FARK.com: (7074177) Map of the world's death traps. And all they can say about the US is "lawnmower"?

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(Some Guy)		Map of the world's death traps. And all they can say about the US is "lawnmower"? (static.bbci.co.uk)		34
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20223 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Apr 2012 at 10:03 AM | Favorite | share:

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spentmiles		2012-04-27 10:05:46 AM

7 votes:

Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat		2012-04-27 09:56:02 AM

6 votes:

Apparently nobody dies in Canada.

spentmiles		2012-04-27 10:15:44 AM

4 votes:

Great_Milenko: spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

Since nobody has asked, I will.

Why in the fark would you go to Zimbabwe on spring break?

I wanted to use my frequent flier miles and that was the only destination with an open seat. I don't regret it one bit, though. If you like great food, beautiful women, and recreational drugs, then it's a complete blast.

spentmiles		2012-04-27 10:11:34 AM

3 votes:

chopit: spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

You realize HIV isn't passed like the common cold, right? If you had unprotected sex in sub-saharan Africa, you pretty much deserve what you get.

It wasn't like I was banging girls I met in bars. They've got this system there, run by the cab drivers, where you pay them money and they take you to safe places. It'd be a serious international crime if they were taking money and then giving you unclean women. $20 gets you a long way in Zimbabwe, by the way. It was like being a king for a week.

FloydA		2012-04-27 02:31:45 PM

2 votes:

TurboCrip: I don't know where else I can tell this lawnmower story. Telling it in person would ruin whatever conversation I had just joined, but I just have to get this out.

Warning: not for the squeamish.

Mowing some tall grass last week, I heard a large thwack, like I ran over a large twig or something. It landed a few yards away so I went over to investigate.

Turns out it was a turtle. The poor guy was on its back moving its arms and legs still, so it was still alive. There was a little dent in its side that looked like a lawnmower injury. I was hopeful that he'd survive the injury so I flipped him over so I could send him on his way.

Ever seen a horror movie where the protagonist flips over a body and reveals that it's now dead/dismembered/zombified/undead? And how, as an audience member, you're thinking what a dumb move that was? Well.

The top half of the turtle wasn't there at all. I got a very good high-school biology look at the innerworkings of a turtle.

There were small children playing (including 2 of mine) about 20 yards away, and the last thing I wanted them to see was how Daddy had bisected Mr. Turtle.

So I scooped him with a nearby shovel and ran into some nearby woods to perform a speedy and discrete burial. After adequately disposing of the evidence, I took note of my surroundings.

I was standing in the middle of a very healthy stand of poison ivy, about a foot deep.

All true, I swear to your god.

tl;dr: The U.S. is risky for death-by-lawnmower if you're a turtle too.

Now I know why Leon wasn't helping.

FloydA		2012-04-27 12:55:56 PM

2 votes:

tarheel07		2012-04-27 11:56:15 AM

2 votes:

Iraq: ~~Terrorism~~ Americans
Afghanistan: ~~Drugs~~ Americans

Tharagleb		2012-04-27 10:46:33 AM

2 votes:

Dimplehumper		2012-04-27 10:11:40 AM

2 votes:

Citrate1007: U.S. could have at least been heart attack or diabetes.

Or "neighborhood watch"

FloydA		2012-04-27 07:04:33 PM

1 votes:

brantgoose		2012-04-27 04:14:15 PM

1 votes:

magu2k: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Apparently nobody dies in Canada.

It's all the poutine we eat, eh.

Cold, salt, fat, oil, maple syrup, smoking ... it's all good for preserving things. I remember articles about complaints from morticians and cemetary operators in Germany that the amount of preservatives in food is preventing bodies from decaying as fast as they used to, which means that graves and tombs can't be reused as soon as in the past.

Presumably, in a society where you are moved from a tomb to an ossuary or catacomb after your remains decay to nothing but bones, this could be a serious problem. Where cremation is common, no problem. You just make more urns for people to throw away when the last person who cares about the deceased dies. Where land is cheap and plentiful, also no problem, although the graves keep getting further away from the survivors.

In North America we have plenty of land available for new graves and only densely populated urban areas have problems finding space for tombs or burials, or perhaps a few of the posher and more popular cemetaries. The main problem is that revenue streams drop off when you stop getting new clients.

Canadians don't die. We just put them out on ice flows and let them drift quietly away. If you can't get to an ice flow, you can usually dump them over the American border, where authorities will assume they are illegals, murder victims, criminals, drunken hunters, clients discarded by cut-rate funeral homes, etc.

poot42		2012-04-27 02:30:06 PM

1 votes:

poot42		2012-04-27 02:14:03 PM

1 votes:

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Apparently nobody dies in Canada.

That's because we have Health Care.
/ ...wait ....wut??

//I see Dutch people... they're everywhere.....

HAMMERTOE		2012-04-27 02:00:56 PM

1 votes:

Spentmiles' account during the UV incident a while back was flat-out priceless. Not only for its sheer entertainment value, but for all the people he reeled in as well, and their resultant entertainment value. I have him Favorited in Screaming Mustang Yellow now, so I don't miss a missive.

That said-- Japan: Old Age??? Really??? Old farking age? And for that, it's coded for 500-1000 deaths per million people. What the fark are they dying of over there? And none of it beats 0.1%?!?

