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(Huffington Post)   Fresh from No Shiat Sherlock University, study finds "men tend to be more attracted to their female friends than the women felt toward their male pals." Just another day at The Huff   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 176
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3245 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2012 at 8:15 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-08 11:32:01 AM  

troubled adult: I work with primarily men, and am friends with men. Some want to sleep with me openly, some don't or wouldn't. It is none of my business.

The longer I know you the LESS chance I will sleep with you and possibly ruin the friendship. I don't wake up one day and realize I've always wanted someone. If I wanna fark you I will probably do it in the first week of knowing you.

/You think Mr. Nice Guy is so nice you should hear what he has to say about you after you friend-zone him.


Compltely honest and true on all accounts. There are truly nice guys who are nice for it's own sake and not just to sleep with you, and there are "nice guys" who are like those you described. A smart girl knows how to differentiate one from the other. I was a "nice guy" for a while, then I realized what the hell I was doing and stopped that crap. Once I started to be nice without wanting anything in return for it (not "not wanting anything, period", but "wanting anything in return for being nice"), that's when I actually got a good relationship without even really trying (actually, I should say without trying at all because I recently learned from my wife that she wanted me to make a move on her at first and basically seduced me into it. Here I thought I was being all smooth but I played right into her hand. Clever girl.)
 
2012-05-08 11:36:40 AM  

WhippingBoy: Bizarre thing women believe #4987: Straight guys want women friends and like to hang our with women even when no sex will ever be possible
Bizarre thing women believe #4988: Guys will talk and act exactly the same when a woman is around (e.g. one who considers themselves "one of the guys") as when no women are around


The reason we believe these things is no one tells us otherwise. Sure, we may know these intellectually, but when all of our male friends insist things are just platonic, then no, we don't really know that they all want to get busy with us. Especially if we're single and the guy never makes a move (which happened to me plenty of times in grad school). We have our own self-esteem issues, and usually we don't think we look that good; ergo, we don't think the men in our life think we look that good. The only women I've ever known who walked around knowing that all their male friends found them sexy were personality disordered.

I've had a few male friends be honest with me, and that helps. I asked one point-blank how soon after meeting me did he think about me being naked, and he said, "Five minutes? Maybe?" It boggled my mind. Women don't usually think that, so we aren't going to understand that men think like this unless they admit it to us.

/this is why I always read the Fark threads on this topic
 
2012-05-08 11:43:59 AM  

Lupine Chemist: ajt167: some have such high expectations that no person can live up to it.

I had mediocre expectations and my girl is so far beyond any expectation I wouldn't have believed such a person existed. So, you know, good things do happen. I realise in retrospect expectations in general are stupid. Let people be people.


I'm in the exact same boat as you, but I was talking about people who think their SO and the relationship should be absolutely perfect. Everybody has their faults. Every relationship has bumps. If I started listing some facts about my wife, I'd be yelled at for making shiat up and bragging, but she has her faults that I find annoying and frustrating and I have faults where she feels the same. We just both try to work on those things and realize neither of us is perfect and we're going to argue and fight. You know, I realized there's "perfection" in which everything is flawless, and then there's "awesomeness" in which not everything is perfect, but it's just that much more amazing than "perfection" could ever be dreamed of being.
 
2012-05-08 11:45:23 AM  

Snakeophelia: WhippingBoy: Bizarre thing women believe #4987: Straight guys want women friends and like to hang our with women even when no sex will ever be possible
Bizarre thing women believe #4988: Guys will talk and act exactly the same when a woman is around (e.g. one who considers themselves "one of the guys") as when no women are around

The reason we believe these things is no one tells us otherwise. Sure, we may know these intellectually, but when all of our male friends insist things are just platonic, then no, we don't really know that they all want to get busy with us. Especially if we're single and the guy never makes a move (which happened to me plenty of times in grad school). We have our own self-esteem issues, and usually we don't think we look that good; ergo, we don't think the men in our life think we look that good. The only women I've ever known who walked around knowing that all their male friends found them sexy were personality disordered.

I've had a few male friends be honest with me, and that helps. I asked one point-blank how soon after meeting me did he think about me being naked, and he said, "Five minutes? Maybe?" It boggled my mind. Women don't usually think that, so we aren't going to understand that men think like this unless they admit it to us.

/this is why I always read the Fark threads on this topic


Pro-tip: next time a dude says, "Let's just be friends," go listen to this song.

If a guy has to say, "Oh I just want to be friends!" he doesn't just want to be friends.

And the guys who complain about being friend-zoned are the worst. Steer clear of them until they grow up and get a spine. They deserve to be miserable until they sort their shiat out and stick up for themselves.
 
2012-05-08 11:45:25 AM  

Snakeophelia: WhippingBoy: Bizarre thing women believe #4987: Straight guys want women friends and like to hang our with women even when no sex will ever be possible
Bizarre thing women believe #4988: Guys will talk and act exactly the same when a woman is around (e.g. one who considers themselves "one of the guys") as when no women are around

The reason we believe these things is no one tells us otherwise. Sure, we may know these intellectually, but when all of our male friends insist things are just platonic, then no, we don't really know that they all want to get busy with us. Especially if we're single and the guy never makes a move (which happened to me plenty of times in grad school). We have our own self-esteem issues, and usually we don't think we look that good; ergo, we don't think the men in our life think we look that good. The only women I've ever known who walked around knowing that all their male friends found them sexy were personality disordered.

