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(The Atlantic Wire)   How Hollywood lied to us about romance   (theatlanticwire.com ) divider line
    More: Sad, Hollywood, falling in love, shopping spree, romantic movie  
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7558 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 May 2012 at 6:58 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-05-02 11:46:34 PM  
5 votes:
Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

And any movie that doesn't portray that is lying to you.

And let's not forget all these damn Disney movies that con young girls into believing they're special little princesses, an attitude that they do not lose as they get older. In fact, it only gets worse.

And then, when broads do get older, they're force fed these horrible romantic comedies and chick flicks which make their belief that they're princesses seem plausible!

And it isn't any better on the male side, either. She doesn't give a damn about you, just the status or financial security or child you're donating sperm to her for. That's it.

And, if by some miracle what I've written is wrong, and you wind up happy, it'll all end like the first scene in UP.
2012-05-03 12:26:11 AM  
4 votes:

Ambivalence: FirstNationalBastard: Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.


Those sentences are not mutually inclusive. You can find the love of your life and still die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Every hello comes with a goodbye, and it's rare for even lifelong lovers to die together.


That's why every romance movie should end with a murder/suicide.
2012-05-03 07:55:58 AM  
3 votes:
It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.
2012-05-03 12:46:05 PM  
2 votes:
Love is doing, romance is dreaming.
2012-05-03 08:10:46 AM  
2 votes:

Ambivalence: FirstNationalBastard: Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.


Those sentences are not mutually inclusive. You can find the love of your life and still die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Every hello comes with a goodbye, and it's rare for even lifelong lovers to die together.


So you're saying a lucky few will be able to die wallowing in each others excrement?

Oh joy.

/staying single
2012-05-03 07:58:06 AM  
2 votes:
I found my soul mate.
Two months later she had a seizure and died.
Ta-da. Life is suffering.
2012-05-03 06:54:19 AM  
2 votes:
No matter what Hollywood tells you, the Dread Pirate Roberts really doesn't take any prisoners, he killed your love the day he took the ship.*

Life is pain, anyone who tells you different is selling something.

*If he didn't kill them it would be work, work work!
2012-05-03 03:53:55 AM  
2 votes:
Romance movies are escapist entertainment for an hour and a half. Anybody who thinks life is like the movies is an idiot and you should not enter into a relationship with them.

/at least not using your real name
2012-05-03 09:27:33 PM  
1 vote:

Keigh: Thanks for all the advice!

And as everyone knows, you should always do the exact opposite of what Fark tells you, so it looks like I'm good.

Seriously, in a thread about how nothing is ever like the movies, love never turns out how you think it will, its all an illusion, you guys are encouraging me to drop what i have and go be alone with my cats until eventually something turn up and it will all be "okay".

I have a lot of good things going for me. I have a respectful, if not particularly sexy, relationship, and I must say, I'm quite attached to his Basset Hound. He's a good man, and he'll take care of me.

You all must have checked my profile pic and think a pretty girl should have it "better."


Actually, my advice is the same but for different reasons. break up with him so that he can find someone better than you. Someone that actually enjoys being with him and isn't annoyed by him and wants to have sex with him. Good lord, how selfish are you?

You're type of thinking is what used to scare me away from relationships.
2012-05-03 05:18:50 PM  
1 vote:

Keigh: Nana's Vibrator: Keigh: I gave up on romantic love just about this time last year....

wow, I almost shared the story of my heartbreak and resulting situation, with Fark, in this thread.

oh, i didn't have coffee today.

Suffice to say I'm not *un*happy, and love is overrated.

Please share. We here at Fark are a sympathetic bunch and in no way would use your story in any way to ridicule or shame you.
Unsolicited advice: Get that first rebound & regret out of the way quickly so you can move on with your life.

wth, i'm not doing anything at work, and now i have coffee.

Thanks, I have moved on. Since then I've had an older sex buddy, an age appropriate short term relationship (complete with awkward ending, hurtful things said to me by him, and he never wants to speak to me again), and have moved in with a man (who happens to be someone i dated almost ten years ago. Gawd I was head over heels for him then).

I care for my boyfriend, I love him, but I am not now "in love" with him. Moving in together was largely a convenience. The sex is alright, but lately a lot of things about him have been real turn-offs. Like, everything about him. So when we do it, we just skip to the farking and leave out the less than arousing attempts at foreplay. you can say "he's doing it wrong" all day long, but trying to explain the turn offs to him makes him even more self conscious and that is another turn off. And i feel like while I could find these things endearing in someone I was in love with, I have trouble getting in the mood for yet another coaching session in the bedroom.

Outside the bed, while he is constantly telling me how much he loves me and how perfect i am and what a wonderful girlfriend i am and how lucky he is to have me, I don't know what to say to him about my feelings. One drunken night before we moved in together I told him i didn't think I would ever be in love with him. Mostly because something inside me was broken when my ex (who i was madly in love with, got ...


