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(The Atlantic Wire)   Articles "for women" that should be banned, including everything between the covers of Cosmo   (theatlanticwire.com) divider line 287
    More: Obvious, Wonder Woman  
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17762 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 May 2012 at 4:34 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-01 03:00:39 PM  
FTFA: Ending the piece with "More foreboding: all the attacks are becoming more violent" makes what could be a great piece into something primarily just fearmongery, which we assume was not the author's intention.

Wow. You are ASS-U-ME -ing a lot, Ms. Reporter. Someone should write a book about this.
 
2012-05-01 03:04:22 PM  
Whoever wrote that women should run their hair over their man (while he is naked) to tease him should be shot on a rocket into the sun.

Just put my dick in your mouth already.
 
2012-05-01 03:05:09 PM  
FTFA: Beyond the fact that there are so many versions of this article that we could live 'till eternity and never finish reading them all (even though, oddly, they all say much the same thing), shouldn't we have moved on from expectations of women "serving" men and men as the passive recipients of such service?

I have never, in fact, read any of these articles, but I would think that goes something like this:

1) Get Naked. Talk Horny.
2) Suck it
3) Use two hands
4) Serve sammiches afterwards.

Amirite? Is this what these articles say?
 
2012-05-01 03:05:45 PM  

Teknowaffle: Just put my dick in your mouth already.


I think I have my answer.
 
2012-05-01 03:11:56 PM  

Somacandra: 1) Get Naked. Talk Horny.
2) Suck it
3) Use two hands
4) Serve sammiches afterwards.


I think you've found a new vocation.
 
2012-05-01 03:21:46 PM  
Is one of the sample articles entitled

"How Relentless Nagging Will Motivate Him This Time", or
"You Gave Him 23 Things To Do Today And He Only Got 22 Of Them Right - Is It Time for Divorce?", or
"The Joy Of Breaking His Balls After A Long Day While The Game's On" or
"Right After He Mows Six Acres on a 93-Degree Day: The Perfect Time To Critique His Hygiene"
"He's Wasting His Money On Beer" or maybe
"Throwing Him Under The Bus In Front Of The Kids: How To Do It With Style!"

(reads tfa)

Yep.

I am fortunate Mrs. Eel has no truck with women's magazines.
 
2012-05-01 03:37:44 PM  
I've always loved Cosmo I still read it at the gym, it's kind of turned into a parody of itself but as a pre-teen it was an invaluable wealth of information for both the single sexually vivacious young urban woman and the pimply boys that worshipped them.
 
2012-05-01 03:48:46 PM  
Whoever gave my wife the magazine with the articles "If his foot makes it the whole way over the front door threshold and you haven't started talking yet, then you've failed" and "Fun With Pronouns: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately. In an alley. At 3:17AM. With a pillowcase full of doorknobs.
 
2012-05-01 03:56:06 PM  
Don't forget to cup the balls.
 
2012-05-01 04:02:42 PM  

Jake Havechek: Don't forget to cup the balls.


And would it kill you tickle the ass a little? I'm not saying go full knuckle or anything, but a little something something would be a pleasant surprise.
 
2012-05-01 04:27:24 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately.


I wish I had a nickel for every time I've had to yell out "pronoun reference!" during a story that I'm supposed to be listening to.
 
2012-05-01 04:27:46 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Whoever gave my wife the magazine with the articles "If his foot makes it the whole way over the front door threshold and you haven't started talking yet, then you've failed" and "Fun With Pronouns: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately. In an alley. At 3:17AM. With a pillowcase full of doorknobs.


1) may i join you
and
2) do i have to provide my own doorknobs?
 
2012-05-01 04:36:39 PM  

Jake Havechek: Don't forget to cup the balls.


I read "cup" as "clip" and this post took on a very upsetting tone.
 
2012-05-01 04:39:08 PM  
A tube sock full of Master locks also works.
 
2012-05-01 04:40:03 PM  
How about less talk about banning speech you find unacceptable, hmm??
 
2012-05-01 04:40:27 PM  

Diogenes: Jake Havechek: Don't forget to cup the balls.

