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(BBC)   Bullied children are more prone to self-harm, says new study from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute   (bbc.co.uk) divider line 109
    More: Sad, self-harm, coping strategies  
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1447 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Apr 2012 at 6:06 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-28 09:42:31 AM

Joce678: Trance750:
Unless it can be stopped the only answer is for the bullied person to strike back and beat their tormentor.

Agree totally.

I heard this all my life ... but when he's physically twice your size and has a couple of sidekicks what are you gonna do? Start waiting near his house with a baseball bat?


Wouldn't be a bad idea.
 
2012-04-28 09:46:34 AM
Dear Bullies,

Bullied children are more likely to go Columbine on your asses. Not a threat, just saying.


Regards,
Bullied Children.
 
2012-04-28 09:47:06 AM

T. Dawg: My sister was bullied not only by other kids but the classic "evil nun" at our Catholic elementary. She started cutting at a young age. She is doing well now and sees a therapist regularly, but it still breaks my heart to think back to what she endured.


Gotta see the penguin..
 
2012-04-28 09:47:40 AM

imprimere: Uncle Tractor: imprimere: Not at all. It is about life and realizing that you have to have thicker skin. Grow up and realize that Eutopia aint around the corner!

You have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, but I'm sure that you do! If I tell you to kill yourself and you do, will I be labeled as a bully? Let's try... kill yourself.

/have had my ass full on kicked for defending a mentally-challenged kid
//would do it again
///still don't buy the overreaction


You do get that your experience shows you have no idea what you are talking about, right?
 
2012-04-28 09:50:08 AM
This is why we need concealed carry rights for students.

Forbidding students to carry is illegal and unconstitutional. The second amendment does not specify age. Our founding fathers wanted "the people" to keep and bear arms. That includes children.
 
2012-04-28 09:52:31 AM

imprimere: You have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, but I'm sure that you do! If I tell you to kill yourself and you do, will I be labeled as a bully? Let's try... kill yourself.


Thanks for proving me right.

/have had my ass full on kicked for defending a mentally-challenged kid
//would do it again


Good for you. Really.

Did you tell the kid to grow thicker skin while you were at it?
 
2012-04-28 09:54:52 AM
I don't even call what the kids did to me "bullying" because it didn't affect me mentally. I just went on my day.

You don't have to break down and cry when you get picked on for stuff YOU did.. I'm proud of what I did, who I am, etc...

Maybe these kids just want attention? Maybe money from the govt?? Who knows.
 
2012-04-28 10:00:16 AM

tomWright: When I was a kid I was bullied. If it happened today I likely would have become a school shooter, but back then those kinds of reactions just were not thought of. Bullying needs to be stopped before it gets to that level of retaliatory thinking. The effects of that bullying haunt me to this day. Do not let this happen to your kids.


... and (IMO) the easiest, most effective way to achieve that (the bolded bit) is for the bullied kid to smack the bully on the face early on. The potential bully learns that there are consequences to certain kinds of behavior (thereby becoming a better person), and the potential victim puts a stop to an unpleasant situation before lives are ruined. Win, win.

Of course, in the real world, the kid that smacks the other in face will get in a lot of trouble and the potential bully will learn that certain kinds of behavior are sanctioned and even rewarded by society.
 
2012-04-28 10:05:00 AM
Bullying happens because:

1) kids are doing things they are not aware of. Things that they should should be ashamed of (for example not saying "hey" to someone when they see their face, and instead looking gay).

2) instead of analyzing what things they did. They provoke an argument with someone. Who takes offense. And causes said "bullying"
 
2012-04-28 10:06:16 AM
Headline of the year candidate.
 
2012-04-28 10:09:48 AM

Trance750: Joce678: Trance750:
Unless it can be stopped the only answer is for the bullied person to strike back and beat their tormentor.

Agree totally.

I heard this all my life ... but when he's physically twice your size and has a couple of sidekicks what are you gonna do? Start waiting near his house with a baseball bat?

Wouldn't be a bad idea.


