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(The Sun)   Actual quote from man held hostage by German Nymphomaniac. He fought back tears to tell them: "I met her on a bus. She invited me back here. It was hell. I can't walk. Please help me"   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 55
    More: Followup, German Nymphomaniac, Germans, held hostage, Roy Hodgson, Masters of the Universe, Man Utd, sex addiction, Charles Schulz  
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32887 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Apr 2012 at 6:37 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-04-30 03:56:46 PM
14 votes:
He forgot the safe word.

i30.photobucket.com
2012-04-30 05:03:47 PM
13 votes:
German lady and African man?

i162.photobucket.com

"No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben."
2012-04-30 03:21:21 PM
11 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2012-04-30 07:06:19 PM
8 votes:

The_Sponge: Shazam999: Pick me! Pick me! You haven't seen her picture yet....what if she looks like Frau Blucher?


bpgisme.com
2012-04-30 04:26:21 PM
7 votes:
i159.photobucket.com
2012-04-30 03:33:27 PM
7 votes:
What her flat might look like...

mimg.ugo.com
2012-04-30 07:35:04 PM
6 votes:
He should have left when he saw "Arbeit Macht Frei" was carved into her headboard.
2012-04-30 03:36:59 PM
5 votes:
i.imgur.com

"Well, now THAT's not going to help her nymphomania. It's just going to exacerbate it."
2012-04-30 07:06:52 PM
4 votes:

eraser8: Came for the snu-snu references.

Leaving satisfied.


Just because *you're* satisfied doesn't mean it's going to stop.
2012-04-30 07:08:57 PM
3 votes:
Sounds like she needs to hook up with the guy from the BMW 20 month erection link...
2012-04-30 06:48:14 PM
3 votes:
media.tumblr.com
HBK
2012-04-30 06:43:43 PM
3 votes:

jaylectricity: The only problem I have with this is that it was a German lady.


Officer, please help. There's shiat everywhere. She keeps making me shiat on her, and then she shiats on me. It's terrible.
2012-04-30 03:16:39 PM
3 votes:
Sex Nazi?
2012-04-30 08:29:04 PM
2 votes:
I'm gonna boil it all down here...


What everyone here is HOPING she looks like:

img.photobucket.com

......

....and what she probably ACTUALLY looks like:

www.goodtimecharlieblog.com
2012-04-30 08:25:00 PM
2 votes:

Englebert Slaptyback: dahmers love zombie

Jake Havechek: Sex Nazi?

No poon for you!


No schtup for you?


Ahem...
2012-04-30 08:03:12 PM
2 votes:
What the woman in question looks like:

img.photobucket.com

I do not care what you say or what proof you may have to the contrary. This is what she looks like. End of discussion.
2012-04-30 07:29:59 PM
2 votes:

CruiserTwelve: German lady and African man?

[i162.photobucket.com image 400x263]

"No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben."


True story:

Mel Brooks cut one line from 'Blazing Saddles' in the interests of good taste.

The scene where the screen goes black and you hear the "Teutonic Titwillow say, "Is it twue what they say about you black men?" ...."It's Twue, It's Twue,"
Sheriff: "I hate to disappoint you ma'am but you are sucking on my elbow,"
2012-04-30 07:01:03 PM
2 votes:

way south: Feh, apparently I hang our in all the wrong places.

/where's the nearest sex addiction clinic?


not sure, but once you figure it out might want to move on to figuring out where the nearest pharmacy is.
2012-04-30 07:00:26 PM
2 votes:

jaylectricity: The only problem I have with this is that it was a German lady.


i.ytimg.com
2012-04-30 06:56:51 PM
2 votes:

Doogles4221: More: Followup, German Nymphomaniac, Germans, held hostage, Roy Hodgson, Masters of the Universe, Man Utd, sex addiction, Charles Schulz

How exactly are the keywords for FARK articles chosen? and why was Snoopy sleeping with He-Man???


Now it's accurate:

rule34-data-000.paheal.net

farm5.static.flickr.com
2012-04-30 03:56:33 PM
2 votes:
Where can a man come upon meeting such a lass?
2012-04-30 03:35:08 PM
2 votes:
I understand this sort of thing causes a reaction that looks to getting poison ivy.
2012-04-30 03:14:36 PM
2 votes:
When police arrived to question the woman she invited two officers to join her in bed for a "quickie".
2012-04-30 03:12:34 PM
2 votes:
Mom?

/obligatory.
2012-05-01 01:07:30 AM
1 votes:

cman: Where can a man come upon meeting such a lass?


Anywhere she tells you to.
2012-04-30 11:45:31 PM
1 votes:
Did she look like this?
img-cdn.mediaplex.com
2012-04-30 09:49:09 PM
1 votes:
There is an approved medical device for her problem, see link Link

I know what the guy in the article is talking about, after about four or five times in one day you feel completely drained of life force - its even hard to breathe. My lady friend said I should see the doctor as to why I couldn't go much more than that, the Dr said "Four or Five times a DAY, that's like working a second job!"
2012-04-30 09:42:54 PM
1 votes:

Seth'n'Spectrum: [www.gaelick.com image 328x500]

Approves.


I think she's just looking for someplace private to pee.
2012-04-30 08:52:06 PM
1 votes:
For $1400 you can get a roundtrip ticket from Atlanta to Munich...Just sayin..