And would it kill you tickle the ass a little? I'm not saying go full knuckle or anything, but a little something something would be a pleasant surprise.


Anything past the first knuckle is gay.

If they cut those articles out of womans magazines they wouldnt exist. Except for fashion and makeup
 
2012-05-01 04:40:49 PM  

Diogenes: Jake Havechek: Don't forget to cup the balls.

And would it kill you tickle the ass a little? I'm not saying go full knuckle or anything, but a little something something would be a pleasant surprise.


Yes, please. And that bit about the running your hair all over my belly, if it's done whilst giving suck to my manhood, that works just fine.
 
2012-05-01 04:41:38 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Whoever gave my wife the magazine with the articles "If his foot makes it the whole way over the front door threshold and you haven't started talking yet, then you've failed" and "Fun With Pronouns: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately. In an alley. At 3:17AM. With a pillowcase full of doorknobs.


My girlfriend's married to you?
 
2012-05-01 04:42:40 PM  
I'm very lucky my wife doesn't read that bullshiat
 
2012-05-01 04:42:54 PM  
I still remember reading an article about two college roomates who became more than just friends after a long night of partying.

Apparently, a little alcohol will turn two hetrosexual females into lesbians.

At 13, that resulted in alot of questions about whether I would turn lesbian if I got drunk.
 
2012-05-01 04:43:37 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves


Whoever gave my wife the magazine with the articles "If his foot makes it the whole way over the front door threshold and you haven't started talking yet, then you've failed" and "Fun With Pronouns: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately. In an alley. At 3:17AM. With a pillowcase full of doorknobs.


In the short, medium, or long run, does it really matter which co-worker it is? Picking one's battles and whatnot.

I vote sack-beating for the threshold one, though.
 
2012-05-01 04:44:05 PM  

RedEmily: I still remember reading an article about two college roomates who became more than just friends after a long night of partying.

Apparently, a little alcohol will turn two hetrosexual females into lesbians.

At 13, that resulted in alot of questions about whether I would turn lesbian if I got drunk.


let me provide the common heterosexual answer

Hopefully
 
2012-05-01 04:45:23 PM  
Can we just say Cosmo is an archaic idiot rag that tells women that slapping a dude's balls is erotic and will "drive him wild"?

Oh wait, I just did.

/and yes, it said that:
http://www.cracked.com/article/156_7-sex-tips-from-cosmo-that-will-pu t -you-in-hospital/
 
2012-05-01 04:45:31 PM  
Dear Women's Magazines,

Encourage women to open up their back door and let the men in.


Sincerely,
Perverted Men of America.
 
2012-05-01 04:45:55 PM  

RedEmily: I still remember reading an article about two college roomates who became more than just friends after a long night of partying.

Apparently, a little alcohol will turn two hetrosexual females into lesbians.

At 13, that resulted in alot of questions about whether I would turn lesbian if I got drunk.


Well?
 
2012-05-01 04:46:36 PM  
All of the following, and more.

living400lbs.files.wordpress.com/hot
 
2012-05-01 04:46:43 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Diogenes: Jake Havechek: Don't forget to cup the balls.

And would it kill you tickle the ass a little? I'm not saying go full knuckle or anything, but a little something something would be a pleasant surprise.

Yes, please. And that bit about the running your hair all over my belly, if it's done whilst giving suck to my manhood, that works just fine.


Thank you! I've been looking for a new phrase.
 
2012-05-01 04:47:15 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Whoever gave my wife the magazine with the articles "If his foot makes it the whole way over the front door threshold and you haven't started talking yet, then you've failed" and "Fun With Pronouns: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately. In an alley. At 3:17AM. With a pillowcase full of doorknobs.


So it's *not* just my wife that does this???? Suddenly, I don't feel so alone!
 
2012-05-01 04:47:32 PM  
Mock26

Dear Women's Magazines,

Encourage women to open up their back door and let the men in.


Sincerely,
Perverted Men of America.


sounds like just more sh*tty advice
 
2012-05-01 04:47:52 PM  

red5ish: A tube sock full of Master locks also works.


