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(McSweeney's)   An open letter from a Gen-Xer. "There is no shame in standing naked in your kitchen dipping french bread into mug full of olive oil"   (mcsweeneys.net) divider line 170
    More: Amusing, McSweeney, Red Lobster, Penn Station, rational decision, kitchen dipping, mate choice, Lacunar amnesia  
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13385 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2012 at 8:19 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-05 10:10:08 PM  
If a Boomer farked a Gen Y'er, would that be rape rape?

52...doinking a hot 27 year old.
 
2012-05-05 10:10:46 PM  

Babwa Wawa: I personally don't regret a thing, but that's because I didn't meet my wife until I was 29 (maybe I wasn't ready, but that doesn't matter). Had I met her 5-6 years earlier, I'd have done all this sooner.


Oh, I just meant that my high school classmates might have regretted some decisions if they never left town or such... not meant for anyone here. I'm really just repeating what I heard from them last summer when I went home. I hadn't realized what my Facebook posts (which are meant for colleagues to help find one another while in transit) look like to them.

And in some ways, Mrs Servo and I are jealous of people with kids, and are tired of talking about the cats.
 
2012-05-05 10:12:25 PM  
Holy shiat you people are stupid.
 
2012-05-05 10:17:52 PM  
jesus, a lot of you farkers sound incredibly boring.
 
2012-05-05 10:18:23 PM  

Mutiny32: This is the only McSweeney article that has actually personified how much I want to tell people "fark you" in the most intimate of way. fark your kids, fark your miserable marriage, and fark your judgement upon me. I am happy.


Fark you, from my family to you and your lack thereof.


/31 and a Gen X'er, albeit a young one
 
2012-05-05 10:18:53 PM  

T-Servo: Oh, I just meant that my high school classmates might have regretted some decisions if they never left town or such... not meant for anyone here. I'm really just repeating what I heard from them last summer when I went home. I hadn't realized what my Facebook posts (which are meant for colleagues to help find one another while in transit) look like to them.

And in some ways, Mrs Servo and I are jealous of people with kids, and are tired of talking about the cats.


I didn't mean it like that either - can definitely see where some people can regret having kids when they are not prepared to have them. Just bringing up the point that when you have kids (that you wanted to have), you do the math to figure out how old you're gonna be at key moments of their lives. There's a twinge of jealousy when you see someone in their 40s who's happy with their adult kids.
 
2012-05-05 10:20:33 PM  
The only shame is that he could be sitting instead of standing. Sheesh.
 
2012-05-05 10:21:15 PM  
she
 
2012-05-05 10:45:39 PM  

Ordinary Genius: "Why do I have to make plans with you four weeks in advance? Why are you so tired all the time?"

Because I have children who require my attention at any given time, including when I am sleeping. The world does not revolve around you. I don't just leave my children at home because you called up wanting to go out drinking. I need time to find a babysitter.

Good grief.

/If she has that many problems with her friends, she should get some new ones.
//sounds like she is just reassuring her single hood.


This is what I was thinking. Plus her anecdote:

"This past autumn I fell down the stairs at a college football game and kissed someone's boss in front of clients while bleeding from the knees."

...and the fact that she considers doing that somehow less disturbing than posting pictures of your kids on Facebook is... a little off.

/Just my opinion, obviously. I'm sure she's a lovely girl. 0_o
 
2012-05-05 10:46:54 PM  
So, if I'm born in 1980, am I Gen X or not? I identify more with my friends born in the '70s than my friends born a few years later than me, so I figured Gen X was about right.

That being said, my boss is friends with Douglas Coupland, who helped popularize the term, and he swears that I'm a Millennial, so I am confused.
 
2012-05-05 10:51:09 PM  
This helpful chart may help you understand the age dynamics of these various generational cohorts:

Generation___Birth Year
Baby Boomer: 1946-1965 (±)
Generation X: 1966-1985 (±)
Generation Y: 1986-?

Someone who is 27 is borderline Generation X, depending on who's definition you use. In fairness, the author could have used "cusp of Generation X," for clarity's sake.
 
2012-05-05 11:02:07 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: Degenz:

Someone loan me a paper bag so I fark this ugly twat's brains out.
[anonymousradioshow.files.wordpress.com image 546x480]

A laryngeal prominence makes a woman ugly?


No. Not getting her male-to-female transition surgery completed and being a FOX News dumbass makes her ugly.
 
