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(Fark)   Make up a historical fact and share it with us   (fark.com) divider line 521
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3577 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 May 2012 at 4:02 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-06 09:23:05 PM
The Jews buried all dinosaur bones in 1924.
 
2012-05-06 09:23:16 PM
Grables'Daughter was one of the Founding Fathers of our country. She believed in the separation of church and state. She sewed the first American flag.

Or something.
 
2012-05-06 09:25:12 PM
In 600 AD, France invents the catapult. They then go on a world-wide rampage in an attempt to destroy the Roman Empire. France nearly took over the world, but God intervened by sending flying, human-eating, barking, fire-breathing spiders after the French. Since the French are cowardly pussies, they fled in terror and never again would challenge the peace of the world.
 
2012-05-06 09:25:39 PM
The war of 1812 started over pleated khakis.
 
2012-05-06 09:27:08 PM
In an ancient latino dialect, the word 'grin' (pronounced green) was the native's term for Caucasians.
Thus, the term 'Gringo' is simply an indigenous peoples' wish for whitey to leave them alone.
 
2012-05-06 09:27:15 PM
In 2037 a privately funded militia saved America from a Brazillian attempt to bomb a US nuclear power plant. Ever since Arbor Day has been celebrated on the anniversary of the day when the Arbor Mist Corporation save the United States and a new holiday "National Tree Day" was created for the orignial Arbor Day
 
2012-05-06 09:28:12 PM
Former President Jimmy Carter used to rape his dog.
 
2012-05-06 09:28:44 PM
Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and he was going to give them to Al Qaeda
 
2012-05-06 09:29:16 PM
Istanbul used to be called Go F*ck Yourself, Visagoths.
 
2012-05-06 09:29:21 PM
Halfway through his "Jew Solution", Hitler had a moment of clarity where he realized that he was wrong about the Jews and actually befriended a young boy named Y'honatan.
 
2012-05-06 09:29:40 PM
Mary had sex with Joseph.
 
2012-05-06 09:29:48 PM
Showtime was never offered as part of the White House cable package until George HW Bush got a free preview for one year.

It automatically renewed throughout the Clinton administration and is now a standard option for all future presidents.
 
2012-05-06 09:29:52 PM
The Spanish sunk an American ship and started the Spanish-American War.
 
2012-05-06 09:30:13 PM

Mr. Murder: Mary had sex with Joseph.


SLUT.
 
2012-05-06 09:30:37 PM
a young adolf hitler was once visited by three christmas eve ghosts. upon seeing a vision of his future, he remarked, "this art sh*t is whack. i'm going into world domination. also, old me would look better with a sassy 'stache."
 
2012-05-06 09:31:55 PM
George Washington cut down the first Washington Monument with an ax
 
2012-05-06 09:31:59 PM
lh5.googleusercontent.com

/recycled, no votie
 
2012-05-06 09:32:02 PM
The scientist who invented anti-bacterial ointment was robbed of his fame due to an unfortunate typo on the packaging.
The world will never fully appreciate the young Dr. Neil Sporin.
 
2012-05-06 09:32:19 PM
Nikola Tesla invented the AC motor specifically so he could build a spinning bow tie.
 
2012-05-06 09:32:31 PM
When HawgWild built the pyramids
He beat up Kubla Khan
Cuz HawgWild doesn't take shiat
From anyyyyybodyyyyy
 
2012-05-06 09:33:07 PM

generalDisdain: The scientist who invented anti-bacterial ointment was robbed of his fame due to an unfortunate typo on the packaging.
The world will never fully appreciate the young Dr. Neil Sporin.


generalDisdain made me smile.
 
2012-05-06 09:33:55 PM

Mr. Murder: Mary had sex with Joseph.


Their names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Because what are the chances of a man and woman living in/near Israel 2000 years ago being named 'Mary' and 'Joseph' who give birth to a bastard child and name it 'Jesus'
 
2012-05-06 09:36:56 PM

Marysue: HawgWild: When HawgWild built the pyramids
He beat up Kubla Khan
Cuz HawgWild doesn't take shiat
From anyyyyybodyyyyy


As incredibly lame as that was, it's still dozens of time better than anything I could come up with.

I'm so bad at this sort of thing.


Don't feel bad. I stole it and replaced Brian Boitano with HawgWild, so ...
 
2012-05-06 09:37:21 PM
in the late 1920s, the Periodic Table of the Elements briefly included Paprika.
 
2012-05-06 09:37:25 PM
In 605 AD, shortly before being burned at the stake, Thaddeous Milquetost predicted the coming of Nostradamus.
 
