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(Slate)   Al-Qaida looking to outsource future attacks   (slatest.slate.com) divider line 81
    More: PSA, al-Qaeda, terror groups  
•       •       •

7875 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Apr 2012 at 10:35 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-29 09:57:36 PM  
"U.S. forces have killed around half of al-Qaida's top 20 leaders over the last year"

If we keep this up how will we justify occupying foreign lands and killing everybody?
 
2012-04-29 09:58:18 PM  
Instead of destroying targets with bombs, they should open a chain of Al Quaeda themed restaurants with 70 virgin cocktails, "Suicide Bomber" stuffed habenero peppers, and 9/11 Twin Tower Burgers with over 1 kg of meat.
 
2012-04-29 10:38:15 PM  
*in a thick Indian accent* Hello good sir, I am David Watson. How can I help you achieve death to America today?
 
2012-04-29 10:38:46 PM  
fta He also insisted Sunday he has received "no credible reporting" that there's a retaliatory plot in the works to mark the anniversary of Bin Laden's death,

This is bad news for... No, wait.
 
2012-04-29 10:39:39 PM  
<b><a href="http://www.fark.com/comments/7077846/76546919#c76546919" target="_blank">doglover</a>:</b> <i>Instead of destroying targets with bombs, they should open a chain of Al Quaeda themed restaurants with 70 virgin cocktails, "Suicide Bomber" stuffed habenero peppers, and 9/11 Twin Tower Burgers with over 1 kg of meat.</i>

well the food would have to be kosher.
 
2012-04-29 10:40:15 PM  
EVERYBODY KEEP PANICING!!!
 
2012-04-29 10:40:43 PM  
And the pageant continues.
 
2012-04-29 10:41:29 PM  
Good luck outsourcing the Number 2 position

/very high turnover rate
 
2012-04-29 10:42:08 PM  
So al Qaeda are Republican business owners?
 
2012-04-29 10:42:55 PM  
They're just doing the jobs that Americans won't do
 
2012-04-29 10:43:01 PM  
We're going to be overrun by polite phone-center operators from Mumbai?
 
2012-04-29 10:44:52 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Good luck outsourcing the Number 2 position

/very high turnover rate


Yeah, why don't they just eliminate the position, like old buildings with no 13th floor? Then they can just have multiple Al-Qaeda number 3's, and every time we kill one of them, and the press release says, "Al Qaeda #2 killed in air strike!" then the Al Qaeda guys can just issue their own press release to al-jazeera saying, nu-uh, he was only #3. You'll never get #2."
 
2012-04-29 10:45:21 PM  
From what I've heard, Ted Nugent is taking the challenge. Suck my machine gun Obama
 
2012-04-29 10:46:50 PM  
They should use Chinese Laborers. It is very inexpensive.

Arrah Akbar
 
2012-04-29 10:47:15 PM  

Gyrfalcon: We're going to be overrun by polite phone-center operators from Mumbai?


"Yes, sir, first let me say that I am veery sorry you are expeerencing thees problem, and I weel do evreetheeng I can to help you to solve eet. First, have you tried reebooting your suicide bomb?"
 
2012-04-29 10:47:40 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: EVERYBODY KEEP PANICING!!!


Way ahead of you.
 
2012-04-29 10:48:15 PM  

edmo: "U.S. forces have killed around half of al-Qaida's top 20 leaders over the last year"

If we keep this up how will we justify occupying foreign lands and killing everybody?


That's an easy one. There will always be a new "threat" to the US and they will find a way to justify this threat as a reason for more war.
 
2012-04-29 10:50:27 PM  
Well they shouldn't recruit in Florida either. That would be moranic.
 
2012-04-29 10:50:30 PM  

ox45tallboy: Gyrfalcon: We're going to be overrun by polite phone-center operators from Mumbai?

"Yes, sir, first let me say that I am veery sorry you are expeerencing thees problem, and I weel do evreetheeng I can to help you to solve eet. First, have you tried reebooting your suicide bomb?"


Then they tell you they're going to have to refer you to another department, and after fifteen minutes of bad elevator music, you get cut off and have to call back.

Could be problematic if it's a suicide bomb, tho.
 
2012-04-29 10:53:10 PM  

The Troof hurts: That's an easy one. There will always be a new "threat" to the US and they will find a way to justify this threat as a reason for more war.


You are a threat to our threat industry. I must threaten you with a threat to stop threatening our threats.
 
2012-04-29 10:55:00 PM  
I don't think it's possible for them to inadvertently take our rights away. But, I'll give credit when credit is due, nice jorb binladden.
 
