Yay for troll headlines and retards who don't read the article and respond based on said troll headline.

ooh ooh i forgot to tell my prison masturbation story!

i was in a holding cell at the courtroom, one by one everybody was sent up to see the judge until it was just me and some guy the guards called Spanky.

in fact, i was actually alone in another cell when the guards took me and put me in with Spanky.

five minutes in, Spanky pulls out a picture of the Sunshine girl from the newspaper, starts furiously wacking off on the toilet beside me, a three foot high wall separating us.

i try to be cool but he keeps going and going, finally i shout
"Could you hurry the fark up?", totally pissed about my situation.

i'm sure the guards were laughing it up watching the live video


/how Spanky got his name!

Shenanigans!: Sure is a lot of sympathy for the Miggses of the world in here. Why am I not surprised?

Because surprise requires more synapses.

HBK: Salt Lick Steady: HBK: You said that female prison guards were the ones being targeted by the wanking. So I said that if there were no female prison guards this would be less of a problem. My analysis is a logical one.

Logic doesn't mean "whatever Salt Lick thinks is right."

If there were no women in the world you'd still be without a partner.

Better?

Slightly, I could not have a heterosexual partner if there were no women in the world. That is true. But your "still be without a partner" statement is flawed. Since I currently have a partner, "still" means that you're making inferences with an insufficient basis for your reasoning.

But good job. You'll get there some day.

Yeah, Salt Lick you're a prick, and this dude showed you what's up. You lost, haha.

davynelson: ooh ooh i forgot to tell my prison masturbation story!

i was in a holding cell at the courtroom, one by one everybody was sent up to see the judge until it was just me and some guy the guards called Spanky.

in fact, i was actually alone in another cell when the guards took me and put me in with Spanky.

five minutes in, Spanky pulls out a picture of the Sunshine girl from the newspaper, starts furiously wacking off on the toilet beside me, a three foot high wall separating us.

i try to be cool but he keeps going and going, finally i shout
"Could you hurry the fark up?", totally pissed about my situation.

i'm sure the guards were laughing it up watching the live video


/how Spanky got his name!

I had no idea Toronto had page 3 girls, but if she was anything like this one, I'm not sure I could blame him.

Could just castrate em.

topcon: Yay for troll headlines and retards who don't read the article and respond based on said troll headline.

So, no tossed salad?

andyfromfl: HBK: Salt Lick Steady: HBK: You said that female prison guards were the ones being targeted by the wanking. So I said that if there were no female prison guards this would be less of a problem. My analysis is a logical one.

Logic doesn't mean "whatever Salt Lick thinks is right."

If there were no women in the world you'd still be without a partner.

Better?

Slightly, I could not have a heterosexual partner if there were no women in the world. That is true. But your "still be without a partner" statement is flawed. Since I currently have a partner, "still" means that you're making inferences with an insufficient basis for your reasoning.

But good job. You'll get there some day.

Yeah, Salt Lick you're a prick, and this dude showed you what's up. You lost, haha.

whoosh

/lulz

HBK: If those female guards and counselors have thin skin, maybe they shouldn't be working at a prison. I don't know why we have to keep changing the rules to let women work in certain professions.

I'm sure there's quite a lot you don't know, but since "we have to keep changing the rules to let women work in certain professions" only in your twisted little misogynistic fantasy-land, I'm really not able to explain it to you.

JWideman: And why are there female guards in male prisons?

Because we live in a society that (sorta kinda) believes in gender equality.

Salt Lick Steady: Shenanigans!: Sure is a lot of sympathy for the Miggses of the world in here. Why am I not surprised?

Because surprise requires more synapses.

Oh you.

ciberido: HBK: If those female guards and counselors have thin skin, maybe they shouldn't be working at a prison. I don't know why we have to keep changing the rules to let women work in certain professions.

I'm sure there's quite a lot you don't know, but since "we have to keep changing the rules to let women work in certain professions" only in your twisted little misogynistic fantasy-land, I'm really not able to explain it to you.

Wow, another mind reader. Let me try...

You were and still are being bullied IRL.

Weeeeee

Not allowing prisoners to masturbate is violation of Eighth Amendment rights against cruel and unusual punishment.