You can't win this way. Never wrestle with a pig. You get muddy and the pig enjoys it.

Get your own sidekicks and don't be isolated. Share your stories of bullies and seek their support. It's there.
 
2012-04-28 10:12:02 AM
I have a friend who was physically bullied in grade school, junior high school, and high school. He never told his parents because he was afraid of repercussions, but also because he was ashamed that he was weak. He first tried to kill himself when he was 8 years old. He tried and failed 3 times before he was 18. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) his attempts were not well thought out and no one ever knew that he had tried to kill himself. He suffered serious bouts of depression as a teenager, but passed it off as being a typical, moody teenager, even though it was anything but typical teen moodiness.

As an adult he has been in and out of therapy for years and while he has never tried to kill himself as an adult, the thoughts have never been far from his mind. Having spoken with him at great length about this I seriously doubt that any amount of therapy will ever fully cure him of his suicidal thoughts. He is in his 30s now and I make sure to call or text or e-mail or post on his Facebook wall every single day. If I do not hear back from him within 24 hours I get very worried. Do not get me wrong, he is generally an outgoing and happy person these days and lives a normal life (for the most part), but those thoughts are never far away. He is in therapy at the moment, but what can really be done? Some scars run far too deep to ever be fully healed. Sure, he could be committed to a mental health facility where he could be watched 24 hours a day, but that quality of life would probably be worse than suicide.

So, yeah, bullying should be treated as a hate crime. The problem is trying to define what is normal childhood teasing and what is bullying.
 
2012-04-28 10:12:05 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: Bullying happens because:


1: It's fun.
2: There are no consequences.
 
2012-04-28 10:14:05 AM

Delay: Get your own sidekicks and don't be isolated.


Far easier said than done. One doesn't just "get" friends.
 
2012-04-28 10:17:58 AM
Welll, i'lll be the first to say I feelll that it is quite possibllle that there was a mispellling in the headllline.
 
2012-04-28 10:20:22 AM
Can someone find me a child who wasn't bullied? Seriously, it seems like a label without a distinction, it seems like every child is a bullying victim.
 
2012-04-28 10:22:48 AM
Everyone is bullied.

Every single person out there has been teased or bullied at one point or another.

Some people develop effective strategies to deal with it, some do not. Example, I was and am fat. I learned to deflect critical remarks with humor, reply vigorously in kind if the abuse went on too long, and at an extreme I learned why there are weight classes in most combat sports....

The thing I wonder about it is, does it serve a purpose? What if being bullied really is part of growing up? That learning to deal with bullies is something that helps make you a fully functional adult, able to deal with your own crises and issues? What if we lose when we lose bullies?
 
2012-04-28 10:23:30 AM

Mock26: I have a friend who was physically bullied in grade school, junior high school, and high school. He never told his parents because he was afraid of repercussions, but also because he was ashamed that he was weak. He first tried to kill himself when he was 8 years old. He tried and failed 3 times before he was 18. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) his attempts were not well thought out and no one ever knew that he had tried to kill himself. He suffered serious bouts of depression as a teenager, but passed it off as being a typical, moody teenager, even though it was anything but typical teen moodiness.

As an adult he has been in and out of therapy for years and while he has never tried to kill himself as an adult, the thoughts have never been far from his mind. Having spoken with him at great length about this I seriously doubt that any amount of therapy will ever fully cure him of his suicidal thoughts. He is in his 30s now and I make sure to call or text or e-mail or post on his Facebook wall every single day. If I do not hear back from him within 24 hours I get very worried. Do not get me wrong, he is generally an outgoing and happy person these days and lives a normal life (for the most part), but those thoughts are never far away. He is in therapy at the moment, but what can really be done? Some scars run far too deep to ever be fully healed. Sure, he could be committed to a mental health facility where he could be watched 24 hours a day, but that quality of life would probably be worse than suicide.

So, yeah, bullying should be treated as a hate crime. The problem is trying to define what is normal childhood teasing and what is bullying.