I have been in your shoes. Let me tell you how it ends. YMMV, of course, but here's my experience.

You start resenting things more and more, and he can tell. He gets more neurotic, which annoys you more, and after a few years, you end up completely resenting one another. Because there's no love between you anymore, you both develop major crushes on other people -- not just attraction, but actual emotionally invested crushes, the kind that remind you of what you DON'T have at home -- which saps any remaining energy right out of the relationship and makes both of you more insecure. Because you're both so eager to please one another, to make it work, you both get more and more depressed, feeling trapped. You may even start to consider suicide, in moments of weakness, because you are so entwined that it seems like too much effort to get out, but you can't bear another day of being together.

...then it finally, FINALLY gets to a point where you can't take it anymore, and one of you suggests to break up. The other is grateful. And suddenly, you're both happy. So happy. You didn't realize how miserable the relationship was making you. When you do move on -- it takes time to trust and love, but you will -- you wonder how you ever could have stayed in anything so miserable. How you ever could have settled, and wasted so much of your life.

That journey is difficult enough when it's just the two of you. Please don't bring kids on the rollercoaster along with you.

It's true what they say: there ARE plenty of fish in the sea. No one has to settle. I wish I had known then how happy I would be now.
2012-05-03 03:17:10 PM  
1 vote:

Keigh: BHShaman: Keigh: Nana's Vibrator: Keigh: I gave up on romantic love just about this time last year....

wow, I almost shared the story of my heartbreak and resulting situation, with Fark, in this thread.


Leave him.
It is not fair to him thinking your heart might heal over the lost love and that you may come to find yourself to be "in love" with him.


Keigh: Nana's Vibrator: Keigh:

As a person living through a relationship with a woman very much like you describe, but who only started to be honest about her feelings after two kids, spare him and yourself the future divorce and leave now.

Where did I ever say that I believed this would be the case? I'm well aware that "love" does not work that way (Thanks, zorbo). I said I'm choosing to build the relationship on honesty (already our policy) and mutual respect. Your wife couldnt be honest until many years later? My boyfriend and I have already crossed the honesty bridge. I'm not going to surprise him with the revelation that I'm not in love with him. He already knows. He also knows I choose to be with him, and he's actually okay with being good enough. At least, that's what he tells me, so maybe I will be the one surprised in 12 years.

My grandparents have been married for 60 years. They have not slept in the same room for the entirety of my life, and probly not well before that either. They constantly biatch, whine, snark, and are completely annoyed by the other's breathing. But they didn't believe in divorce, so they made it work. And they still are making it work, and sometimes Grandma kisses Grandpa's bald head, or Grandpa puts his arm around Grandma, and everyone can see that they still love each other.

I guess what I'm saying is, just because Divorce is a common option in this modern world, does not make it the only option.


I don't think I've ever said anything mean to someone on fark, but the story about your boyfriend makes you kind of look like a biatch. I can sympathize with you about the whole being annoyed with the person you're with (I've been there before). However, when the person starts to annoy you, it's really time to go because they're not going to get less annoying as time goes on. You're just going to end up hating or resenting them. It's cruel to him, even if you're honest with him because he's most likely assuming you'll change your mind one day because why else would you still be with him? He'll end up hating you in the end. And bringing kids into the situation is just selfish.

I'll say what I say in every single one of these threads, lasting love does exist. Unfortunately some people are too broken, selfish, or neurotic to either find it or enjoy it when they have it. Obviously you don't have it in this situation, but that doesn't mean you can't have it in the future. If you view your partner as some sort of sperm donor/ATM machine then you're setting yourself up, him up, and your kids up for a miserable life. I guess enjoy that if you want, but it's really unfortunate that you would drag your potential family down into the black hole with you.

Meh, I know you don't care, but you did post it for everyone to read and comment so oh well.
2012-05-03 12:32:04 PM  
1 vote:
Are we going to get all personal, instead of having a misogyny thread? All right then, in that spirit I'll share:

I went back to college when I was in my 40's. Just got out of a horrible, horrible, marriage, although it didn't really scar me for life about men. Just about other things.....I fell in love with one of my professors. First day I was in his class, he came in, said a couple of dumb things, and BAM, that was it. So I had him for the whole semester, and you know I never missed a class. Then took another class the next semester just so I could be in his building and be near him.

He felt the same way, but not. He was a workoholic, very busy trying to get his career wherever it was he wanted it to go (he was new), and he said that I distracted him. I pursued him and he let me, to a point. But the whole "relationship" mostly revolved around us looking at each other and grinning like idiots, speechless. I never had sex with him, never went on a date, never even kissed him, but all I had to do was see him walking across campus and I'd feel like crying. He finally blew me off, in the nicest way possible, but it still broke my heart.

