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(E! Online)   Jessica Simpson gives birth to 9lb, 13oz baby. Gives it the best porn name ever: Max Johnson. Fark: It's a girl   (eonline.com) divider line 136
    More: Fail, Fashion Police, Jessica Simpson, jessica, Ginnifer Goodwin, disco balls, Zooey Deschanel, partners, Ashlee Simpson  
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5198 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 May 2012 at 5:58 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-05-01 02:52:14 PM  
Congratulations to Mom and Baby!
 
2012-05-01 03:00:02 PM  
And what the hell is with that middle name? That child will be the target of relentless taunting.
 
2012-05-01 03:01:24 PM  
Good Lord, that's a whopper. Were her eyes already brown, too?
 
2012-05-01 03:03:26 PM  
At least she won't have to change her name after the sex change
 
2012-05-01 03:06:45 PM  
MAX JOHNSON!

images.wikia.com
 
2012-05-01 03:07:34 PM  
Thought she had her kid weeks ago.
 
2012-05-01 03:08:27 PM  
The kid is already outscoring her on IQ tests.
 
2012-05-01 03:20:42 PM  
She beat my son by two ounces, though I beat Max by four
 
2012-05-01 03:26:11 PM  

Mugato: MAX JOHNSON!


ha HA
 
2012-05-01 03:29:49 PM  
Second on the list was Cave Johnson...
 
2012-05-01 03:30:14 PM  
Good thing she's got you to police her gender starting at day 0, Subby.
 
2012-05-01 03:34:41 PM  

maniacalclown: Mugato: MAX JOHNSON!

ha HA


Thrust Beefpecs!
 
2012-05-01 03:42:48 PM  

Jake Havechek: The kid is already outscoring her on IQ tests.


THIS
 
2012-05-01 03:46:08 PM  
I was 9 lbs., 9 oz., so I'm really getting a kick out of these responses.
 
2012-05-01 03:57:05 PM  

Theaetetus: Good thing she's got you to police her gender starting at day 0, Subby.


Yeah, normally I'd be with you on this, I assumed "Max" was short for Maxine or something similar, but Maxwell??? Seriously, that's a boy's name. It's not one of those "maybe it can go either way names" like Chris or Terry. She may as well have named her David, Jake or Steve. It's not about policing the baby's gender, it's about calling Jessica Simpson an idiot for her poor choice in names.
 
2012-05-01 04:00:37 PM  

timujin: Theaetetus: Good thing she's got you to police her gender starting at day 0, Subby.

Yeah, normally I'd be with you on this, I assumed "Max" was short for Maxine or something similar, but Maxwell??? Seriously, that's a boy's name..


I think we can objectively say that it's both a boy's name and a girl's name, since there's at least one girl with that name.

Therefore, the only thing that makes it a "boy's name" is our subjective interpretation based on gender policing and prejudice. And honestly, telling a 1 day old kid that she's "wrong" says more about the person speaking than the kid.
 
2012-05-01 04:08:30 PM  
Eh, I don't have any problem with this, really. Better than naming her Eowyn or something.
 
2012-05-01 04:20:12 PM  

Theaetetus: timujin: Theaetetus: Good thing she's got you to police her gender starting at day 0, Subby.

Yeah, normally I'd be with you on this, I assumed "Max" was short for Maxine or something similar, but Maxwell??? Seriously, that's a boy's name..

I think we can objectively say that it's both a boy's name and a girl's name, since there's at least one girl with that name.

Therefore, the only thing that makes it a "boy's name" is our subjective interpretation based on gender policing and prejudice. And honestly, telling a 1 day old kid that she's "wrong" says more about the person speaking than the kid


Again, no one is telling the kid she's wrong (stop white knighting, she won't sleep with you). This is about a stupid decision that Simpson and the baby daddy made.

The thing that makes it a boy's name isn't "gender policing," it's societal convention. Those conventions exist because it makes it easier for people to identify a subject absent of observation.

Calling a girl Maxwell makes about as much sense as calling a boy Susan. Sure, you can do it, but that boy is going to spend his entire life dealing with people who haven't met him and already had the issue cleared up confusing him for a girl. Outside of any concerns for "gender policing" or "prejudice," you're making that boy's life just a little more of a pain in the ass.