TurboCrip		2012-04-27 01:03:33 PM

1 votes:

I don't know where else I can tell this lawnmower story. Telling it in person would ruin whatever conversation I had just joined, but I just have to get this out.

Warning: not for the squeamish.

Mowing some tall grass last week, I heard a large thwack, like I ran over a large twig or something. It landed a few yards away so I went over to investigate.

Turns out it was a turtle. The poor guy was on its back moving its arms and legs still, so it was still alive. There was a little dent in its side that looked like a lawnmower injury. I was hopeful that he'd survive the injury so I flipped him over so I could send him on his way.

Ever seen a horror movie where the protagonist flips over a body and reveals that it's now dead/dismembered/zombified/undead? And how, as an audience member, you're thinking what a dumb move that was? Well.

The top half of the turtle wasn't there at all. I got a very good high-school biology look at the innerworkings of a turtle.

There were small children playing (including 2 of mine) about 20 yards away, and the last thing I wanted them to see was how Daddy had bisected Mr. Turtle.

So I scooped him with a nearby shovel and ran into some nearby woods to perform a speedy and discrete burial. After adequately disposing of the evidence, I took note of my surroundings.

I was standing in the middle of a very healthy stand of poison ivy, about a foot deep.

All true, I swear to your god.

tl;dr: The U.S. is risky for death-by-lawnmower if you're a turtle too.

Ishidan		2012-04-27 12:23:59 PM

1 votes:

spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

"...but I figured, when would I be in Zimbabwe again?"

Buffco		2012-04-27 12:10:41 PM

1 votes:

Whatchoo doon with that lawnmower blade, Karl?

Jon iz teh kewl		2012-04-27 11:27:22 AM

1 votes:

That's pretty far inland for Sharks in Australia..

Speaker2Animals		2012-04-27 11:23:24 AM

1 votes:

Quasar: Well, that was a stupid link.

Judging it by the thread it generated -- no, it wasn't.

Mishno: stevejovi: The map confuses me. How is it that "meteor strikes" could possibly be more likely than "freezing to death" in Antarctica?

I think you have to look at it the other way around.

Not that in antarctica you'll most likely die of a meteor, but if you've been killed by a meteor, you're most likely to have been in antarctica.

Like the lawnmower factoid. If you take the statistics from all over the world of everyone that's been killed by a lawnmower, the country with the highest per capita lawn mower related fatalities is the US. I can buy that.

64 comments in before someone realized that?

MythDragon		2012-04-27 11:11:28 AM

1 votes:

Australia should be listed as "Every single living thing"

JackieRabbit		2012-04-27 11:08:52 AM

1 votes:

stevejovi: The map confuses me. How is it that "meteor strikes" could possibly be more likely than "freezing to death" in Antarctica?

Bullshiat is often confusing....

hasty ambush		2012-04-27 11:01:16 AM

1 votes:

Angry Buddha		2012-04-27 10:51:04 AM

1 votes:

My ex-wife is South Korean.

/crossing fingers

factoryconnection		2012-04-27 10:32:53 AM

1 votes:

JackieRabbit: Fark's best fisherman. Catches them every time.

It is effortless; I don't like the material but the results are just terrific... and it isn't even close to "not trolling" so I can't hold it against Spentmiles. Some fish just want in the boat.

DerAppie		2012-04-27 10:31:13 AM

1 votes:

Jake Havechek: Zimbabwe, oh yeah.

They think sex with a virgin will cure AIDS. Farking savages, what century is it again?

The Century of the Anchovy.

ZeroCorpse		2012-04-27 10:27:49 AM

1 votes:

I'm not sure how I could die of "Female Suicide" in South Korea, unless some woman jumped from a building and landed on me or something like that.

Also... Japan gets "Old Age" but they don't mention the years of tentacle rape you must endure before you get there.

Tentacle		2012-04-27 10:26:58 AM

1 votes:

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Apparently nobody dies in Canada.

The map says hot spot.

evilmrsock		2012-04-27 10:19:56 AM

1 votes:

spentmiles: Brilliance

How do you DO that? I mean, it's like a Maori folk legend, you don't even have any bait on the hook, you're just rubbing your own blood on it instead and end up pulling in legendary hauls with the stuff.

TXEric		2012-04-27 10:18:49 AM

1 votes:

*Checks profiles*
*Sees accounts created between 2003-2008*

/WTF, how have none of you met spentmiles yet??

Bongo Blue		2012-04-27 10:17:17 AM

1 votes:

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: Me? I'm just a lawnmower. You can tell me by the way I walk.

that's the last thing I expected to see today.

twomutts		2012-04-27 10:16:22 AM

1 votes:

PonceAlyosha: I love the little caveat about meteors at the bottom. That's hilarious. Also, what the hell Swaziland?

That's where they make chocolate and those funny little knives.

Pud		2012-04-27 10:10:48 AM

1 votes:

I got a chuckle out of Antarctica's meteor strikes*

* It hasn't happened yet, but it could at any moment. Just you wait and see.

Nilatir		2012-04-27 10:04:59 AM

1 votes:

To be fair they are "Mostly Harmless".

jaylectricity		2012-04-27 09:50:38 AM

1 votes:

They could have also listed fat.

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