FARK.com: (7084307) How Hollywood lied to us about romance

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

		How Hollywood lied to us about romance (theatlanticwire.com)		168
		More: Sad, Hollywood, falling in love, shopping spree, romantic movie

• • •

7554 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 May 2012 at 6:58 AM | Favorite | share:

Share this link:

URL:

http://fark.com/go/7084307

Bookmark:

Article Comments close

168 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

FirstNationalBastard		2012-05-02 11:46:34 PM

Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

And any movie that doesn't portray that is lying to you.

And let's not forget all these damn Disney movies that con young girls into believing they're special little princesses, an attitude that they do not lose as they get older. In fact, it only gets worse.

And then, when broads do get older, they're force fed these horrible romantic comedies and chick flicks which make their belief that they're princesses seem plausible!

And it isn't any better on the male side, either. She doesn't give a damn about you, just the status or financial security or child you're donating sperm to her for. That's it.

And, if by some miracle what I've written is wrong, and you wind up happy, it'll all end like the first scene in UP.

Ambivalence		2012-05-02 11:56:10 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Those sentences are not mutually inclusive. You can find the love of your life and still die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Every hello comes with a goodbye, and it's rare for even lifelong lovers to die together.

Aar1012		2012-05-02 11:58:12 PM

You mean I'm not going to meet the woman of my dreams through some wacky shenanigan or have her realize I'm what she is looking for after a string of bad dates with guys that I told her not date? She isn't going to be in a field related to communication or public relations. I'm not going to piss her off after one misunderstood circumstance and I won't have to come up with some wacky plan, that most would consider stalkerish, and will win her back?

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2012-05-03 12:03:42 AM

I think I'll get good and drunk and wait until 2 AM to call the woman who broke my heart. I'm sure she'll realize what a horrible mistake she made by rejecting me and immediately rush to fall into my arms

/what?

Cubansaltyballs		2012-05-03 12:06:45 AM

I have a feeling this is going to be a very happy and optimistic thread and not at all filled with venom and despair.

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2012-05-03 12:11:46 AM

Cubansaltyballs: I have a feeling this is going to be a very happy and optimistic thread and not at all filled with venom and despair.

But at least we're not bitter

Ghastly		2012-05-03 12:26:11 AM

Ambivalence: FirstNationalBastard: Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Those sentences are not mutually inclusive. You can find the love of your life and still die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Every hello comes with a goodbye, and it's rare for even lifelong lovers to die together.

That's why every romance movie should end with a murder/suicide.

Aar1012		2012-05-03 12:29:06 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Cubansaltyballs: I have a feeling this is going to be a very happy and optimistic thread and not at all filled with venom and despair.

But at least we're not bitter

And we're not going to get called at 3:00 AM because 'he...he...he..cheated on me again' and then to get a call two days later because 'he's different this time and he is so sweet to me'

Ambivalence		2012-05-03 12:33:54 AM

Ghastly: That's why every romance movie should end with a murder/suicide.

Yah, no.

FirstNationalBastard		2012-05-03 12:48:47 AM

Ambivalence: Ghastly: That's why every romance movie should end with a murder/suicide.

Yah, no.

Worked for Shakespeare!

Lionel Mandrake		2012-05-03 01:24:35 AM

Wait...Hollywood does not accurately reflect reality??

But, but, everything I do is based on what I learn from movies!

DammitIForgotMyLogin		2012-05-03 01:24:59 AM

Next time, on "Hollywood Romantic comedy or transcript of aggravated stalking trial" ...

FirstNationalBastard		2012-05-03 01:32:16 AM

DammitIForgotMyLogin: Next time, on "Hollywood Romantic comedy or transcript of aggravated stalking trial" ...

Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Because People in power are Stupid		2012-05-03 02:09:26 AM

Your mom lied to everyone about romance.

Bucky Katt		2012-05-03 03:03:18 AM

You mean movies aren't true?

Petit_Merdeux		2012-05-03 03:51:51 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Ambivalence: Ghastly: That's why every romance movie should end with a murder/suicide.

Yah, no.

Worked for Shakespeare!

That was suicide/suicide.

relaxitsjustme		2012-05-03 03:53:55 AM

Romance movies are escapist entertainment for an hour and a half. Anybody who thinks life is like the movies is an idiot and you should not enter into a relationship with them.

