car, please?"

Driver: "Uhhh... no speako Englisho

Cop " el paso del coche "

Driver "What you say officer ? "
 
2012-05-09 06:08:02 PM  
Jose can you see the words that are coming out of my mouth?
 
2012-05-09 06:10:21 PM  

For you illegal immigrant Farkers:


"La sustancia, acondicionado para su venta calle, el campo dio positivo por cocaína, dijo la policía. Vila se llevó a cabo durante toda la noche con una fianza de 20.000 dólares y está previsto que sea procesado el miércoles en la Corte Superior de Bridgeport."

 
2012-05-09 06:10:59 PM  
no speako Englisho

Fine then, after your sentence we'll just deport you.
 
2012-05-09 06:12:27 PM  
Maybe the bag the officer picked up off the ground didn't belong to the motorist. If the camera shows it being thrown out of the window, then "guilty". If camera footage shows something else, or there is no camera footage, then "not guilty". A cop's word is of no greater value than that of the suspect, particularly lacking a third party to back it up.
 
2012-05-09 06:16:02 PM  
My brother and his friend were riding the train dirty in Germany one night, they were both drunk. A cop walked up to ask to see their passes, and my bro's buddy says, 'I don't speak english.' And the cop goes with this heavy german accent, 'don't worry, i do.'
 
2012-05-09 06:16:16 PM  
 
2012-05-09 06:20:59 PM  
"Uhhh... no speako Englisho"


Italian is such a beautiful language.
 
2012-05-09 06:23:53 PM  

skinink: For you illegal immigrant Farkers:
"La sustancia, acondicionado para su venta calle, el campo dio positivo por cocaína, dijo la policía. Vila se llevó a cabo durante toda la noche con una fianza de 20.000 dólares y está previsto que sea procesado el miércoles en la Corte Superior de Bridgeport."


iQue lastima!
 
2012-05-09 06:35:41 PM  
You idiot! Now the cop thinks you're Mexican and is going to taxes your ass and charge your ass with assault on an officer.
 
2012-05-09 06:35:51 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: skinink: For you illegal immigrant Farkers:
"La sustancia, acondicionado para su venta calle, el campo dio positivo por cocaína, dijo la policía. Vila se llevó a cabo durante toda la noche con una fianza de 20.000 dólares y está previsto que sea procesado el miércoles en la Corte Superior de Bridgeport."

iQue lastima!


¡Cállete burro!
...mis cajones se sienten como un fuego...
Pinche putas!
 
2012-05-09 06:40:26 PM  

YO SOY EL POLLO DIABLO

 
2012-05-09 06:50:00 PM  
Did he and his passenger then tap their hands rhythmically in an intricate dance on the dashboard?
 
2012-05-09 06:58:02 PM  
Perhaps he should have exercised his right to remain silent?
 
2012-05-09 07:04:50 PM  

Buffet: Perhaps he should have exercised his right to remain silent?


If everyone exercised their right to remain silent, the Main tab would be nothing but Ugly-Ass Baby Animals.
 
2012-05-09 07:05:43 PM  

foxyshadis: Buffet: Perhaps he should have exercised his right to remain silent?

If everyone exercised their right to remain silent, the Main tab would be nothing but Ugly-Ass Baby Animals.



I LOL'd.
 
2012-05-09 07:09:51 PM  
My brother-in-law used to work for our State Law Enforcement Division and part of his job was tracking down potential illegals. Hearing "no hablo ingles" was pretty much an everyday thing for him. My BIL doesn't look or sound (when he speaks English) Hispanic. Bad news for the fakers is that he was born in Colombia and English is his 2nd language. He's told great stories of watching these people just wilt when they heard perfect Spanish coming from a guy they assumed could only speak English.

/CSB
 
2012-05-09 07:09:55 PM  
Teniamos dos bolsas de mota, setenta y cinco pildoras de mescalina, cinco pedazos de acido, un salero a medio llenar de cocaina, y toda una galaxia de depresores, estimulantes, hilarantes, gritantes multicolores... Tambien una botella de ron, un seis de cerveza, una pinta de eter, y dos docenas de amilos. No es porque necesitaramos todo esto para el viaje, pero cuando una vez que estas metido en en serio en coleccionar drogas, la tendencia es ir tan lejos como sea posible. La unica cosa que me preocupaba era el eter. No hay nada en el mundo algo mas indefenso, irresponsable y depravado que un hombre en medio de una juerga de eter, y sabia que usariamos esa condenada cosa muy pronto.

/Ponganse zapatos de golf
//De lo contrario no sobreviviremos esto con vida
 
2012-05-09 07:11:54 PM  

bloatboy: No no, hate the Americanos. I spit on them (spits). El Scummo. Scum!

(bewildered look)... Et vous Francais? (Are you French?)


Calm down, Ma! Who says I never call??
 