2012-05-06 09:37:47 PM
The original treatment for Orson Welles' Citizen Kane contained a 35 minute long hardcore sex sequence involving a sled.

Due to budgetary reasons, the scene was excised, but the sled was retained as an object of affection for Kane.
 
2012-05-06 09:38:48 PM
Before the invention of the touch-tone phone, 900 Americans died each year in rotary dialing accidents.
 
2012-05-06 09:38:52 PM

thejoyofpi: Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and he was going to give them to Al Qaneda



The conspiracy goes deeper than you think and points to the north
 
2012-05-06 09:38:57 PM
The legend lives on from the Chipewa on down
 
2012-05-06 09:39:12 PM
Bog.punk.girl.jpg invented moshing.

lh3.googleusercontent.com
 
2012-05-06 09:40:11 PM
During the Cuban Missle Crisis, several fighter planes were given word to be ready to take off. A young officer sat at the radio ready for the orders to come through and send the planes out. He received the go order, but something didn't seem right and he held off. During his delay, the real orders came through, the Crisis was over. The previous transmission had been made in error. That young officer's instincts averted World War III.

That young officer....was Tony Danza.
 
2012-05-06 09:40:14 PM
Marysue carpet bombed the Viet Cong
 
2012-05-06 09:40:29 PM
Marco Polo is noted for bringing the swimming pool to Europe from China (where it was first invented, to wash clothing in).
 
2012-05-06 09:40:48 PM
Prior to 1936, elevators only went up, not down.
 
2012-05-06 09:40:49 PM
benedict arnold invented the sexual position that's just like missionary except the girl's legs are, you know, up in the air.
 
2012-05-06 09:40:53 PM
Before he chose to set Friedrich Schiller's "Ode an die Freude" to music in his Symphony No. 9, Beethoven toyed around with using the popular song "Beans, Beans the Musical Fruit" in the finale.
 
2012-05-06 09:41:00 PM

Marysue: HawgWild: Don't feel bad. I stole it and replaced Brian Boitano with HawgWild, so ...

CPs?


OK, that's the first funny thing you've said. Take a bow
 
2012-05-06 09:41:09 PM

flucto: Marysue carpet bombed the Viet Cong


Her stinky snatch is the stuff of legend.
 
2012-05-06 09:41:57 PM

Lord of Allusions: During the Cuban Missle Crisis, several fighter planes were given word to be ready to take off. A young officer sat at the radio ready for the orders to come through and send the planes out. He received the go order, but something didn't seem right and he held off. During his delay, the real orders came through, the Crisis was over. The previous transmission had been made in error. That young officer's instincts averted World War III.

That young officer....was Tony Danza.


And now you know...

...

The rest of the story.

I'm Paul Havey.

Good day?
 
2012-05-06 09:42:07 PM
Theodore Roosevelt routinely had someone shoot him in the chest to get him pumped up before giving a speech. The famous incident occurred because one of his aides accidentally used a full metal jacket bullet, which was able to slightly penetrate Roosevelt's chest.
 
2012-05-06 09:42:24 PM
Aliens did most of that shiat.
 
2012-05-06 09:42:41 PM
The Partridge Family not only invented school buses, but multi-colored paint.
 
2012-05-06 09:43:31 PM
At the Last Supper, 5 Apostles ordered dessert.
 
2012-05-06 09:44:23 PM
Barack Obama was not actually born in Hawaii. In fact, historians aren't exactly sure where he was born, but some theorize Kenya, which was the native country of his father.
 
2012-05-06 09:44:29 PM
MarySue has a firecrotch and she gave drugs to Lindsay Lohan.
 
2012-05-06 09:45:25 PM
The English gewon over William the Nayfather in the year of our Dright 1066
 
2012-05-06 09:45:30 PM
Ronald Reagan lowered taxes on Americans and shrunk government to the lowest level seen since Herbert Hoover.
 
2012-05-06 09:45:48 PM

generalDisdain: Her stinky snatch is the stuff of legend.


they said 'make up a ... fact,' as in 'fictional,' or 'not true.'

/just fyi
 
2012-05-06 09:46:01 PM

shivashakti: Marco Polo is noted for bringing the swimming pool to Europe from China (where it was first invented, to wash clothing in).


Haha! I love this so much, I cannot wait to try to convince some random person that is factual.
 
2012-05-06 09:46:11 PM

randomizetimer: MarySue has a firecrotch and she gave drugs to Lindsay Lohan.


Agent Orange.
 
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