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(The Consumerist)   Nutella settles court case and acknowledges it's not a health food, nor is it really truly edible   (consumerist.com) divider line 230
    More: PSA, Nutella, court cases, dog barking, nutrition facts label, Three Musketeers  
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17007 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Apr 2012 at 3:10 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-26 04:14:28 PM

Clemkadidlefark: The My Little Pony Killer: As shown on the container: Nutella is part of a complete breakfast when spread on whole wheat toast and paired with three pieces of fruit, a glass of milk, and some orange juice.

If you honestly think that something as delicious as Nutella is healthy, you deserve to get fat and die of diet-related things.

It's a mystery, ain't it? The TeeVee told me spreading Nutella on toast is one of them good ideas for the little ones breakfast! I have to believe the TeeVee don't I? I mean, them people wouldn't lie to me, would they?

(seriously, Nutella on toast? Isn't that what we'd find at the Octomom's house of horrors?)


Like Octomom can afford Nutella. Probably just gives them saltines with a dribble of canola oil, sprinkled with cigarette ash.

Oh, yeah....FARK YOU SUBBY! I'D KILL YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY FOR JUST ONE SWEET, SWEET SPOONFUL!!!
 
2012-04-26 04:17:27 PM
Oh. If there's a Gawd he will greet me at the Pearly Gates coated generously with Nutella and let me lick it off.
 
2012-04-26 04:18:16 PM
I've just realized that I'm out of Nutella.

Walker: Reminds me of those commercials for cereal like "Cookie Crisp" where they say "Cookie Crisp is part of a complete breakfast" and they show a table with so much food on it the table is starting to collapse.


Ha.

4.bp.blogspot.com

What part of "complete" don't you understand? You need it all.
 
2012-04-26 04:22:02 PM
BTW ... Nutella + Sriracha on Knäckebröd = Love
 
2012-04-26 04:22:38 PM
Behold! The Nutterbutternanawich, Nutella and peanut butter with a banana, on a potato bread hotdog bun 'cause it seemed appropriate. A delicious treat! Suck it, haters.

www.smidgeindustriesltd.com


Contrabulous Flabtraption: Costco crepe + nutella + peanut butter + banana + microwave = radically gnarly breakfast


...never thought to try heating it up. Brilliant!


ChewbaccaJones: The other night I was wondering what the difference between: [nutella] and [cake frosting] ...not much, I guess


Nutella takes like hazelnuts and cocoa, and has a dense, smooth texture pretty much exactly like the filling of hazelnut truffles. Cake frosting tastes like cake frosting, leaves a greasy aftertaste and has fluffly texture that tastes like they whipped a sh*tload of air into it... because that's exactly what they did.
=Smidge=
 
2012-04-26 04:22:43 PM
M-G:But holy shiat, do they imply that it is. After those commercials ran I looked at a jar. The first farking ingredient is sugar, followed by palm oil.

Sure it was implied, but that was the gorgeous part. In my mind, it's no different than putting "fresh" lettuce and tomato on a burger. You know the overall meal horrible for you, but the producer is hoping the appearance of health is enough. Hell, Nutella doesn't even say it's part of a balanced breakfast like the makers of some sugary cereals - they just made the viewer make that connection.
 
2012-04-26 04:24:24 PM
Nutella is unedible? What are you talking about subby?

Obviously it's going to have lots of calories. Anyone who couldn't figure that out on their own is retarded.
 
2012-04-26 04:24:29 PM
Would that be why I almost tripped over the huge stack of Nutella ON SALE in the shopping cart parking area of Shaws today?
And why they have 5 end cap displays of the same Nutella ON SALE through out the store?
Like the entrie farking stock on hand ON SALE???
 
2012-04-26 04:25:17 PM
Nutella gelato in Italy is quite good.
 
2012-04-26 04:27:09 PM
I don't believe I have ever eaten Nutella. Is that unusual? Is it best that I never give it a try? I do not want fatness.
 
2012-04-26 04:27:29 PM

CitizenTed: Not plastic chocolate.


If you think Nutella is chocolate when you put it in your mouth of course it's going to taste like crap. It's Hazelnut butter.

After 2 weeks in Germany I've decided that it has nothing to do with the portion size or food. It's all the damn walking. Breakfast? Pork. Lunch? Pork. Dinner? Pork. And Nutella at everybreakfast.
 
2012-04-26 04:28:31 PM
The idea that some foods are "health foods" and some aren't is scientific nonsense.
 
2012-04-26 04:33:24 PM
Weird thing: I hate hazelnut flavor but like Nutella!
 
2012-04-26 04:34:03 PM

DarkPrincess: I don't believe I have ever eaten Nutella. Is that unusual? Is it best that I never give it a try? I do not want fatness.


Just like anything else, you can't be a farking hog about it.
 
2012-04-26 04:34:47 PM

darkscout: CitizenTed: Not plastic chocolate.

If you think Nutella is chocolate when you put it in your mouth of course it's going to taste like crap. It's Hazelnut butter.