2012-05-05 11:02:10 PM  
We wouldn't feel this strong urge to tell people with a different lifestyle from us to fark the hell off if we didn't have this deep, subconscious fear that we got the shiatty end of the stick and their lifestyle, luck, how things worked out for them and their choices were better than ours.

The kid next to me got a better ice cream cone than the one I got. Wah.

I am going to remind myself that I'm a grown up, and go to sleep now. G'nite, all.
 
2012-05-05 11:04:39 PM  
White people problems.
 
2012-05-05 11:05:24 PM  

Degenz: ArcadianRefugee: Degenz:

Someone loan me a paper bag so I fark this ugly twat's brains out.
[anonymousradioshow.files.wordpress.com image 546x480]

A laryngeal prominence makes a woman ugly?

No. Not getting her male-to-female transition surgery completed and being a FOX News dumbass makes her ugly.


Do you ever wonder if some of those adam's apple pics have been photoshopped just to yank your chain? Seems like yet another form of trolling just waiting to happen. Take a perfectly hawt natural-born female and shop in a little bit of adam's apple, run her by a bunch of guys to get all their horny comments, and then make fun of them for drooling over the supposed "tranny."

You guys would be way too easy to bait if someone tried that.
 
2012-05-05 11:06:24 PM  
Don't know about you folks but I can clearly hear the desperation ringing through that pathetic letter of denial

Her longing for marriage to her high school sweetheart - now sweaty, beer bellied and belligerent - having left the best of himself caught within illusions of grandeur on a football field decades ago.

Her bitter hidden tears of envy over school chums with their happy households brimming over with:

Colicky babies - grade schooler's who struggle over reading and basic math, yet excel in unrestrained kleptomania and arson - rude, ungrateful teenagers with homicidal tendencies and an overwhelming sense of entitlement who adorn themselves with tattoos, piercings, lobe and lip stretchers, horns implanted under their scalp - all before they turn 16 - only to become terminally bored by 17 and continue living in the basement till they're 57 - when they marry their soul mate - a serial killer being released from prison and consecutive life sentences due to technicalities and disbarment of an alcoholic judge - and with the help of IVF begin providing litter after litter of pathological grandchildren who hate life and everyone and everything in it..

Cute puppies that rapidly turn into short tempered dogs with the overall personality of Cujo - unable to be housebroken yet breaking the Guiness Book of World Records in ripping things to shreds, reproducing, attracting fleas, ticks, an assortment of bugs yet to be classified and an unending list of medical conditions - all requiring expensive veterinary treatments during their lengthy waning years.

Kittens becoming cats that claw and scratch and "mark territory" until patchouli is bought in 50 gallon drums and pressure sprayed throughout the house to "take the edge off" the aroma/stench.

Endearing baby animals that get rescued during storms and quickly become beloved pets BEFORE one is aware they're exotic, illegal and dangerous as hell once they hit exotic animal puberty.

The home sweet home with it's escalating maintenance costs and plummeting property values cozily sitting atop a yard that defies all landscaping and plant growth due to its 3 inches of topsoil covering a previous toxic waste dump that no one claims liability for.

Tanking careers, physician induced drug addictions and overall financial and mental instability . . .

And SHE's MISSING OUT ON ALL OF IT!

Poor naked little thing . . . dipping her french bread into that mug of olive oil . . . all alone.

Pining for "what might have been".

sigh. . .

It's sad really.

so sad. so very, very sad. . . .
 
2012-05-05 11:10:20 PM  
img225.imageshack.us
approves
 
2012-05-05 11:14:48 PM  

WorthNoting: Don't know about you folks but I can clearly hear the desperation ringing through that pathetic letter of denial

Her longing for marriage to her high school sweetheart - now sweaty, beer bellied and belligerent - having left the best of himself caught within illusions of grandeur on a football field decades ago.

Her bitter hidden tears of envy over school chums with their happy households brimming over with:

Colicky babies - grade schooler's who struggle over reading and basic math, yet excel in unrestrained kleptomania and arson - rude, ungrateful teenagers with homicidal tendencies and an overwhelming sense of entitlement who adorn themselves with tattoos, piercings, lobe and lip stretchers, horns implanted under their scalp - all before they turn 16 - only to become terminally bored by 17 and continue living in the basement till they're 57 - when they marry their soul mate - a serial killer being released from prison and consecutive life sentences due to technicalities and disbarment of an alcoholic judge - and with the help of IVF begin providing litter after litter of pathological grandchildren who hate life and everyone and everything in it..