2012-04-29 10:57:58 PM  
they should hire some Columbian hookers
 
2012-04-29 11:02:44 PM  
FARK MEXICO!
 
2012-04-29 11:04:11 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Good luck outsourcing the Number 2 position

/very high turnover rate


I never understood why they held on to the top-down heirarchy or fascination with blowing things out of the sky anyway. Sure, you need a certain amount of organization to train pilots or smuggle explosives onto a plane, but look at the D.C. snipers. One of the most successful terrorist acts since 9/11 was carried out by two people with a $300 rifle, fair to decent aim, and the ability to cram themselves into the trunk of a ford P.O.S.
 
2012-04-29 11:05:23 PM  
Why don't they just hire Blackwater?
 
2012-04-29 11:05:31 PM  
So, I understand you are having problems with your IED today. Have you tried turning the device off and back on?
 
2012-04-29 11:08:16 PM  
There was a time when I thought no one in power would be so sociopathic as to create conflict just to keep money flowing to the military-industrial complex. Lately, though...

I mean, back in the '80s, I thought "What if world peace ever actually happens? That would put a lot of people out of their jobs. Ha ha ha." And sure it would cause some disruption, but we as a society could deal with that. Because: World peace, right? Then the Soviet Union collapsed, but we didn't cut back on our military to anywhere close to the proportion that the threat had diminished. World peace, ha ha ha. Very funny.
 
2012-04-29 11:12:02 PM  

ox45tallboy: Gyrfalcon: We're going to be overrun by polite phone-center operators from Mumbai?

"Yes, sir, first let me say that I am veery sorry you are expeerencing thees problem, and I weel do evreetheeng I can to help you to solve eet. First, have you tried reebooting your suicide bomb?"


"You say you have the plane on course for the tower? And it's nawt going fast enough? Make shure sir dat you have teh trottles on full power when you are suicide bombing. Did you also make shure you've cut open any passengers who resist? Naww? Vell sir I'll ask that you go to da back of teh plane and cut a couple of dem open again just to make shure dey don't do a mutiny. I'll wait here while you do dat".
 
2012-04-29 11:12:58 PM  

Sock Ruh Tease: *in a thick Indian accent* Hello good sir, I am David Watson. How can I help you achieve death to America today?


Uh, yeah, "David". Alright. I'm trying to deliver the death blow to the whores of Europe and right the wrongs of my forefathers, but I keep getting an error message in my backpack device. I tried rebooting and nothing is happening. I also tried to open administrative override and run explode.exe on a time delay. I have a warranty, and I'm pretty pissed off! You better damn well fix my problem!
 
2012-04-29 11:13:53 PM  
Fearmongering intent on extending this "war on terror" bullshiat. He's dead, we won, don't give any visas to Afghanis, Yemenis, Somalis, Pakistanis, etc. without an extensive background check.

Boom, done. Can we drop the NDAA, DHS, and all that shiat now?

/Of course not, Obama can't afford to look soft on terrorism any more than he can look soft on weed. Farking old white Christian people make me sick.
 
2012-04-29 11:14:31 PM  
Thankfully they're too dumb to just start blowing up oilfields, pipelines, etc "over there".
 
2012-04-29 11:15:43 PM  

Gyrfalcon: ox45tallboy: Gyrfalcon: We're going to be overrun by polite phone-center operators from Mumbai?

"Yes, sir, first let me say that I am veery sorry you are expeerencing thees problem, and I weel do evreetheeng I can to help you to solve eet. First, have you tried reebooting your suicide bomb?"

Then they tell you they're going to have to refer you to another department, and after fifteen minutes of bad elevator music, you get cut off and have to call back.

Could be problematic if it's a suicide bomb, tho.


Not for their "closed call" stats. "Disconnect" is as good as a "resolved."
 
2012-04-29 11:17:49 PM  

eventhelosers: Thankfully they're too dumb to just start blowing up oilfields, pipelines, etc "over there".


I thought we already blew all of theirs up?

Hmmm.. an interesting economic/war philosophy: We build things "over there" for them to blow up so that they won't be blowing things up "over here".
 
2012-04-29 11:19:41 PM  
new business opportunities

hertz rent-a-terrorist
terrorist power (manpower affiliate)
merry terrorists (merry maids affiliate)

also, does this open up opportunities for freelance terrorist--and do they get a 1099 at the end of the year?
 
2012-04-29 11:21:21 PM  

eventhelosers: Thankfully they're too dumb to just start blowing up oilfields, pipelines, etc "over there".


