Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Sun)   Actual quote from man held hostage by German Nymphomaniac. He fought back tears to tell them: "I met her on a bus. She invited me back here. It was hell. I can't walk. Please help me"   (thesun.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Followup, German Nymphomaniac, Germans, held hostage, Roy Hodgson, Masters of the Universe, Man Utd, sex addiction, Charles Schulz  
•       •       •

32904 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Apr 2012 at 6:37 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



209 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2012-04-30 09:31:43 PM  
I'm amazed no one came up with a National Lampoon's European Vacation reference yet. I mean, "Germany" and "sex" are right there, people! Don't let me down, Farkers!
 
2012-04-30 09:35:31 PM  
She should consider a career in prostitution. There are several legal brothels in Munich and as the saying goes, do what you love and you'll never work.
 
2012-04-30 09:35:33 PM  
www.gaelick.com

Approves.
 
2012-04-30 09:40:31 PM  

ravenssettle: JWideman: [www.blogcdn.com image 590x703]

Approves.

I need more information on that picture...


I thought nothing was obscure on fark.
 
2012-04-30 09:40:58 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: Paris1127: The woman met her latest victim, a 31-year-old African man, on her way home from a sex addiction clinic in Munich.

Good to know she's fully recovered.

FTA...The woman has now been taken into a hospital for psychiatric observation.

Or not.


Currently, the staff and patients are in intensive care for extreme sexual exhaustion and PTSD.
 
2012-04-30 09:42:41 PM  
Girl, "I'm almost thheerrreee...."
 
2012-04-30 09:42:54 PM  

Seth'n'Spectrum: [www.gaelick.com image 328x500]

Approves.


I think she's just looking for someplace private to pee.
 
2012-04-30 09:48:19 PM  
I'll say she wolfed down their johnsons - can not see any problem with that


/labored like a camp
 
2012-04-30 09:49:09 PM  
There is an approved medical device for her problem, see link Link

I know what the guy in the article is talking about, after about four or five times in one day you feel completely drained of life force - its even hard to breathe. My lady friend said I should see the doctor as to why I couldn't go much more than that, the Dr said "Four or Five times a DAY, that's like working a second job!"
 
2012-04-30 09:50:19 PM  

Mentat: Seth'n'Spectrum: [www.gaelick.com image 328x500]

Approves.

I think she's just looking for someplace private to pee.


No worries, m8.

I will shield you against sight and wind while you pee,

for I am large,

and I wield the wind...

and I will look away as a gentleman-wind does.

I see only everything,

shielding when necessary.

Wind does.

;)
 
2012-04-30 09:51:10 PM  
I always thought the feminists were full of shiat when they talked about 'rape culture'.

Then I started reading Fark.

Welp.
 
2012-04-30 09:58:10 PM  

Nadie_AZ: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 625x468]


Came for this. Thank You.
 
2012-04-30 10:01:16 PM  

Jumpin Jbot: I always thought the feminists were full of shiat when they talked about 'rape culture'.

Then I started reading Fark.

Welp.


Way to take a noble gesture and demean it with snark.

I was attempting to create a sight/windblock for peeing, and you dirtied my windsock. Noted.

P.S. Was only love...
 
2012-04-30 10:01:20 PM  

JWideman: ravenssettle: JWideman: [www.blogcdn.com image 590x703]

Approves.

I need more information on that picture...

I thought nothing was obscure on fark.


Someone in the Fark world might know, but I do not. :(
 
2012-04-30 10:08:14 PM  

JWideman: ravenssettle: JWideman: [www.blogcdn.com image 590x703]

Approves.

I need more information on that picture...

I thought nothing was obscure on fark.


Never mind. I remembered that you can drop a picture into Google and search that way.
I have the information I require.
 
2012-04-30 10:10:39 PM  

Tyranicle: Actual qoute by man held by German nyphomaniac. "Wow! The Sun is here! Thanks for being the only legitimate newspaper in the world to report my plight! Where' the photographer, btw?"


media.lawrence.com
You know that The Sun is a News Corp publication, aye?

/Some people still rate The Times, however.
//How low has the Wall Street Journal sunk since Murdoch inserted his vampirical tentacles into that organ? That was only a few years ago, right?
 
2012-04-30 10:11:00 PM  
Unless she was a freak of nature or held a knife/gun to him, he could've left at anytime.

And if he was stupid enough to use handcuffs or something, well, then, DO NOT DO THAT WITH A STRANGER MORON.

/Just sayin'...
 
2012-04-30 10:11:53 PM  

CUZN_Ovoids: There is an approved medical device for her problem, see link Link

I know what the guy in the article is talking about, after about four or five times in one day you feel completely drained of life force - its even hard to breathe. My lady friend said I should see the doctor as to why I couldn't go much more than that, the Dr said "Four or Five times a DAY, that's like working a second job!"


Wait, do you count each orgasm or is that each round of orgasms?
 