This isn't the first time, it won't be the last. Marion Morrison, I'm sure, had to deal with all kinds of crap as a kid. At least here if she goes by Max, people will just assume it's short for Maxine or something and she'll be okay. But official documents that include her full name could end up causing her trouble from grade school on.
 
2012-05-01 04:30:52 PM  
I went out with a girl named Max a few times. The girl had some talent.
 
2012-05-01 04:33:01 PM  

timujin: Again, no one is telling the kid she's wrong (stop white knighting, she won't sleep with you).


Why are you thinking about someone having sex with an infant? WTF is wrong with you? I'm going to let this one slide, but I think you're a sick bastard.

The thing that makes it a boy's name isn't "gender policing," it's societal convention. Those conventions exist because it makes it easier for people to identify a subject absent of observation.

No, it makes it easier for people to pigeonhole a subject into a predefined gender dichotomy. That's the very definition of gender policing.

Calling a girl Maxwell makes about as much sense as calling a boy Susan. Sure, you can do it, but that boy is going to spend his entire life dealing with people who haven't met him and already had the issue cleared up confusing him for a girl. Outside of any concerns for "gender policing" or "prejudice," you're making that boy's life just a little more of a pain in the ass.

This isn't the first time, it won't be the last. Marion Morrison, I'm sure, had to deal with all kinds of crap as a kid. At least here if she goes by Max, people will just assume it's short for Maxine or something and she'll be okay. But official documents that include her full name could end up causing her trouble from grade school on.


And that's the very definition of concern trolling. Saying that we must rigidly enforce gender norms (that incidentally happen to benefit us) because otherwise there might be trouble from bigots is bigoted. It's like saying that segregation is a great thing because there are some racist people out there, and you wouldn't want to have kids hearing insults, right?
 
2012-05-01 04:46:46 PM  
The problem with naming her Maxwell is that she'll spend her whole life feeling like someone is watching her.

/Still better than Samwell
 
2012-05-01 04:51:03 PM  

Theaetetus: timujin: Again, no one is telling the kid she's wrong (stop white knighting, she won't sleep with you).

Why are you thinking about someone having sex with an infant? WTF is wrong with you? I'm going to let this one slide, but I think you're a sick bastard.

The thing that makes it a boy's name isn't "gender policing," it's societal convention. Those conventions exist because it makes it easier for people to identify a subject absent of observation.

No, it makes it easier for people to pigeonhole a subject into a predefined gender dichotomy. That's the very definition of gender policing.

Calling a girl Maxwell makes about as much sense as calling a boy Susan. Sure, you can do it, but that boy is going to spend his entire life dealing with people who haven't met him and already had the issue cleared up confusing him for a girl. Outside of any concerns for "gender policing" or "prejudice," you're making that boy's life just a little more of a pain in the ass.

This isn't the first time, it won't be the last. Marion Morrison, I'm sure, had to deal with all kinds of crap as a kid. At least here if she goes by Max, people will just assume it's short for Maxine or something and she'll be okay. But official documents that include her full name could end up causing her trouble from grade school on.

And that's the very definition of concern trolling. Saying that we must rigidly enforce gender norms (that incidentally happen to benefit us) because otherwise there might be trouble from bigots is bigoted. It's like saying that segregation is a great thing because therehttp://www.fark.com/comments/7081271/Jessica-Simpson-gives-birth- to-9lb-13oz-baby-Gives-it-best-porn-name-ever-Max-Johnson-Fark-Its-a-g irl&new=1#b are some racist people out there, and you wouldn't want to have kids hearing insults, right?


And.. you're missing the point again. I'm not "concern trolling," nor is my argument even close to the definition of doing so. You're conflating "concern" and "concern trolling" which are completely different things. And nice light slap of the ad hominem there, insinuating I'm a bigot.

