cgraves67: Does "lawnmower" mean "illegal alien gardener"?

Nobody ever suspects the gardener.... hey!

factoryconnection: JackieRabbit: Fark's best fisherman. Catches them every time.

It is effortless; I don't like the material but the results are just terrific... and it isn't even close to "not trolling" so I can't hold it against Spentmiles. Some fish just want in the boat.

He's hilarious. Wit is lost on Americans.

JackieRabbit: factoryconnection: JackieRabbit: Fark's best fisherman. Catches them every time.

It is effortless; I don't like the material but the results are just terrific... and it isn't even close to "not trolling" so I can't hold it against Spentmiles. Some fish just want in the boat.

He's hilarious. Wit is lost on Americans.

Amerrrrkun here who has him favorited. Well-played today.

Fish in a Barrel: Bruxellensis: I'm a bit surprised to see how many people aren't aware of spentmiles' reputation here...

Normally I ignore trolls, but I actually have spentmiles favorited as "Master Trollsmith". Once you realize what's going on, some of his more outrageous posts are truly beautiful. They are perfectly calibrated to be insanely inflammatory.

Even though he's the master, "trolling" seems a bit too harsh of a word for it. It's mostly harmless humor, and it's brilliant at that.

My ex-wife is South Korean.

/crossing fingers

Anyone else seeing the well placed John Deere ad next to this thread?

chopit: spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

You realize HIV isn't passed like the common cold, right? If you had unprotected sex in sub-saharan Africa, you pretty much deserve what you get.

FTFY

The map confuses me. How is it that "meteor strikes" could possibly be more likely than "freezing to death" in Antarctica?

stevejovi: The map confuses me. How is it that "meteor strikes" could possibly be more likely than "freezing to death" in Antarctica?

Bullshiat is often confusing....

Australia should be listed as "Every single living thing"

stevejovi: The map confuses me. How is it that "meteor strikes" could possibly be more likely than "freezing to death" in Antarctica?

I think you have to look at it the other way around.

Not that in antarctica you'll most likely die of a meteor, but if you've been killed by a meteor, you're most likely to have been in antarctica.

Like the lawnmower factoid. If you take the statistics from all over the world of everyone that's been killed by a lawnmower, the country with the highest per capita lawn mower related fatalities is the US. I can buy that.

I'm gonna move to South Korea and be immortal.

That was pretty Farking stupid.

Also, a nit-pick on the meteor thing.

If it hits you, it's a meteorite. A meteor is just the streak of light you see when something is burning up in the atmosphere.

thisisyourbrainonFark: JackieRabbit: factoryconnection: JackieRabbit: Fark's best fisherman. Catches them every time.

It is effortless; I don't like the material but the results are just terrific... and it isn't even close to "not trolling" so I can't hold it against Spentmiles. Some fish just want in the boat.

He's hilarious. Wit is lost on Americans.

Amerrrrkun here who has him favorited. Well-played today.

Ditto here. Favorited, and my note for him is simply XD

That's pretty far inland for Sharks in Australia..

spentmiles: chopit: spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

You realize HIV isn't passed like the common cold, right? If you had unprotected sex in sub-saharan Africa, you pretty much deserve what you get.

It wasn't like I was banging girls I met in bars. They've got this system there, run by the cab drivers, where you pay them money and they take you to safe places. It'd be a serious international crime if they were taking money and then giving you unclean women. $20 gets you a long way in Zimbabwe, by the way. It was like being a king for a week.

You, my friend, are clever, and have earned a place in my favorites...

Speaker2Animals:

64 comments in before someone realized that?

I just logged in...so, why didn't you clear it up if you knew all along?

Gabrielmot: spentmiles: chopit: spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

You realize HIV isn't passed like the common cold, right? If you had unprotected sex in sub-saharan Africa, you pretty much deserve what you get.

It wasn't like I was banging girls I met in bars. They've got this system there, run by the cab drivers, where you pay them money and they take you to safe places. It'd be a serious international crime if they were taking money and then giving you unclean women. $20 gets you a long way in Zimbabwe, by the way. It was like being a king for a week.

You, my friend, are clever, and have earned a place in my favorites...

$20 i was expecting $5200 trillion.

stevejovi: The map confuses me. How is it that "meteor strikes" could possibly be more likely than "freezing to death" in Antarctica?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confusion_of_the_inverse

spentmiles: chopit: spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

You realize HIV isn't passed like the common cold, right? If you had unprotected sex in sub-saharan Africa, you pretty much deserve what you get.

It wasn't like I was banging girls I met in bars. They've got this system there, run by the cab drivers, where you pay them money and they take you to safe places. It'd be a serious international crime if they were taking money and then giving you unclean women. $20 gets you a long way in Zimbabwe, by the way. It was like being a king for a week.

You don't have to worry about AIDS in Africa. I hear all you gotta do to get rid of it is butt rape some children and give it to them.

phildonnia: stevejovi: The map confuses me. How is it that "meteor strikes" could possibly be more likely than "freezing to death" in Antarctica?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confusion_of_the_inverse

This thread turned out to be a pretty good IQ test. Amazing how many people can't figure out what this simple map is showing.