If occasional posts from a random stranger who understands a little of what he has gone through would help, I'd be happy to post to his Wall anytime, if you think it'd help.
 
2012-04-28 10:28:11 AM

buffalosoldier: Everyone is bullied.

Every single person out there has been teased or bullied at one point or another.

Some people develop effective strategies to deal with it, some do not. Example, I was and am fat. I learned to deflect critical remarks with humor, reply vigorously in kind if the abuse went on too long, and at an extreme I learned why there are weight classes in most combat sports....

The thing I wonder about it is, does it serve a purpose? What if being bullied really is part of growing up? That learning to deal with bullies is something that helps make you a fully functional adult, able to deal with your own crises and issues? What if we lose when we lose bullies?


Some people (perhaps 15%) are born with their brains wired to be more sensitive people than most. They are also more apt to be bullied more often and don't always possess the skills or familial support to overcome bullying the way you did. Of course, most every human is teased, but bullying is much more than that and its effect on individuals varies greatly.

Just count yourself among the lucky ones who are able to let things go, and try to keep an open ear to your friends who aren't as fortunate.
 
2012-04-28 10:34:35 AM
explosm.net

/oblig
 
2012-04-28 10:47:27 AM

Uncle Tractor: Delay: Get your own sidekicks and don't be isolated.

Far easier said than done. One doesn't just "get" friends.


You're right, of course. It would be helpful if teachers were required to take a course on what is actually known about bullying. These teachers could help all their students "get" friends among their classmates. "Work with your partner" should be a part of every day.
 
2012-04-28 10:54:54 AM
I wonder what the hidden agenda is regarding all the "anti-bullying" crap being spewed forth these last few months. Bullying organizations are popping up everywhere, the media drones on about it and there's even a movie coming out, aptly named 'Bully'.
 
2012-04-28 10:58:50 AM

Mock26: He is in therapy at the moment, but what can really be done? Some scars run far too deep to ever be fully healed.


Not much other than trying to get some closure. Something along the lines of finding whoever bullied him the most, incapacitating them, dragging them out to the middle of some field, and setting them on fire works wonders. Or maybe something a little more civilized, but not as fun. But you get my drift.
 
2012-04-28 11:04:38 AM
Schools love being able to support "zero incidents of bullying" or just making a couple object lessons and ignoring the rest of it. Schools in general do a shiatty job of recognizing there are two (or possibly three problems) with every bullying case.

1. Why is the bully lashing out? Something is making the bully lash out (bad home life, being of lower socioeconomic status than the rest of the school, etc). Bullies tend not to be happy people and have their own demons.

2. Why is the target a target? What makes this kid someone a bully thinks he can attack without retribution from the rest of the social group (or with the rest of the group's support). There is something keeping the victim from integrating into the social group and getting protection from the group, that should be addressed.

3. Is there some kind of structural problem in the school. As in the school is 80% one race, and the majority race bully the minorities.

As a CSB:
My daughter just told me some kid was suspended for pushing another student into a locker and the school got a lecture on bullying. Turns out the kid who was pushed had spent most of the semester mocking the kid who pushed him for being a moron and showing him up in a math class they had together. The less bright one finally snapped and shoved the other one. School suspends the one who got physical (which is far, that kid did escalate it) but does nothing to address the fact they clearly need to review how they run math class. Namely how kids conduct themselves in class and perhaps consider having different levels of math classes so the bright ones and the not so bright ones don't share a room.

The school of course just suspends the kids who used physical contact and declares the problem solved. Meanwhile it appears most of the school considers the kid who was shoved a jackass and word is it is open season on him. So odds are this all just happens again and again.
 
2012-04-28 11:05:16 AM
www.smbc-comics.com
 
2012-04-28 11:37:10 AM
No shiat, Sherlock.

FirstNationalBastard: Was this study done in conjunction with the "I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!" society?


"Does this bug you? I'm not touching you! Does this bug you?"
 
2012-04-28 11:50:42 AM

Delay: Trance750: Joce678: Trance750:
Unless it can be stopped the only answer is for the bullied person to strike back and beat their tormentor.