I'm not advocating "rigidly enforcing gender norms" and I'm not talking about bigots, though that would probably be a problem as well. I'm talking about real world confusion brought on by calling something by a name generally used for something else. If you call a boy Susan, that child is going to encounter issues on a daily basis due to his name. If you call a girl Maxwell (or David or Jake) then she, too, will have resultant issues. If you have the thousands of names available, everything from Apple to Zoey available to you, why make it harder on the kid than necessary, to have to explain every time it comes up why she has a boy's name?


It's like saying that segregation is a great thing because there are some racist people out there, and you wouldn't want to have kids hearing insults, right?

No, it's not. Not at all, actually.
 
2012-05-01 04:54:17 PM  

timujin: I'm not advocating "rigidly enforcing gender norms" and I'm not talking about bigots, though that would probably be a problem as well. I'm talking about real world confusion brought on by calling something by a name generally used for something else. If you call a boy Susan, that child is going to encounter issues on a daily basis due to his name. If you call a girl Maxwell (or David or Jake) then she, too, will have resultant issues. If you have the thousands of names available, everything from Apple to Zoey available to you, why make it harder on the kid than necessary, to have to explain every time it comes up why she has a boy's name?


The same argument was used in Loving v. Virginia, that mixed-race children would encounter issues on a daily basis due to their skin color, and so therefore, we should ban miscegenation to protect their feelings.
 
2012-05-01 05:01:58 PM  

Theaetetus: timujin: I'm not advocating "rigidly enforcing gender norms" and I'm not talking about bigots, though that would probably be a problem as well. I'm talking about real world confusion brought on by calling something by a name generally used for something else. If you call a boy Susan, that child is going to encounter issues on a daily basis due to his name. If you call a girl Maxwell (or David or Jake) then she, too, will have resultant issues. If you have the thousands of names available, everything from Apple to Zoey available to you, why make it harder on the kid than necessary, to have to explain every time it comes up why she has a boy's name?

The same argument was used in Loving v. Virginia, that mixed-race children would encounter issues on a daily basis due to their skin color, and so therefore, we should ban miscegenation to protect their feelings.


...

Yes, calling a girl Maxwell is exactly the same thing as having a mixed-race child. Man, if only that kid's parents had made a better choice in what race they were when they decided to have a child. That's exactly like the choice Simpson had when she decided what to name her kid, right? Congratulations, you win a billion internets.
 
2012-05-01 05:30:56 PM  

timujin: Calling a girl Maxwell makes about as much sense as calling a boy Susan.


At least the boy would grow up with gravel in his guts and spit in his eye.
 
2012-05-01 06:07:44 PM  
She'll be 18 before you know it.

Wonder if there's an official countdown site yet?
 
2012-05-01 06:10:37 PM  
9lb 13oz yikes, bet that tore her up pretty good!
 
2012-05-01 06:15:39 PM  
Missed it by that much...

blog.iongrid.com
 
2012-05-01 06:16:05 PM  
Who cares about the baby name. Bring on the post pregnancy sweater puppy pics!

Judging by the last pic I saw of her a couple of days ago, they have moved into the E or F size range.
 
2012-05-01 06:24:48 PM  
Amature. My second was 10lbs 4oz. Completely natural, too.


/ My hoo ha will never be the same...
 
2012-05-01 06:30:22 PM  

jbuist: timujin: Calling a girl Maxwell makes about as much sense as calling a boy Susan.

At least the boy would grow up with gravel in his guts and spit in his eye.


This!

Mr. Parker: 9lb 13oz yikes, bet that tore her up pretty good!


Wasn't that cootch already tore up?
 
2012-05-01 06:32:16 PM  
post natal tittays FTW
 
2012-05-01 06:36:53 PM  

timujin:
Calling a girl Maxwell makes about as much sense as calling a boy Susan. Sure, you can do it, but that boy is going to spend his entire life dealing with people who haven't met him and already had the issue cleared up confusing him for a girl. Outside of any concerns for "gender policing" or "prejudice," you're making that boy's life just a little more of a pain in the ass.

thebluegrassspecial.com

Approves.

/didn't post the pic I wanted to post
//wanted to avoid any banhammerin'
///you know the one
 
2012-05-01 06:36:59 PM  
Couldn't even go with Maxine?
 