The whole thing was idiotic--I have no doubt that we'd have been a terrible couple after a while. The guy cared about nothing but his work and he had no time for anything. I admit that I sent him a very short email and told him when I was leaving town, good-bye. The day I graduated, I was sitting on campus smoking cigarettes by his building and crying. I was 45 farking years old, and I'd never felt that way about anyone my whole life.

I could still look him up--find his picture and info, since he's a professor--but I just don't. Sorry, all you bitter old farks, but I'm still a believer.
2012-05-03 11:48:23 AM  
1 vote:

Keigh: Nana's Vibrator: Keigh: I gave up on romantic love just about this time last year....

wow, I almost shared the story of my heartbreak and resulting situation, with Fark, in this thread.

oh, i didn't have coffee today.

Suffice to say I'm not *un*happy, and love is overrated.

Please share. We here at Fark are a sympathetic bunch and in no way would use your story in any way to ridicule or shame you.
Unsolicited advice: Get that first rebound & regret out of the way quickly so you can move on with your life.

wth, i'm not doing anything at work, and now i have coffee.

Thanks, I have moved on. Since then I've had an older sex buddy, an age appropriate short term relationship (complete with awkward ending, hurtful things said to me by him, and he never wants to speak to me again), and have moved in with a man (who happens to be someone i dated almost ten years ago. Gawd I was head over heels for him then).

I care for my boyfriend, I love him, but I am not now "in love" with him. Moving in together was largely a convenience. The sex is alright, but lately a lot of things about him have been real turn-offs. Like, everything about him. So when we do it, we just skip to the farking and leave out the less than arousing attempts at foreplay. you can say "he's doing it wrong" all day long, but trying to explain the turn offs to him makes him even more self conscious and that is another turn off. And i feel like while I could find these things endearing in someone I was in love with, I have trouble getting in the mood for yet another coaching session in the bedroom.

Outside the bed, while he is constantly telling me how much he loves me and how perfect i am and what a wonderful girlfriend i am and how lucky he is to have me, I don't know what to say to him about my feelings. One drunken night before we moved in together I told him i didn't think I would ever be in love with him. Mostly because something inside me was broken when my ex (who i was madly in love with, got ...


Please don't have kids with this guy, if you're this annoyed by him after just 1 month, just think of putting up with him for the next 18+ years.
2012-05-03 11:26:27 AM  
1 vote:

groppet: Hell if any guy did most things in movies to woo a girl we would probably get a restraining order at least.


A friend of mine and I outlined a horror film once about a guy who was obsessed with Breakfast at Tiffany's and would try to get his cute quirky neighbor to act out parts of the movie with him. The movie would start off like a charming little rom-com, the pixie dream girl neighbor thinks he's odd but nice enough and indulges his weird fixation. Then they go on one disastrous date where he tries to get her to shoplift someone at a dollar store but she refuses, Tiffany's won't engrave a tiepin for them, just everything goes wrong. She just outright ignores him now, his behavior escalates. Then it goes guano crazy from there as he goes stalker on her ass and terrorizes her, to include something unpleasant happening to her cat.

There's also talk about using Moon River as a creepy soundtrack cue.
2012-05-03 10:41:30 AM  
1 vote:

OldManDownDRoad: Way back when (the 70s) when I was in kollidge, I discovered the secret to romance: women are primarily interested in cars, cash, or cocaine.

Has anything changed since then?


The only thing that changes is the choice of drug, and it's on a 5-year carousel. And really, men need to pay attention because drug choice is the primary indicator of what kind of fight she's going to start that night.
2012-05-03 10:14:27 AM  
1 vote:
I gave up on romantic love just about this time last year....

wow, I almost shared the story of my heartbreak and resulting situation, with Fark, in this thread.

oh, i didn't have coffee today.

Suffice to say I'm not *un*happy, and love is overrated.
2012-05-03 09:43:22 AM  
1 vote:
Taking this point by point....
1) I HAVE been forced to choose between two amazing women who both loved me and were totally different.
2) I HAVE found someone more than 10 years after I met them (Thanks FB!). No love connection though.
3) Never had someone that was just a hook up buddy. Not my style.
4) Last minute chase scene to stop someone from flying away? No. There was a last minute phone call trying to stop someone from flying away.
5) I HAVE realized I was falling in love with a female friend.
6) No alter interruptions.
7) Fall in love with someone you fight with all the time? No. Been attracted to, yes.
8) Makeover montage? Ummmm....Does shaving my head while the radio's playing count?
9) Met a girl on a boat once. Dated briefly.
10) All of life is a comedy. I've had plenty of misunderstandings and reconciliations with girls.
11) Happily Ever After only happens when you stop the story soon enough.
2012-05-03 09:25:28 AM  
1 vote:

relaxitsjustme: Romance movies are escapist entertainment for an hour and a half. Anybody who thinks life is like the movies is an idiot and you should not enter into a relationship with them.