Agree totally.

I heard this all my life ... but when he's physically twice your size and has a couple of sidekicks what are you gonna do? Start waiting near his house with a baseball bat?

Wouldn't be a bad idea.

You can't win this way. Never wrestle with a pig. You get muddy and the pig enjoys it.

Get your own sidekicks and don't be isolated. Share your stories of bullies and seek their support. It's there.


I'm just saying if you go with the old 'Just walk away' routine, you are giving bullies the power and they have already won.

Now I'm not the kind of guy who goes around and starts fights, but I won't run away from one, either.

I may go down... but I prefer to go down fighting and not pleading and begging.
 
2012-04-28 12:25:40 PM
But I was told it builds character!
 
2012-04-28 12:54:29 PM

angryjd: Headline of the year candidate.


Typically they don't have typos in them, though. Bulllied?

/grammar nazi
 
2012-04-28 01:03:00 PM
Kate Upton says we should stop bullying, so yeah, you should totally stop. Because Kate Upton asked.
 
2012-04-28 01:10:12 PM

halB: Can someone find me a child who wasn't bullied?


Well, your comment makes me think you might be one (child that wasn't bullied, that is).
 
2012-04-28 01:23:51 PM
This is why in high school I was the anti bully. I was a nerd but I was a 6foot 240 nerd who knew martial arts. I on many occasions beat the ever living crap out of jocks and jerks who picked on my friends or my friend's friends.

/miss those guys.
 
2012-04-28 01:29:17 PM

buffalosoldier: Everyone is bullied.

Every single person out there has been teased or bullied at one point or another.


No. Teasing and bullying are two completely different things. Teasing can be part of bullying, but usually (AFAIK) it's just good-natured banter between friends, colleagues, and so on.

When the teasing turns mean-spirited, and it happens all the time, all day long, every day of the week, every week of the month, every month of the year, to the point where you no longer remember what it's like to be in a non-hostile social situation, it's bullying.

Also, bullying often involves what adults call assault, assault with a deadly weapon, extortion, threats, harassment, sexual harassment, racism, attempted murder, murder, blackmail, and so on.

Some people develop effective strategies to deal with it, some do not. Example, I was and am fat. I learned to deflect critical remarks with humor, reply vigorously in kind if the abuse went on too long, and at an extreme I learned why there are weight classes in most combat sports....

Looks to me like you've figured out the single most efficient way of ending bullying. It's not an option for everyone, unfortunately.

The thing I wonder about it is, does it serve a purpose? What if being bullied really is part of growing up? That learning to deal with bullies is something that helps make you a fully functional adult, able to deal with your own crises and issues? What if we lose when we lose bullies?

No. Being teased is part of growing up, and it's a component of normal social interaction.

Bullying can prevent a child from learning the basics of social behavior and instill him or her with a bundle disorders and hangups for life. It can turn what should have been a perfectly normal person into someone incapable of interacting with other people in a normal way.
 
2012-04-28 01:37:19 PM

ha-ha-guy: 1. Why is the bully lashing out? Something is making the bully lash out (bad home life, being of lower socioeconomic status than the rest of the school, etc). Bullies tend not to be happy people and have their own demons.


This is a myth. Bullies bully because

1: It's fun.
2: There are no consequences.

That's all there is to it. Yes, there are angry kids (as pr your description) who lash out a lot, but they lash out at random people. The bullies carefully select their targets and stick with them.

2. Why is the target a target? What makes this kid someone a bully thinks he can attack without retribution from the rest of the social group (or with the rest of the group's support). There is something keeping the victim from integrating into the social group and getting protection from the group, that should be addressed.

IMO the victims of bullying tend to be on the timid side. Slow to get angry, never get violent (cuz a punch in the face is a consequence that ends the fun real quick), no friends to back them up, and so on.
 
2012-04-28 01:42:12 PM
puffy999 2012-04-28 06:47:59 AM

I bet Melllvar was always bulllied.