For the task at hand, I'd like to donate 3 hollowed-out hand grenades I purchased many years ago to juggle with. Can't juggle them now without being arrested. At least they could serve some worthwhile purpose.
 
2012-05-01 04:48:02 PM  
ms. doll is getting bummed that people are directing general career advice towards women? really?

it seems to me that universities direct all kinds of resources specifically towards women, women's advancement, women's rape week, women' studies and so on. let's consider women's advancement groups---they are indeed a good thing, they organize meetings to help women learn how to use networking and whatever other skills to their advantage in order to build a solid career. granted, women do deal with different issues, in particular with respect to family, than men, so not all of the advice is necessarily universal, but from what i gather, 90% of what applies to the women also applies to the men. while this is great that universities thus help women to direct their careers in these trying times, why should men be excluded? but i'd bet dollars to donuts that ms. doll sat in such committees in her own uni days and had no problems with the nomenclature at the time.
 
2012-05-01 04:48:07 PM  

WhippingBoy: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Whoever gave my wife the magazine with the articles "If his foot makes it the whole way over the front door threshold and you haven't started talking yet, then you've failed" and "Fun With Pronouns: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately. In an alley. At 3:17AM. With a pillowcase full of doorknobs.

So it's *not* just my wife that does this???? Suddenly, I don't feel so alone!


its something that happens when they become wives
 
2012-05-01 04:49:08 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Whoever gave my wife the magazine with the articles "If his foot makes it the whole way over the front door threshold and you haven't started talking yet, then you've failed" and "Fun With Pronouns: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately. In an alley. At 3:17AM. With a pillowcase full of doorknobs.


Funny because my girlfriend wants me to shut up for once.
/So does my parents, siblings, friends and my thearpist.
//I talk a lot. Never about myself. I'm not a douchebag.
 
2012-05-01 04:49:42 PM  

Teknowaffle: Whoever wrote that women should run their hair over their man (while he is naked) to tease him should be shot on a rocket into the sun.

Just put my dick in your mouth already.


AngryJailhouseFistfark: Yes, please. And that bit about the running your hair all over my belly, if it's done whilst giving suck to my manhood, that works just fine.


That sounds about right. The hair has nothing to do with teasing, it's just a coincidental step before the beej. Think of it like Pavlovian conditioning. The bell didn't make the dog want food, it just knew that the food was coming.
 
2012-05-01 04:52:21 PM  
if you shop in a supermarket you're aware there are at least 20 magazines at check-out competing for womens attention. almost always the same recycled material.

dig a little deeper and see they come from the same propaganda spewing media machines that bring America slanted journalism 24/7.

the rich & powerful have used divide and conquer, fear, hatred and other persuasions to keep the great unwashed unhappy with each other and their lot in life for a very long time. the sooner everyone wakes up to how deep and wide this control runs the sooner they will experience personal growth and find themselves on a much better life path.
 
2012-05-01 04:52:35 PM  
This thread is so beautiful so far.

/also wondering if Redemily tested this theory.
//details?
 
2012-05-01 04:52:43 PM  
How to "make him" do something.

Okay, that works for like the first 6 months after you meet someone. After that, too bad (and chances are any changes you thought you instilled in him have reverted).

My wife gave up pretty much the moment we got married.
 
2012-05-01 04:54:03 PM  

Somacandra: FTFA: Beyond the fact that there are so many versions of this article that we could live 'till eternity and never finish reading them all (even though, oddly, they all say much the same thing), shouldn't we have moved on from expectations of women "serving" men and men as the passive recipients of such service?

I have never, in fact, read any of these articles, but I would think that goes something like this:

1) Get Naked. Talk Horny.
2) Suck it
3) Use two hands
4) Serve sammiches afterwards.

Amirite? Is this what these articles say?


www.occasionalbrass.com

That's it. Talk horny to me.
Oooo baby, you know what I like.

are you hot yet?

I am.
 