I think tomorrow I am going to place an ad on Craigslist:

"Are you a sex addict trying to kick the habit, but your weekly meetings aren't quite making the grade? I offer free one-on-one in home tutoring sessions as needed and results are guaranteed. If after 20 sessions you are not completely disinterested in sex, you will get a full refund. I have disappointed more women than Al Bundy and I am positive you will feel empty and unfulfilled in no time... If you are serious about kicking your habit, call me at 867-5309.."
2012-04-30 08:41:54 PM
1 votes:
MIsery loves company.
2012-04-30 07:51:09 PM
1 votes:
www.intriguing.com
2012-04-30 07:49:51 PM
1 votes:

SuperNinjaToad: maybe he's of much smaller stature and she is much stronger and bigger.


Possibly the body builder type.

www.celebrific.com
2012-04-30 07:40:55 PM
1 votes:

The Jami Turman Fan Club: Sounds like she took his clothes, wallet, & keys and wouldn't give them back until he satisfied her. Damn shame. I was imagining that she was 300 pounds and he couldn't get out until she rolled off of him.

An interesting if somewhat sick question for the ladies:

Suppose that while you were walking to your car in an unfamiar part of town, a man grabbed you and dragged you into his apartment. He then forcibly removed your clothing, purse, cell, etc., and locked them in a closet. He then tells you that you have two choices- you can run out the door naked and with nothing, or you can have sex with him, at which point he'll unlock the closet and give you your stuff back.

Which would you do?


Is he hot?
2012-04-30 07:38:10 PM
1 votes:
Police, "When did this happen, sir?"
Victim, "About 40 years ago."
Police, "Why are you telling us now?"
Victim, "Hell, I'm telling everyone!
2012-04-30 07:30:40 PM
1 votes:
i23.photobucket.com
2012-04-30 07:18:49 PM
1 votes:

Shazam999: The_Sponge: Shazam999: Pick me! Pick me!


You haven't seen her picture yet....what if she looks like Frau Blucher?

I'm not that picky.



Thanks to Google, I found her picture:

i124.photobucket.com
2012-04-30 07:16:27 PM
1 votes:

Thisbymaster: I wonder what her number is,



867-5309

Ask for Jennie

2012-04-30 07:14:01 PM
1 votes:
*dusts off German passport*

Hmmm, still good for another 8 years...
2012-04-30 07:13:44 PM
1 votes:
Soonish?


What a conundrum.
2012-04-30 07:04:30 PM
1 votes:
To imply that a man with an erection is not enjoying himself is not practical. In order for a man to maintain an erection he must be feeling pleasure and therefore enjoying himself hence he is willing ... it is impossible to rape the willing ...

It is all cause and effect...

He has an erection therefore he is feeling pleasure and he is willing...

linchpinbloggers.com

Now if you must excuse me... I drank too much wine, therefore I must go take a peess, cause and effect...
2012-04-30 07:03:21 PM
1 votes:

Paris1127: The woman met her latest victim, a 31-year-old African man, on her way home from a sex addiction clinic in Munich.

Good to know she's fully recovered.


The 13th step.
2012-04-30 06:56:49 PM
1 votes:

Shazam999: Pick me! Pick me!



You haven't seen her picture yet....what if she looks like Frau Blucher?
2012-04-30 06:53:28 PM
1 votes:

Thisbymaster: I wonder what her number is,



7, 7, 7, 9 and 311.

/Obscure?
2012-04-30 06:53:02 PM
1 votes:
Nymphomania is a serious problem in Germany.

i.telegraph.co.uk

Link
2012-04-30 06:48:02 PM
1 votes:
I wonder what her number is, I am sure if she put it out there she could have guys lined up around the corner. But the fact that he couldn't finish her off completely in 32 hours is just sad.
2012-04-30 06:44:48 PM
1 votes:

jaylectricity: The only problem I have with this is that it was a German lady.


Pro: Dirndl.
Con: Scheiße.
2012-04-30 06:42:13 PM
1 votes:
Feh, apparently I hang our in all the wrong places.

/where's the nearest sex addiction clinic?
2012-04-30 05:14:38 PM
1 votes:

CruiserTwelve: German lady and African man?

[i162.photobucket.com image 400x263]

"No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben."


Baby, please, I am not from Havana...

/it's twue, it's twue
2012-04-30 04:41:32 PM
1 votes:
I met this sex nazi
She locked me in her room
She only has sex with me
Every other June
I met this sex nazi
She wants sex on demand
But when she's not commanding
I can't even use my hand
2012-04-30 04:01:52 PM
1 votes:

Humean_Nature: Is there some reason this woman isn't being held for kidnapping and/or rape yet? Or is this just one of those guy-can't-get-raped-cuz-they're-all-horny-all-the-time-anyway-guffaw-g uffaw things?


Has anyone called Al Sharpton yet? We need to get the Neo-Nazi Panther Party to shed light on this travesty of justice.
2012-04-30 03:43:37 PM
1 votes:
Came for the snu-snu references.

Leaving satisfied.
2012-04-30 03:20:27 PM
1 votes:

Jake Havechek: Sex Nazi?


No poon for you!

/wait...
2012-04-30 03:08:22 PM
1 votes:
Nice. We haven't had a good "men can't be victims" thread in like eight hours.
2012-04-30 03:07:06 PM
1 votes:

Humean_Nature: Is there some reason this woman isn't being held for kidnapping and/or rape yet?


I found the answer.
2012-04-30 02:51:48 PM
1 votes:
Is there some reason this woman isn't being held for kidnapping and/or rape yet? Or is this just one of those guy-can't-get-raped-cuz-they're-all-horny-all-the-time-anyway-guffaw-g uffaw things?
 
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