I've had a few male friends be honest with me, and that helps. I asked one point-blank how soon after meeting me did he think about me being naked, and he said, "Five minutes? Maybe?" It boggled my mind. Women don't usually think that, so we aren't going to understand that men think like this unless they admit it to us.

/this is why I always read the Fark threads on this topic


That long? I thought it was normally within a few seconds of seeing an attractive lady.
 
2012-05-08 11:45:25 AM  
I hoped to remain friends with an ex after a breakup. She moved in different social circles than my normal friends so it kind of broadened my horizons. After she started dating a new guy she told me she could not be friends with me anymore because that would show her new BF how serious she was about dating him.
 
2012-05-08 11:46:04 AM  

troubled adult: I work with primarily men, and am friends with men. Some want to sleep with me openly, some don't or wouldn't. It is none of my business.

The longer I know you the LESS chance I will sleep with you and possibly ruin the friendship. I don't wake up one day and realize I've always wanted someone. If I wanna fark you I will probably do it in the first week of knowing you.

/You think Mr. Nice Guy is so nice you should hear what he has to say about you after you friend-zone him.


I heard something along the lines that a woman will make up her mind whether or not she will sleep with you within the first 30 seconds of meeting you.

/forget where that's from. Maybe from a comedy, so dunno how true that is
 
2012-05-08 11:48:26 AM  
Everything has been covered.

Harry/Sally dialog.
Money is important to chicks.
Chicks invariably ignore the nice guys in high school/college and go for the bad boys.


The trick to a happy life is realize all this as early as possible. If I was in one of those bad '80s flashback movies I would do it all differently.

I would be bolder, ask girls out I had that crush on, expect the relationship was fleeting, and move onto the next one with a light heart.

/Was the nice guy and still a little pissed about that trap. Never again.
 
2012-05-08 11:48:44 AM  
I was with you up until this:

Ishkur: It's alright for the woman to do this, after all. Her friends (ie: her klatch) will remind her that she's just following her heart (see, women don't technically cheat. But they will end a relationship abruptly if they want to get with a new guy. They don't consider that cheating. It's kinda chivalrous and despicable at the same time)


Yes, there are "hermit crabs." You should also be able to spot them a mile away after the age of about 22. If all of your girlfriend's friends are fawning sycophants who excuse her bad behavior (and usually everyone else's bad behavior until it flashes back on them) then guess what sparky, you're with a female a-hole. Decent girls will keep good company. Just like most decent guys.
 
2012-05-08 11:52:02 AM  

rustypouch: Snakeophelia: WhippingBoy: Bizarre thing women believe #4987: Straight guys want women friends and like to hang our with women even when no sex will ever be possible
Bizarre thing women believe #4988: Guys will talk and act exactly the same when a woman is around (e.g. one who considers themselves "one of the guys") as when no women are around

The reason we believe these things is no one tells us otherwise. Sure, we may know these intellectually, but when all of our male friends insist things are just platonic, then no, we don't really know that they all want to get busy with us. Especially if we're single and the guy never makes a move (which happened to me plenty of times in grad school). We have our own self-esteem issues, and usually we don't think we look that good; ergo, we don't think the men in our life think we look that good. The only women I've ever known who walked around knowing that all their male friends found them sexy were personality disordered.

I've had a few male friends be honest with me, and that helps. I asked one point-blank how soon after meeting me did he think about me being naked, and he said, "Five minutes? Maybe?" It boggled my mind. Women don't usually think that, so we aren't going to understand that men think like this unless they admit it to us.

/this is why I always read the Fark threads on this topic

That long? I thought it was normally within a few seconds of seeing an attractive lady.


He was obviously being polite.
 
2012-05-08 12:06:29 PM  
I know plenty of girls I wanted to friend. I want to friend them so hard.
 
2012-05-08 12:12:31 PM  

tcaptain: It's this kind of thinking that makes the "farmers" mentioned in a post above so insidious and successful.

Basically women really don't see these guys coming. They "want to be friends" and they think, "what, I'm not good enough to be a friend? I'm only good enough for them to hit on me?"

At this point the boyfriend (who sees right through the "farmer") cannot win. If he does nothing, the "farmer" is free to work against the relationship, lay the groundwork so to speak. He becomes the comforting shoulder that the boyfriend SHOULD be. If the boyfriend goes the other route and says "he doesn't want to be your friend, he's trying to break us up to sleep with you", women immediately fall into the "What? I'm not good enough to be friends with?" mode and a break up will eventually occur (usually fairly quickly) and that's when the "farmer" is there to be the shoulder to cry on...usually followed up by being the "guy you sleep with".

It's really quite slimy and it happens a lot...and from experience, women refuse to see it and some refuse to admit that this kind of thing exists.


This is absolutely correct. Every woman in the workforce should read this because I think the office is where this happens most of the time.

The boyfriend is powerless against this because he can't express discomfort with his girlfriend's co-worker without looking like an insecure, jealous, asshole. He's a co-worker, so even if its reasonable to be uncomfortable with your girlfriend having a close male friend, she can't pick her co-workers.

