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(NW Florida Daily News)   From the "I Want To Party With Her" files: Woman caught shoplifting Coppertone Dry Oil, Modelo beer, Pepsi, Bubba keg, Combo ink, Tampax tampons, shampoo, Energizer batteries, and Venus razors   (nwfdailynews.com) divider line 52
    More: Florida, Energizer Batteries, kegs, shoplifting, Tampax, Destin, shopping bags  
•       •       •

6278 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 May 2012 at 8:16 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-05-01 08:19:21 AM  
"Homer, i dont know what you have planned for tonight, but count me out."
 
2012-05-01 08:21:56 AM  

Dick Gozinya: "Homer, i dont know what you have planned for tonight, but count me out."


Thread over.
 
2012-05-01 08:23:19 AM  
I saw a redneck guy get busted for shoplifting from Wal-Mart. The plain clothes security guy grabbed him just outside the doors. The guy tried to break free, so the security guard slammed him against the wall, giving him a nosebleed. The guy keeps yelling, "Let me go! Come on man, I'm bleeding! Let me go!" Then he says, "I'll pay for the stuff, man! Just let me go!" Had to laugh at that one.

Yeah buddy, if you get caught shoplifting then the only penalty is having to pay for the stuff. If that were the case, you'd have to be the laziest person in the world to at least not try to steal stuff.

I was surprised that the security guard made physical contact with the guy. I didn't think they could do that. It's a heroic story until the redneck pulls out a jack knife and slits the guys throat over an Alan Jackson CD.
 
2012-05-01 08:23:21 AM  
I dunno... seems like a fairly normal shopping list to me, unless all those things were somehow combined together for a single purpose. Wonder what a person could construct with all that....
 
2012-05-01 08:29:49 AM  
TFA fails without mugshot. Inquiring minds are certainly curious, with this bearing a img1.fark.net tag and all...

/instinctively leaning towards DO NOT WANT
//at least she shaves
///could be her face
 
2012-05-01 08:30:03 AM  
i46.tinypic.com
 
2012-05-01 08:31:21 AM  
Maybe not as enticing when you consider that she's (a) hairy (Venus razors) and (b) on the rag (tampons).
 
2012-05-01 08:31:29 AM  

spentmiles: I saw a redneck guy get busted for shoplifting from Wal-Mart. The plain clothes security guy grabbed him just outside the doors. The guy tried to break free, so the security guard slammed him against the wall, giving him a nosebleed. The guy keeps yelling, "Let me go! Come on man, I'm bleeding! Let me go!" Then he says, "I'll pay for the stuff, man! Just let me go!" Had to laugh at that one.

Yeah buddy, if you get caught shoplifting then the only penalty is having to pay for the stuff. If that were the case, you'd have to be the laziest person in the world to at least not try to steal stuff.

I was surprised that the security guard made physical contact with the guy. I didn't think they could do that. It's a heroic story until the redneck pulls out a jack knife and slits the guys throat over an Alan Jackson CD.


The power a security guard has varies from state to state. However, it's the policy of many stores, regardless, that security personnel don't touch someone, even if thieves are worthless shiats.
 
2012-05-01 08:31:45 AM  
I don't know.. not as cool as my buddy Ted who went thru the checkout at a Texas H.E.B. grocery with:
Ben & Jerry's, WD-40, and condoms. The check out gal even said, "I want to party with you!"
 
2012-05-01 08:33:01 AM  
images.memewow.com
 
2012-05-01 08:33:57 AM  

Jirafa: I dunno... seems like a fairly normal shopping list to me, unless all those things were somehow combined together for a single purpose. Wonder what a person could construct with all that....

Votron Sex Toys

a new book by Cheron: if your too shy to go to your local sex shop this book will give you simple instructions on how to combine every day objects into the most satisfying experiences of your life. Did you know that a cardboard tube, leftover pasta and some duct tape can make your man weak in the knees (page 117)?
 
2012-05-01 08:34:11 AM  
Combine the following in the Bubba Keg: Coppertone Dry Oil Pepsi Combo ink
and put aside.

Use the razor blades to split open the tampax tampons. Pour equal parts of the above mixture into the split tampons until completely absorbed. Carefully close the tampons and coat with shampoo. Break open the batteries, scrape the sulfur and coat the tampon strings. You now have a bunch of weaponized tampons.

Drink the beer for courage. Go out, find a target rich environment, light the tampons and throw. Protip: Be sure to practice your battle cry. Nothing like having a successful attack and the newspapers reporting that the attacker yelled "Freed de bales!" when you meant "Free the whales"
 
2012-05-01 08:35:42 AM  
Got a feeling I don't and pretty much everyone else's do not want to see her mug shot
 
2012-05-01 08:36:04 AM  

Big Ramifications: [i46.tinypic.com image 466x346]


Fruit bowl?
 