2012-05-01 06:39:08 PM  
Although by the end of Jessica Simpson's pregnancy she looked as big as a zeppelin, her tits looked awesome.
 
2012-05-01 06:44:33 PM  

skinink: Although by the end of Jessica Simpson's pregnancy she looked as big as a zeppelin, her tits looked awesome.


It's her only redeeming quality.
 
Skr
2012-05-01 06:46:47 PM  
She should have went with a more feminine name such as Big McLargeHuge.
 
2012-05-01 06:47:03 PM  

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: Eh, I don't have any problem with this, really. Better than naming her Eowyn or something.


Ha! Thats my sisters name.. although she is almost 30, so that makes the name ok, right?
 
2012-05-01 06:52:58 PM  
I bet her baby is so smrt, it's pooping on her own, and JS doesn't have to go up there and dig it out.
 
2012-05-01 06:55:21 PM  
www.wearysloth.com
It's like a warm blanket
 
2012-05-01 06:56:44 PM  

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: Eh, I don't have any problem with this, really. Better than naming her Eowyn or something.


Or "Apple".


skinink: Although by the end of Jessica Simpson's pregnancy she looked as big as a zeppelin, her tits looked awesome.


Pics or GTFO.


Skr: She should have went with a more feminine name such as Big McLargeHuge.


Chesty McBoobs?
 
2012-05-01 06:59:58 PM  
With that baby out of your uterus, there will be room for me and a box of Krispiy Kremes my little jiggle muffin. I'm warming up a can of Crisco and I have a new box of latex thumb protectors. Do you think you can still bend your knee and get your foot in my mouth while I'm applying the Silky E to my kielbasa? Those 'udderly' spectaculicious huge-ass baby tits are just icing on the mudflaps, baby.

Let's give Max a baby brother or at least see if we can't rub off a few layers of genitalia my little sausage casing.I have been keeping my mandible exercised by chewing on moped tires and innertubes, so I can promise this time my jaw won't get tired! Wink.

PS I have fashioned the bolo paddle with six rubber balls so now I can spank that ass while simultaneously inserting giant anal beads. Passionately yours,

Cuddles.
 
2012-05-01 07:00:58 PM  
www.speedmonkey.net
 
2012-05-01 07:03:03 PM  

fusillade762: skinink: Although by the end of Jessica Simpson's pregnancy she looked as big as a zeppelin, her tits looked awesome.

Pics or GTFO.



Ummm, you're welcome?

celebbabylaundry.com
 
2012-05-01 07:04:23 PM  

DeltaPunch: fusillade762: skinink: Although by the end of Jessica Simpson's pregnancy she looked as big as a zeppelin, her tits looked awesome.

Pics or GTFO.


Ummm, you're welcome?

[celebbabylaundry.com image 500x688]


Sweet sassy molassy.
 
2012-05-01 07:05:43 PM  

TheLopper: DeltaPunch: fusillade762: skinink: Although by the end of Jessica Simpson's pregnancy she looked as big as a zeppelin, her tits looked awesome.

Pics or GTFO.


Ummm, you're welcome?

[celebbabylaundry.com image 500x688]

Sweet sassy molassy.


I wonder if she still let her b/f hit the backdoor while she was preggers...
 
2012-05-01 07:10:57 PM  
I'll bet it won't be long before she gets another pumpkin in her belly.
 
2012-05-01 07:13:39 PM  

Mugato: MAX JOHNSON!

[images.wikia.com image 200x155]


you deserve a hug and an internet.

Thank you kind person
 
2012-05-01 07:15:09 PM  
Also, Everyone please take a moment of silence as this:
access.nscpcdn.com

Will never be seen again,


/biatch ain't Klum
//Southern food plus southern maternity = blubbery!
 
2012-05-01 07:17:30 PM  

DeltaPunch: fusillade762: skinink: Although by the end of Jessica Simpson's pregnancy she looked as big as a zeppelin, her tits looked awesome.

Pics or GTFO.

Ummm, you're welcome?

[celebbabylaundry.com image 500x688]


GAH! Sorry I asked. She looks like Queen of the Jawas.
 
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