2012-05-09 07:40:23 PM  

Monkey2: My brother-in-law used to work for our State Law Enforcement Division and part of his job was tracking down potential illegals. Hearing "no hablo ingles" was pretty much an everyday thing for him. My BIL doesn't look or sound (when he speaks English) Hispanic. Bad news for the fakers is that he was born in Colombia and English is his 2nd language. He's told great stories of watching these people just wilt when they heard perfect Spanish coming from a guy they assumed could only speak English.

/CSB

Always fun when they talk shiat behind your back thinking they're in the clear...
then you turn around and exclaim "Amigo, PERDONAME?"
 
2012-05-09 07:44:28 PM  
I got out of a ticket a couple of weeks ago by implying I was mute. I was writing everything on a pad of paper. He never asked, so I never had to lie. I think he just got frustrated.
 
2012-05-09 07:46:54 PM  

CygnusDarius: Teniamos dos bolsas de mota, setenta y cinco pildoras de mescalina, cinco pedazos de acido, un salero a medio llenar de cocaina, y toda una galaxia de depresores, estimulantes, hilarantes, gritantes multicolores... Tambien una botella de ron, un seis de cerveza, una pinta de eter, y dos docenas de amilos. No es porque necesitaramos todo esto para el viaje, pero cuando una vez que estas metido en en serio en coleccionar drogas, la tendencia es ir tan lejos como sea posible. La unica cosa que me preocupaba era el eter. No hay nada en el mundo algo mas indefenso, irresponsable y depravado que un hombre en medio de una juerga de eter, y sabia que usariamos esa condenada cosa muy pronto.

/Ponganse zapatos de golf
//De lo contrario no sobreviviremos esto con vida



Sounds like a hellava trip, go easy on the rum tho, it will give ya a nasty head rush in the morning,,lol
 
2012-05-09 07:53:21 PM  
Como say what?
 
2012-05-09 07:58:19 PM  
i.imgur.com

No Speako Englisho wouldn't be complete without a Fred Sanford reference.
 
2012-05-09 08:01:59 PM  
Tengo... el gato... los pantalones
 
2012-05-09 08:05:38 PM  

LeroyBourne: My brother and his friend were riding the train dirty in Germany one night, they were both drunk. A cop walked up to ask to see their passes, and my bro's buddy says, 'I don't speak english.' And the cop goes with this heavy german accent, 'don't worry, i do.'


I apologize if I'm being dense here, but I need some clarification:

Your bro's buddy said "I don't speak English" to a German cop. If he said that in German to a German speaking cop, how does that make sense? If he said that in English to a German cop, that makes even less sense. Unless the cop asked them for the passes in English, but then why would the cop point out the he speaks English when that would have been evident to begin with. What am I missing here? Again, sorry if the point is self evident and I'm somehow just missing it entirely.
 
2012-05-09 08:12:24 PM  
Donde estas mi pantalones?
 
2012-05-09 08:16:40 PM  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTWbA7 iV_Ps&feature=youtube_gdata_play er

Obligatory.
 
2012-05-09 08:20:50 PM  

Magic_Button: Sir, could you step out of the car, please?"

Driver: "Uhhh... no speako Englisho

Cop " el paso del coche "

Driver "What you say officer ? "


the pass of the car?


How about "bajese del carro"
 
2012-05-09 08:22:10 PM  
Ich spreche kein Deutsch.
 
2012-05-09 08:22:28 PM  
Pretending not to speak English gets you yanked out of the car by the nearest available body parto, senor.
 
2012-05-09 08:26:06 PM  

CygnusDarius: Teniamos dos bolsas de mota, setenta y cinco pildoras de mescalina, cinco pedazos de acido, un salero a medio llenar de cocaina, y toda una galaxia de depresores, estimulantes, hilarantes, gritantes multicolores... Tambien una botella de ron, un seis de cerveza, una pinta de eter, y dos docenas de amilos. No es porque necesitaramos todo esto para el viaje, pero cuando una vez que estas metido en en serio en coleccionar drogas, la tendencia es ir tan lejos como sea posible. La unica cosa que me preocupaba era el eter. No hay nada en el mundo algo mas indefenso, irresponsable y depravado que un hombre en medio de una juerga de eter, y sabia que usariamos esa condenada cosa muy pronto.

/Ponganse zapatos de golf
//De lo contrario no sobreviviremos esto con vida


So just tell the officer that you can't stop here because it's bat country?
 
2012-05-09 08:27:24 PM  

Mr. Lahey: LeroyBourne: My brother and his friend were riding the train dirty in Germany one night, they were both drunk. A cop walked up to ask to see their passes, and my bro's buddy says, 'I don't speak english.' And the cop goes with this heavy german accent, 'don't worry, i do.'

I apologize if I'm being dense here, but I need some clarification:

Your bro's buddy said "I don't speak English" to a German cop. If he said that in German to a German speaking cop, how does that make sense? If he said that in English to a German cop, that makes even less sense. Unless the cop asked them for the passes in English, but then why would the cop point out the he speaks English when that would have been evident to begin with. What am I missing here? Again, sorry if the point is self evident and I'm somehow just missing it entirely.


