Look, as far as we know, our asymmetrically coiffed party pal has never held a guitar in his life. But no contemporary musician has a more primal understanding of adrenaline-pumping, pulse-raising, chest-caving bulldozer riffs than dubstep mosh ambassador Skrillex. Somewhere between the unfiltered piston-pumps of nü-metal and the twinkling emocore melodies that weaned him is a gaping sarlacc of yawping melodies and buzzsaw edges. The bass drop to "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites" might just be this generation's "Smoke on the Water" - look no further than the obscene number of "Skrillex guitar cover" videos on YouTube!

I do not have words to express the emotion I have over this paragraph except to say, "Fark the guy who wrote this. Fark him and everything he has ever done."

Seriously, Skrillex produces ear-raping shiat for people who have no idea what music is unless it means slamming their sweaty bodies around while high on E. "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites" has to be the most aurally reprehensible cacophony I've ever heard. It was like having a thousand tiny dicks all trying to penetrate my eardrums at once. Not to mention that pushing a bunch of farking buttons in software or on a soundboard is NOWHERE CLOSE to being an actual guitarist. They're not even remotely comparable.

And saying that a bunch of talentless wanks covering it on Youtube makes it this generation's "Smoke on the Water" only furthers the assertion that the writer of this article has less brain function than Terri Schiavo.

The lack of a music tab on fark has resulted in this.

This list fails without Yahoo Serious and Ralph Macchio, who both saved the day with their incredible guitar skills. The list should also include Sammi Curr, who literally slayed people with his killer electric solo.

And while we're at it, let's throw in my personal guitarist of all time, Oroku Saki. Sure, he may have never been seen with a guitar, but that didn't stop the other nominees from getting on the list. And we all know what a Shredder he was.

Spin magazines staff today.

"100 SKRILLEX
Look, as far as we know, our asymmetrically coiffed party pal has never held a guitar in his life."

No, Spin, YOU look. Fark you.

Jesus Christ, this writer is just farking stupid.

First, he claims this: "As you will see, our list embraces outsiders, trailblazers, outliers, and Eugene Chadbourne playing a rake. We don't worship "guitar gods," but prefer our axe-wielders to be resourceful, egalitarian, flawed, and human. We're not drawn to Olympic feats of fleet-fingered athletics, unless they're used for unique and exploratory ends. We see the mewling histrionics of Jeff Beck as tyranny instead of catharsis. The name Derek Trucks is practically alien to us."

And yet, the list is "TOP 100 GUITARISTS OF ALL TIME"

It is like making a list called "Hottest Women of All Time" then disqualifying actresses and super models and somehow putting Rosie O'Donnell as #1 because she "doesn't convey the qualities of what is considered beautiful".