Iraq: Terrorism Americans
Afghanistan: Drugs Americans

Whatchoo doon with that lawnmower blade, Karl?

Can't believe that hadn't been posted yet.

spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

"...but I figured, when would I be in Zimbabwe again?"

KarmicDisaster: How can Old Age be a death trap? Isn't that the opposite of a death trap?

Nobody escapes alive.

Mishno: Like the lawnmower factoid. If you take the statistics from all over the world of everyone that's been killed by a lawnmower, the country with the highest per capita lawn mower related fatalities is the US. I can buy that.

Hold my beer and watch this? Hell, we have people that soup up lawnmowers and race the damn things.

I don't know where else I can tell this lawnmower story. Telling it in person would ruin whatever conversation I had just joined, but I just have to get this out.

Warning: not for the squeamish.

Mowing some tall grass last week, I heard a large thwack, like I ran over a large twig or something. It landed a few yards away so I went over to investigate.

Turns out it was a turtle. The poor guy was on its back moving its arms and legs still, so it was still alive. There was a little dent in its side that looked like a lawnmower injury. I was hopeful that he'd survive the injury so I flipped him over so I could send him on his way.

Ever seen a horror movie where the protagonist flips over a body and reveals that it's now dead/dismembered/zombified/undead? And how, as an audience member, you're thinking what a dumb move that was? Well.

The top half of the turtle wasn't there at all. I got a very good high-school biology look at the innerworkings of a turtle.

There were small children playing (including 2 of mine) about 20 yards away, and the last thing I wanted them to see was how Daddy had bisected Mr. Turtle.

So I scooped him with a nearby shovel and ran into some nearby woods to perform a speedy and discrete burial. After adequately disposing of the evidence, I took note of my surroundings.

I was standing in the middle of a very healthy stand of poison ivy, about a foot deep.

All true, I swear to your god.

tl;dr: The U.S. is risky for death-by-lawnmower if you're a turtle too.

Great_Milenko: spentmiles: Woah, I did not know that Zimbabwe was a hot bed for HIV. Went there last year on spring break, and I remember getting off the plane and then getting on it a week later. I hope my wife donates blood soon, so I'll know if I'm infected. Yikes, Friday just took a downward turn...

Since nobody has asked, I will.

Why in the fark would you go to Zimbabwe on spring break?

Why the fark would you reply to a troll ?

South Korea and Lithuania should hook up together.

asthma in Fiji

Wait,...what?
They must all stay in their basements with the windows closed to avoid all that bad weather.

/.does not actually believe their are any basements in Fiji
//. also would never be indoors anyway, if I was in Fiji
///. and would wear as little as possible - but just to avoid all those toxins in Tide,,,

TurboCrip: I don't know where else I can tell this lawnmower story. Telling it in person would ruin whatever conversation I had just joined, but I just have to get this out.

Warning: not for the squeamish.

Mowing some tall grass last week, I heard a large thwack, like I ran over a large twig or something. It landed a few yards away so I went over to investigate.

Turns out it was a turtle. The poor guy was on its back moving its arms and legs still, so it was still alive. There was a little dent in its side that looked like a lawnmower injury. I was hopeful that he'd survive the injury so I flipped him over so I could send him on his way.

Ever seen a horror movie where the protagonist flips over a body and reveals that it's now dead/dismembered/zombified/undead? And how, as an audience member, you're thinking what a dumb move that was? Well.

The top half of the turtle wasn't there at all. I got a very good high-school biology look at the innerworkings of a turtle.

There were small children playing (including 2 of mine) about 20 yards away, and the last thing I wanted them to see was how Daddy had bisected Mr. Turtle.

So I scooped him with a nearby shovel and ran into some nearby woods to perform a speedy and discrete burial. After adequately disposing of the evidence, I took note of my surroundings.

I was standing in the middle of a very healthy stand of poison ivy, about a foot deep.

All true, I swear to your god.

tl;dr: The U.S. is risky for death-by-lawnmower if you're a turtle too.

Uh...that is one of the most disgusting and funny things I've read in a long time. THe poison ivy is the icing on top :*)

/hwarf

Spentmiles' account during the UV incident a while back was flat-out priceless. Not only for its sheer entertainment value, but for all the people he reeled in as well, and their resultant entertainment value. I have him Favorited in Screaming Mustang Yellow now, so I don't miss a missive.

That said-- Japan: Old Age??? Really??? Old farking age? And for that, it's coded for 500-1000 deaths per million people. What the fark are they dying of over there? And none of it beats 0.1%?!?

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Apparently nobody dies in Canada.

That's because we have Health Care.
/ ...wait ....wut??


//I see Dutch people... they're everywhere.....

TurboCrip: I was standing in the middle of a very healthy stand of poison ivy, about a foot deep.

This was indeed the correct place to share your CSB. :)

TurboCrip: I don't know where else I can tell this lawnmower story. Telling it in person would ruin whatever conversation I had just joined, but I just have to get this out.

Warning: not for the squeamish.

I am confused because I don't know if I want to laugh, cry (for the turtle) or just barf.

But thank you for sharing

booger42: chocking

I found an alt, it's hard to believe there are two people on this site who spell this word that badly two days in a row.

oops.
'there' , as in 'there are any'

/. sheesh. gee thanks spellcheck