Yes, I'm serious.

Ed Grubermann 2012-04-27 08:33:07 PM

krafty420: Masturbating in jail illegal; raping fellow inmates still ok

Look, Ma, an idiot.


Look, pa, someone who has never known someone in prison.

FirstNationalBastard: slayer199: This is a great idea. Let's make the inmates as frustrated as possible. I'm sure that will work out well.

Not to mention, it will add more time onto their sentences, meaning the corporations running the prisons can earn more profit. Plus, if they're on the sex offender registry now, they'll never make it outside of prison in the real world, and they'll soon be back in prison, where the corporations that run the prisons can make a profit off of them!

It's a win for all the corporations involved!

I can't be assed to read the rest of the thread to see if this has been pointed out, but we do not have private prisons in CT. There was a huge backlash when we sent 5000 inmates to out of state private prisons.

tankjr: FirstNationalBastard: slayer199: This is a great idea. Let's make the inmates as frustrated as possible. I'm sure that will work out well.

Not to mention, it will add more time onto their sentences, meaning the corporations running the prisons can earn more profit. Plus, if they're on the sex offender registry now, they'll never make it outside of prison in the real world, and they'll soon be back in prison, where the corporations that run the prisons can make a profit off of them!

It's a win for all the corporations involved!

I can't be assed to read the rest of the thread to see if this has been pointed out, but we do not have private prisons in CT. There was a huge backlash when we sent 5000 inmates to out of state private prisons.

[ctrl+f] PRIVATE [enter]

Thanks for the info.

ongbok: I see nobody read the article.

Department officials say it's an ongoing problem at prisons such as the high security Northern Correctional Institution in Somers, where some inmates purposefully masturbate in front of staff, often female guards, counselors or other prison workers.

This isn't for the guy that is just minding his own business and beating off in his cell. This is for the guys that intentionally beat off in front of guards and other employees to intimidate them.

People in prison are going to behave poorly. Making everything they do that you dislike a crime isn't going to stop them from doing it. These people are prison guards; that isn't a nice, airy-fairy profession, it's a job where you get to deal all the despicable shiat that frustrated, poorly socialized people locked in cages all day can come up with.

mhuckins: From the article:

"... some inmates purposefully masturbate in front of staff, often female guards, counselors or other prison workers."

"The bill would only apply to inmates who are deemed to be targeting staff with their activity, and would not be used when someone inadvertently walks in on an inmate in a private moment, Garnett said."

Sometimes it helps to read the article before freaking out.

Except there have been cases where a prisoner has been in their cell with the door closed and a guard peeked through the window, saw them masturbating, and reported it then filed a report with the police who referred it to the DA, and then filed a civil suit as well. And it actually proceeded to trial. Heck, I think it was listed on Fark's main page as well.

cman: There is a difference between jerking it in a sock underneath a blanket when no one is watching and jerking it out in the open when female guards are around

There is a difference between taking a normal job and a job as a corrections officer. Women are only allowed to work in prisons because they are supposed to be equal to men. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't have a gender force its way into a profession and then demand special laws for them. They are either equal or not.

Salt Lick Steady: Sigh. I guess I have to weigh in here.

In Florida it's called "gunning," where an inmate intentionally masturbates in front of an officer or other staff member. Nobody cares if you do it in your cell under a blanket, where it can't be seen; that's pretty much expected.

Gunning, OTOH, is a pretty sick and common practice, and it's understandable that they'd want to increase the penalty for it. I won't weigh in on whether placement on the sex offender registry is proper, because those registries are so flawed to begin with.

Here, as of now at least, they can put an inmate who's a gunner on the loaf for doing it: 33-602.223, Florida Administrative Code:

"(3) Inmates in any confinement status may be placed on the special management meal for creating a security problem by any of the following acts:
(a) The throwing or misuse of food, beverage, food utensils, food tray, or human waste products;
(b) Spitting at staff;
(c) The destruction of food trays or utensils;
(d) Any other acts that would place staff in jeopardy if a serving tray or utensils were provided.
(4) Inmates on close or maximum management status may be placed on the special management meal as a result of intentional, unauthorized exposure of genitalia to staff.