The farmer will plant seeds in her head. Asking loaded questions like "what did your boyfriend do for you on valentine's day?" or telling her about the great things he does for the girl that he is very casually dating. She ends up confiding in him, and he works against the relationship. It's not even a purely sexual thing for him, because the farmer fails to seduce the girl more often than not, but he gets off on the drama and emotional intimacy.

Even when he fails, he still leaves the relationship weaker.
 
2012-05-08 12:12:49 PM  
Do I think my male friends want to bang me? Yep. Because they've told me so. Nothing wrong with wanting to fark your friend as long as you're honest about it - and that's both (all) parties. You get far more trouble when you're not up front. When it's out there you can play it up or be sensitive about it as the occasion calls. I've worked in various male dominated industries my whole life, so I assume i'm more blunt about this sort of thing than most.

and there's nothing like the look on a man's face when you say, "Okay, you've changed my mind, let's see what you've got to offer" Ya'd think it was Christmas.

I was the best (wo)man, at a fark-buddy's wedding. Introduced him to the girl too, so I must not be awesome at just the sex, I'm just generally awesome. Said buddy also gives glowing recommendations upon request.
 
2012-05-08 12:20:30 PM  

violetvolume: blah blah blah, friend zone, Nice Guys (tm), Ladder Theory, manipulative biatches, "I'm nice to you, why aren't you having sex with me," we get it.
/old complaint is old.


Are you saying that men and women are different? You know, you can biatch about it until the end of time, and then--men and women will still be different.

Blah, blah, is right.
 
2012-05-08 12:21:48 PM  
This is completely null and void if the chick is fat.
 
2012-05-08 12:37:09 PM  

Magnanimous_J: tcaptain: It's this kind of thinking that makes the "farmers" mentioned in a post above so insidious and successful.

Basically women really don't see these guys coming. They "want to be friends" and they think, "what, I'm not good enough to be a friend? I'm only good enough for them to hit on me?"

At this point the boyfriend (who sees right through the "farmer") cannot win. If he does nothing, the "farmer" is free to work against the relationship, lay the groundwork so to speak. He becomes the comforting shoulder that the boyfriend SHOULD be. If the boyfriend goes the other route and says "he doesn't want to be your friend, he's trying to break us up to sleep with you", women immediately fall into the "What? I'm not good enough to be friends with?" mode and a break up will eventually occur (usually fairly quickly) and that's when the "farmer" is there to be the shoulder to cry on...usually followed up by being the "guy you sleep with".

It's really quite slimy and it happens a lot...and from experience, women refuse to see it and some refuse to admit that this kind of thing exists.

This is absolutely correct. Every woman in the workforce should read this because I think the office is where this happens most of the time.

The boyfriend is powerless against this because he can't express discomfort with his girlfriend's co-worker without looking like an insecure, jealous, asshole. He's a co-worker, so even if its reasonable to be uncomfortable with your girlfriend having a close male friend, she can't pick her co-workers.

The farmer will plant seeds in her head. Asking loaded questions like "what did your boyfriend do for you on valentine's day?" or telling her about the great things he does for the girl that he is very casually dating. She ends up confiding in him, and he works against the relationship. It's not even a purely sexual thing for him, because the farmer fails to seduce the girl more often than not, but he gets off on the drama and emotional intimacy.
...


I'll screw up the quote, but 'If she's single, it's you against the world. If she's in a relationship, it's just you against him.'

It isn't always easy to 'compete' with a single guy who is trying to impress your girlfriend/spouse/whatever - they only have to impress her for a few hours a day. It's like dating - it isn't that hard to act like you have your shiat together for two evenings a week with plenty of notice. Also, as mentioned, responding by being threatened can be a trap in itself.

Not to imply that I have it all worked out, but after years of being (often correctly) suspicious of other guys, I just decided that it made more sense to focus on being a good husband, and good person than it did to monitor each person she encountered in the workplace. Zone defense instead of man-to-man, if you will.
 
2012-05-08 12:38:12 PM  

PsyLord: troubled adult: I work with primarily men, and am friends with men. Some want to sleep with me openly, some don't or wouldn't. It is none of my business.

The longer I know you the LESS chance I will sleep with you and possibly ruin the friendship. I don't wake up one day and realize I've always wanted someone. If I wanna fark you I will probably do it in the first week of knowing you.

/You think Mr. Nice Guy is so nice you should hear what he has to say about you after you friend-zone him.

I heard something along the lines that a woman will make up her mind whether or not she will sleep with you within the first 30 seconds of meeting you.

/forget where that's from. Maybe from a comedy, so dunno how true that is


Yeah, usually it happens within the first few minutes. I wanna see something of intelligence come out of that pretty mouth.

/Would fark a broke handsome smart-ass.
//Would date an honest handsome smart-ass with his shiat together.
 
2012-05-08 12:39:27 PM  
I have a female friend that has been conspicuously friendly since I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago. I'm not attracted to her in the least, but we are going to see The Avengers this weekend. I think this makes me a tool. BUT! This female friend has other, much hotter female friends, so we'll see
 
2012-05-08 12:43:00 PM  

Snakeophelia: WhippingBoy: Bizarre thing women believe #4987: Straight guys want women friends and like to hang our with women even when no sex will ever be possible
Bizarre thing women believe #4988: Guys will talk and act exactly the same when a woman is around (e.g. one who considers themselves "one of the guys") as when no women are around

The reason we believe these things is no one tells us otherwise. Sure, we may know these intellectually, but when all of our male friends insist things are just platonic, then no, we don't really know that they all want to get busy with us. Especially if we're single and the guy never makes a move (which happened to me plenty of times in grad school). We have our own self-esteem issues, and usually we don't think we look that good; ergo, we don't think the men in our life think we look that good. The only women I've ever known who walked around knowing that all their male friends found them sexy were personality disordered.