2012-04-30 10:24:05 PM  
It's not that hard to understand, mate. An important aspect of "hitting it and quitting it" is, of course, the quitting. He almost made it there.
 
2012-04-30 10:26:04 PM  

jaylectricity: The only problem I have with this is that it was a German lady.


img2.timeinc.net

Know how I know you're gay?
 
2012-04-30 10:26:22 PM  

ravenssettle: JWideman: ravenssettle: JWideman: [www.blogcdn.com image 590x703]

Approves.

I need more information on that picture...

I thought nothing was obscure on fark.

Someone in the Fark world might know, but I do not. :(


Don't feel bad. The first time I saw the clip, I didn't know the context, and just thought it was the worst movie sex scene ever.
 
2012-04-30 10:28:06 PM  

ShawnDoc: The article was lacking in details. How exactly was she preventing them from leaving? At first I thought it might be S&M stuff, and she'd strapped them in, but they mention this guy left when she went to sleep and the previous guy was able to call police from the balcony while she slept.


Blackmail, firearms, knives, very physically capable woman...
 
2012-04-30 10:28:24 PM  
Without a picture I would have to guess that she is real ugly and fat.

The proof:

1. Prostitution is legal in Germany, so if she was hot than she could make money and "treat" her need at the same time.
2.a. Some men will fark anything, as proven by all the articles of drugged-out nasty hookers that apparently have a demand despite their nastiness.
2.b. Some men will fark anything, as proven by all the Farkers who claim that some of the nastiest women are "hittable".
3. The man was crying and saying he couldn't walk, suggesting that he had some fatty bouncing on him all night.

Yeah, I would like to envision that she looked like this v, but the current facts say otherwise.

img.thesun.co.uk
 
2012-04-30 10:30:39 PM  

Humean_Nature: propasaurus: Because it's a bullshiat made up story?

I know the Sun can play fast and loose with the facts, but do they actually just make stuff up? Are we talking Fox News here or are we talking National Enquirer? One is twisting and distortion, and the other is Hilary Clinton Gives Birth to Alien Baby.


You're confusing the National Enquirer with the Weekly World News.
 
2012-04-30 10:32:28 PM  

JeffreyScott: 3. The man was crying and saying he couldn't walk, suggesting that he had some fatty bouncing on him all night.


Not necessarily. One word: chafing.
 
2012-04-30 10:39:50 PM  

Mock26: What the woman in question looks like:

[img.photobucket.com image 560x840]

I do not care what you say or what proof you may have to the contrary. This is what she looks like. End of discussion.


I'll vouch for that one, sir.
 
2012-04-30 10:51:36 PM  

jpo2269: For $1400 you can get a roundtrip ticket from Atlanta to Munich...Just sayin..


For $1,400 you can get a very, very high end Atlanta escort to stay the night with you.
 
2012-04-30 10:53:27 PM  

butt-nuggets: turns out all she wanted was some more sausage and sauerkraut


I'll, uh, sauer her kraut?

/got nothin
// gimme snu snu OR death by unga bunga - ladies choice
 
2012-04-30 10:56:42 PM  

meanmutton: jpo2269: For $1400 you can get a roundtrip ticket from Atlanta to Munich...Just sayin..

For $1,400 you can get a very, very high end Atlanta escort to stay the night with you.


And leave in the morning
 
2012-04-30 11:18:29 PM  
 
2012-04-30 11:29:56 PM  

Gulper Eel: My dad rented that movie thinking it was going to be a war movie.


Did your mom find out about the three weeks of late fees he racked up?
 
2012-04-30 11:37:16 PM  
i bet i could go at least 48 hours.. this guys a pussy.
 
2012-04-30 11:45:31 PM  
Did she look like this?
img-cdn.mediaplex.com
 
2012-04-30 11:46:27 PM  

LeroyBourne: I've had weekend flings with marathon style sex, and yes, walking hurt, but I never complained nor cried.


Complain? Cry? Hell, I damned near took out a full-page ad n the paper to announce it.

I fondly remember pulling some of the muscles that went across my stomach after one particular weekend. It hurt like hell, I couldn't laugh and I had a smile that would humble a Cheshire Cat.
 
2012-05-01 12:22:37 AM  
Exhibit A m'lud, Miss Rita Thang, an artist's model, Swedish accordion teacher and cane-chair sales lady, was found guilty under the Rude Behaviour Act in the accused's court. The accused, m'lud, sentenced her to be "taken from this place and brought round to his place".
 
2012-05-01 12:54:39 AM  

Skarekrough: LeroyBourne: I've had weekend flings with marathon style sex, and yes, walking hurt, but I never complained nor cried.

Complain? Cry? Hell, I damned near took out a full-page ad n the paper to announce it.

I fondly remember pulling some of the muscles that went across my stomach after one particular weekend. It hurt like hell, I couldn't laugh and I had a smile that would humble a Cheshire Cat.


