It's like the old joke...

Country boy goes to the city for the first time, and heads for a brothel. Being inexperienced, he doesn't know what to ask for so he tells the girl to suggest someting. She says "Let's try a sixty-nine." He agrees, and they arrange themselves with her on top. He's quite enjoying himself when suddenly she lets out a giant fart. The girl is embarrased, but he doesn't say anything, so she continues. Suddenly, she has to fart again. She lets it rip, when the boy jumps up and runs out of the room. As he passes the madam, she asks what's wrong. He yells, "I don't care how much it costs, I don't think I can take sixty-seven more of those!"

my wife won't fart in public.

She'll just save 'em for the car. She farts like a drunken moose with a quart of sour milk and a rotten chuck of beef in its ass.

What is the term for a dick fart?

The sound of one hand clapping: I just don't think I would be able to carry on. Farts don't gross me out particularly and sure, if a girl farted whilst we were having sex I'd probably laugh and carry on. But after the second or third time I think it would just be a bit too much. Maybe I'd be laughing too much to continue, maybe it would even gross me out a little if she kept doing it. I don't know what my reaction would be but I can't see myself being able to carry on.

I had sex once where every thrust would squeeze a bit more gas out until we were both laughing so hard we had to take a break for a minute until we could get over it. After that we carried on like nothing had happened.

And yes, I've had sex again since then.

Guidette Frankentits: What is the term for a dick fart?

Mitt Romney.

HailRobonia: "It is wonderful to fark a farting woman when every fark drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also. "

Where is this from? Last time I saw it was in a Somethingawful context

It's Not News, It's Farts.com

It's kind of like having a built-in vibrator.

I'm farting a lot right now, so I'm getting a kick...

That's not a fart. You're pumping a lot of air into that woman's vagina. Change your love making style a bit man.

She just farts in his general direction.

Look, pal, I'm a guy, too, but if my lady was farting while we make the beast with two backs, I'd be turned off. At any other time, I wouldn't care. Queefs are fine, too.

cgraves67: Stick it in her butt. Block gas release. Problem solved.

Wanna know how I know you've never done anal?

BurnShrike: What's wrong with farting? We're all biological beings. We're all animals, with digestive tracts that produce gas. We all need to rid ourselves of that gas.

To say that farting is rude, while coughing or sneezing isn't is completely stupid.

Grow up and get over it already.

Really?
When's the last time a COUGH made you feel like you could actually almost TASTE fecal matter becuase the bouquet was so strong?

A cough or a sneeze doesn't force everyone else in the room to become intimately familiar with the scent of my asshole and all the yuckyness & death that exists inside it.

My wife was raised by her mother to be very lady like. Hell, I don't think she knew how to take a crap till years after we had been married and even then she'd hold it till I was outside or gone. And fart?... you couldn't even talk about it around her.

Then in the middle of the night some year back she let a flutter go. There was dead silence, she stopped breathing in hopes that it didn't happen and I didn't hear it. I couldn't contain myself any longer and just started laughing. She has never lived that one down and to this day I tell her that I had never experienced such stillness and silence as I did that night after she let one escape.

Wow. Not often I see size 3 font on a mobile webpage that's 400 characters wide.

How about this letter:

Dear Prudence,

Your website raped my phone and sodomized my eyes. Not sure what to do?!?

If by queefing you mean fanny farting! I know this can be embarrasing but it is caused by the man pushing too much air into your vagina, when he thrusts into you then it quickly escapes causing the sound. So techincally its not your fault its his so dont be embarrased. But to stop it you could change positions. This can happen often when in a position where your vagina is high in the air. For example if you are in the doggy style position. So try and change positions and hopefully it will eliminate your problem.

My mate and I like the queefing affect, we try to induce maximum amount of air by the piston action of the penis stroke entering the vagina as it seems to also promote a stronger orgasam and to re-energize a softening penis from being inserted for a long period. We turned a negative into a positive. Don't stop it!!! Enjoy it, laugh about it. It could make for better sex.

Face to face spoon position with a complete withdrawl of the penis will produce some large queefs in a relaxed opened waiting vagina. Also inverted missionary position, and doggie positions are maximised for queefing. A relaxed waiting opened and wanting vagina for maximum queefs. The small air pressure difference will not have any ill affects but can feel good.

Maximized Queefing would be an awesome Fark login.

Put a whistle in her butt
throw a yellow flag every time it toots

HailRobonia: Guidette Frankentits: What is the term for a dick fart?

Mitt Romney.

Yep. Spit my coffee out on that one.

Bravo!

stlbluez: BurnShrike: What's wrong with farting? We're all biological beings. We're all animals, with digestive tracts that produce gas. We all need to rid ourselves of that gas.

To say that farting is rude, while coughing or sneezing isn't is completely stupid.

Grow up and get over it already.

Really?
When's the last time a COUGH made you feel like you could actually almost TASTE fecal matter becuase the bouquet was so strong?

A cough or a sneeze doesn't force everyone else in the room to become intimately familiar with the scent of my asshole and all the yuckyness & death that exists inside it.

Wow.

You've never been around me then. I have beer belches (release of gas!) that can not only drive my wife from the room, they can push her to another floor of the house.


You're doing it wrong.

sweetmelissa31: James Joyce wants her number.

HailRobonia: Just emulate James Joyce. Problem solved.

medius: is this about james joyce's love letters again?

Came here for the James Joyce references. Leaving self-satisfied.

/Came? Self-satisfied? Giggity!

Hip_about_time: Put a whistle in her butt
throw a yellow flag every time it toots

I now have a twisted scene from the Sound of Music with Captn von Trapp plying Maria with the whistle he uses to call the kids.

The other story about the husband who is cheating on his wife with a dying woman (and had been for 4 years) is way more interesting than the fart stuff...most terrible person of the year award indeed.