/at least not using your real name

FirstNationalBastard		2012-05-03 04:07:33 AM

Petit_Merdeux: FirstNationalBastard: Ambivalence: Ghastly: That's why every romance movie should end with a murder/suicide.

Yah, no.

Worked for Shakespeare!

That was suicide/suicide.

Eh, close enough. And, probably a more audience friendly ending.

Ennuipoet		2012-05-03 06:54:19 AM

No matter what Hollywood tells you, the Dread Pirate Roberts really doesn't take any prisoners, he killed your love the day he took the ship.^*

Life is pain, anyone who tells you different is selling something.

^*If he didn't kill them it would be work, work work!

LewDux		2012-05-03 07:07:45 AM

It's a silly thing really
That you shouldn't believe in

PonceAlyosha		2012-05-03 07:32:06 AM

I've had hook up buddies turn into actual relationships. Isn't that how romance actually works? "Oh hey, sex with you is good, let's hang out."

space_cowgirl		2012-05-03 07:32:19 AM

FirstNationalBastard: DammitIForgotMyLogin: Next time, on "Hollywood Romantic comedy or transcript of aggravated stalking trial" ...

Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

How romantic!

Sybarite		2012-05-03 07:33:33 AM

I want my Manic Pixie Dream Girl!

gunga galunga		2012-05-03 07:37:33 AM

Obvious tag needs to show up, punch Sad tag in the stomach, point at it and say "Ha! Ha!"

Nuclear Monk		2012-05-03 07:37:42 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I think I'll get good and drunk and wait until 2 AM to call the woman who broke my heart. I'm sure she'll realize what a horrible mistake she made by rejecting me and immediately rush to fall into my arms

/what?

And then, when that fails and I'm still drunk, I'll write this blog entry decrying the falsehoods portrayed in shallow romantic comedies.

AbbeySomeone		2012-05-03 07:38:07 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

And any movie that doesn't portray that is lying to you.

And let's not forget all these damn Disney movies that con young girls into believing they're special little princesses, an attitude that they do not lose as they get older. In fact, it only gets worse.

And then, when broads do get older, they're force fed these horrible romantic comedies and chick flicks which make their belief that they're princesses seem plausible!

And it isn't any better on the male side, either. She doesn't give a damn about you, just the status or financial security or child you're donating sperm to her for. That's it.

And, if by some miracle what I've written is wrong, and you wind up happy, it'll all end like the first scene in UP.

Well goddamn; it's so nice to enjoy my coffee with your uplifting rant.

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo		2012-05-03 07:45:39 AM

You know, I *do* have a good friend who's gay, but he's a rather sensible individual.

Expolaris		2012-05-03 07:49:59 AM

HAMMERTOE		2012-05-03 07:55:58 AM

It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.

HotIgneous Intruder		2012-05-03 07:58:06 AM

I found my soul mate.
Two months later she had a seizure and died.
Ta-da. Life is suffering.

varmitydog		2012-05-03 07:58:40 AM

FirstNationalBastard
Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Every move you make
Every leaf you rake
Every dog you wake
Every herring you bake
I'll be watching yoooou...

www.zuckervati.com

PonceAlyosha		2012-05-03 08:00:33 AM

HAMMERTOE: It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.

Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.

space_cowgirl		2012-05-03 08:02:57 AM

FTA: There will not be a comedy of manners or tiny, insurmountable offenses, in which he says one thing and you take it the wrong way and then you say something else, and then other people stick their noses in and sway you in one way or the other, but then he saves your sister from ill repute, and you finally realize what a good man he is, and how he love-love-loves you.

It's still real to me, dammit. Mr. Darcy, if you're reading this, call me!

Jake Havechek		2012-05-03 08:03:38 AM

The Ephron sisters should be charged with crimes against humanity.

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves		2012-05-03 08:06:41 AM

Letters to Penthouse Forum, however, tell the truth about romance.

tomWright		2012-05-03 08:10:46 AM

Ambivalence: FirstNationalBastard: Love is a lie, romance is bullshiat, and odds are you will die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Those sentences are not mutually inclusive. You can find the love of your life and still die alone, wallowing in your own excrement.

Every hello comes with a goodbye, and it's rare for even lifelong lovers to die together.