2012-05-01 04:55:39 PM  

ZMugg: Somacandra: FTFA: Beyond the fact that there are so many versions of this article that we could live 'till eternity and never finish reading them all (even though, oddly, they all say much the same thing), shouldn't we have moved on from expectations of women "serving" men and men as the passive recipients of such service?

I have never, in fact, read any of these articles, but I would think that goes something like this:

1) Get Naked. Talk Horny.
2) Suck it
3) Use two hands
4) Serve sammiches afterwards.

Amirite? Is this what these articles say?

[www.occasionalbrass.com image 520x317]

That's it. Talk horny to me.
Oooo baby, you know what I like.

are you hot yet?

I am.


nickseuphoniumworld.weebly.com

Oh god I'm so hot right now.
 
2012-05-01 04:55:44 PM  
She reads:

TWELVE GUARANTEED TECHNIQUES TO MAKE YOUR MAN SCREAM IN PLEASURE TONIGHT!

That night:

Same old.
 
2012-05-01 04:57:25 PM  
60 years ago, most of the articles in women's magazines could be summed up as "How to please your man."

Today, most of the articles in women's magazines could be summed up as "How to please your man... in bed."

Apparently, editors of women's magazines found that the key to progress lies in playing stupid fortune-cookie games.
 
2012-05-01 04:57:35 PM  
blogs4brownback.files.wordpress.com

Likes where this thread is going.
 
2012-05-01 04:57:41 PM  
Little known--but true--fact:
Men are judged by what they say and do,
Women are judged by how they look and their feminine appeal.

/Learn it. Know it. Live it.
 
2012-05-01 04:58:03 PM  
When I was a young Sass, and nowhere near being a Rev, my parents worked for Hearst Publications in NYC. I went to work one day with my dad during summer vacation in about 1972, and as we traveled up to the floor he worked on, the elevator stopped at the floor where the Cosmo offices were housed. The elevator doors opened briefly into the lobby, which was papered with glitzy blue and white and glitter type wallpaper; there was wicker furniture, as I recall, and stainless steel and glass, and big fake potted plants, and a highly-lacquered receptionist at the desk.

My pop, with his typical deadpan expression, said, "And this is Cosmopolitan's exercise in bad taste!" The expression on the face of the woman at the desk was priceless, in the three seconds that passed before the elevator doors glided shut.

/imagine it's still tacky to this day.
 
2012-05-01 04:59:20 PM  

Teknowaffle: Whoever wrote that women should run their hair over their man (while he is naked) to tease him should be shot on a rocket into the sun.

Just put my dick in your mouth already.


And that's the secret to keeping man happy.
 
2012-05-01 04:59:31 PM  

Nickdude: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Whoever gave my wife the magazine with the articles "If his foot makes it the whole way over the front door threshold and you haven't started talking yet, then you've failed" and "Fun With Pronouns: Telling a story about your all-female office while never using an identifier other than 'She'" I'd like to thank you privately. In an alley. At 3:17AM. With a pillowcase full of doorknobs.

1) may i join you
and
2) do i have to provide my own doorknobs?


c) Pillowcase full of oranges (Nod goes to Angelica Huston) FTW
 
2012-05-01 05:00:03 PM  
the article that should be written: whatever you are doing is not the hardest job in the world. everyone's life is somewhat difficult. not everyone has to talk about it.
 
Skr
2012-05-01 05:01:21 PM  

ZMugg: Somacandra:

1) Get Naked. Talk Horny.

www.occasionalbrass.com

That's it. Talk horny to me.
Oooo baby, you know what I like.

are you hot yet?

I am.


Nobody Expects the Rusty Tromboner?
 
2012-05-01 05:01:26 PM  
i.huffpost.com
 
2012-05-01 05:02:49 PM  

Skr: ZMugg: Somacandra:

1) Get Naked. Talk Horny.

[www.occasionalbrass.com image 520x317]

That's it. Talk horny to me.
Oooo baby, you know what I like.

are you hot yet?

I am.

Nobody Expects the Rusty Tromboner?


But then, what happens when the Rusty Trombone's spit-valve empties?
 
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