Grables'Daughter: First of all, no one on TF wears pants.

That's right. After I got TF I started wearing skirts and dresses exclusively. The breeze on my balls has cleared up my fungal rash, and my legs look fantastic in stockings.

I was sponsored for total Fark once for a month. It was the best month of my life. Everything I said was a little funnier. My banter with my co-workers was a little snappier. My wife swears that my johnson was a little bigger as well :D

For the first time in my life I knew what it was like to be "in", to be "cool", to have "friends", and not suffer from "chronic pelvic itching".

When my month ended, I came crashing back to Earth immediately. One moment I was foxtrotting in the penthouse, the next I was slamming ass first into the dirt holding a chipped champagne glass in one hand and wiping my tears with the other.

Now I just get by. Some days are better than others but....you know...I never really get over it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it or compare whatever crappy plans I have to do for the day with the whirlwind of mirth and machismo that met me and my totalfark tag during the "golden month".

If you can spend the five bucks, do it. Do it for you. Do it for your children. Do it for America! Put life in a headlock and cram your totalfark tag down its god damn throat! Show the world who's boss by being the boss! And while you sip absinthe on your thrown made of the twisted corpses of liters that you've destroyed with your wit, think of me my friend. Despise me just a little less than the others.

First of all, no one on TF wears pants.

The little banner that says Totalfark instantly makes your opinion worth more than standard liters.

If you don't believe me watch this get greened as an advert to get people to give TF a go, and watch the liters call us TFers elitist and arrogant self-righteous pricks who think spending $5 makes them somehow superior... then watch those same people be unable to afford $5 a month... yeah I am superior because I can blow $5 a month. That makes us all awesome and we know it, so don't even pretend you don't know.

What the Hell else are you going to blow five bucks on...Skittles and iced tea? That shiat will kill you.

Well, since all everyone does here is troll anymore, you get to troll earlier in the thread!

macgyver: who wants to sponsor me? I have been here for 10+ years now. thanks.

Shouldn't you just be able to craft a TF membership out of some used bubble gum and a paperclip?

low self-esteem.

It's the only way to get your headlines green-lighted.

Because you are a little biatch and we need to mock you. Out yourself and I'll sponsor you.

Silly Jesus: What's the origin of "liter?" I know the meaning, but not the word...

It's not a term of endearment there sunshine...

Not sure I would pay for TF, but I do completely admit to getting a bit of a woody when a TF'er replies to one of my posts, even if it's something snarky and mean. Which hasn't happened too often.

Dear Subby,

Have you ever read "Dirk Gentley's Holistic Detective Agency"?

The titular character views the world through a kind of Karmic sieve that allows him to solve the mystery of why one person might have murdered another by noticing that there was a peanut butter recall in Georgia. This isn't fiction.

You see Subby, (and please, have a seat over there in the corner. Why yes! The tea and crumpets ARE for you!) all the world is connected..not in some Cartesianally deterministic or rationalized string of digital causality but in an a more ethereal probabilistic fashion. The entire universe of all that is known and all that can be known are not rigid entries in some cosmic database. It is instead a pan-dimensional miasma of probabilistic perspective where an entity's need for understanding creates a gravitational attraction between himself in the information needed.

Of course, the user interface for this potential omniscience requires a unique mind. Einstein had it. Da Vinci was born with it. God himself is nothing more than a child who has mastered it so well that not only information, but the very stuff of the Universe bends around his needs according to the same mechanic.

Subby, its possible that you are one such person. For all I know you may be the appointed plenipotentiary of cosmic possibility and the entirety of human existence may be being inexorably drawn into the event horizon of your devastating intellect and sagacious perception as I write this. I'd like that. We all would.

If that isn't the case though Subby, and I think we can all agree that it probably is, but, you know, just in case there is even an outside chance that it isn't, you will be pleased to know that there is an easier, more egalitarian way...and it only answers your original conundrum, but it also only costs you $5 per month.

Weren't those crumpets delicious? No. Ahh, well. Tastes vary. Whats that? Why have I not availed myself of this incredible and seemingly consequence free bargain of Mephistophelean temptation?