Cute puppies that rapidly turn into short tempered dogs with the overall personality of Cujo - unable to be housebroken yet breaking the Guiness Book of World Records in ripping things to shreds, reproducing, attracting fleas, ticks, an assortment of bugs yet to be classified and an unending list of medical conditions - all requiring expensive veterinary treatments during their lengthy waning years.

Kittens becoming cats that claw and scratch and "mark territory" until patchouli is bought in 50 gallon drums and pressure sprayed throughout the house to "take the edge off" the aroma/stench.

Endearing baby animals that get rescued during storms and quickly become beloved pets BEFORE one is aware they're exotic, illegal and dangerous as hell once they hit exotic animal puberty.

The home sweet home with it's escalating ...


Wow.

You. Yes, you. You never, ever, ever get to complain about any female having teh crazy.

Ever.

That is all.
 
2012-05-05 11:19:19 PM  

Julie Cochrane: Degenz: ArcadianRefugee: Degenz:

Someone loan me a paper bag so I fark this ugly twat's brains out.
[anonymousradioshow.files.wordpress.com image 546x480]

A laryngeal prominence makes a woman ugly?

No. Not getting her male-to-female transition surgery completed and being a FOX News dumbass makes her ugly.

Do you ever wonder if some of those adam's apple pics have been photoshopped just to yank your chain? Seems like yet another form of trolling just waiting to happen. Take a perfectly hawt natural-born female and shop in a little bit of adam's apple, run her by a bunch of guys to get all their horny comments, and then make fun of them for drooling over the supposed "tranny."

You guys would be way too easy to bait if someone tried that.


STFU, Julie, you've been a favorite for years and I'm just yanking your chain. The truth is I agree with you 99% of the time.

But seriously, Ann Coulter deserves all the bashing she gets.
 
2012-05-05 11:22:31 PM  

Julie Cochrane: Wow.

You. Yes, you. You never, ever, ever get to complain about any female having teh crazy.

Ever.

That is all.


;-D

Never have and never will!
 
2012-05-05 11:29:09 PM  
Gen Y here. That sounds delicious and like something to nosh on!
 
2012-05-05 11:33:33 PM  
If Newt doesn't get his sh*t together Mitt Romney will be the GOP nominee and Obama will be re-elected.
scienceblogs.com
That tranny knows of what he speaks.
 
2012-05-05 11:49:11 PM  
I'm Gen X. I'm 47, not 27.
At this point in life, being single naked and dipping French bread into a mug full of olive oil has a certain desperation to it that comes from realizing this isn't the time you're killing while building your future. This is the future you've built, and now you get to live in it.
 
2012-05-05 11:53:04 PM  

Mutiny32: This is the only McSweeney article that has actually personified how much I want to tell people "fark you" in the most intimate of way. fark your kids, fark your miserable marriage, and fark your judgement upon me. I am happy.


Funny, you don't sound happy. You sound farking miserable... as does the author of this article. If you spend more on your bar tab than on groceries, chances are pretty good that you're unhappy or mentally ill and self-medicating with alcohol.
 
2012-05-06 12:09:26 AM  
You better watch out, or you'll be nearly thirty and out every night, asking how did I get here.

It's not me, it's you!

In NYC, though, things seem different...but really, NYC will eat you alive and feed on your bones. It's fun for a few years, but life isn't meant to be lived in 200 square feet.
 
2012-05-06 12:14:42 AM  

garkola: In NYC, though, things seem different...but really, NYC will eat you alive and feed on your bones. It's fun for a few years, but life isn't meant to be lived in 200 square feet.


The smallest place I ever lived in (besides a college dorm room) was 650 sq. ft. I shared it with my girlfriend. Geez, I hated being poor.
 
2012-05-06 12:23:20 AM  
If it walks like a self absorbed attention whore and talks like a self absorbed attention whore... Chances are, it is a self absorbed attention whore..... With a blog.
 
2012-05-06 12:25:08 AM  

OscarTamerz: ...a gunt like Lena Dunham


I learned a new word today. Thank you I think.

/Yeah, that needed a word.
//Won't be sharing this one with the wife.
 
2012-05-06 12:25:53 AM  
Single yes; happy no.
 
2012-05-06 12:56:36 AM  

JasonOfOrillia: She's gen-y or gen-next and not a gen-xer like me. She still sounds like she'd be a hoot to hang around. Sadly I've done similar things and have had similar opinions over the last year and I'm 41.