2012-05-01 08:38:19 AM  
She drinks Pepsi? I'll pass.
 
2012-05-01 08:39:42 AM  

Dick Gozinya: "Homer, i dont know what you have planned for tonight, but count me out."


came for this
 
2012-05-01 08:44:43 AM  
What's a bubba keg?
 
2012-05-01 08:47:45 AM  

schattenteufel: What's a bubba keg?


lh6.googleusercontent.com
 
2012-05-01 08:48:12 AM  
So she's a Aisle 12 girl.
 
2012-05-01 08:48:26 AM  

topcon: spentmiles: I saw a redneck guy get busted for shoplifting from Wal-Mart. The plain clothes security guy grabbed him just outside the doors. The guy tried to break free, so the security guard slammed him against the wall, giving him a nosebleed. The guy keeps yelling, "Let me go! Come on man, I'm bleeding! Let me go!" Then he says, "I'll pay for the stuff, man! Just let me go!" Had to laugh at that one.

Yeah buddy, if you get caught shoplifting then the only penalty is having to pay for the stuff. If that were the case, you'd have to be the laziest person in the world to at least not try to steal stuff.

I was surprised that the security guard made physical contact with the guy. I didn't think they could do that. It's a heroic story until the redneck pulls out a jack knife and slits the guys throat over an Alan Jackson CD.

The power a security guard has varies from state to state. However, it's the policy of many stores, regardless, that security personnel don't touch someone, even if thieves are worthless shiats.


A couple of years ago I was leaving the Target near here. A little skinny security guard (term used lightly) was trying to detain two very large women with colorful hair outside the store without touching them. They were verbally ripping him a new one and one looked like she was about to take a swing at him. He stayed his distance with what I gather was a delaying tactic till the cops got there. I'm fairly certain the policy was not to touch.

Cops must have been right around the corner because by the time I got to my truck, they were there and had the two women detained. Never did find out if they got charged or not.
 
2012-05-01 08:53:12 AM  
Tampax Tampons

Not this week you don't Subby
 
2012-05-01 08:54:33 AM  

schattenteufel: What's a bubba keg?


2.bp.blogspot.com

Thats a big cup right there
 
2012-05-01 08:55:28 AM  

Jirafa: I dunno... seems like a fairly normal shopping list to me, unless all those things were somehow combined together for a single purpose. Wonder what a person could construct with all that....


Sounds like a beach trip shopping list to me.
 
2012-05-01 09:04:11 AM  

Edsel: Maybe not as enticing when you consider that she's (a) hairy (Venus razors) and (b) on the rag (tampons).


She's hairy
Yeah baby, she's hairy
Shaves with Venus
Shaves her privates
To prepubescence
 
2012-05-01 09:04:27 AM  
Shoot, a feller, good time, Vegas, etc.
 
2012-05-01 09:05:34 AM  
You had me at beer, but lost me at tampons.
 
2012-05-01 09:06:03 AM  

ltdanman44: schattenteufel: What's a bubba keg?

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 559x357]

Thats a big cup right there



I have a co-worker that drinks ar least one full bubba keg of coffee a day. That's gotta be a whole pot.
 
2012-05-01 09:06:16 AM  
www.gonemovies.com
 
2012-05-01 09:06:54 AM  
i46.tinypic.com
 
2012-05-01 09:07:18 AM  

MBooda: Shoot, a feller, good time, Vegas, etc.


Shoot, indeed.
 
2012-05-01 09:07:47 AM  

Cheron: Jirafa: I dunno... seems like a fairly normal shopping list to me, unless all those things were somehow combined together for a single purpose. Wonder what a person could construct with all that....

Votron Sex Toys a new book by Cheron: if your too shy to go to your local sex shop this book will give you simple instructions on how to combine every day objects into the most satisfying experiences of your life. Did you know that a cardboard tube, leftover pasta and some duct tape can make your man weak in the knees (page 117)?


And on page 98, you'll learn how to turn a rubber band, a paper clip and a fountain pen into your go-to object for discreet pleasure in public. We call it "The MacGyver".
 
2012-05-01 09:08:14 AM  

spentmiles: I saw a redneck guy get busted for shoplifting from Wal-Mart. The plain clothes security guy grabbed him just outside the doors. The guy tried to break free, so the security guard slammed him against the wall, giving him a nosebleed. The guy keeps yelling, "Let me go! Come on man, I'm bleeding! Let me go!" Then he says, "I'll pay for the stuff, man! Just let me go!" Had to laugh at that one.

