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(CBC)   Best Korea unveils glorious new mobile missiles that are absolutely, positively, definitely NOT phony mockups pieced together from various other systems and stuck on a random launch vehicle   (cbc.ca) divider line 191
    More: Unlikely, North Koreans, launch vehicle, Kim Il Sung, military parade, intercontinental ballistic missiles, rocket launch, Union of Concerned Scientists, missiles  
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17379 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Apr 2012 at 9:24 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-26 09:51:42 AM

meanmutton: bim1154: My morbid curiosity always wonders what would happen if the shiat hit the fan with N.Korea and just how much of their army would pour over the border. It's a scenario I really would never want to see, but the curiosity of how a war would go in present day makes me wonder.

The most frightening part wouldn't be the army but rather the artillery. They could use conventional artillery to kill hundreds of thousands in Seoul before we could disable it.


yknow, ive heard this... im not so alarmed by this fabled north korean artillery.

surely the S Koreans have appropriate shelters and what not built. i would imagine there are lots of them, and easy to get to etc... so say the barrage begins, the first shells do do damage, yes, but then the people take cover in their buildings and shelters etc... while property damage im sure would be horrific i seriously doubt "hundreds of thousands" would be killed.

The thing with artillery is, ist very effective against soft targets for a barrage or two, then people dive into trenches or bunkers or whatever, and its effectiveness drops dramatically (which is why we're trying to develop those self contained batteries that fire entire barrages at diffrent angles with different charges so the shells fired in quick succession all land on target more or less simultaneously). Same would apply here.

Secondly, I cant imagine the n Korean arty is very modern, right. Probably lots of soviet ww2 era 155mms and stuff. They going to be blasting away with all these guns, and they are going to be sitting ducks for apaches and other types of low level interdiction aircraft who can sweep the hilltops constantly. I seriously doubt NK has the AA resources to protect all these batteries of big pseudo immobile large batteries with lots of shilkes and stuff?

I think everything about Best Korea is a complete joke. Theyd fold in a weekend and the leadership knows it. So does the south. The south korean military is solid, and theyd have the benefit of US airpower and a good US armored division to help.

But ... Theyre not americans: They have patience, and don't think its worth the lives of a single soldier getting killed and are thinking about the reconstruction costs and collateral damage.
 
2012-04-26 09:51:51 AM

SocraticIrony: Alonjar: I like that the numbers on the side of the missile arent in korean. Wonder who they're for?

Correct me if I'm wrong but. . .numbers are the same in every language?


Did the U.S. use a Saturn 5 or a Saturn V launch vehicle for the Apollo missions?
 
2012-04-26 09:52:17 AM
i513.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-26 09:52:40 AM

Pontious Pilates: And I've read the economic impact of trying to actually reunite the two Koreas at this point, with the vast gap between them in terms of technology, society, education, culture, all of it, would be many, many times worse than the German reunification. Even if the DPRK was made free today... I think it would take many decades before any semblance of normalcy would be reached, nevermind the tremendous drag on the South, which I'm sure most South Koreans would not be very pleased about.

It really is fascinating to watch and think about... Like the world's largest unethical psychological experiment.


The culture shock would be like an alien race making contact with us. It would make German reunification look like nothing. People in the GDR KNEW that things were different on the other side, they got some information coming in. Best Korea is just a farking black hole. Plus imagine so many of them coming to the realization that the whole `Dear leader' cult of personality was all bullshiat, their entire lives have been spent learning totally false crap. I'd imagine they wouldn't take it well.

The whole situation is farked up six ways from Sunday, and there really is no good solution.
 
2012-04-26 09:54:22 AM
It's all over for you, round eye. Pudgy faced boy-man will now rule the world!
 
2012-04-26 09:55:44 AM

auralpleasure: SniperJoe: ihatedumbpeople: reminds me of the ol' Cold War era Russian ICBM carriers. Except those actually worked.

[trendsupdates.com image 600x437]

Do you know what those things can do? Suck the paint off your house and give your family a permanent orange afro!

[i2.listal.com image 600x337]

Sees what you did there.