I've had a few male friends be honest with me, and that helps. I asked one point-blank how soon after meeting me did he think about me being naked, and he said, "Five minutes? Maybe?" It boggled my mind. Women don't usually think that, so we aren't going to understand that men think like this unless they admit it to us.

/this is why I always read the Fark threads on this topic


BS!
Guy walks into a club, out on the pull, and hopes that he might intice some action.

Woman walks into a club and will instantly know exactly who she will go home with.
 
2012-05-08 12:44:23 PM  
Also, I dislike the implied vitriol of women who act violated when they find out their friend wants to fark them. Sweetie, you are like the 5th person he has considered today after a couple chicks on the bus and a hot jogger...it ain't like he's some kind of rapist. He just wants to fark you, and you don't have to let him.
 
2012-05-08 12:48:55 PM  

troubled adult: Also, I dislike the implied vitriol of women who act violated when they find out their friend wants to fark them. Sweetie, you are like the 5th person he has considered today after a couple chicks on the bus and a hot jogger...it ain't like he's some kind of rapist. He just wants to fark you, and you don't have to let him.


You... you seem wise.
 
2012-05-08 12:52:21 PM  

NateAsbestos: I have a female friend that has been conspicuously friendly since I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago. I'm not attracted to her in the least, but we are going to see The Avengers this weekend. I think this makes me a tool. BUT! This female friend has other, much hotter female friends, so we'll see


Setting yourself up for some hassling there. Her friends aren't going to touch you if they think she is into you, especially if they are much more attractive. Equally attractive, and it gets real catty and you might have a chance, if you are willing to put up with the brain damage that getting sucked into a bunch of chick drama will inevitably bring.

But if she is the ugly one in the bunch, they will treat her like the lion cub with the gimpy paw and drag a bunch of half dead rodents back to the den for her.
 
2012-05-08 12:59:25 PM  

Magnanimous_J: NateAsbestos: I have a female friend that has been conspicuously friendly since I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago. I'm not attracted to her in the least, but we are going to see The Avengers this weekend. I think this makes me a tool. BUT! This female friend has other, much hotter female friends, so we'll see

Setting yourself up for some hassling there. Her friends aren't going to touch you if they think she is into you, especially if they are much more attractive. Equally attractive, and it gets real catty and you might have a chance, if you are willing to put up with the brain damage that getting sucked into a bunch of chick drama will inevitably bring.

But if she is the ugly one in the bunch, they will treat her like the lion cub with the gimpy paw and drag a bunch of half dead rodents back to the den for her.


This is the impression I get too. I may still call it off, we're not exactly peas in a pod anyway. Mostly I just want to see The Avengers again. Bah
 
2012-05-08 01:08:08 PM  
I can see both sides of the coin on this one. (names changed to protect the women's identities, not that they would read Fark)

One of my best friends since high school is a girl. We met in junior year, when we had two classes together: U.S. History and English. We couldn't have been more diametric opposites. We bonded over a love of football, despite the fact I'm a Niners fan and Rachel loves the Cowboys, and books. We ended up going to different colleges and fell out of touch for a number of years, until about 5 years ago.

Facebook brought us back in touch and we started hanging out again, once a week if our schedules permit. Other times we're texting and calling. Sometimes we hang with mixed company and other times it's just us. I honestly can say I've never given a thought about wanting to sleep with Rachel or thought about her looks, even though I'm informed that she's attractive. I just haven't and it perplexes my friends and my family alike. We're more like brother and sister -- we pick on each other, we have fights, just like siblings would.

And before you break out with "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" pic, let me tell you about the other important woman in my life, Erica.

Erica and I have worked together since June, but we didn't really talk much until the holidays. It turns out that she knows one of my cousins. I have to backtrack a bit and say this: I didn't really talk with Erica, but I sure as hell noticed her, probably from the first month she started. It's not too difficult. She's 24, 5'4", long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, a dazzling smile, amazing legs (She's a runner and the only girl at the office who wears skirts with regularity). In short, she's gorgeous in a way that makes men bite their knuckles and groan. I have never hid the fact that I find her attractive and she hasn't been shy about saying she finds me attractive as well.
 
2012-05-08 01:15:14 PM  

reillan: Molavian: No shiat? Female friends are just chicks I haven't sexed up yet.

you don't remain friends after?


Usually. I can think of a couple of instances where things got dramatic, but for the most part women are a lot like men about sex. More like men than most people want to admit.
 
2012-05-08 01:16:59 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: tcaptain: astrochelonian: I'm an unattractive woman, so maybe I just don't get it, but why does being attracted to someone mean you can't also be friends? I'm honestly asking.

It's this kind of thinking that makes the "farmers" mentioned in a post above so insidious and successful.

Basically women really don't see these guys coming. They "want to be friends" and they think, "what, I'm not good enough to be a friend? I'm only good enough for them to hit on me?"