/Going to Montreal in a month for Joe Beef and Mondial de la Bier.
//Hopefully won't vomit on the plane back. Again.


Seriously. I feel like you haven't lived until you've puked on plane from being hungover. There's certainly nothing glamorous about it, but it's pretty hilarious to look back on being hungover and managing to wake up with enough time before the plane left to get Denny's to satiate my need for gross, greasy food, only to puke it right back up about five minutes after takeoff.

/Palm Springs really isn't fun to fly out of on a windy day, even when you're sober
/only 25, but oddly intrigued by the olive oil in a coffee cup idea
 
2012-05-06 01:08:17 AM  
This article:

"Look at me, I'm an attention whore"
 
2012-05-06 01:15:15 AM  

Mugato: NowhereMon: If she's 27, she's not generation X.

Yeah like every 7 years is a generation now.


Pick up this flag and put on this uniform and THAT IS WHAT DEFINES YOU! Now, go buy stuff aimed at your demographic! FOR FREEDOM™!
 
2012-05-06 01:24:55 AM  

BlippityBleep: what generation are people around 31ish


Depends, were your parents boomers or teenage sluts ?

// labels suck but Im thinking your label of Y fits
 
2012-05-06 01:47:11 AM  
My first two reactions:

1) Nothing like a two-month old article from McSweeney's to make me want to march over to Valencia Street and set something one fire.

2) She sounds defensive about her life choices.
 
2012-05-06 02:07:39 AM  

laid back w/bud light: She definitely sounds fat and entitled. biatch, nobody cares about your opinions or life, thank god someone thinks your vapid writing skills are being paid for.


Amen! Couldn't've said it better myself.
 
2012-05-06 02:10:08 AM  

abitofbuffalo: She sounds like an ex of mine, constantly talking about how she is going to be super important someday, with no real plan or job. All the while she spends her free time getting slutty drunk and stoned. It was fun for a couple of weeks, but it got old and very unattractive pretty quickly. The night that broke the camels back was the night she skipped out on a premiere party for a movie I worked on and afterward, when I showed up to her friends house, she was already shiatfaced & cutting up lines of coke. I walked out that night.

Today she is still suckling off of daddy's teet, while I'm off doing bigger and better things than ever before. There is a reason the girl from TFA is still single, nobody wants a barfly, they'll pick them up for random night, but it's not the kind of girl you take home to mom. Not to mention from her writing she sounds like she might have a pretty serious drinking problem and all the baggage that comes with that.


Wow. The amount of douche you were able to channel here is amazing. I guess you're just lucky like that, eh?
 
2012-05-06 02:16:57 AM  
"My refrigerator usually has more than hot sauce, celery and a NuvaRing in it."

I hope she's got a beer or twelve for me squirreled away in there.

/prolly not
 
2012-05-06 02:25:08 AM  
I'll take "Most Likely to Die Alone in a Room Full of Cats" for $800, Alex.
 
2012-05-06 03:13:12 AM  
I'm 35 but hated Reality Bites. Can I get a Gen X-emption?
 
2012-05-06 03:23:50 AM  
Sounds to me that there are a lot of jealous gen-xers sitting on their Value City couches planning their big day at Bed, Bath and Beyond really upset that generation Y found a way to have a good time despite gen-x having ruined everything.
 
2012-05-06 04:41:01 AM  
America. The land where you get to blame everything on your parents as long as you come up with the rent.
 
2012-05-06 04:51:12 AM  
Has anyone mentioned that this woman isn't a Gen-Xer?

She's a Gen-Yer (aka Millennials or the ME generation).
 
2012-05-06 05:36:33 AM  

Beowoolfie: OscarTamerz: ...a gunt like Lena Dunham

I learned a new word today. Thank you I think.

/Yeah, that needed a word.
//Won't be sharing this one with the wife.


If "gunt" is a new word for you, I have to assume you're newlyweds :P

/If only Fark Filterpwned 'gunt' into 'grunt'.
 
2012-05-06 06:03:37 AM  

sure haven't: How the fark does a 27 year old think they're generation x? I'm 31, and I find it annoying that people still see millennials as early 20's only. What's generation X, 1979 and earlier?

Also, BOOMERS RUINED EVERYTHING

/amidoinitrite?