After 2 weeks in Germany I've decided that it has nothing to do with the portion size or food. It's all the damn walking. Breakfast? Pork. Lunch? Pork. Dinner? Pork. And Nutella at everybreakfast.


So really we can conclude that eating pork and nutella and drinking beer = good health
 
2012-04-26 04:35:21 PM
I will need to try the nutella elvis sammich sometime, that sounds damn good. I usually spread nutella on wheat thins and call it a spectacular day.

/Hweat thins?
 
2012-04-26 04:36:17 PM
Nutella is better than peanut butter, there I said it.
 
2012-04-26 04:37:46 PM
nutella is nasty...that is all.
 
2012-04-26 04:37:50 PM

iollow: The idea that some foods are "health foods" and some aren't is scientific nonsense.


no
 
2012-04-26 04:38:42 PM
At least Nutella is healthier than chocolate pudding*

*may or may not be true
 
2012-04-26 04:39:28 PM

TheJoe03: Nutella is better than peanut butter, there I said it.


Them's fighting words.

Peanut butter is the preferred spread of the gods.
 
2012-04-26 04:39:32 PM
Four words: Nutella-filled fried wontons.

Try them.
 
2012-04-26 04:40:48 PM

DjangoStonereaver: CitizenTed: I'm ambivalent about Nutella. It's...OK. But I will *not* eat that crap for breakfast. My body wants sustenance and coffee for breakfast. Not plastic chocolate.

Nutella on a toasted bagel is the breakfast of champions.

The submitter is a nerdface, or allergic to chocolate and/or nuts.


SUBBY IS A NERFACE! SUBBY IS A NERDFACE! SUBBY IS A NERD FACE!
 
2012-04-26 04:41:37 PM

James F. Campbell: Four words: Nutella-filled fried wontons.

Try them.


That's food porn my friend.
 
2012-04-26 04:41:43 PM
Subby, I'll have you know my wife is currently asking politely for your head on a platter...
 
2012-04-26 04:42:28 PM

iollow: The idea that some foods are "health foods" and some aren't is scientific nonsense.


Sure.

Like the foods that are "organic" (ever hear of inorganic food?), "natural" (again, I've never purchased unnatural food), and "a good source of X" (because anything can be a good source of X if you add it to the food).

I'm going to market a soda that's 100% unnatural someday, if I can ever find anyone to make the stuff.
 
2012-04-26 04:44:47 PM
I really want some Nutella now. I haven't purchased a jar in several years. The last time, I planned to eat it in small amounts with apple slices as a healthy snack. By the end of the weekend, I hadn't eaten a single apple but somehow had no Nutella left. It is crack in a jar, but it sure isn't healthy.


Being a rational person, I filed those commercials away in the same mental trash receptacle as Chef Boyardee containing "a full serving of vegetables" and pop tarts being "made with real fruit".

But being a rational person doesn't get you 3 million dollars apparently.
 
2012-04-26 04:45:29 PM

booksmart: Subby, I'll have you know my wife is currently asking politely for your head on a platter...


...smeared liberally with nutella?
 
2012-04-26 04:45:57 PM
Blech. Nasty stuff only belongs on magic mushrooms to hide their even nastier flavor.
Why not also go after Great Grains and their dumbass California Cathy commercial where they basically say that a doctor doesn't know food and their woman's body so they are going to guess this shiat is healthy. You have leather faced California Cathy Crowsfeet, a Mariska Hagarthay knockoff, and some brown moth Kardashian thing all flopping around a field of grain, praising their menses cups. That one gets my blood boiling everytime. Also the goddamn Bourshin (sp?) cream cheese commercial where that coont immasculates that hipster douche and then blows her NASTY ASS CREAM CHEESE BREATH all up in his grill and drops crumbs on his shoulder because she is a mouth-breather and is NASTY. That should cover it for me for Q1 2012 commercial rants :)
Anyhoo glad this fat biatch gets her 13 cents for being gullible.
 
2012-04-26 04:46:06 PM
Nutella + Pretzels = yum
 
2012-04-26 04:46:59 PM
2 words. vegemite cheezybite.
 
2012-04-26 04:47:45 PM
Nutella is awesome. We use it for s'mores, and it's a thing of goddamn beauty.

I'm depressed that this lady won the settlement on such a derpy claim. Maybe next on her list is suing the marketers that made those goddamned high fructose corn syrup commercials (it's fine in moderation!) or suing someone because the Malt-o-Meal version of Raisin Bran has more sugar than any of the other bagged cereals on the shelf, including the one that's a mixture of cocoa puffs and marshmallows.
 
2012-04-26 04:47:51 PM

darkscout: After 2 weeks in Germany I've decided that it has nothing to do with the portion size or food. It's all the damn walking. Breakfast? Pork. Lunch? Pork. Dinner? Pork. And Nutella at everybreakfast.


My SIL is German and eats like that all day long. She's a skinny little thing and hasn't put on a pound in the 30 years she's been married to my brother. She's also the one who introduced me to Nutella, years ago before it was even sold in the U.S.
 