/even with the eye patch


But the crew!!!!
NSFWLink
 
2012-04-26 09:58:40 AM

Wade_Wilson: I remember being in the 8th grade, seeing the photos from the Cuban Missile Crisis and asking the teacher "What?! That's what almost led to nuclear war?! How do we know they weren't inflatable pool toys put there to scare us?!"

Of course, I know they weren't, but I always kinda wondered why not. If anyone ever actually launched one of those things all hell would break loose, so you've got to figure they were more for intimidation. In that case, why not make the things out of plywood and just leave them around for spy planes to snap photos of.

/I know, I'm a dumbass.
//So are the Koreans if they thought anyone would fall for this


That's not really all that far fetched. Various fakes and mock ups are used quite often.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Fortitude

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dummy_tank

There are many more examples out there of this kind of thing, with mock tanks, airplanes, missiles, etc. There are also situations where they did sort of the reverse, and built, for instance, a plywood "truck" that was used to cover a tank.
 
2012-04-26 09:59:49 AM

Ennuipoet: [freeversephotography.com image 640x514]


Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerous ways, Ennuipoet. Your sad devotion to that ancient Jedi religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you enough clairvoyance to find the rebels' hidden fortress...

web.mit.edu
 
2012-04-26 10:03:12 AM

Wade_Wilson: /I know, I'm a dumbass.
//So are the Koreans if they thought anyone would fall for this


It almost certainly fooled their own people. And, after all, that's who this dog and pony show was for, not the rest of the world.
 
2012-04-26 10:03:58 AM
What's really funny is that the fake missiles are made out of Beef, Chicken, Tofu, sticky rice and a delicious secret mix of 14 herbs and spices. One more than a certain Colonel could ever conceive. The rocket fuel is actually a carbonated beverage and the inertial guidance system is composed of dark and light chocolate.

Martha Stewart is said to have consorted with the Best Koreans to build a rocket that looked good both on the pad or in it's mobile launcher. That's why she went a way for a few years. She was actually convicted of Trading Delicious Secrets with the Enemy but the US didn't want the rest of the world to know they had perfected a long range guidance/desert system. Pillsbury is currently cranking them out for the next generation ICBM and Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cakes.
 
2012-04-26 10:04:14 AM
A parade of parade seeking drones would do the trick.
 
2012-04-26 10:05:35 AM
Kim, your Delta Tau Kai name is Flounder.
 
2012-04-26 10:06:33 AM

RibbyK: [www.scvhistory.com image 599x405]
Mel Brooks and Harvey Keitel approve


5/10 (but only for the whole "age-gap factor")
 
2012-04-26 10:07:02 AM

Father_Jack: Jake Havechek: Magic Missile: A bolt of pure energy from the caster's fingertips. It strikes a target automatically, with multiple missiles launched at higher levels. The spell's ability to cause automatic damage makes it one of the most-used spells.

have you seen the youtube of the guy holding a roman candle shouting "magic missile! magic missile! magic missile!" while dressed up like some D&D elf?

it didnt help the LARP gamers cause in defeating the "omg theyre total tools" image.


I ron't remember the roman candle. I was pwetty sure that guy was frwoing bean bags.

soooo ronrey
 
2012-04-26 10:07:32 AM

SocraticIrony: Alonjar: I like that the numbers on the side of the missile arent in korean. Wonder who they're for?

Correct me if I'm wrong but. . .numbers are the same in every language?


You're both "right' and completely farking wrong. I can't think of anyone who doesn't use "Arabic" numerals like we do these days at least some of the time because, well, having a "universal system" is nice. However, if you look at Chinese newspapers you'll see that they use both their old numeral system and Arabic numerals interchangeably-- with the exception of their "0" which is like 12 strokes and has effectively disappeared entirely.

So your point that having Arabic numerals on missiles doesn't really mean anything is spot on. But the idea that numbers are the same in every language is... not.

/Hilariously enough, our "Arabic Numerals" aren't even all that Arabic these days.
 
