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(The Atlantic Wire)   How Hollywood lied to us about romance   (theatlanticwire.com) divider line 168
    More: Sad, Hollywood, falling in love, shopping spree, romantic movie  
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7555 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 May 2012 at 6:58 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-03 08:41:18 AM
Oh, I don't know. The Last American Virgin seemed pretty honest.
 
2012-05-03 08:43:19 AM
Allowed Meg Ryan to play the same character in every movie she's been in.
 
2012-05-03 08:51:25 AM
Watch The New Detective Case Studies in Forensic Science then watch Bones or any CSI.
/Not the same by a mile in the looks department
 
2012-05-03 08:52:02 AM
author of TFA sounds like he owns a lot of cats.
 
2012-05-03 08:53:04 AM
lied about romance you say? pffft, they lie about physics all the time!
 
2012-05-03 08:53:46 AM

Rev. Skarekroe: Annie Hall was a good story about a real romance. Annie and Woody don't live happily ever after in the end. They see each other for the first time in years and it's a little weird and awkward and then they go about their lives.

They don't make movies like that anymore.


Off the top of my head, Closer, 500 Days of Summer, and Up in the Air all end with the protagonists split up.

/the top of my head is pretty bare. There are probably better examples.
 
2012-05-03 08:54:49 AM

Andric: Er.... I thought that was a tragedy. Do people actually take that story as romantic?


Note: I didn't say it was a Comedy. Of course it was a Tragedy. As most "romances" these days are as well.
 
2012-05-03 08:55:59 AM

Andric: Er.... I thought that was a tragedy. Do people actually take that story as romantic?


Is this a serious question? Generations upon generations of women have viewed that story as "the ultimate love story". How have you missed that?
 
2012-05-03 08:56:02 AM

OldManDownDRoad: Way back when (the 70s) when I was in kollidge, I discovered the secret to romance: women are primarily interested in cars, cash, or cocaine.

Has anything changed since then?


Yeah. The women who may be interested in you aren't 22 any more.
 
2012-05-03 09:03:25 AM

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: You know, I *do* have a good friend who's gay, but he's a rather sensible individual.


Is he an endless source of good relationship advice while never dating anyone, then dying of a beautiful illness?
 
2012-05-03 09:05:19 AM

Fano: Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: You know, I *do* have a good friend who's gay, but he's a rather sensible individual.

Is he an endless source of good relationship advice while never dating anyone, then dying of a beautiful illness?


If you're not in the closet, you can either take that option, or you can have all your romance happen off screen and then only see your love interest in sex scenes that are interrupted by the main character in desperate need of shallow advice or coddling.

If you are in the closet, you've got a lot more options.
 
2012-05-03 09:06:12 AM

PonceAlyosha: HAMMERTOE: It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.

Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.


Know how I know you did't read the play?

gunga galunga: PonceAlyosha: HAMMERTOE: It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.

Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.

Yes, he did. In Act III. What do you think happened in between the time Nurse shows up at Friar Laurence's to tell Romeo that Juliet wanted to see him that very night and the next morning when they both emerge from her bedroom?


This. They totally got it on.

gunga galunga: kab: In other news, goddamn there's some sad, bitter folks in this thread.

Until some perky eccentric young woman, preferably with colorfully died hair, bounces into my life and sees me being more than the boring stuffed shirt that I am, and then engages me with her wild and quirky antics, I won't be happy.


www.filmjunk.com

Were you watching the film, Something Wild recently? Because that's the first film I thought of with that plot line. It's a hell of a lot more sinister than people think, due to Ray Liotta though.
 
2012-05-03 09:07:40 AM

OldManDownDRoad: Way back when (the 70s) when I was in kollidge, I discovered the secret to romance: women are primarily interested in cars, cash, or cocaine.

Has anything changed since then?


Cocaine is out of fashion. The laid-back chicks smoke weed and the party girls do crystal meth.
 
2012-05-03 09:17:36 AM
Harold and Maude. The only romantic movie anyone needs to see.
 