WELSHIE NOOOOOOOOO!!!
 
2012-04-28 01:43:02 PM

hundreddollarman: Kate Upton says we should stop bullying, so yeah, you should totally stop. Because Kate Upton asked.


Yeah, chances are a bully isn't going to stop being a bully because a TV ad told him to.
 
2012-04-28 02:13:09 PM
Bullies exist to remind omega personalities of their place in the dominance hierarchy.
 
2012-04-28 02:16:16 PM
This article is a real good example of finding a correlation that doesn't necessarily indicate the direction of causation.

Some bullying happens because sociopaths were kids once, too, and they weren't normal then, either.

Some bullying happens because normal kids' social skills suck and they really don't have functional ways to get other kids to stop "acting weird" or doing annoying stuff other than being mean to them until they cut it out and behave better.

The problem comes when you have kids who can't stop "acting weird" because there is something wrong with them, and the adults haven't noticed the situation and headed off the trouble.

Example: Kids with teh crazy often have a "safe place" accommodation in their IEP with the school, so if they feel themselves about to lose control and have a meltdown, they can give a pre-arranged signal and leave the classroom---going directly to this pre-arranged, adult-supervised alternate place (counselor's office, forex). It means the kid isn't breaking down in a crying, screaming fit in front of his or her classmates---the kid just leaves class sometimes.

Both actions draw attention from the other kids, but, "There's something wrong with Jane so she leaves and goes to the counselor sometimes," attracts a lot less mocking (it does attract some) than, "Jane loses her shiat and screams and cries in class and is annoying as fark."

Most kids, even young ones, can get their heads around, "There's something wrong with Jane. The adults say it's not her fault--for whatever that's worth. It doesn't inconvenience me."

This is a chicken and egg thing.

I was bullied a whole lot. I have bipolar. I started talking about suicide when I was 5 years old, and I cried a lot in first grade when nobody else did. I was easily upset by the bullying, and sometimes when people probably didn't mean anything by something, I felt like they'd done whatever it was just to upset or inconvenience me. I'm a lot more likely to feel like that when I'm off my meds.

I'm bipolar type II. That means I alternate between depressed and more depressed, with brief little bits of hypomania* (That's without meds.)

Anyhow---when I was a kid and bullied, it was back when they thought kids couldn't go nuts, so I went nuts and the adults didn't notice. And the kids around me were left with a situation they had no possible ability to handle.

How could the kids around me possibly handle having a mentally ill peer? The adults weren't handling it--the adults were blithely ignoring it. So how could the kids have possibly done any better? All they could do was what kids do--assume that if they punished the weird behavior by being mean when I acted weird, I'd cut it out and start acting like everybody else. Only I couldn't.

My illness is genetic. My family has a long history of eccentricity and mental health issues. Since people didn't talk about that kind of thing and tried to hide it from the kids and keep it hushed up, most other people who have a family history don't know about it.

I suspect a lot of these kids are not normal to begin with and are being bullied because some of their behaviors are noticeable to the other children. The normal children may be confused about how to deal with it, and the budding sociopaths will, sadly, see vulnerable kids as easy targets.

What needs to happen is not to blame vulnerablechildren for being different, but the bullying needs to serve as a red flag that the bullied child may have unmet mental health care needs that should be targeted for early intervention. Specifically, there are skills teachable in talk therapy that can help improve the kid's underlying social skills, coping skills, emotion regulation skills, ability to stand up for himself--bunches and bunches of stuff.

We should also deal with the bullies, but that's easier said than done. The children who are budding sociopaths and narcissists are very good at fooling the adults. They were when I was a kid, anyway. These kids were good-looking and charming, and could lie so coolly butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. And then as soon as the adults' backs were turned, if they wanted to be mean as snakes, they would be. And it was maybe one in a hundred adults who could see through them. The other adults bought their act Every Single Time.

Nobody ever thinks they're the adult who gets fooled by the charming, lying kid, but the thing about charm is that when it's done well, it's not oily. As the politician said, "Sincerity is the most important thing in politics. Once you learn to fake that, you've got it made." We can reduce, but not eliminate, bullying, because some of the little shiats get pretty good at faking sincerity--good enough to muddy the waters.