Oil is fungible, etc.

Also, nobody in power over there cares if you blow away a dozen civilians, but fark with his money pump and he will END your shiat.
 
2012-04-29 11:22:49 PM  

edmo: If we keep this up how will we justify occupying foreign lands and killing everybody?


We bother justifying it?
 
2012-04-29 11:25:56 PM  

Turbo Cojones: Why don't they just hire Blackwater?


Boom, headshot.
 
2012-04-29 11:27:10 PM  

omnibus_necanda_sunt: Fearmongering intent on extending this "war on terror" bullshiat. He's dead, we won, don't give any visas to Afghanis, Yemenis, Somalis, Pakistanis, etc. without an extensive background check.


No we didn't. We have lost, badly.

Read Bin Laden's writings. His whole goal was to draw the US into the middle east to bleed and drain it the exact same way the did the Soviets, the eventual goal being a complete withdraw once we go bankrupt.

Bin Laden INTENTIONALLY chose as many Saudi's as he could get to take part in Sept 11 to strain US/Saudi relations.

Most of the people fighting us don't care if we have women wearing jeans, what they see is a foreign aggressor occupying their lands. 9/11 to them was a fully justified retaliation for the last 40 years of US foreign policy. Compare how they reacted after 9/11 to how we reacted after Bin Laden was killed. Same reasons, a blow had been struck against an entity who had hurt them and caused them misery. Of course we were idiots and fell right for Bin Laden's trap.

The best thing we could do is just leave the whole region, for all the money blown on the war, $3,000 plus for every American, we could have just bought the dammed oil and let them shoot each other, which is what they were doing before we started mucking around in the region in the first place and, given a year or three, what they will start doing again once we leave.
 
2012-04-29 11:31:07 PM  

ox45tallboy: eventhelosers: Thankfully they're too dumb to just start blowing up oilfields, pipelines, etc "over there".

I thought we already blew all of theirs up?

Hmmm.. an interesting economic/war philosophy: We build things "over there" for them to blow up so that they won't be blowing things up "over here".


eventhelosers.com

More deny us oil, but they're all about attention whoring IMHO. I'm all about protectionism, would be better for the world if we exchanged more intellect and less product (once again MHO).

It's time for sleepy though so helping Al Quaeda and/or saving the world will have to wait. This great mind needs rest, I was told I have to dig deeper ditches at work this week.
 
2012-04-29 11:34:21 PM  

johndalek: new business opportunities

hertz rent-a-terrorist
terrorist power (manpower affiliate)
merry terrorists (merry maids affiliate)

also, does this open up opportunities for freelance terrorist--and do they get a 1099 at the end of the year?


Assuming they're a US citizen, if they're out of the US for 330 days (theoretically possible if they already live abroad, or if they escape to another country without an extradition treaty), then they would not have to pay Federal taxes on income received for contracted terrorist activities.

However, a non-US citizen may be liable for income received for work performed on US soil, even if it was at the behest of a foreign government or corporation. If the corporation has a US presence, then the individual (depending on the way the contract is written, as well as whether the terrorist is considered an employee or independent contractor) would almost definitely owe personal income tax for payroll; however, if he can show expenses in excess of the amount received, (not as difficult as you might imagine, considering wear and tear on equipment, medical expenses due to faulty bomb-making equipment, bribes, etc.) and he is structured as a corporate entity rather than a sole proprietorship, he may be exempt.

One way in which he might be fully exempt is if he performed his duties at the behest of a nation we have cultural relations with, or especially an embassy. This work could then be considered under the umbrella of duties relating to diplomatic relations (kind of like if the chef at an embassy goes shopping at the local market), and therefore would be responsible only for taxes due to his home country. Of course, that would mean the country he would be working for would either have to acknowledge him as an employee, or at least file an I-9, thereby causing said terrorist action to become an Act of War. All because of a lack of proper tax structure.
 
2012-04-29 11:36:24 PM  

doglover: Instead of destroying targets with bombs, they should open a chain of Al Quaeda themed restaurants with 70 virgin cocktails, "Suicide Bomber" stuffed habenero peppers, and 9/11 Twin Tower Burgers with over 1 kg of meat.


You watch too many Adam Sandler movies.
 
2012-04-29 11:37:48 PM  

omnibus_necanda_sunt: Fearmongering intent on extending this "war on terror" bullshiat. He's dead, we won, don't give any visas to Afghanis, Yemenis, Somalis, Pakistanis, etc. without an extensive background check.