2012-05-03 09:17:53 AM
The last woman I dated would actually reference movies when communicating what she wanted out of the relationship or explaining how I should have done something different.

I kept telling her I don't watch shiatty movies and preferred an original, unscripted life.

She broke up with me when I told her she watches too much tv and it was making her dumb.

I'm pretty confident I could win her back by stalking her and holding a boombox over my head outside her apartment, though.
 
2012-05-03 09:20:42 AM

Fano: Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: You know, I *do* have a good friend who's gay, but he's a rather sensible individual.

Is he an endless source of good relationship advice while never dating anyone, then dying of a beautiful illness?



I take all my advice from aging African-Americans who mysteriously appear in my life then just as mysteriously vanish.
 
2012-05-03 09:21:00 AM

HotWingConspiracy: The last woman I dated would actually reference movies when communicating what she wanted out of the relationship or explaining how I should have done something different.

I kept telling her I don't watch shiatty movies and preferred an original, unscripted life.

She broke up with me when I told her she watches too much tv and it was making her dumb.

I'm pretty confident I could win her back by stalking her and holding a boombox over my head outside her apartment, though.


heh
 
2012-05-03 09:21:52 AM

I Like Bread: OldManDownDRoad: Way back when (the 70s) when I was in kollidge, I discovered the secret to romance: women are primarily interested in cars, cash, or cocaine.

Has anything changed since then?

Cocaine is out of fashion. The laid-back chicks smoke weed and the party girls do crystal meth.


Thanks for the update - I'll check into the weed girls. The meth girls around here tend to shoot their partners.

Meanwhile, in today's romance news:

Couple seemed in love before stabbing incident
 
2012-05-03 09:22:53 AM

PonceAlyosha: Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.


What? Yes he did. What do you think that Nightingale/Morning Lark banter in Act III was all about?
 
2012-05-03 09:24:23 AM

titwrench: Harold and Maude. The only romantic movie anyone needs to see.


There are some nuts out there who think Maude is a manic pixie dream girl.

/still waiting on that farking Criterion pre-order for the Blu-ray. Bastards delayed it until June
//loves the fact that my DVD copy I paid 5 bucks for is now worth 50 because it's OOP
 
2012-05-03 09:24:56 AM

KatjaMouse: PonceAlyosha: Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.

What? Yes he did. What do you think that Nightingale/Morning Lark banter in Act III was all about?


The fact that so many of you know the exact scene offhand is a bit adorable.
 
2012-05-03 09:25:28 AM

relaxitsjustme: Romance movies are escapist entertainment for an hour and a half. Anybody who thinks life is like the movies is an idiot and you should not enter into a relationship with them.

/at least not using your real name


thank you. once in a while, can't I enjoy and then discard a movie I won't have to think about without being treated like I'm a daffy little dipshiat who's to blame for the intellectual decline of America? if someone takes any aspect of a romantic comedy seriously, it's because their parents failed to prepare them for life. and if you find yourself involved with such a twit, it's not my fault you're drawn to deluded people.

look, I won't make anyone watch a "chick flick" with me. in fact, I prefer to see them alone so no one sees me tear up at the deliberately-crafted moment in the film when I am supposed to do just that. I deal with grief and death all the time. my life is full of failures and disappointments and hardships. if I promise that I am about as pragmatic and non-princess as they come, can I just have that 90 minutes of fluff once every few months?
 
2012-05-03 09:25:34 AM
Meh, you all lie to yourselves anyway. I'm not excluding myself.
 
2012-05-03 09:25:54 AM

BohemianGraham: gunga galunga: Until some perky eccentric young woman, preferably with colorfully died hair, bounces into my life and sees me being more than the boring stuffed shirt that I am, and then engages me with her wild and quirky antics, I won't be happy.

Were you watching the film, Something Wild recently? Because that's the first film I thought of with that plot line. It's a hell of a lot more sinister than people think, due to Ray Liotta though.


Ummm... that was the description of 9 out of 10 Manic Pixie Dream Girls. I say 9 out of 10 because a scant handful of them never dye their hair some whacky color.