At this point the boyfriend (who sees right through the "farmer") cannot win. If he does nothing, the "farmer" is free to work against the relationship, lay the groundwork so to speak. He becomes the comforting shoulder that the boyfriend SHOULD be. If the boyfriend goes the other route and says "he doesn't want to be your friend, he's trying to break us up to sleep with you", women immediately fall into the "What? I'm not good enough to be friends with?" mode and a break up will eventually occur (usually fairly quickly) and that's when the "farmer" is there to be the shoulder to cry on...usually followed up by being the "guy you sleep with".

It's really quite slimy and it happens a lot...and from experience, women refuse to see it and some refuse to admit that this kind of thing exists.

No, what you do to defend against Farmer is make friends with him. This poisons the seed he's planted that you're insecure and controlling. Be chummy with the guy, invite him over, let him hang around with your Special Lady, all the while telling her what an irreplaceable treasure she is. She's impressed with your manliness, your security, your strength. He's frustrated because he's only served to strengthen your Manpower position.

Bonus Round: Here's how you go one better. You invite him to join you in a HOT*HOT*HOT*MMF Threeway and get him to perform oral on you, for the sake of thrilling and exciting your Special Lady. Seems they like watching the Manlove as much as we enjoy watching the Bi-girl action.

Payoff ...


The first third of this made sense, and then it got weird. @_@
 
2012-05-08 01:20:47 PM  
So, apparently there is a large portion of the population that is so hung up on sex being somehow wrong or unacceptable they can't imagine being "real" friends with someone they would like to have sex with.

What a horrible, depressing mindset. I can't imagine it.

Although, it also explains a number of previously incomprehensible interactions with people.

/bisexual
//if I wasn't friends with people I kinda wanted to fark at least occasionally, I'd have no friends.
 
2012-05-08 01:21:15 PM  

hundreddollarman: I just haven't and it perplexes my friends and my family alike. We're more like brother and sister -- we pick on each other, we have fights, just like siblings would.


I've got a female friend like this too. All my friends comment on hot she is, and i can see it, but I've known her since I was like 14. We are, as you say, more sibling than anything else. We bicker like kids and have a good ol' time.

I guess given a consequence-free environment I'd go for it, but as it is? I'd rather just be friends. And like my other female friend I mentioned above, this female friend has a LOT of very hot female friends. They're the ones I'll go for.
 
2012-05-08 01:21:52 PM  

NateAsbestos: Magnanimous_J: NateAsbestos: I have a female friend that has been conspicuously friendly since I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago. I'm not attracted to her in the least, but we are going to see The Avengers this weekend. I think this makes me a tool. BUT! This female friend has other, much hotter female friends, so we'll see

Setting yourself up for some hassling there. Her friends aren't going to touch you if they think she is into you, especially if they are much more attractive. Equally attractive, and it gets real catty and you might have a chance, if you are willing to put up with the brain damage that getting sucked into a bunch of chick drama will inevitably bring.

But if she is the ugly one in the bunch, they will treat her like the lion cub with the gimpy paw and drag a bunch of half dead rodents back to the den for her.

This is the impression I get too. I may still call it off, we're not exactly peas in a pod anyway. Mostly I just want to see The Avengers again. Bah


Selectively hang with her when her friends are there. It can be both a proper way to friend-zone her and make yourself available to her friends.

/Lots of chicks are catty anyway.
//Would kick each other in the c*nts for a good man.
///Apologize to each other after the break-up.
////Hey, one wanted the relationship to fail, one wanted it to happen in the first place and everyone wins.
//SLASHIES!
 
2012-05-08 01:26:31 PM  

troubled adult: NateAsbestos: Magnanimous_J: NateAsbestos: I have a female friend that has been conspicuously friendly since I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago. I'm not attracted to her in the least, but we are going to see The Avengers this weekend. I think this makes me a tool. BUT! This female friend has other, much hotter female friends, so we'll see

Setting yourself up for some hassling there. Her friends aren't going to touch you if they think she is into you, especially if they are much more attractive. Equally attractive, and it gets real catty and you might have a chance, if you are willing to put up with the brain damage that getting sucked into a bunch of chick drama will inevitably bring.

But if she is the ugly one in the bunch, they will treat her like the lion cub with the gimpy paw and drag a bunch of half dead rodents back to the den for her.

This is the impression I get too. I may still call it off, we're not exactly peas in a pod anyway. Mostly I just want to see The Avengers again. Bah

Selectively hang with her when her friends are there. It can be both a proper way to friend-zone her and make yourself available to her friends.

/Lots of chicks are catty anyway.
//Would kick each other in the c*nts for a good man.
///Apologize to each other after the break-up.
////Hey, one wanted the relationship to fail, one wanted it to happen in the first place and everyone wins.
//SLASHIES!


I was thinking something along those lines too. Not make it a "date night". I think the only reason I agreed to do it in the first place is that I'm sick of sitting around thinking about my ex :(
 
2012-05-08 01:26:45 PM  

wingedkat: So, apparently there is a large portion of the population that is so hung up on sex being somehow wrong or unacceptable they can't imagine being "real" friends with someone they would like to have sex with.

What a horrible, depressing mindset. I can't imagine it.

Although, it also explains a number of previously incomprehensible interactions with people.

