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(BBC)   Bullied children are more prone to self-harm, says new study from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute   (bbc.co.uk) divider line 109
    More: Sad, self-harm, coping strategies  
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1447 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Apr 2012 at 6:06 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-28 08:21:16 PM

PillsHere: For those who don't think bullying is a big deal or think you should just walk it off or get over it, let me share my story because it might be a different perspective from the bullied kid.

So, I was bullied when I was in grade school. It wasn't physical bullying (I was taller than most kids), and they didn't rob me. It was all mental/verbal/emotional. I know your thoughts will probably be that it's the most pussy kind possible. However, my tormentors would never leave me alone. It started at the bus stop, progressed to the bus, went to the classroom, followed me on the playground where ever I went during recess, again in the cafeteria, and then on the bus ride home until I got home. These people would follow me around any chance they got saying nasty things to me. Sure I would tell them to stfu sometimes and I even assaulted a couple of them. However, they didn't care. They got power and entertainment from it.

I know the reason they did this, and this is the part that is important. What they weren't aware of is that I was abused at home. So this torment they put me through all day every day at school didn't stop when I went into my house, it only got worse. Because of the abuse I received at home, I became a timid person. I learned to hide and to be quiet and take it because it was easier. I just zoned out and pretended I was somewhere else and lived inside my head. This behavior carried over into why I got bullied. I was a shy and quiet person and extremely timid and they could feel that. I believe they could sense that I was weak and wounded from being beaten down at home and it provoked them to bully me.

Basically I grew knowing that no one gave a crap about me and the feeling that everyone hated me, but I couldn't understand why. See not all of us have parents or people who love us to tell us that despite what we're going through, it will be okay some day. So while you might think that this anti-bully crap is stupid and pointless (and I'm not convinced it will stop bullying), it might actually help some of the kids who get bullied into feeling like they're not alone and that someone does care. While that might not mean much to you, it could mean a world of difference to them.


Wow. I could have written that myself; my experience was identical.

Although I am "grown up", a professional, liked and respected by most people I come into contact with, the scars are still there. I have trouble trusting people and have trouble maintaining relationships. I still "zone out" under stress. I ended up marrying a guy who didn't overtly bully but treated me with scorn and tried to control me. We are getting divorced now. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to have normal relationships.

Bullying is a big deal by itself but when it extends into home life you're farked.

I went a little crazy. I couldn't figure out why people hated me. I figured I had some intrinsic evil inside that people were repelled by. In " the Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath she called it poison. Look
What happened to her (suicide.)

I never cut or anything but I did starve myself for years. I'm glad people talk about bullying but I haven't got much hope that it will change much for victims, unless people give victims support and encouragement.
 
2012-04-28 11:04:03 PM

Fano: Thank you, Julie Cochrane , for reminding people that bullies aren't just dolts like Moe from C&H, or rich jocks from 80s teen movies. Many fool adults into thinking they are "really good kids" because they know how to apply the hurt on the sly. Heck, some wouldn't even know they are bullies, and are just going along with the way everyone else treats the odd kids.


Hmm, I think they just keep that behavior going right on when they're adults. My ex was a bully, to both me and our son. Everyone else thought he was charming as fark.
 
2012-04-29 04:14:46 AM
SHY Institute? +1 internets for subby if that was intentional!
 
2012-04-29 07:16:45 AM

Mock26: I have a friend who was physically bullied in grade school, junior high school, and high school. He never told his parents because he was afraid of repercussions, but also because he was ashamed that he was weak. He first tried to kill himself when he was 8 years old. He tried and failed 3 times before he was 18. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) his attempts were not well thought out and no one ever knew that he had tried to kill himself. He suffered serious bouts of depression as a teenager, but passed it off as being a typical, moody teenager, even though it was anything but typical teen moodiness.

As an adult he has been in and out of therapy for years and while he has never tried to kill himself as an adult, the thoughts have never been far from his mind. Having spoken with him at great length about this I seriously doubt that any amount of therapy will ever fully cure him of his suicidal thoughts. He is in his 30s now and I make sure to call or text or e-mail or post on his Facebook wall every single day. If I do not hear back from him within 24 hours I get very worried. Do not get me wrong, he is generally an outgoing and happy person these days and lives a normal life (for the most part), but those thoughts are never far away. He is in therapy at the moment, but what can really be done? Some scars run far too deep to ever be fully healed. Sure, he could be committed to a mental health facility where he could be watched 24 hours a day, but that quality of life would probably be worse than suicide.

So, yeah, bullying should be treated as a hate crime. The problem is trying to define what is normal childhood teasing and what is bullying.


Your friend's experience is hardly justification for a special category of crime (that doesn't exist in any even, except as a form of discrimination). And the problem is not only what you state, but greater.
 