/at least not using your real name


thank you. once in a while, can't I enjoy and then discard a movie I won't have to think about without being treated like I'm a daffy little dipshiat who's to blame for the intellectual decline of America? if someone takes any aspect of a romantic comedy seriously, it's because their parents failed to prepare them for life. and if you find yourself involved with such a twit, it's not my fault you're drawn to deluded people.

look, I won't make anyone watch a "chick flick" with me. in fact, I prefer to see them alone so no one sees me tear up at the deliberately-crafted moment in the film when I am supposed to do just that. I deal with grief and death all the time. my life is full of failures and disappointments and hardships. if I promise that I am about as pragmatic and non-princess as they come, can I just have that 90 minutes of fluff once every few months?
2012-05-03 08:43:19 AM  
1 vote:
Allowed Meg Ryan to play the same character in every movie she's been in.
2012-05-03 08:30:37 AM  
1 vote:
Actually I can't help but think that Hollywood lied to us about romance on purpose. Seriously, who wants to go see a movie about a real romance?

/Brokeback Mountain
kab
2012-05-03 08:26:10 AM  
1 vote:
Why were these article writers using romance flicks as some sort of guideline for their own expectations? It's not so much that anyone lied to you... it's more that you're utterly lacking in common sense to begin with.

Be prepared for more letdowns, for hollywood also lies to you about how most car chases go, about how computer hacking works, how most brawls go, how smart most bank robbers / criminals are, etc. And the porn industry lies to you about sex.
2012-05-03 08:23:48 AM  
1 vote:

FirstNationalBastard:

And, if by some miracle what I've written is wrong, and you wind up happy, it'll all end like the first scene in UP.


After decades of being with someone you care about whose dying wish is for you to live the rest of your life happy? Gee, what a shame.
2012-05-03 08:03:38 AM  
1 vote:
The Ephron sisters should be charged with crimes against humanity.
2012-05-03 07:58:40 AM  
1 vote:
FirstNationalBastard
Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you


Every move you make
Every leaf you rake
Every dog you wake
Every herring you bake
I'll be watching yoooou...

www.zuckervati.com
2012-05-03 07:49:59 AM  
1 vote:

FirstNationalBastard: Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

And any movie that doesn't portray that is lying to you.

And let's not forget all these damn Disney movies that con young girls into believing they're special little princesses, an attitude that they do not lose as they get older. In fact, it only gets worse.

And then, when broads do get older, they're force fed these horrible romantic comedies and chick flicks which make their belief that they're princesses seem plausible!

And it isn't any better on the male side, either. She doesn't give a damn about you, just the status or financial security or child you're donating sperm to her for. That's it.

And, if by some miracle what I've written is wrong, and you wind up happy, it'll all end like the first scene in UP.


Still worth every ounce of anguish.
2012-05-03 07:45:39 AM  
1 vote:
You know, I *do* have a good friend who's gay, but he's a rather sensible individual.
2012-05-03 07:37:33 AM  
1 vote:
Obvious tag needs to show up, punch Sad tag in the stomach, point at it and say "Ha! Ha!"
2012-05-03 01:24:59 AM  
1 vote:
Next time, on "Hollywood Romantic comedy or transcript of aggravated stalking trial" ...
2012-05-03 12:48:47 AM  
1 vote:

Ambivalence: Ghastly: That's why every romance movie should end with a murder/suicide.

Yah, no.


Worked for Shakespeare!
2012-05-03 12:29:06 AM  
1 vote:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Cubansaltyballs: I have a feeling this is going to be a very happy and optimistic thread and not at all filled with venom and despair.

But at least we're not bitter


And we're not going to get called at 3:00 AM because 'he...he...he..cheated on me again' and then to get a call two days later because 'he's different this time and he is so sweet to me'
2012-05-03 12:11:46 AM  
1 vote:

Cubansaltyballs: I have a feeling this is going to be a very happy and optimistic thread and not at all filled with venom and despair.


But at least we're not bitter
2012-05-03 12:06:45 AM  
1 vote:
I have a feeling this is going to be a very happy and optimistic thread and not at all filled with venom and despair.
2012-05-03 12:03:42 AM  
1 vote:
I think I'll get good and drunk and wait until 2 AM to call the woman who broke my heart. I'm sure she'll realize what a horrible mistake she made by rejecting me and immediately rush to fall into my arms

/what?
2012-05-02 11:56:10 PM  
1 vote:

FirstNationalBastard: Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.


Those sentences are not mutually inclusive. You can find the love of your life and still die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Every hello comes with a goodbye, and it's rare for even lifelong lovers to die together.
 
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