I've never self-harmed. I've come very, very close, but never actually done the cutting thing or the suicide attempts or the hospitalization thing. So I guess in a way I've had more resilience than the people the article is about.

And my daughter had an easier time and took less bullying than I did. We made sure she had less "different" behavior in front of the bullies, that she had better-cultivated social skills, and when some of it started up anyway, we addressed it with a careful escalation strategy of going to the teacher, going to the assistant principle, going to his parents, and then giving her the A-okay to beat the living crap out of him. And we made sure that the specific bully she escalated with was the biggest, meanest, top-doggest kid of the bunch.

Because after she kicked his ass, nobody else bothered her. Not physically. They kept it verbal, and she kept it verbal right back. This, because we told her she could not slug some kid just because she didn't like something they said to her.

But just because she handled the bullying better and didn't have to put up with as much of it and didn't have that pain, that doesn't get her out of having some difficult genes.

Even if you could eliminate all bullying tomorrow with the wave of a magic wand, these kids would still need services for their impending mental health problems, because they still have difficult genes, and bullying isn't the only stress that can trigger those genes and set off someone's problems.


*Hypo means less than--it's the opposite of hyper. Hypomania is when you're bouncing off the walls giddy but you don't quite get high enough to go to a biker bar and have a gang bang with strangers or spend your life savings to buy into an Amway distributorship you're sure will double your money next week or anything else majorly life altering or that would get you thrown in jail.
 
2012-04-28 02:38:06 PM
Seriously, nobody?

All you'll ever be is a faded memory of a bully
Make another joke while they hang another rope so lonely
Push them to the dirt till the words don't hurt can you hear me
No one's gonna cry on the very day you die you're a bully


It's already somewhat been posted, but bullying continues because adults are morons or bullies themselves. The bullies figure out early just where the line is, and torment freely, and continue to do so their entire lives. The only solution bullied kids have is what I discovered - once you beat the every-loving shiat out of one or two of them, it stops. Of course, in my case it helped that one of them was my football player ex-boyfriend. Despite the fact that he tormented me for nearly a year after our break-up, they did nothing, and that day earned me a five day suspension, and I got another one when I beat up a skank who put me in a headlock.

The only thing that kept me from a school shooting was a conscience and an honor code. I probably should've, because unlike the rest of these clowns, I would've started in administration, where the REAL bullies are.

/Wish I knew what to do at work now
//Female bullying is much worse, and the cliques never stop
 
2012-04-28 02:44:21 PM
Thank you, Julie Cochrane , for reminding people that bullies aren't just dolts like Moe from C&H, or rich jocks from 80s teen movies. Many fool adults into thinking they are "really good kids" because they know how to apply the hurt on the sly. Heck, some wouldn't even know they are bullies, and are just going along with the way everyone else treats the odd kids.
 
2012-04-28 02:53:47 PM

Uncle Tractor: To those of you who are about to post something along the lines of "it's just a few years" or "it'll end when you leave school:"

Fark you.


This.

It doesn't get up and go away.

I was suicidal throughout my twenties and now that I'm in my 50's, I'm still sell-destructive as all get out.

The only reason I didn't kill kill myself was that one of the sweetest gals I ever knew found out what I tried to do and she punched me in the arm HARD. That gave me a lot to think about and I'm still here.

I wish I had married her.
 
2012-04-28 02:55:41 PM

dready zim: imprimere: Seriously?

What does it say about a species? Our weakest must be protected at all cost! Think about it.

There must be a logical offshoot here... like, as the weak band together, they make the whole stronger? For all of our intellect, we surely head in stupid directions. As the stupid do stupid things, we reward them with lawsuits (read money). As the dumb procreate, we give them free means of survival. Tolerate everything, unless it offends you... then it needs to be abolished.