2012-04-29 07:59:25 PM
Two things:

1. I thought subby's headline was hysterical and I didn't feel bad about laughing.

2. I think there's a case for helping the bullied learn to deal with the assholes out there - whatever form that takes.

I was bullied *a lot* when I was a kid and felt like shiat until I learned (through an older mentor) that I was fine - the bullies were the messed up ones.That helped prepare me for life in unimaginable ways. I have to kids and they were taught at an early age NOT to bully and how to deal with it if they are.
 
2012-04-29 11:15:08 PM

Julie Cochrane: Some bullying happens because normal kids' social skills suck and they really don't have functional ways to get other kids to stop "acting weird" or doing annoying stuff other than being mean to them until they cut it out and behave better.


That's a longwinded way of saying that bullies tend to have sucky social skills.

Julie Cochrane: he problem comes when you have kids who can't stop "acting weird" because there is something wrong with them, and the adults haven't noticed the situation and headed off the trouble.


And there's you blaming the victim. The way that I behave has no bearing on the quality of your life. Period. You don't get to act like a dick to me just because I'm not exactly like everybody else you've encountered in your short time on this earth.

Bullies are people who can't deal with the fact that 1) other people exist in the world and 2) those other people have different ways of expressing themselves.
 
2012-04-30 02:03:03 AM
Bullies are people trying to exert their dominance over people that they feel are inferior. This is basic primate behavior.

Beating the yellow shiat out of them, their sidekicks, and their defective parents is the only appropriate response.
 
2012-04-30 11:32:48 AM
Bullied children are more prone to self-harm, says new study from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute

The Stop Hitting Yourself WITH MY FIST Institute

FTFY
 
2012-05-01 06:37:06 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Julie Cochrane: Some bullying happens because normal kids' social skills suck and they really don't have functional ways to get other kids to stop "acting weird" or doing annoying stuff other than being mean to them until they cut it out and behave better.

That's a longwinded way of saying that bullies tend to have sucky social skills.

Julie Cochrane: he problem comes when you have kids who can't stop "acting weird" because there is something wrong with them, and the adults haven't noticed the situation and headed off the trouble.

And there's you blaming the victim. The way that I behave has no bearing on the quality of your life. Period. You don't get to act like a dick to me just because I'm not exactly like everybody else you've encountered in your short time on this earth.

Bullies are people who can't deal with the fact that 1) other people exist in the world and 2) those other people have different ways of expressing themselves.


I'm sorry you see this as victim blaming, because by casting it as victim blaming you're missing my point.

I was mercilessly bullied as a child. My next door neighbor was mercilessly bullied. I had pediatric bipolar disorder--at the time, the psychiatric profession had no such label, because they were sure kids couldn't get sick with it and it hadn't yet dawned on them that those of us with the genes for bipolar disorder who got bipolar disorder as adults just might not have been all that "normal" as children.

Tina--next door neighbor girl---turned out to have schizophrenia. When she got diagnosed and medicated as an adult the first thing she said to her mother was how quiet it was inside her head now that all the voices had stopped chattering. She may not have been hearing the voices yet when we were kids, but she was definitely radically eccentric.

Neither she nor I deserved to be bullied or ostracized. I, however, definitely needed psychiatric treatment I wasn't getting--and the bullying could have been a red flag to the adults to take a closer look at me and screen me to see if I had an unmet need they were missing.

Because in my case I did have a vital unmet need they were missing. Even without the bullying from the other kids, I was suffering from my mental illness.

I don't know whether Tina was suffering from her nascent mental illness or not. It sure wouldn't have hurt to check. And it sure wouldn't have hurt if they'd been aware she was high risk so that they could have caught it and started treating her with anti-psychotic meds when the voices first started.

The bullying is rarely the victim's fault. I say "rarely" because sometimes bullies get bullied in retaliation. It's not really the most effective way to handle it, it isn't really their fault then--it's the fault of the person bullying them---but in that case at least they did contribute substantially to their problem. "Taste of his own medicine" is possibly the only exception, though.

It's just a red flag---because unfortunately one of the things that attracts childhood bullying is untreated psychiatric problems. So if a kid's being bullied, it's worth taking a second look at that kid to make sure that he's receiving any care he needs.

If you had a kid who was holding his jaw and screaming, you'd take him to the dentist. If you had a kid with an open, swollen wound that was getting swarmed by flies, you'd take him to the doctor. If you have a kid who is in emotional pain and getting swarmed by bullies, you take him to a child psychologist with a view towards whether he has an underlying medical condition that might need a pediatric psychiatrist.

Getting my mental illness treated has not made me just like everybody else. It hasn't made me conventional or boring. It's just made me not suffering and not actively ill. It's perfectly great for the kid to express himself and march to the beat of his own drum--and he absolutely shouldn't be bullied for that. The bullies' bad behavior should be stopped. But if the bullies were attracted to that kid because the kid is ill and suffering, then the kid needs mental health care so he can march to the beat of his own drum in a healthy, non-excruciatingly painful way.
 
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