That's kind of the joke, but "I don't speak whatever" is generally one of the first phrases you learn in the language of whatever.

I just Sid Caesar them. Generally works.
 
2012-05-09 08:38:15 PM  

Sin_City_Superhero: Do what I do: Toss a donut out the window and take off. I ain't had a cop chase after me yet...


Or, as I do, sing to them: "Besame, besame culo..."
 
2012-05-09 08:47:07 PM  

crabsno termites: Sin_City_Superhero: Do what I do: Toss a donut out the window and take off. I ain't had a cop chase after me yet...

Or, as I do, sing to them: "Besame, besame culo..."


I now have wine all over my phone and I hold you personally responsible.
 
2012-05-09 08:50:11 PM  
use the jedi mind trick

or colt .45 'cause that gets them every time.
 
2012-05-09 08:51:51 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: crabsno termites: Sin_City_Superhero: Do what I do: Toss a donut out the window and take off. I ain't had a cop chase after me yet...

Or, as I do, sing to them: "Besame, besame culo..."

I now have wine all over my phone and I hold you personally responsible.


Lo siento.
 
2012-05-09 09:02:08 PM  

Mr. Lahey: LeroyBourne: My brother and his friend were riding the train dirty in Germany one night, they were both drunk. A cop walked up to ask to see their passes, and my bro's buddy says, 'I don't speak english.' And the cop goes with this heavy german accent, 'don't worry, i do.'

I apologize if I'm being dense here, but I need some clarification:

Your bro's buddy said "I don't speak English" to a German cop. If he said that in German to a German speaking cop, how does that make sense? If he said that in English to a German cop, that makes even less sense. Unless the cop asked them for the passes in English, but then why would the cop point out the he speaks English when that would have been evident to begin with. What am I missing here? Again, sorry if the point is self evident and I'm somehow just missing it entirely.


The two of them being drunk probably had some bearing on it...
 
2012-05-09 09:13:47 PM  

foxyshadis: Buffet: Perhaps he should have exercised his right to remain silent?

If everyone exercised their right to remain silent, the Main tab would be nothing but Ugly-Ass Baby Animals.


Best. Comment. EVER.
 
2012-05-09 09:17:17 PM  

Mr. Lahey: LeroyBourne: My brother and his friend were riding the train dirty in Germany one night, they were both drunk. A cop walked up to ask to see their passes, and my bro's buddy says, 'I don't speak english.' And the cop goes with this heavy german accent, 'don't worry, i do.'

I apologize if I'm being dense here, but I need some clarification:

Your bro's buddy said "I don't speak English" to a German cop. If he said that in German to a German speaking cop, how does that make sense? If he said that in English to a German cop, that makes even less sense. Unless the cop asked them for the passes in English, but then why would the cop point out the he speaks English when that would have been evident to begin with. What am I missing here? Again, sorry if the point is self evident and I'm somehow just missing it entirely.


He said 'i don't speak english' to the german cop in english. He was drunk. What made it funny, was the cop did in fact speak perfect english and german I would imagine. I think he meant to say, I don't speak german.
 
2012-05-09 09:23:17 PM  
It's amazing how many foreigners in Taiwan suddenly forget all their Mandarin as soon as they get pulled over by police. And thankfully, the police are usually pretty insecure about their English.

"You run red light"
"I'm sorry, I don't understand."
"Oh, my English very bad. You can go."
 
2012-05-09 09:54:20 PM  

LeroyBourne: Mr. Lahey: LeroyBourne: My brother and his friend were riding the train dirty in Germany one night, they were both drunk. A cop walked up to ask to see their passes, and my bro's buddy says, 'I don't speak english.' And the cop goes with this heavy german accent, 'don't worry, i do.'

I apologize if I'm being dense here, but I need some clarification:

Your bro's buddy said "I don't speak English" to a German cop. If he said that in German to a German speaking cop, how does that make sense? If he said that in English to a German cop, that makes even less sense. Unless the cop asked them for the passes in English, but then why would the cop point out the he speaks English when that would have been evident to begin with. What am I missing here? Again, sorry if the point is self evident and I'm somehow just missing it entirely.

He said 'i don't speak english' to the german cop in english. He was drunk. What made it funny, was the cop did in fact speak perfect english and german I would imagine. I think he meant to say, I don't speak german.


I can see that happening. Walking down Nevskii Prospect in St. Petersburg, some Russian dude came up to me and said, in English, "Oh, I am sorry you don't speak German." I said, "me too," and kept on walking.
 
2012-05-09 11:14:27 PM  

Omahawg: use the jedi mind trick

or colt .45 'cause that gets them every time.


smooth. malt liquor smooth.
 
2012-05-09 11:29:54 PM  
www.alicia-logic.com

Hello? Oh, hi ma!
 
2012-05-10 01:15:45 AM  

The_Sponge: "Uhhh... no speako Englisho"


Italian is such a beautiful language.


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
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