Assholes are assholes and should be dealt with. Labeling everything as hate crimes and bullying is doing no one any favors.

society makes life safe for the stupid and weak. NTTAWWT


imprimere: Seriously?

What does it say about a species? Our weakest must be protected at all cost! Think about it.

There must be a logical offshoot here... like, as the weak band together, they make the whole stronger? For all of our intellect, we surely head in stupid directions. As the stupid do stupid things, we reward them with lawsuits (read money). As the dumb procreate, we give them free means of survival. Tolerate everything, unless it offends you... then it needs to be abolished.

Assholes are assholes and should be dealt with. Labeling everything as hate crimes and bullying is doing no one any favors.


I'll bite.

Every time I see a school in a US movie, I see a kid bullied because he likes science.
We've evolved as a species relying more on it's brain than its biceps. We don't have to take a 3 days cart ride and fend bandits to go to the next city anymore. We learn to drive a car, we use computers daily for all kind of works, and... oh damn I won't keep on explaining why we use our brain, though you'd probably need some more pointers.

Then, you'll probably tell me to go live a dream somewhere else, while pissing up a rope, but I do think that if society's value were a a bit more turned toward fraternity, tolerance and solidarity, we wouldn't have to provide any kind of "medal for everyone" bull in our schools.

But hey, keep on advertizing brutality, theft, harassment and such, it does work pretty well in countries like Liberia or Mexico.
 
2012-04-28 03:16:06 PM

Trance750: hundreddollarman: Kate Upton says we should stop bullying, so yeah, you should totally stop. Because Kate Upton asked.

Yeah, chances are a bully isn't going to stop being a bully because a TV ad told him to.


Well, I meant it sarcastically. If anything, I think people would start bullying to impress Kate Upton.
 
2012-04-28 03:48:51 PM

hundreddollarman: Trance750: hundreddollarman: Kate Upton says we should stop bullying, so yeah, you should totally stop. Because Kate Upton asked.

Yeah, chances are a bully isn't going to stop being a bully because a TV ad told him to.

Well, I meant it sarcastically. If anything, I think people would start bullying to impress Kate Upton.


Oh I know. Just making a casual observation
 
2012-04-28 04:31:40 PM
For those who don't think bullying is a big deal or think you should just walk it off or get over it, let me share my story because it might be a different perspective from the bullied kid.

So, I was bullied when I was in grade school. It wasn't physical bullying (I was taller than most kids), and they didn't rob me. It was all mental/verbal/emotional. I know your thoughts will probably be that it's the most pussy kind possible. However, my tormentors would never leave me alone. It started at the bus stop, progressed to the bus, went to the classroom, followed me on the playground where ever I went during recess, again in the cafeteria, and then on the bus ride home until I got home. These people would follow me around any chance they got saying nasty things to me. Sure I would tell them to stfu sometimes and I even assaulted a couple of them. However, they didn't care. They got power and entertainment from it.

I know the reason they did this, and this is the part that is important. What they weren't aware of is that I was abused at home. So this torment they put me through all day every day at school didn't stop when I went into my house, it only got worse. Because of the abuse I received at home, I became a timid person. I learned to hide and to be quiet and take it because it was easier. I just zoned out and pretended I was somewhere else and lived inside my head. This behavior carried over into why I got bullied. I was a shy and quiet person and extremely timid and they could feel that. I believe they could sense that I was weak and wounded from being beaten down at home and it provoked them to bully me.

Basically I grew knowing that no one gave a crap about me and the feeling that everyone hated me, but I couldn't understand why. See not all of us have parents or people who love us to tell us that despite what we're going through, it will be okay some day. So while you might think that this anti-bully crap is stupid and pointless (and I'm not convinced it will stop bullying), it might actually help some of the kids who get bullied into feeling like they're not alone and that someone does care. While that might not mean much to you, it could mean a world of difference to them.
 
2012-04-28 04:39:18 PM

PillsHere: For those who don't think bullying is a big deal or think you should just walk it off or get over it, let me share my story because it might be a different perspective from the bullied kid.