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Things not allowed per Fark rules:

Graphic text content: Graphic language fits right in with content. FARK is not an erotica site, nor is it a clearinghouse for random encounters or potential dates, a place for "who can tell the most disgusting story" contests, or a journal for your (or anyone else's) bodily/biological functions

Party pooper.

stlbluez: BurnShrike: What's wrong with farting? We're all biological beings. We're all animals, with digestive tracts that produce gas. We all need to rid ourselves of that gas.

To say that farting is rude, while coughing or sneezing isn't is completely stupid.

Grow up and get over it already.

Really?
When's the last time a COUGH made you feel like you could actually almost TASTE fecal matter becuase the bouquet was so strong?

A cough or a sneeze doesn't force everyone else in the room to become intimately familiar with the scent of my asshole and all the yuckyness & death that exists inside it.

I agree with you. Farting isn't necessarily rude, since it is a inescapable part of our biology. What is rude is subjecting others to your farts unnecessarily. I don't want to smell anyone else's shiat. Now in a mens room, it's to be expected. But I don't deliberately fart around my wife, nor she around me. If she "slips" one, I ignore it. If she slips one and makes mention of it, I just tease her and say "Imagine your embarrassment!"

And you know the old saying "Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it."

This far in, and no Beatles reference? For shame Farkers!

Guidette Frankentits: What is the term for a dick fart?



I don't know, but he ALWAYS looks like he's dropping a big sulfur bomb.

Queefs are farking funny. They're farts without the shiat smell.

Guidette Frankentits: What is the term for a dick fart?

BIG PROBLEM

This thread should be combined with THIS thread for some Tuesday Fark goodness.

The water was cold: This far in, and no Beatles reference? For shame Farkers!

I guess the obvious one would be "All Things Must Pass," but there's probably a joke to be made about "Fixing a Hole."

The Shatner Incident: Queefs are farking funny. They're farts without the shiat smell.

It means you're doing it right. It's just a little service we provide the ladies: a stuffing and a mutual hummer at the same time. What's not to like?

BurnShrike: What's wrong with farting? We're all biological beings. We're all animals, with digestive tracts that produce gas. We all need to rid ourselves of that gas.

To say that farting is rude, while coughing or sneezing isn't is completely stupid.

Grow up and get over it already.

Burping is also considered rude. If the sound causes a foul smell, then you should try your hardest to do it in private or in an outdoor/well-vented area. No one wants to smell gross smells.

wambu: Farts are OK. Queefs are OK.

But nasty, stinking voluminous queefs are not OK.

Are you farking the dead?

HailRobonia: Guidette Frankentits: What is the term for a dick fart?

Mitt Romney.

.

Meh, I'll give you a 0.5 for that. It was low hanging fruit presented to a group that have already said similar things in every thread.

Next time try something witty and lewd about Obama and see how far that gets you here.

itsdan: So have sex in public.

The phrase "done in one" is overused on Fark but damn. You win.

I came here to suggest that if he's having regular sex he should just STFU.

The sound of one hand clapping: I just don't think I would be able to carry on. Farts don't gross me out particularly and sure, if a girl farted whilst we were having sex I'd probably laugh and carry on. But after the second or third time I think it would just be a bit too much. Maybe I'd be laughing too much to continue, maybe it would even gross me out a little if she kept doing it. I don't know what my reaction would be but I can't see myself being able to carry on.

or if she farted and you were licking her asshole.

stlbluez: BurnShrike: What's wrong with farting? We're all biological beings. We're all animals, with digestive tracts that produce gas. We all need to rid ourselves of that gas.

To say that farting is rude, while coughing or sneezing isn't is completely stupid.

Grow up and get over it already.

Really?
When's the last time a COUGH made you feel like you could actually almost TASTE fecal matter becuase the bouquet was so strong?

A cough or a sneeze doesn't force everyone else in the room to become intimately familiar with the scent of my asshole and all the yuckyness & death that exists inside it.

No, but coughing can be a mild form of verbal assault. Especially when you're doing it with the intent of startling another person.

phedex: The sound of one hand clapping: I just don't think I would be able to carry on. Farts don't gross me out particularly and sure, if a girl farted whilst we were having sex I'd probably laugh and carry on. But after the second or third time I think it would just be a bit too much. Maybe I'd be laughing too much to continue, maybe it would even gross me out a little if she kept doing it. I don't know what my reaction would be but I can't see myself being able to carry on.

or if she farted and you were licking her asshole.

Hypothetically I couldn't say what my reaction would be without knowing what she had eaten prior to me licking her asshole. I mean, I love fruit so if she'd had some grapes, an apple, maybe some mango, that might not be a problem.

/I don't actually go in for rimming anyway
//Probably one of the reasons being that

The sound of one hand clapping: phedex: The sound of one hand clapping: I just don't think I would be able to carry on. Farts don't gross me out particularly and sure, if a girl farted whilst we were having sex I'd probably laugh and carry on. But after the second or third time I think it would just be a bit too much. Maybe I'd be laughing too much to continue, maybe it would even gross me out a little if she kept doing it. I don't know what my reaction would be but I can't see myself being able to carry on.

or if she farted and you were licking her asshole.

Hypothetically I couldn't say what my reaction would be without knowing what she had eaten prior to me licking her asshole. I mean, I love fruit so if she'd had some grapes, an apple, maybe some mango, that might not be a problem.

/I don't actually go in for rimming anyway
//Probably one of the reasons being that

2nd keyboard today.

jaylectricity: I love how you're refuting the need to grow up by using the word yuckyness(sic).

It's a perfectly cromulynt word.

Now we need a sound clip of the "Road Warrior".

/Randy: Jesus Christ!