The Dark Truth about Quirky Romantic Comedies
 
2012-05-03 09:28:10 AM

PonceAlyosha: KatjaMouse: PonceAlyosha: Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.

What? Yes he did. What do you think that Nightingale/Morning Lark banter in Act III was all about?

The fact that so many of you know the exact scene offhand is a bit adorable.


Or the fact that many of us actually read the play in 9th grade. Or performed it 2-3 times in high school or college. Or watched the Zeffirelli or Baz Lurman movies a bunch in high school English when our teachers were hung over. Boys watched that scene very intently in the Zeffirelli version especially.
 
2012-05-03 09:30:03 AM

wedding vegetables: thank you. once in a while, can't I enjoy and then discard a movie I won't have to think about without being treated like I'm a daffy little dipshiat who's to blame for the intellectual decline of America? if someone takes any aspect of a romantic comedy seriously, it's because their parents failed to prepare them for life. and if you find yourself involved with such a twit, it's not my fault you're drawn to deluded people.

look, I won't make anyone watch a "chick flick" with me. in fact, I prefer to see them alone so no one sees me tear up at the deliberately-crafted moment in the film when I am supposed to do just that. I deal with grief and death all the time. my life is full of failures and disappointments and hardships. if I promise that I am about as pragmatic and non-princess as they come, can I just have that 90 minutes of fluff once every few months?


This is why I have my sister and gay boyfriend. The three of us made a Christmas tradition to watch Love Actually and have no shame in admitting it. However, we will mock those who think that Sleepless in Seattle is actually a good movie.
 
2012-05-03 09:30:05 AM

KatjaMouse: BohemianGraham: gunga galunga: Until some perky eccentric young woman, preferably with colorfully died hair, bounces into my life and sees me being more than the boring stuffed shirt that I am, and then engages me with her wild and quirky antics, I won't be happy.

Were you watching the film, Something Wild recently? Because that's the first film I thought of with that plot line. It's a hell of a lot more sinister than people think, due to Ray Liotta though.

Ummm... that was the description of 9 out of 10 Manic Pixie Dream Girls. I say 9 out of 10 because a scant handful of them never dye their hair some whacky color.

The Dark Truth about Quirky Romantic Comedies


Oh I know that, but that was the first one I thought of, because it's much more than a "quirky romantic comedy." It starts out as one, but ends up taking a twisted turn, and breaks the stereotypes a little. It's an underrated film, and more people need to watch it. :)

PonceAlyosha: KatjaMouse: PonceAlyosha: Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.

What? Yes he did. What do you think that Nightingale/Morning Lark banter in Act III was all about?

The fact that so many of you know the exact scene offhand is a bit adorable.


Only because I had to study the play in Grade 9, Grade 11, and first year university English. I farking hate the play. Give me Henry V or Twelfth Night any day.
 
2012-05-03 09:33:42 AM

KatjaMouse: PonceAlyosha: KatjaMouse: PonceAlyosha: Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.

What? Yes he did. What do you think that Nightingale/Morning Lark banter in Act III was all about?

The fact that so many of you know the exact scene offhand is a bit adorable.

Or the fact that many of us actually read the play in 9th grade. Or performed it 2-3 times in high school or college. Or watched the Zeffirelli or Baz Lurman movies a bunch in high school English when our teachers were hung over. Boys watched that scene very intently in the Zeffirelli version especially.


I actually saw the Zeffirelli, but I was too busy watching Romeo's choice ass. We actually branched out on our Shakespeare because the teachers were bored of Romeo and Juliet. Much Ado About Nothing is much more amusing.
 
2012-05-03 09:34:24 AM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: Petit_Merdeux: FirstNationalBastard: Ambivalence: Ghastly: That's why every romance movie should end with a murder/suicide.

Yah, no.

Worked for Shakespeare!

That was suicide/suicide.

Nowhere near as bad as rape/rape.


pizza/pizza
 
2012-05-03 09:35:28 AM

BohemianGraham: Only because I had to study the play in Grade 9, Grade 11, and first year university English. I farking hate the play. Give me Henry V or Twelfth Night any day.