/bisexual
//if I wasn't friends with people I kinda wanted to fark at least occasionally, I'd have no friends.


THIS SO MUCH!!!

/also bisexual
//That's what friends are for.
 
2012-05-08 01:35:09 PM  

hundreddollarman: And before you break out with "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" pic, let me tell you about the other important woman in my life, Erica.

Erica and I have worked together since June, but we didn't really talk much until the holidays. It turns out that she knows one of my cousins. I have to backtrack a bit and say this: I didn't really talk with Erica, but I sure as hell noticed her, probably from the first month she started. It's not too difficult. She's 24, 5'4", long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, a dazzling smile, amazing legs (She's a runner and the only girl at the office who wears skirts with regularity). In short, she's gorgeous in a way that makes men bite their knuckles and groan. I have never hid the fact that I find her attractive and she hasn't been shy about saying she finds me attractive as well.


OK, I just noticed the rest of the part about Erica got cut off. :\

The long and short of it is the fact that we work together is probably the only thing that's stopping us from having planet-shattering desktop hookup sex. Or failing that, some stab at a relationship.
 
2012-05-08 01:57:01 PM  

troubled adult: I work with primarily men, and am friends with men. Some want to sleep with me openly, some don't or wouldn't. It is none of my business.

The longer I know you the LESS chance I will sleep with you and possibly ruin the friendship. I don't wake up one day and realize I've always wanted someone. If I wanna fark you I will probably do it in the first week of knowing you.

/You think Mr. Nice Guy is so nice you should hear what he has to say about you after you friend-zone him.


That's what I don't get about women. You are more likely to fark a guy only after a week rather than someone you know longer? You don't know the guy after a week, only how well he can fake himself. Makes absolutely no sense to me.
 
2012-05-08 02:16:14 PM  

kermit_the_frog: ph0rk: The fact is, women can use sex to get what they want in a way men usually can't. That's pretty much it.

The fact is that men can't use sex to get what they want because sex IS what they want. That's pretty much it.


Only guys who get turned down often tell themselves this. The sex for stuff exchange goes both ways, and we're not just talking about rent boys. Women like a good status symbol of a man too, and some will gladly sleep with him if that's what it takes to impress friends and family.
 
2012-05-08 02:16:22 PM  

TotallyHeadless: troubled adult: I work with primarily men, and am friends with men. Some want to sleep with me openly, some don't or wouldn't. It is none of my business.

The longer I know you the LESS chance I will sleep with you and possibly ruin the friendship. I don't wake up one day and realize I've always wanted someone. If I wanna fark you I will probably do it in the first week of knowing you.

/You think Mr. Nice Guy is so nice you should hear what he has to say about you after you friend-zone him.

That's what I don't get about women. You are more likely to fark a guy only after a week rather than someone you know longer? You don't know the guy after a week, only how well he can fake himself. Makes absolutely no sense to me.


You'd fark a woman after knowing her a few minutes based on attraction! Women may take a little extra time, but we are not the opposite of men. We wanna be turned on and attracted too. You can't "earn" that more than an ugly girl can "earn" your attraction.

/Unless you're into pity sex.
//If you are even THAT lucky.
 
2012-05-08 02:24:11 PM  

NateAsbestos:

And like my other female friend I mentioned above, this female friend has a LOT of very hot female friends. They're the ones I'll go for.


Tread lightly. That can get messy too. Someone I was chasing for a few months kept insisting that we were just friends. When I backed off and started dating a friend of hers? By her reaction, you would have thought we had been married for 20 years and had 2 kids together.
 
2012-05-08 02:27:08 PM  

girljen: vudukungfu: girljen: Pfft. Where ARE these guys? I've been friends with some attractive, interesting, downright hilarious men who I've wanted to sex up for YEARS. But as soon as I try to make a move? Boom. Friendzone.

they must be gay.
because you are not unattractive.

Thank you. As far as I know, none of them are gay. Maybe they're going the "avoid drama" route, which I wouldn't blame them for. Avoiding drama is usually good.


You might have waited too long - once people get too comfortable with each other it really weirds one out when the other suddenly changes the nature of the friendship, if they actually give a shiat about you. This is doubly, triply, quadruply true for have a few drinks to loosen up before you make your move, because they're going to instantly see regret and a "break-up" in the morning. Or they got to know you too well, as someone upthread implied. Might not be you at all though - we're all kinds of farked up and hung up too.

If you keep up flirty, frank, and dirty with one who likes it, they'll figure out it's not just a one-time thing in a hurry.
 
2012-05-08 02:40:42 PM  

troubled adult: TotallyHeadless: troubled adult: I work with primarily men, and am friends with men. Some want to sleep with me openly, some don't or wouldn't. It is none of my business.

The longer I know you the LESS chance I will sleep with you and possibly ruin the friendship. I don't wake up one day and realize I've always wanted someone. If I wanna fark you I will probably do it in the first week of knowing you.

/You think Mr. Nice Guy is so nice you should hear what he has to say about you after you friend-zone him.

That's what I don't get about women. You are more likely to fark a guy only after a week rather than someone you know longer? You don't know the guy after a week, only how well he can fake himself. Makes absolutely no sense to me.

You'd fark a woman after knowing her a few minutes based on attraction! Women may take a little extra time, but we are not the opposite of men. We wanna be turned on and attracted too. You can't "earn" that more than an ugly girl can "earn" your attraction.