They make you shiat and piss in front of them. They cavity search you and strip you. Fark them.

thelordofcheese: mhuckins: From the article:

"... some inmates purposefully masturbate in front of staff, often female guards, counselors or other prison workers."

"The bill would only apply to inmates who are deemed to be targeting staff with their activity, and would not be used when someone inadvertently walks in on an inmate in a private moment, Garnett said."

Sometimes it helps to read the article before freaking out.

Except there have been cases where a prisoner has been in their cell with the door closed and a guard peeked through the window, saw them masturbating, and reported it then filed a report with the police who referred it to the DA, and then filed a civil suit as well. And it actually proceeded to trial. Heck, I think it was listed on Fark's main page as well.

Not to mention there are no "private moments" in prison.

Cops are human beings. Prison guards are not.

halB: They make you shiat and piss in front of them. They cavity search you and strip you. Fark them.

I do not disagree with this statement. I find the whole 'business' despicable, and I had a great deal of cognitive dissonance while working there because of my empathy for the incarcerated and their families. I am truly glad I don't work there any more.

That said, I consoled myself by being able to help fix wrongly-calculated gain time, helping with the establishment and coordination of the inmate-dog programs, pushing back when the Secretary wanted to ban smoking and 'pornography' (naked women he considered pornography), and being able to assist families in their dark hours with questions regarding visitation, transitional programs, etc.

StoPPeRmobile: Benjimin_Dover: davynelson: Salt Lick Steady PunGent: Ten years down the road, we'll be seeing lawsuits from prisoners falsely accused of this just to run up PrisonCorp's profit margins.

I'm as anti-privatization as they come, but you're overblowing the matter. You're coming at an angle that couldn't possibly hit the target of due process in a criminal matter. There has to be evidence that sticks before additional charges can be thrown on someone.

You are incorrect, in prison they don't necessarily give prisoners their day in court for every offence, but rather add time on to the prisoner's sentence. It is a common practice.

Not really. What you are talking about is reducing the "reduction" of a sentence. Somebody gets sentenced to 10 years and they can get out at say 7 years on parole with good behavior. Making them wait until 8 years isn't adding time to their sentence. You have been listening to the dooshes in Washington too much where a reduction in the increase is called a cut.

Is that because we don't have a word for it?

Not really. New words are created every day. Person never gets more time added to his sentence without being sentenced it from the court. At the end of the day, the guy who is sentenced to 10 years and doesn't get out early is still only sentenced to 10 years.

Benjimin_Dover: StoPPeRmobile: Benjimin_Dover: davynelson: Salt Lick Steady PunGent: Ten years down the road, we'll be seeing lawsuits from prisoners falsely accused of this just to run up PrisonCorp's profit margins.

I'm as anti-privatization as they come, but you're overblowing the matter. You're coming at an angle that couldn't possibly hit the target of due process in a criminal matter. There has to be evidence that sticks before additional charges can be thrown on someone.

You are incorrect, in prison they don't necessarily give prisoners their day in court for every offence, but rather add time on to the prisoner's sentence. It is a common practice.

Not really. What you are talking about is reducing the "reduction" of a sentence. Somebody gets sentenced to 10 years and they can get out at say 7 years on parole with good behavior. Making them wait until 8 years isn't adding time to their sentence. You have been listening to the dooshes in Washington too much where a reduction in the increase is called a cut.

Is that because we don't have a word for it?

Not really. New words are created every day. Person never gets more time added to his sentence without being sentenced it from the court. At the end of the day, the guy who is sentenced to 10 years and doesn't get out early is still only sentenced to 10 years.

I am amused by how my original comment was not seen for its obvious wordplay. But carry on.

Calm: Cops are human beings. Prison guards are not.

Not to mention, no one forced you to take that job.

I guess we can conclude this thread by saying that masturbation in prison isn't...

*Take off sunglasses...*


Pulling off the crime of the century....


Yeaaaahhhh...

Just stop selling hand lotion at the prison store.

girlygirlmpls: Just stop selling hand lotion at the prison store.

So the guys who've mastered an non-lubricated technique get off, but the other guys have to suffer?