I also had to re-read in college in Shakespeare's plays. Here I thought we'd be diving into some of the denser texts but then I realized if a student who thought they could breeze through that class didn't "get" Romeo and Juliet would pretty much struggle and drop out before the end of the registration close date. That professor attacked that play way overly aggressive. Once it was past he turned totally chill and let us explore the richness of Tempest.

/personal faves are also Henry V and Twelfth Night but add in Macbeth too
 
2012-05-03 09:36:26 AM

OldManDownDRoad: I Like Bread: OldManDownDRoad: Way back when (the 70s) when I was in kollidge, I discovered the secret to romance: women are primarily interested in cars, cash, or cocaine.

Has anything changed since then?

Cocaine is out of fashion. The laid-back chicks smoke weed and the party girls do crystal meth.

Thanks for the update - I'll check into the weed girls. The meth girls around here tend to shoot their partners.

Meanwhile, in today's romance news:

Couple seemed in love before stabbing incident


Just watch out for pillheads. They come in all shapes and sizes. If you find out you're dating one, keep both eyes on your wallet.
 
2012-05-03 09:36:41 AM

PonceAlyosha: I actually saw the Zeffirelli, but I was too busy watching Romeo's choice ass. We actually branched out on our Shakespeare because the teachers were bored of Romeo and Juliet. Much Ado About Nothing is much more amusing.


You must have seen the Zeffirelli because that's the only movie version that shows a Romeo with "a choice ass". Later in that same scene, however, are the infamous Juliet boobies.
 
2012-05-03 09:37:08 AM
FTFA: One will also not be a hunter while the other is a bread-maker.

I don't know why that made me laugh so hard. Possibly because it really irritates me that people insist on reading/projecting a Twilight style love story into The Hunger Games, which is actually a brilliant novel in that it subverts a lot of the standard conventions of teen lit. In the first book at least, Katniss doesn't give a fark about romance, and really only thinks about it for a paragraph near the end. To be fair, Collins is using that paragraph to set up for some future tension, but it's still never a major plot point.

The movie tried a little too hard to set up the future romance plot, and I found myself literally rolling my eyes at key scenes.
 
2012-05-03 09:38:14 AM

wedding vegetables: relaxitsjustme: Romance movies are escapist entertainment for an hour and a half. Anybody who thinks life is like the movies is an idiot and you should not enter into a relationship with them.

/at least not using your real name

thank you. once in a while, can't I enjoy and then discard a movie I won't have to think about without being treated like I'm a daffy little dipshiat who's to blame for the intellectual decline of America? if someone takes any aspect of a romantic comedy seriously, it's because their parents failed to prepare them for life. and if you find yourself involved with such a twit, it's not my fault you're drawn to deluded people.

look, I won't make anyone watch a "chick flick" with me. in fact, I prefer to see them alone so no one sees me tear up at the deliberately-crafted moment in the film when I am supposed to do just that. I deal with grief and death all the time. my life is full of failures and disappointments and hardships. if I promise that I am about as pragmatic and non-princess as they come, can I just have that 90 minutes of fluff once every few months?


I'm not a big fan of "chick flicks" myself, I count all of maybe five in my collection, but I won't begrudge anyone their escape. Well said, madam....

/prefer sci-fi/fantasy
//but damn that Mr. Darcy....
 
2012-05-03 09:40:17 AM

titwrench: Harold and Maude. The only romantic movie anyone needs to see.


Barry Lyndon is very accurate regarding the "objecting to someone else's marriage," and fairly accurate for the rest of the sex and relationships following.
 
2012-05-03 09:41:11 AM

Ennuipoet: No matter what Hollywood tells you, the Dread Pirate Roberts really doesn't take any prisoners, he killed your love the day he took the ship.*

Life is pain, anyone who tells you different is selling something.

*If he didn't kill them it would be work, work work!


GET UP, YOU BIATCH!
 
2012-05-03 09:42:00 AM
and, just as i hit "add comment", i realize i've quoted the wrong movie.