2012-04-26 10:07:33 AM

Father_Jack: UtileDysfunktion: PRK needs to get squished.

yep.

question is, why dont the south koreans seem to think so?

i guess everyone's just waiting for it to implode on its own, and then do so without massive bloodshed on either side, and not risk losing seoul. and if you were the s. korean govt, would you want to deal with the cost of reunifying the place? would make the german reunification look like a cake walk in comparison.

the north koreans *do* have nukes, and they can hit seoul with it. why risk it?

they bought theyre tickets. they knew what they were getting into. i say, let em crash.


North Korea has no delivery system for its nuclear bombs, assuming it really has any that do more than fizzle a kiloton or two of energy. Early nuclear bombs technology makes for big, big bombs. They have neither the missile or the heavy bomber to deliver a nuke. Not to mention all of the artillery they have aimed at Seoul and said ammunition for that artillery is probably around 50 years old. Half of the artillery pieces would probably explode in their bunkers if they tried to fire them.

Best Korea is looking more and more like a paper tiger every day. Integration would be an absolute nightmare. Maybe an asteroid will put them out of their misery or something.
 
2012-04-26 10:08:18 AM
I guarantee the team responsible for putting together the fake rockets is already dead, or being tortured - for the poor job they did, and the mockery NK is receiving.
 
2012-04-26 10:08:36 AM

Jake Havechek: Magic Missile: A bolt of pure energy from the caster's fingertips. It strikes a target automatically, with multiple missiles launched at higher levels. The spell's ability to cause automatic damage makes it one of the most-used spells.


1d4 per missile OOOoooooo, scary.
 
2012-04-26 10:08:53 AM
wraithmare
auralpleasure: SniperJoe: ihatedumbpeople: reminds me of the ol' Cold War era Russian ICBM carriers. Except those actually worked.

[trendsupdates.com image 600x437]

Do you know what those things can do? Suck the paint off your house and give your family a permanent orange afro!

[i2.listal.com image 600x337]

Sees what you did there.

/even with the eye patch

It's a dikfer.


www.top10films.co.uk

What's a "dickfer"?
 
2012-04-26 10:09:07 AM
So that's what the wheel is for:

0.tqn.com
 
2012-04-26 10:09:50 AM

RibbyK: [www.scvhistory.com image 599x405]
Mel Brooks and Harvey Keitel Korman approve


/ftfy
 
2012-04-26 10:09:51 AM
You know this is sad

there is all kind of sad and pathetic in the world but this is quite up there on the sad and pathetic scale

That the top concern for Best Korea little squat retard leader is that the people might surge forward and eat the paper mache missile that you are using to try to ransom money from the US .

You know maybe it is time to give up the game
 
2012-04-26 10:10:07 AM

Citrate1007: FTFA: "It remains unknown if they were designed this way to confuse foreign analysts, or if the designers simply did some sloppy work."

This is North Korea, they think the rest of the world is as brainwashed as their starving people. We were supposed to be afraid that these are his secret weapons that could kill the whole United States......so you know give more money so he can be a fat rich bi@tch, starve his people, and pretend that he doesn't have a small penis.


Are you say'n hes yellow?
 
2012-04-26 10:10:56 AM
That's photoshopped? Next you're going to tell me this isn't real, either!
 
2012-04-26 10:13:02 AM

Harry Freakstorm: What's really funny is that the fake missiles are made out of Beef, Chicken, Tofu, sticky rice and a delicious secret mix of 14 herbs and spices. One more than a certain Colonel could ever conceive. The rocket fuel is actually a carbonated beverage and the inertial guidance system is composed of dark and light chocolate.

Martha Stewart is said to have consorted with the Best Koreans to build a rocket that looked good both on the pad or in it's mobile launcher. That's why she went a way for a few years. She was actually convicted of Trading Delicious Secrets with the Enemy but the US didn't want the rest of the world to know they had perfected a long range guidance/desert system. Pillsbury is currently cranking them out for the next generation ICBM and Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cakes.


What is it with self-important blonds siding with the enemy?
 
2012-04-26 10:14:31 AM
Well, at least those weren't built by children. Maybe.
 
2012-04-26 10:15:36 AM

meanmutton: Father_Jack: Jake Havechek: Magic Missile: A bolt of pure energy from the caster's fingertips. It strikes a target automatically, with multiple missiles launched at higher levels. The spell's ability to cause automatic damage makes it one of the most-used spells.

have you seen the youtube of the guy holding a roman candle shouting "magic missile! magic missile! magic missile!" while dressed up like some D&D elf?

it didnt help the LARP gamers cause in defeating the "omg theyre total tools" image.