So, I was bullied when I was in grade school. It wasn't physical bullying (I was taller than most kids), and they didn't rob me. It was all mental/verbal/emotional. I know your thoughts will probably be that it's the most pussy kind possible. However, my tormentors would never leave me alone. It started at the bus stop, progressed to the bus, went to the classroom, followed me on the playground where ever I went during recess, again in the cafeteria, and then on the bus ride home until I got home. These people would follow me around any chance they got saying nasty things to me. Sure I would tell them to stfu sometimes and I even assaulted a couple of them. However, they didn't care. They got power and entertainment from it.

I know the reason they did this, and this is the part that is important. What they weren't aware of is that I was abused at home. So this torment they put me through all day every day at school didn't stop when I went into my house, it only got worse. Because of the abuse I received at home, I became a timid person. I learned to hide and to be quiet and take it because it was easier. I just zoned out and pretended I was somewhere else and lived inside my head. This behavior carried over into why I got bullied. I was a shy and quiet person and extremely timid and they could feel that. I believe they could sense that I was weak and wounded from being beaten down at home and it provoked them to bully me.

Basically I grew knowing that no one gave a crap about me and the feeling that everyone hated me, but I couldn't understand why. See not all of us have parents or people who love us to tell us that despite what we're going through, it will be okay some day. So while you might think that this anti-bully crap is stupid and pointless (and I'm not convinced it wi ...


I'm very sorry you had to endure that. You deserved much better than what you got.
 
2012-04-28 04:44:36 PM
I too was bullied and my parents never told me to defend myself, but to run away and find an adult.

One day (I was maybe about 12 or 13) and when it happened again, I just snapped and went ape-crap and in the process broke the dude's arm.

That was the last time he or any of his friends tried to mess with me
 
2012-04-28 05:36:45 PM

PillsHere: Basically I grew knowing that no one gave a crap about me and the feeling that everyone hated me, but I couldn't understand why. See not all of us have parents or people who love us to tell us that despite what we're going through, it will be okay some day. So while you might think that this anti-bully crap is stupid and pointless (and I'm not convinced it will stop bullying), it might actually help some of the kids who get bullied into feeling like they're not alone and that someone does care. While that might not mean much to you, it could mean a world of difference to them.


*Fist bump*
 
2012-04-28 07:37:58 PM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: Mock26: I have a friend who was physically bullied in grade school, junior high school, and high school. He never told his parents because he was afraid of repercussions, but also because he was ashamed that he was weak. He first tried to kill himself when he was 8 years old. He tried and failed 3 times before he was 18. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) his attempts were not well thought out and no one ever knew that he had tried to kill himself. He suffered serious bouts of depression as a teenager, but passed it off as being a typical, moody teenager, even though it was anything but typical teen moodiness.

As an adult he has been in and out of therapy for years and while he has never tried to kill himself as an adult, the thoughts have never been far from his mind. Having spoken with him at great length about this I seriously doubt that any amount of therapy will ever fully cure him of his suicidal thoughts. He is in his 30s now and I make sure to call or text or e-mail or post on his Facebook wall every single day. If I do not hear back from him within 24 hours I get very worried. Do not get me wrong, he is generally an outgoing and happy person these days and lives a normal life (for the most part), but those thoughts are never far away. He is in therapy at the moment, but what can really be done? Some scars run far too deep to ever be fully healed. Sure, he could be committed to a mental health facility where he could be watched 24 hours a day, but that quality of life would probably be worse than suicide.

So, yeah, bullying should be treated as a hate crime. The problem is trying to define what is normal childhood teasing and what is bullying.

If occasional posts from a random stranger who understands a little of what he has gone through would help, I'd be happy to post to his Wall anytime, if you think it'd help.


My friend would appreciate the gesture but probably would not accept. He keeps his Facebook friend list pretty tight and limits it only to close friends and relatives.
 
2012-04-28 07:42:29 PM

imprimere: It is about life and realizing that you have to have thicker skin. .


Easy to do when you are an adult. Damn hard to do when you are just a small child.
 
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