*sigh*
 
2012-05-03 09:42:33 AM

KatjaMouse: BohemianGraham: Only because I had to study the play in Grade 9, Grade 11, and first year university English. I farking hate the play. Give me Henry V or Twelfth Night any day.

I also had to re-read in college in Shakespeare's plays. Here I thought we'd be diving into some of the denser texts but then I realized if a student who thought they could breeze through that class didn't "get" Romeo and Juliet would pretty much struggle and drop out before the end of the registration close date. That professor attacked that play way overly aggressive. Once it was past he turned totally chill and let us explore the richness of Tempest.

/personal faves are also Henry V and Twelfth Night but add in Macbeth too


First year English in undergrad was actually ok, because we had to read the play Goodnight Desdemona, Good Morning Juliet in conjunction with Othello and R&J, which made the play slightly more interesting, considering it addresses what happens had they not offed themselves. The scene where Romeo and Juliet have a tugging match over a turtle named Hector, and thus rip him in half was highly entertaining.

My actual Shakespeare class was excellent, as the prof actively avoided most of the more popular Shakespeare plays, such as R&J, Othello, Hamlet, and Macbeth. We got to read ones that were popular, but not the first ones people would name, and explored the plays in conjunction with the essays in Political Shakespeare.

/I also dug Macbeth, Othello, and a lot of the historic based ones. Hamlet was much better when it was remade as Strange Brew. ;)
 
2012-05-03 09:43:22 AM
Taking this point by point....
1) I HAVE been forced to choose between two amazing women who both loved me and were totally different.
2) I HAVE found someone more than 10 years after I met them (Thanks FB!). No love connection though.
3) Never had someone that was just a hook up buddy. Not my style.
4) Last minute chase scene to stop someone from flying away? No. There was a last minute phone call trying to stop someone from flying away.
5) I HAVE realized I was falling in love with a female friend.
6) No alter interruptions.
7) Fall in love with someone you fight with all the time? No. Been attracted to, yes.
8) Makeover montage? Ummmm....Does shaving my head while the radio's playing count?
9) Met a girl on a boat once. Dated briefly.
10) All of life is a comedy. I've had plenty of misunderstandings and reconciliations with girls.
11) Happily Ever After only happens when you stop the story soon enough.
 
2012-05-03 09:43:22 AM

KatjaMouse: PonceAlyosha: I actually saw the Zeffirelli, but I was too busy watching Romeo's choice ass. We actually branched out on our Shakespeare because the teachers were bored of Romeo and Juliet. Much Ado About Nothing is much more amusing.

You must have seen the Zeffirelli because that's the only movie version that shows a Romeo with "a choice ass". Later in that same scene, however, are the infamous Juliet boobies.


We watched the Zeffirelli at least once in grade 6 (they had an annual grade-wide Shakespeare unit), and the teacher always fast forwarded through the naughty bits. So we still got to see all the butts, they were just really fast.

By high school we were watching the Luhrmann in class, and it's still one of my favorites. It's just so over the top! Also I love that Romeo actually sees Juliet as she wakes up, just as it's too late...
 
2012-05-03 09:44:28 AM
'altar'
 
2012-05-03 09:45:12 AM

AbbeySomeone: HAMMERTOE: It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.

These days he'd be arrested for stalking and placed on a sex offender registry, and she would have been hospitalized and medicated for depression so the whole fiasco would have been avoided.


Or maybe she needed a sassy gay friend?
 
2012-05-03 09:45:45 AM

Sybarite: Fano: Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: You know, I *do* have a good friend who's gay, but he's a rather sensible individual.

Is he an endless source of good relationship advice while never dating anyone, then dying of a beautiful illness?


I take all my advice from aging African-Americans who mysteriously appear in my life then just as mysteriously vanish.


They vanish to be reborn like the phoenix into a sassy young African-American friend. Then in their 30s they go into a chrysalis for about 15 years until they develop into the wise and earthy person who can set everything right. Often, these creatures develop a relatively quiet, but adoring mate who looks quite regal late in the lifecycle.
 