Know what? I'm 34 and still get together on a fairly regular basis to play regular, tabletop D&D (it's tougher now that everyone is married and has kids, but we do still play). Even those of use dorks who played regular D&D looked down on the LARPers.


yeah, I've always made it a point to explain to the lay folk that I have never, nor will I ever, LARP. people who've never gamed still think I'm a loser, but at least they don't think I'm a LARPer.
 
2012-04-26 10:15:55 AM

sycraft: ihatedumbpeople: reminds me of the ol' Cold War era Russian ICBM carriers. Except those actually worked.

Well... Maybe. Since the fall of the USSR a number of their former missile technicians and commanders have not expressed a high confidence in the readiness of the systems they oversaw.



And those were the functional ones. I recall reading an interview with a former Soviet engineer whose entire area of responsibility was designing the missile suspension systems on those large wheeled launchers. His goal was to prevent the (hollow) missile from bouncing "unrealistically" as the launcher drove over the uneven paving in places like Red Square.

The Soviets were fantastic at two things: espionage, and convincingly overstating their military capabilities.
 
2012-04-26 10:16:10 AM
Do they float?
 
2012-04-26 10:17:36 AM
I don't see it.
 
2012-04-26 10:19:46 AM
I've heard stories of 1960s Soviet parades where participants (later, after the cold war ended) told of inflatable missiles, which they had to work hard to be sure they were tied down so as to not blow off their trucks in the wind.
 
2012-04-26 10:19:58 AM

Zeno-25: North Korea has no delivery system for its nuclear bombs, assuming it really has any that do more than fizzle a kiloton or two of energy. Early nuclear bombs technology makes for big, big bombs. They have neither the missile or the heavy bomber to deliver a nuke.


The Best Korea Nuke Delivery System

www.spudfiles.com

/Patent pending
 
2012-04-26 10:20:30 AM

mortimer_ford: Say what you want about America, but we don't parade our nukes down Times Square.


Actually, they get paraded down our main street all the time. Well, they bypass the town, but it's a full parade of armored Hummers, Blackhawks and Hueys from the Air Force plus a mixture of local PD, Sheriff and Highway Patrol.

And while I'm joking about the parade part, I'm not joking about the fact that I've been on the highway - numerous times - while being passed by a convoy of the above vehicles and aircraft accompanying a missile with a thermonuclear warhead from one of the launch sites back to Minot AFB for maintenance. It's really interesting and horrifying all at the same time.
 
2012-04-26 10:24:12 AM

nekom: Pontious Pilates: And I've read the economic impact of trying to actually reunite the two Koreas at this point, with the vast gap between them in terms of technology, society, education, culture, all of it, would be many, many times worse than the German reunification. Even if the DPRK was made free today... I think it would take many decades before any semblance of normalcy would be reached, nevermind the tremendous drag on the South, which I'm sure most South Koreans would not be very pleased about.

It really is fascinating to watch and think about... Like the world's largest unethical psychological experiment.

The culture shock would be like an alien race making contact with us. It would make German reunification look like nothing. People in the GDR KNEW that things were different on the other side, they got some information coming in. Best Korea is just a farking black hole. Plus imagine so many of them coming to the realization that the whole `Dear leader' cult of personality was all bullshiat, their entire lives have been spent learning totally false crap. I'd imagine they wouldn't take it well.

The whole situation is farked up six ways from Sunday, and there really is no good solution.


Since their entire existence has been staged for 50-60 years, maybe the only way out is a similarly staged "revolution" within the confines of their shiatty perceived reality. Some general "overthrows" Fatty Ding Dongs, and then begins a process of slowly bringing North Korea up to speed, carefully introducing technology, capitalism, education, freeing the hundreds of thousands of political prisoners, etc... Basically over many decades doing the opposite of what the Kims have done.

Not that I think this could ever actually HAPPEN, that anyone would have the right combination of power and benevolence to go in there and make an honest effort to right all the wrongs. So yeah, they are so f'd.
 