/Unless you're into pity sex.
//If you are even THAT lucky.


Here's the difference: We know we'd like to bang you within a few minutes, but after several weeks, months, or years, we still want to bang you. Also, if we want to actually have a relationship, we'd typically like to get to know you more than just a week can give us to see if it's worth pursuing. What you're saying is that for women, if she hasn't decided she wants to bang you within a week of knowing you, she most likely never will. And if she DID want to bang you, the longer you know each other, the less she wants it. Did I understand correctly? If I did, yeah, that's the opposite of men.
 
2012-05-08 02:43:07 PM  
I've always found the male-female friendship dynamic to be a source of intrigue. To be fair, I always considered myself a nice guy. I was polite and considerate, I'd pick up the tab, and I would never pressure for a kiss or more (being a bit prudish helps). Of course, the above probably cost me as much opportunity as anything, but I didn't know any other way to be. I ended up friend-zoned more times than I could count, though only one or two actually evolved into the crying-shoulder routine.

Though not so many years later, I can't look at the classic XKCD cartoon above without asking, "Was I being that manipulative?" I don't believe I was; I was just there as a devoted friend, whether or not she had a boyfriend (who, by her accounts, was a jerk), to listen to her complaints and soothe her emotions. I can honestly say I've never tried to drive a wedge between a couple; it wouldn't be right to her, and it wouldn't be respectful to him. But then I read something like the tale of the "farmers" above, and I wonder, how far was I from being the A-hole all along? Were my subconscious motives more dastardly than I'd let myself believe?

Of course, sometimes people don't see what they don't want to acknowledge. I'd told the above girl that I was attracted to her; she didn't feel the same way about me. She met a boy shortly afterward; I was the crying shoulder when he showed his jerk colors. After he dumped her, she and I talked often and I would visit her on the weekends, but nothing romantic happened, because I knew she wasn't interested. Probably a year later, we were talking and I mentioned that I still had feelings for her. She was floored. "So you're still attracted to me?" Well, yeah. "But you never made any moves." Well, yeah...I knew it wasn't mutual. What was I supposed to do, force myself on her and hope she would feel otherwise? I almost got the idea that that was exactly what she expected.

Though it didn't change her feelings for me in the end, it sure taught me a lot in terms of life lessons.
 
2012-05-08 02:45:04 PM  
Compared to what I typically see around here, this thread seems refreshingly uncritical. I was kind of expecting armies of people (who all have to be at the gym in 26 minutes) claiming in one breath that pursing sex is normal and healthy in the context of male-female relationships, and in the next that any guy who would like a sexual relationship with an uninterested female friend is necessarily a manipulative, passive-aggressive reprobate.

/ Obviously you should never fault a woman for not being attracted to you, but you also gotta do what you gotta do to prevent that fact from screwing with your head
 
2012-05-08 02:49:01 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: that pursuing sex


FTFM
 
2012-05-08 02:51:46 PM  

ajt167: troubled adult: TotallyHeadless: troubled adult: I work with primarily men, and am friends with men. Some want to sleep with me openly, some don't or wouldn't. It is none of my business.

The longer I know you the LESS chance I will sleep with you and possibly ruin the friendship. I don't wake up one day and realize I've always wanted someone. If I wanna fark you I will probably do it in the first week of knowing you.

/You think Mr. Nice Guy is so nice you should hear what he has to say about you after you friend-zone him.

That's what I don't get about women. You are more likely to fark a guy only after a week rather than someone you know longer? You don't know the guy after a week, only how well he can fake himself. Makes absolutely no sense to me.

You'd fark a woman after knowing her a few minutes based on attraction! Women may take a little extra time, but we are not the opposite of men. We wanna be turned on and attracted too. You can't "earn" that more than an ugly girl can "earn" your attraction.

/Unless you're into pity sex.
//If you are even THAT lucky.

Here's the difference: We know we'd like to bang you within a few minutes, but after several weeks, months, or years, we still want to bang you. Also, if we want to actually have a relationship, we'd typically like to get to know you more than just a week can give us to see if it's worth pursuing. What you're saying is that for women, if she hasn't decided she wants to bang you within a week of knowing you, she most likely never will. And if she DID want to bang you, the longer you know each other, the less she wants it. Did I understand correctly? If I did, yeah, that's the opposite of men.


This. Thank you for clarifying.
 
2012-05-08 03:04:05 PM  

TotallyHeadless: ajt167: troubled adult: TotallyHeadless: troubled adult: I work with primarily men, and am friends with men. Some want to sleep with me openly, some don't or wouldn't. It is none of my business.

The longer I know you the LESS chance I will sleep with you and possibly ruin the friendship. I don't wake up one day and realize I've always wanted someone. If I wanna fark you I will probably do it in the first week of knowing you.

/You think Mr. Nice Guy is so nice you should hear what he has to say about you after you friend-zone him.

That's what I don't get about women. You are more likely to fark a guy only after a week rather than someone you know longer? You don't know the guy after a week, only how well he can fake himself. Makes absolutely no sense to me.

You'd fark a woman after knowing her a few minutes based on attraction! Women may take a little extra time, but we are not the opposite of men. We wanna be turned on and attracted too. You can't "earn" that more than an ugly girl can "earn" your attraction.