Generation is kind of a tricky thing and in our current society it's used on two levels - those interested in culture and history, and those interested in demographic marketing.

Generation X is generally not accepted to be later than 1982 - however, there's this mysterious period from the mid 70's to the mid 80's where not a lot of children were born. They're between the post-boomers and the boomer children. In demographic marketing, this is sometimes referred to as the "Lost Generation" - which is not to be confused with the "Lost Generation" of the 1880's - 1903. Culture and history -mongers largely ignore this demographic, both because of the smallness of it's size in span, as well as births per annum.

As a result, many of the "Lost Generation" habitually find themselves identified into the wrong generation... like subby did.

I would conjecture that when the future looks back at this period of time, they will lump the Lost in with the X'ers because of the real formational part of this generation X that we are only now starting to see peter out - these are the children of the Cold War. GenX, Lost Gen, very early GenY, grew up in a world of fatalism and tension, and although as children we didn't know what it was, it's shaped us as a group more than we know. Unforgettably, my boomer father related it to me like this, "During the Cold War, we didn't imagine the end of the world in nuclear armageddon. We knew it was going to happen. It was a matter of when."
 
2012-05-06 07:37:48 AM  

Degenz: But seriously, Ann Coulter deserves all the bashing she gets.


Agreed. She used to be funny (looong time ago), now she's just a hateful biatch.
 
2012-05-06 07:53:05 AM  

Urinal Cake Mix: /Palm Springs really isn't fun to fly out of on a windy day, even when you're sober
/only 25, but oddly intrigued by the olive oil in a coffee cup idea


She's doing it wrong.

Put the olive oil on a salad plate, put some fresh ground black pepper on it (get one of those pepper grinders that cracks it from the peppercorns), a tiny bit of Parmesan grated right off the block.

Add more olive oil, pepper, etc., as needed.

Much better that way.

The salad plate also lets you make it a semi-exotic breakfast for two....
 
2012-05-06 08:02:08 AM  
Die Die Die

You should die you farking ass, fall down more steps and die, get cancer and die, get stabed in the eye and die

Just die
 
2012-05-06 08:07:37 AM  
Where did this "do not judge me" mindset come about, considering how idiotic it is? (I sincerely hope TFA is a parody, because if not, no 27-year-old that stupid should be writing for McSweeney's.)

People judge. It's part of THINKING. It's what we do with our frontal lobes, 24-7. Yes, young single person, your friends ARE judging you. All of them. Some of them envy your freedom, some of them pity you your isolation. Everyone who might want to hire you, sleep with you, or hang out with you judges you. If you're lucky, you'll find people who judge you to be interesting or attractive. If you're not lucky, your friends, or your iPhone, will tell you you're just not hot.

Whatever happened to having enough confidence in oneself to realize that at least half the world was going to hate your choices, life plan, and hairstyle at any given time, so one needed to be strong enough to deal with that? Are we really rearing kids who are not used to being criticized?

/old person rant off
 
2012-05-06 08:08:33 AM  

starsrift: Unforgettably, my boomer father related it to me like this, "During the Cold War, we didn't imagine the end of the world in nuclear armageddon. We knew it was going to happen. It was a matter of when."


Yeah. I was precociously aware of politics and the Cold War. So from the time I was in about the 2nd grade, I knew it would only take about 30 minutes after missile launch for the Russian missiles to reach us and kill us all, and I knew that the government would make sure the radios and TVs would never tell us anything.

But we always had those interruptions on TV and radio---those "tests of the Emergency Broadcast System" with the scary alarm tone. I sometimes think the whole point of that tone was to keep us all scared.

Anyway, because I knew about the missiles and all that, I knew that the first thing we'd know about any war is the world would just explode. There would be a bright, blinding flash and we'd all die--if we were lucky. If we were unlucky and were too far away from the bomb to die in the first flash, we'd burn to death-- Let's just say that I could already read the encyclopedia entry for atomic bombs at eight years old, and I could look up and read all the cross references and see also's, and I had.

And I was "smart" enough to ask my parents what military targets our home and the places we visited were near, and they were "honest" enough to tell me. So I knew that I lived my life on top of first strike targets.

It was a pretty serious mindfark to grow up with.
 
2012-05-06 08:35:13 AM  
FTFA: "Yet still more questions for you, judgers: ... Are chocolate fountains real?"


Asked and answered here a couple weeks ago.

And yes, you can indeed put ANYTHING in the chocolate fountain.
 
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