I wrenched my shoulder, pulled several leg muscles, and something in my back after some rather gymnastic sex. I'd wince, then get a stupid smirk on my face when I remembered why I was hurting.
 
2012-05-01 12:57:02 AM  

The_Gallant_Gallstone: jpo2269: For $1400 you can get a roundtrip ticket from Atlanta to Munich...Just sayin..

I think tomorrow I am going to place an ad on Craigslist:

"Are you a sex addict trying to kick the habit, but your weekly meetings aren't quite making the grade? I offer free one-on-one in home tutoring sessions as needed and results are guaranteed. If after 20 sessions you are not completely disinterested in sex, you will get a full refund. I have disappointed more women than Al Bundy and I am positive you will feel empty and unfulfilled in no time... If you are serious about kicking your habit, call me at 867-5309.."

Never put your phone number in a Craigslist ad... that's right up there with never start a land war in Asia.


You new here???


Welcome to North America.
 
2012-05-01 01:07:30 AM  

cman: Where can a man come upon meeting such a lass?


Anywhere she tells you to.
 
2012-05-01 01:14:33 AM  

Knucklepopper: cman: Where can a man come upon meeting such a lass?

Anywhere she tells you to.


sfw
 
2012-05-01 01:16:48 AM  

cman: Where can a man come upon meeting such a lass?


I'm guessing pretty much wherever you want.
 
2012-05-01 01:32:11 AM  

Nadie_AZ: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 625x468]


Ah, yes. Just what I came for.
 
2012-05-01 01:38:08 AM  

Humean_Nature: propasaurus: Because it's a bullshiat made up story?

I know the Sun can play fast and loose with the facts, but do they actually just make stuff up? Are we talking Fox News here or are we talking National Enquirer? One is twisting and distortion, and the other is Hilary Clinton Gives Birth to Alien Baby.


They've lost plenty of lawsuits for making stuff up.
 
2012-05-01 02:05:10 AM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: Sounds like she took his clothes, wallet, & keys and wouldn't give them back until he satisfied her. Damn shame. I was imagining that she was 300 pounds and he couldn't get out until she rolled off of him.

An interesting if somewhat sick question for the ladies:

Suppose that while you were walking to your car in an unfamiar part of town, a man grabbed you and dragged you into his apartment. He then forcibly removed your clothing, purse, cell, etc., and locked them in a closet. He then tells you that you have two choices- you can run out the door naked and with nothing, or you can have sex with him, at which point he'll unlock the closet and give you your stuff back.

Which would you do?


A female friend of mine had the response that first she would offer to go to the kitchen to make him a sandwich.

//Keeping in mind that the kitchen will likely have knives of different shapes and sizes to chose from.
 
2012-05-01 02:12:18 AM  

Humean_Nature: propasaurus: Because it's a bullshiat made up story?

I know the Sun can play fast and loose with the facts, but do they actually just make stuff up? Are we talking Fox News here or are we talking National Enquirer? One is twisting and distortion, and the other is Hilary Clinton Gives Birth to Alien Baby.


Also the alien baby is Jesus.
 
2012-05-01 02:23:13 AM  
as a perv of german descent I approve of all of this
 
2012-05-01 03:03:59 AM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: Sounds like she took his clothes, wallet, & keys and wouldn't give them back until he satisfied her. Damn shame. I was imagining that she was 300 pounds and he couldn't get out until she rolled off of him.

An interesting if somewhat sick question for the ladies:

Suppose that while you were walking to your car in an unfamiar part of town, a man grabbed you and dragged you into his apartment. He then forcibly removed your clothing, purse, cell, etc., and locked them in a closet. He then tells you that you have two choices- you can run out the door naked and with nothing, or you can have sex with him, at which point he'll unlock the closet and give you your stuff back.

Which would you do?


Run out the door naked.

How modest can you be, jesus christ.

Of course, you're assuming I don't fight back while the guy is forcibly removing my clothing, purse, etc. If he's that close, he's already lost his eyes, and I now have time to put my clothes back on.
 
2012-05-01 04:19:41 AM  
boozeworthy.com
 
2012-05-01 05:41:35 AM  

Doogles4221: More: Followup, German Nymphomaniac, Germans, held hostage, Roy Hodgson, Masters of the Universe, Man Utd, sex addiction, Charles Schulz

How exactly are the keywords for FARK articles chosen? and why was Snoopy sleeping with He-Man???


I wonder about that myself. I've seen some really strange keywords uses that have absolutely nothing to do with the article itself.
 
mjl
2012-05-01 06:40:33 AM  

Gosling: *Story only really being reported by Rupert Murdoch properties.
*Rupert Murdoch properties have been recently devoted to making women look like whores.

This one's not too hard to call BS on.


Recently devoted? you mean its got worse in the last few years???
 
2012-05-01 08:13:43 AM  
Dear penthouse Forum;
 
Displayed 50 of 209 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report