/Unless you're into pity sex.
//If you are even THAT lucky.

Here's the difference: We know we'd like to bang you within a few minutes, but after several weeks, months, or years, we still want to bang you. Also, if we want to actually have a relationship, we'd typically like to get to know you more than just a week can give us to see if it's worth pursuing. What you're saying is that for women, if she hasn't decided she wants to bang you within a week of knowing you, she most likely never will. And if she DID want to bang you, the longer you know each other, the less she wants it. Did I understand correctly? If I did, yeah, that's the opposite of men.

This. Thank you for clarifying.


Ok, it's the opposite of men. Still doesn't give you better chances.

/sorry
 
2012-05-08 03:05:21 PM  

pwn3d781: I've always found the male-female friendship dynamic to be a source of intrigue. To be fair, I always considered myself a nice guy. I was polite and considerate, I'd pick up the tab, and I would never pressure for a kiss or more (being a bit prudish helps). Of course, the above probably cost me as much opportunity as anything, but I didn't know any other way to be. I ended up friend-zoned more times than I could count, though only one or two actually evolved into the crying-shoulder routine. And so forth...


Listen, I used to be in your shoes. If you want to get a woman, go after her. If you see a girl you like and she's not married, go after her. You need to get past the fear of rejection and just do it. No matter what anyone tells you, women like a guy who takes charge a little bit.

A cute girl moves into the apartment near yours and you see her a few times a week, strike up a conversation with her to see if she's cool. If she is, ask her on a date, making your intentions clear. If she rebuffs your offer, oh well, there are many others around. Show confidence, fake it if you don't actually have it. If it hurts you to be the shoulder to cry on while you're pining for the girl, stop playing that role. It's all very simple when you think about it - if you don't like being a certain thing (the shoulder to cry on, the friend) stop being that, if you see a woman you want to date, ask her out.

Be honest, never be manipulative, never think they owe you a damn thing for anything you do, and always be honest about your intentions. Show them how good a boyfriend you can be when you start dating, not how good of a friend you can be before you make a move on them. There's nothing about your situation you can't change if you made the decision to change it and stuck with it.

I've been there and I succesfully changed my situation when I realized how damn simple it really was.
 
2012-05-08 03:05:47 PM  
If there's one thing I've learned in all my years of dating, one thing always sticks out: The same thing that gets you friend-zoned with one girl might make a girlfriend out of another.
 
2012-05-08 03:41:33 PM  

troubled adult: Ok, it's the opposite of men. Still doesn't give you better chances.

/sorry


Hey, you're being honest. It's all good, yo.

hundreddollarman: If there's one thing I've learned in all my years of dating, one thing always sticks out: The same thing that gets you friend-zoned with one girl might make a girlfriend out of another.


CSB:
A year or two after I graduated college, I was at a bar and a girl I knew in college was there too. She was a little drunk and we started talking. The told me about one day in college when she came into the lounge with a band-aid on her finger and I apparently asked her how she hurt her finger and wished it a speedy recovery. I didn't even remember that happening. Then she told me how sweet it was and how back then she wanted to throw me on the table right then and there and bang me and how she still would for being so sweet and concerned about a cut on her finger. She was a sweet and attractive girl, far from promiscuous. You talk about how certain good guy things can get a girl to date you, hell dude, sometimes you could get yourself (willingly) publicly raped for it! Didn't happen then because we both were seeing people, and didn't happen at the bar because we were seeing people again.
 
2012-05-08 03:56:21 PM  

tcaptain: It's really quite slimy and it happens a lot...and from experience, women refuse to see it and some refuse to admit that this kind of thing exists.


Look. If you can't trust the person you're with, why be with them. This sort of thing is the price you pay for being involved with an attractive woman; guys are going to make the move (even in the slimy way you're describing). If she's going to cheat on you just because some other guy is a "nice friend", then better to find out sooner than later.

I tell my wife "of course you're getting attention, you're hot!" and give her a smile. If you're a good thing in her life, what's the worry? If she doesn't appreciate that you're a good thing in her life, [wellbye.jpg].
 
2012-05-08 04:09:28 PM  

ajt167: Then she told me how sweet it was and how back then she wanted to throw me on the table right then and there and bang me and how she still would for being so sweet and concerned about a cut on her finger. She was a sweet and attractive girl, far from promiscuous. You talk about how certain good guy things can get a girl to date you, hell dude, sometimes you could get yourself (willingly) publicly raped for it!


Oh wow, this is so completely out of phase with anything I've ever...

ajt167: Didn't happen then because we both were seeing people, and didn't happen at the bar because we were seeing people again.


:D There it is. "I so would've...!" is almost always stated when there's a 0% chance of it happening. "Wanted to" and "still would" are meaningless platitudes when neither of you really would. It was nice of her to say so, though.
 
2012-05-08 04:13:35 PM  

ajt167: troubled adult: Ok, it's the opposite of men. Still doesn't give you better chances.

/sorry

Hey, you're being honest. It's all good, yo.


I'd rather be a biatch (as many women are considered after shutting down advances) than the c*nt who led you on for months. It's more honest, and in my opinion, for everyone's best interest.
 
2012-05-08 04:41:54 PM  
>Who loves who

Whom. WHOM! Who loves whom! Objective case. It's not that difficult, people.
 
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