So you're saying a lucky few will be able to die wallowing in each others excrement?

Oh joy.

/staying single

johnny_stingray		2012-05-03 08:12:12 AM

ELAINE!!!

ELAINE!!!!!

OldManDownDRoad		2012-05-03 08:20:50 AM

Way back when (the 70s) when I was in kollidge, I discovered the secret to romance: women are primarily interested in cars, cash, or cocaine.

Has anything changed since then?

Carth		2012-05-03 08:23:48 AM

FirstNationalBastard:

And, if by some miracle what I've written is wrong, and you wind up happy, it'll all end like the first scene in UP.

After decades of being with someone you care about whose dying wish is for you to live the rest of your life happy? Gee, what a shame.

gunga galunga		2012-05-03 08:25:07 AM

PonceAlyosha: HAMMERTOE: It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.

Worse yet, he didn't even get any, making their sacrifice all in vain.

Yes, he did. In Act III. What do you think happened in between the time Nurse shows up at Friar Laurence's to tell Romeo that Juliet wanted to see him that very night and the next morning when they both emerge from her bedroom?

TheEdibleSnuggie		2012-05-03 08:25:38 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Cubansaltyballs: I have a feeling this is going to be a very happy and optimistic thread and not at all filled with venom and despair.

But at least we're not bitter

Or delusional, ideological, or liberally optimistic about love- so much to the point it poisons the mind.

kab		2012-05-03 08:26:10 AM

Why were these article writers using romance flicks as some sort of guideline for their own expectations? It's not so much that anyone lied to you... it's more that you're utterly lacking in common sense to begin with.

Be prepared for more letdowns, for hollywood also lies to you about how most car chases go, about how computer hacking works, how most brawls go, how smart most bank robbers / criminals are, etc. And the porn industry lies to you about sex.

gunga galunga		2012-05-03 08:29:33 AM

kab: Why were these article writers using romance flicks as some sort of guideline for their own expectations? It's not so much that anyone lied to you... it's more that you're utterly lacking in common sense to begin with.

Be prepared for more letdowns, for hollywood also lies to you about how most car chases go, about how computer hacking works, how most brawls go, how smart most bank robbers / criminals are, etc. And the porn industry lies to you about sex.

And not once, not once, have I seen a large group of people spontaneously break out into song, with some phantom orchestra playing from nowhere, and engage in an elaborate, meticulously choreographed dance number.

Andric		2012-05-03 08:30:03 AM

HAMMERTOE: It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.

Er.... I thought that was a tragedy. Do people actually take that story as romantic?

Abe Vigoda's Ghost		2012-05-03 08:30:22 AM

Nurglitch		2012-05-03 08:30:37 AM

Actually I can't help but think that Hollywood lied to us about romance on purpose. Seriously, who wants to go see a movie about a real romance?

/Brokeback Mountain

kab		2012-05-03 08:31:38 AM

In other news, goddamn there's some sad, bitter folks in this thread.

gunga galunga		2012-05-03 08:36:09 AM

kab: In other news, goddamn there's some sad, bitter folks in this thread.

Until some perky eccentric young woman, preferably with colorfully died hair, bounces into my life and sees me being more than the boring stuffed shirt that I am, and then engages me with her wild and quirky antics, I won't be happy.

Rev. Skarekroe		2012-05-03 08:37:24 AM

Nurglitch: Actually I can't help but think that Hollywood lied to us about romance on purpose. Seriously, who wants to go see a movie about a real romance?

/Brokeback Mountain

Annie Hall was a good story about a real romance. Annie and Woody don't live happily ever after in the end. They see each other for the first time in years and it's a little weird and awkward and then they go about their lives.

They don't make movies like that anymore.

AbbeySomeone		2012-05-03 08:38:27 AM

HAMMERTOE: It didn't start with Hollywood.

Kindly remember that Romeo and Juliette, that ever-epitomized tome of "romance", was actually a story about a 17 y/o guy and a 13 y/o girl whose "deep, meaningful relationship" lasted all of 3 days, and resulted in 6 deaths.

These days he'd be arrested for stalking and placed on a sex offender registry, and she would have been hospitalized and medicated for depression so the whole fiasco would have been avoided.

Displayed 50 of 168 comments