I just don't have the time. I need to be at the gym in 26 minutes.

Respectfully,


Prevailing Wind


/high like monochromatic airships

TotalFARK is total crap.
Was gifted twice by 2 silly farktards and you are missing nothing.

FARKTard's!

Meatschool: Not so fast there kiddo...
[checks profiles]
Damn! Beat me by four months.

/Decaliter

Youngin'

/of course, there are 1504 folks with numbers lower than mine so... yeah.

Of course, but I have been slowly having them eliminated year after year. Im up to 1,472 patches of freshly turned earth in my back yard so...

... may I offer you some skittle and iced tea?

http://i49.tinypic.com/ut2py.jpg

I have my popcorn ready. Have the Liter vs TF wars started yet?



OMG TotalFarkers are so full of themselves! They think because they spend five bucks more that they're all that!

/your turn

Nacc: You have to get the upgrade to learn why the upgrade is worth it.

I though that was for Scientology.

TFers and Liters sometimes remind me of the hutu and tutsi with slightly less genocide.

save your money and get a $5 hooker every month.

That's what I do

hubiestubert: StaleCoffee: I've been sponsored before but girls still wouldn't talk to me.

That's why you have to get girlcritters to sponsor you.

/just sayin'

I don't know what that is, it isn't in Urban Dictionary and it sounds like a porn involving Billy Zane, Lin Shaye, Dee Wallace and carnivorous space hedgehogs.

Even MORE cats.

It will make your weener grow by a magnitude of five. At least it did for me the one month someone paid for my TF status. A couple of days after my TF status went back to Lite, people began mentioning I stopped limping.

Freaky_Sold_Mustard: loonatic112358: Freaky_Sold_Mustard: TotalFark: For suckers who haven't found out about Reddit yet.

reddit is like going to an old usenet forum for me

a hell of a lot of shiat there, and some of it might be good

It really just comes down to a question of participation versus content. More participation equates to more content. Some will be good, some worthless.

Reddit: 124th most popular site on the internet

Fark: 2775th most popular site on the internet

Fark is like a 90's version of Reddit.

Pinterest: 42nd most popular site on the internet

Reddit is like a 00's version of Pinterest.

FuLinHyu: alizeran: I have been a liter longer than subby, and have never even posed this question to myself.

/bow before the king of the liters.

Fixed: Congratulations! You've gifted one free month of TotalFark to alizeran.

What treachery is this?

You most like go from Fark liter to fart lighter

because you want to do less at work

and you love circle jerks

That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,
Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been at large
under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only 5 dollar, step right up, it's only 5 dollar, step right up

Slaxl: The little banner that says Totalfark instantly makes your opinion worth more than standard liters.

If you don't believe me watch this get greened as an advert to get people to give TF a go, and watch the liters call us TFers elitist and arrogant self-righteous pricks who think spending $5 makes them somehow superior... then watch those same people be unable to afford $5 a month... yeah I am superior because I can blow $5 a month. That makes us all awesome and we know it, so don't even pretend you don't know.

You're superior because you blow for $5? I heard your mom charges at least twice that.

I'm the subby.

Everytime a TotalFarker is born, Drew gets a beer

So you can experience all the great repeats and redlit headlines that are funnier than the greened ones.

BurnShrike: Grables'Daughter: I want my red heels back, please.

But they look fantastic on me! And they match my European traveling bag.

And you can keep my thong.

/it's all stretched out now

shivashakti: There's a lot more of the same people in TFD, so the discussions tend to be a lot more respectful. I mean, there's still plenty of snark particularly towards the submitter.

Really? TF seems like a gigantic circle-jerk, much more like high school than anything else.

As a conservative, I like TotalFark because it gives me a target rich environment of liberal stupidity.

Green'd?

Well, Subby. You should pay the five bucks a month because it will keep you from touching yourself at night, and that will make your mother happy.

MOAR.

TFD is great if you're an insomniac; more articles that may not make the main page.

He shouldn't. TFD is full of trite conversation and AWs.

The only advantage I enjoy is being able to see the upcoming links for the day before they hit the main page.