2012-04-26 04:51:17 PM
I love me some PB&J on wheat and PB&J on wheat is a perfectly reasonable lunch, but that does not mean that grape jelly is a health food or that the pimpers of PB&J think grape jelly is a health food. How is this any different?
(psst - maple syrup, also, not a health food, not even organic maple syrup on whole grain waffles, but the jury is still out on those healthy PopTarts).

So they settle for 3 million dollars, 20,000 fat Nutella eaters each get 14 cents and the lawyers rake in the rest.

This lawsuit is just full of WIN for stupid people who eat Nutella for breakfast.
 
2012-04-26 04:56:54 PM

cryinoutloud: darkscout: After 2 weeks in Germany I've decided that it has nothing to do with the portion size or food. It's all the damn walking. Breakfast? Pork. Lunch? Pork. Dinner? Pork. And Nutella at everybreakfast.

My SIL is German and eats like that all day long. She's a skinny little thing and hasn't put on a pound in the 30 years she's been married to my brother. She's also the one who introduced me to Nutella, years ago before it was even sold in the U.S.



I liked Nutella before it was sold in Italy and was called hazelnut chocolate extender.
 
2012-04-26 04:58:45 PM
This is like the "Hipster Nutella Thread".

"I liked Nutella before it was coooooooool."
 
2012-04-26 04:59:45 PM

Smidge204: Behold! The Nutterbutternanawich, Nutella and peanut butter with a banana, on a potato bread hotdog bun 'cause it seemed appropriate. A delicious treat! Suck it, haters.

[www.smidgeindustriesltd.com image 640x451]


Contrabulous Flabtraption: Costco crepe + nutella + peanut butter + banana + microwave = radically gnarly breakfast

...never thought to try heating it up. Brilliant!




Now add Marshmallow Fluff to it

einsteinsdesk.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-04-26 05:01:59 PM
I think part of your mouth has to be dead from cheap beer or something to not like Nutella
 
2012-04-26 05:10:07 PM
Nutella... ounce for ounce more unhealthy than anything American junk food scientists have been able to dream up.... but it's yooropean so it's cool.


Late night stoner snack: dump some roasted peanuts in a nutella jar... instant snickers bar on a spoon!

/you're welcome
 
2012-04-26 05:11:38 PM
One of the most vile and disgusting things ever created by man.
 
2012-04-26 05:13:24 PM
Fark you subby nutella is food of the gods. THE GODS I TELL YOU!!

Fark, now I'm sitting in class craving nutella and wheat stix/pretzel rods........


Om nom nom nom
 
2012-04-26 05:14:48 PM
Go fark yourself nutella haters.
 
2012-04-26 05:16:35 PM
I'm sitting here in a house with freshly-baked banana bread that I can smell from two rooms away, and I'm reading this thread. There's a small jar of nutella in the cupboard. I think I'm in trouble. Delicious, delicious trouble.
 
2012-04-26 05:20:58 PM
For years and years I'd heard people rave about Nutella but had never tried it myself. So finally, a few months ago, I figured what the hey and bought a jar of the alleged food of the gods and tried it.

Nutella is...OK.

It's edible and tastes all right, but I don't get the rave reviews and claims of addiction. If I'm going to waste calories, there are plenty of other things I'd rather have.
 
2012-04-26 05:21:40 PM
On a whim, I once spread some Nutella on a Krispy Kreme donut.

I think I now know what crack feels like.
 
2012-04-26 05:27:53 PM
Oh, take a pill! If you want to smear some nutella on toast, or pancakes, or a banana, just go ahead and do it, and don't feel guilty about it. Nobody's advocating that it be consumed daily. All this kind of crap does is make people feel guilty about everything they do, instead of just living their lives.
 
2012-04-26 05:29:50 PM

trappedspirit: I think part of your mouth has to be dead from cheap beer or something to not like Nutella


Actually, I take that back. Last time I said something like that it was about Cilantro. And then science discovered for us that some people have gene deformities that actually make it taste bad for them. So I'll amend it by saying part of your mouth has to be dead or you have deformed genes.
 
2012-04-26 05:32:32 PM
1. take two pieces of toast, straight from the toaster
2. put sliced banana on one, nutella on the other
3. put them together
4. eat
5. orgasm
 
2012-04-26 05:35:38 PM

DjangoStonereaver: CitizenTed: I'm ambivalent about Nutella. It's...OK. But I will *not* eat that crap for breakfast. My body wants sustenance and coffee for breakfast. Not plastic chocolate.

Nutella on a toasted bagel is the breakfast of champions.


Oooh...don't know why I never thought of THAT before.

+1 to you, sir.

/type 2 to me, probably...
 
2012-04-26 05:39:08 PM

ban_sidhe: For years and years I'd heard people rave about Nutella but had never tried it myself. So finally, a few months ago, I figured what the hey and bought a jar of the alleged food of the gods and tried it.

Nutella is...OK.

It's edible and tastes all right, but I don't get the rave reviews and claims of addiction. If I'm going to waste calories, there are plenty of other things I'd rather have.


You're invited over the next time I bake: BYON.
 
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