Yeah buddy, if you get caught shoplifting then the only penalty is having to pay for the stuff. If that were the case, you'd have to be the laziest person in the world to at least not try to steal stuff.

I was surprised that the security guard made physical contact with the guy. I didn't think they could do that. It's a heroic story until the redneck pulls out a jack knife and slits the guys throat over an Alan Jackson CD.


I never had trolls like when I was twelve. Christ, does anyone?
 
2012-05-01 09:08:45 AM  
Why did I know this was Walmart before even clicking on the link?
 
2012-05-01 09:09:24 AM  

macadamnut: [www.gonemovies.com image 480x320]


Came for Dr Strangelove, leaving satisfied.
 
2012-05-01 09:11:24 AM  
Meth head stealing things that are costly but small enough to hide. They then resell them to small mom and pop stores or swat-marts for cheap.
 
2012-05-01 09:12:51 AM  
I work for a fairly large clothing retail chain. Our company policy is under no circumstances are we to touch the shoplifter. It's a complete "hands off" affair. Damn good thing I can point my outside camera to the sky.......
 
2012-05-01 09:18:56 AM  

MBooda: Shoot, a gal, good time, Redneck Riviera, etc.


/MFA (Modified For Accuracy)
 
2012-05-01 09:24:55 AM  

sobernutz: I work for a fairly large clothing retail chain. Our company policy is under no circumstances are we to touch the shoplifter. It's a complete "hands off" affair. Damn good thing I can point my outside camera to the sky.......

~
Did I catch you right? You are going all internet toughguy?

Point your company issued [presumably] lapel camera upwards as you give the thief a roughing-up?
 
2012-05-01 09:26:26 AM  
Sorry, I get it. Outside store camera.

As you were, gents.
 
2012-05-01 09:27:09 AM  
Only suckers pay for shiat.
 
gja
2012-05-01 09:39:12 AM  
Energizers.....I guess B.O.B. needed a refresh.


/battery.operated.boyfriend for those living a sheltered life
 
2012-05-01 10:02:29 AM  

sobernutz: I work for a fairly large clothing retail chain. Our company policy is under no circumstances are we to touch the shoplifter. It's a complete "hands off" affair. Damn good thing I can point my outside camera to the sky.......


You sound like the kind of guy that has camera's hidden in the women's dressing room.
 
2012-05-01 10:19:10 AM  
I bet if I saw a pic, I would disagree with subby.
 
2012-05-01 10:23:54 AM  
Well shoot...a guy could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
 
2012-05-01 10:27:36 AM  
Subby is a desperate individual if any of that sounds like a party.
 
2012-05-01 10:27:49 AM  

Big Ramifications: sobernutz: I work for a fairly large clothing retail chain. Our company policy is under no circumstances are we to touch the shoplifter. It's a complete "hands off" affair. Damn good thing I can point my outside camera to the sky.......
~
Did I catch you right? You are going all internet toughguy?

Point your company issued [presumably] lapel camera upwards as you give the thief a roughing-up?


Do I go all ape shiat and rough up the shoplifters? Nope. If they want to make it worse then a simple ticket f@ck em. I have worked with tools who go out of their way to start a fight. Funny thing is as they are getting their ass handed to them, I'm smoking a cigarette. Am I talking about being the Mall Of America super rent-a-cop? F@ck no! I'm a pothead first. Just stating that if and when push comes to shove, the camera will be pointed to the sky. I have a son to feed.


spentmiles: sobernutz: I work for a fairly large clothing retail chain. Our company policy is under no circumstances are we to touch the shoplifter. It's a complete "hands off" affair. Damn good thing I can point my outside camera to the sky.......

You sound like the kind of guy that has camera's hidden in the women's dressing room.


Sorry brother, I respect the females. I have kicked out the pervs for walking around with their cellphones trying to get pics. Funny thing is that if you were ever to look at me, I would be the last person you'd think that would be doing this kind of work.
 
2012-05-01 10:39:30 AM  
You wanna party with someone who's on the rag? Have fun.
 
2012-05-01 11:10:45 AM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: You wanna party with someone who's on the rag? Have fun.


i758.photobucket.com
 
2012-05-01 11:44:12 AM  

topcon: The power a security guard has varies from state to state.


And from time to time.

www.csmonitor.com
 
2012-05-01 01:09:43 PM  
Drinking out of my Bubba Keg right now, so I'm really getting a kick...

/just water :(
 
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