2012-05-03 09:48:54 AM

BohemianGraham: First year English in undergrad was actually ok, because we had to read the play Goodnight Desdemona, Good Morning Juliet in conjunction with Othello and R&J, which made the play slightly more interesting, considering it addresses what happens had they not offed themselves.


Sounds like what would've happened had they had a Sassy Gay Friend.

Juliet and Desdemona... and Ophelia for good measure.
 
2012-05-03 09:49:29 AM
Damn you KiplingKat872!

*shakes tiny fist*
 
2012-05-03 09:50:15 AM

gunga galunga: kab: Why were these article writers using romance flicks as some sort of guideline for their own expectations? It's not so much that anyone lied to you... it's more that you're utterly lacking in common sense to begin with.

Be prepared for more letdowns, for hollywood also lies to you about how most car chases go, about how computer hacking works, how most brawls go, how smart most bank robbers / criminals are, etc. And the porn industry lies to you about sex.

And not once, not once, have I seen a large group of people spontaneously break out into song, with some phantom orchestra playing from nowhere, and engage in an elaborate, meticulously choreographed dance number.


It happens more often in India than you might think.

However, your life being affirmed while singing motown into wooden spoons or hairdriers with your girrlfirends has been documented in a couple neighborhoods in New York, on the lower East Side.
 
2012-05-03 09:52:24 AM
 
2012-05-03 09:56:48 AM

blueviking: wedding vegetables: relaxitsjustme: Romance movies are escapist entertainment for an hour and a half. Anybody who thinks life is like the movies is an idiot and you should not enter into a relationship with them.

/at least not using your real name

thank you. once in a while, can't I enjoy and then discard a movie I won't have to think about without being treated like I'm a daffy little dipshiat who's to blame for the intellectual decline of America? ...

if I promise that I am about as pragmatic and non-princess as they come, can I just have that 90 minutes of fluff once every few months?

I'm not a big fan of "chick flicks" myself, I count all of maybe five in my collection, but I won't begrudge anyone their escape. Well said, madam....

/prefer sci-fi/fantasy
//but damn that Mr. Darcy....


I watched 13 Going on 30 almost as a joke because nothing else was on, and ended up really liking it, specifically because she does not get the guy in the usual way. He doesn't ditch his fiancee for someone he hasn't spoken to in 17 years, and she doesn't even really expect him to. (Also, she's bonkers.)

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days was almost good, but it switches so quickly from parody to sincere rom-com in the last act, I just can't cope with it.
 
2012-05-03 10:07:33 AM

precia: blueviking: wedding vegetables: relaxitsjustme: Romance movies are escapist entertainment for an hour and a half. Anybody who thinks life is like the movies is an idiot and you should not enter into a relationship with them.

/at least not using your real name

thank you. once in a while, can't I enjoy and then discard a movie I won't have to think about without being treated like I'm a daffy little dipshiat who's to blame for the intellectual decline of America? ...

if I promise that I am about as pragmatic and non-princess as they come, can I just have that 90 minutes of fluff once every few months?

I'm not a big fan of "chick flicks" myself, I count all of maybe five in my collection, but I won't begrudge anyone their escape. Well said, madam....

/prefer sci-fi/fantasy
//but damn that Mr. Darcy....

I watched 13 Going on 30 almost as a joke because nothing else was on, and ended up really liking it, specifically because she does not get the guy in the usual way. He doesn't ditch his fiancee for someone he hasn't spoken to in 17 years, and she doesn't even really expect him to. (Also, she's bonkers.)

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days was almost good, but it switches so quickly from parody to sincere rom-com in the last act, I just can't cope with it.


Hmmm, haven't seen the first, but I was decidedly "meh" on the last. I think I enjoy the period pieces more...or maybe because most of the actors I see in typical rom-coms that play the love interests annoy the crap outta me.

/I kan haz Fassy and MacFayden?
 
2012-05-03 10:14:27 AM
I gave up on romantic love just about this time last year....

wow, I almost shared the story of my heartbreak and resulting situation, with Fark, in this thread.

oh, i didn't have coffee today.

Suffice to say I'm not *un*happy, and love is overrated.
 
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