Boom, done. Can we drop the NDAA, DHS, and all that shiat now?

/Of course not, Obama can't afford to look soft on terrorism any more than he can look soft on weed. Farking old white Christian people make me sick.


you're confusing the elderly, the whites & the faithful with people of incredible wealth and power who do as they damn well please. they always have and they always will. the commoners who work, vote and pay taxes have little to no say, just as it's always been.
 
2012-04-29 11:39:33 PM  

omnibus_necanda_sunt: eventhelosers: Thankfully they're too dumb to just start blowing up oilfields, pipelines, etc "over there".

Oil is fungible, etc.

Also, nobody in power over there cares if you blow away a dozen civilians, but fark with his money pump and he will END your shiat.


Fungible to what extent (why we got them big salt caves full of it then, what a waste), the second part I agree with.

Crosshair 2012-04-29 11:27:10 PM explains further.

Really going away now, have fun.
 
2012-04-29 11:39:35 PM  

Crosshair: omnibus_necanda_sunt: Fearmongering intent on extending this "war on terror" bullshiat. He's dead, we won, don't give any visas to Afghanis, Yemenis, Somalis, Pakistanis, etc. without an extensive background check.

No we didn't. We have lost, badly.

Read Bin Laden's writings. His whole goal was to draw the US into the middle east to bleed and drain it the exact same way the did the Soviets, the eventual goal being a complete withdraw once we go bankrupt.

Bin Laden INTENTIONALLY chose as many Saudi's as he could get to take part in Sept 11 to strain US/Saudi relations.

Most of the people fighting us don't care if we have women wearing jeans, what they see is a foreign aggressor occupying their lands. 9/11 to them was a fully justified retaliation for the last 40 years of US foreign policy. Compare how they reacted after 9/11 to how we reacted after Bin Laden was killed. Same reasons, a blow had been struck against an entity who had hurt them and caused them misery. Of course we were idiots and fell right for Bin Laden's trap.

The best thing we could do is just leave the whole region, for all the money blown on the war, $3,000 plus for every American, we could have just bought the dammed oil and let them shoot each other, which is what they were doing before we started mucking around in the region in the first place and, given a year or three, what they will start doing again once we leave.


Sunk costs fallacy.
 
2012-04-29 11:41:54 PM  

KrispyKritter: omnibus_necanda_sunt: Fearmongering intent on extending this "war on terror" bullshiat. He's dead, we won, don't give any visas to Afghanis, Yemenis, Somalis, Pakistanis, etc. without an extensive background check.

Boom, done. Can we drop the NDAA, DHS, and all that shiat now?

/Of course not, Obama can't afford to look soft on terrorism any more than he can look soft on weed. Farking old white Christian people make me sick.

you're confusing the elderly, the whites & the faithful with people of incredible wealth and power who do as they damn well please. they always have and they always will. the commoners who work, vote and pay taxes have little to no say, just as it's always been.


The worst of the wealthy and powerful are the ones who drank the Koolaid.
 
2012-04-29 11:46:27 PM  
my-funspace.com

"They make a desert and call it prayer."
 
2012-04-29 11:46:28 PM  

edmo: "U.S. forces have killed around half of al-Qaida's top 20 leaders over the last year"

If we keep this up how will we justify occupying foreign lands and killing everybody?


Sounds like a campaign bullet point. Let's be real, I voted for Obama, so are they basically saying the bush admin got none, and they got them all?

/ I don't believe anything the media reports these days....
 
2012-04-29 11:47:55 PM  

omnibus_necanda_sunt: Sunk costs fallacy.


Okay, I'll bite. What makes it a fallacy?
 
2012-04-29 11:48:40 PM  

omnibus_necanda_sunt: Crosshair: omnibus_necanda_sunt: Fearmongering intent on extending this "war on terror" bullshiat. He's dead, we won, don't give any visas to Afghanis, Yemenis, Somalis, Pakistanis, etc. without an extensive background check.

No we didn't. We have lost, badly.

Read Bin Laden's writings. His whole goal was to draw the US into the middle east to bleed and drain it the exact same way the did the Soviets, the eventual goal being a complete withdraw once we go bankrupt.

Bin Laden INTENTIONALLY chose as many Saudi's as he could get to take part in Sept 11 to strain US/Saudi relations.

Of course we were idiots and fell right for Bin Laden's trap.


You mean going after Saddam? Even bin Laden didn't imagine we'd derp THAT hard.
 
2012-04-29 11:50:39 PM  
Hey if Outsourcing the takeover of Iraq to the US Army worked for Halliburton...
 
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