2012-04-26 10:27:18 AM
Bad enough that they have a fail missile program, but now these oversized mock ups of moar fail rockets. This is obviously an attempt to regain "face" after their fail missile launch. And yet, even with all this effort, they still look like clownish idiots.
 
2012-04-26 10:27:58 AM

Father_Jack: The thing with artillery is, ist very effective against soft targets for a barrage or two, then people dive into trenches or bunkers or whatever, and its effectiveness drops dramatically (which is why we're trying to develop those self contained batteries that fire entire barrages at diffrent angles with different charges so the shells fired in quick succession all land on target more or less simultaneously). Same would apply here.


furthermore, as the nazis found out in russia (and we found out later when we did the same to the nazis), you can get extremely entrenched in the rubble of a shelled city. although this scenario involves bombing civilians, a bombed out city is a very effective position to defend. Once you've knocked some buildings to ruins, it is difficult to mess up any more from the air, difficult to travel through on the ground and difficult to surveil. and there is a lot of effective cover to use in defense.

/ i think there was some church on a hill which was inhabited by nazis. we bombed it and shelled it to oblivion... which basically made it easier for the nazis to defend. some professor of history told me back in the schooling days. don't remember much of the facts, just his assessment that rubble can be advantageous to the defender.
 
2012-04-26 10:30:38 AM

JohnAnnArbor: I've heard stories of 1960s Soviet parades where participants (later, after the cold war ended) told of inflatable missiles, which they had to work hard to be sure they were tied down so as to not blow off their trucks in the wind.


during a parade for hitler, mussolini's airforce circled around several times to make it look significantly larger. also, they were short on leather, so the soldiers marching wore cardboard boots. they had to avoid the puddles.
 
2012-04-26 10:31:36 AM
Those so-called "experts" completely overlook the advanced "inedible-ization" technology used to fabricate the missiles. A Western missile would be half-eaten by the time it reached Pyongyang.
 
2012-04-26 10:32:24 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: Bad enough that they have a fail missile program, but now these oversized mock ups of moar fail rockets. This is obviously an attempt to regain "face" after their fail missile launch. And yet, even with all this effort, they still look like clownish idiots.


Yes, but to whom? Do you think their idiotic rhetoric is targeted at us? Do they really, honestly believe that US Marines are going to come storming off their beaches? That South Korea wants to attack and subjugate them? Not for a second. They want the population to believe that. But all this theater is purely for domestic consumption. And to the fools it's targeting it makes them feel secure, justifies the current social distribution (and 18-year mandatory conscription).
 
2012-04-26 10:33:07 AM

Odoriferous Queef: Zeno-25: North Korea has no delivery system for its nuclear bombs, assuming it really has any that do more than fizzle a kiloton or two of energy. Early nuclear bombs technology makes for big, big bombs. They have neither the missile or the heavy bomber to deliver a nuke.

The Best Korea Nuke Delivery System

[www.spudfiles.com image 400x300]

/Patent pending


Reminds me of the house war between our house and the house down the street.We would shell each other with those three man water balloon launchers, good times.
 
2012-04-26 10:33:56 AM
img215.imageshack.us
 
2012-04-26 10:35:47 AM
The weapons displayed April 15 appear to be a mishmash of liquid-fuel and solid-fuel components that could never fly together. Undulating casings on the missiles suggest the metal is too thin to withstand flight. Each missile was slightly different from the others, even though all were supposedly the same make. They don't even fit the launchers they were carried on.

"There is no doubt that these missiles were mock-ups," Markus Schiller and Robert Schmucker, of Germany's Schmucker Technologie, wrote in a paper posted recently on the website Armscontrolwonk.com that listed those discrepancies. "It remains unknown if they were designed this way to confuse foreign analysts, or if the designers simply did some sloppy work."


i1136.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-26 10:36:28 AM

Savage Belief: Did anyone else notice the "slimmed down" painting of Doughboy Leader in the background?


Is that the current leader in that painting? If so they not only slimmed him down they aged him 10 or 15 years too.
Not that that is anything new in political imagery.
 
2012-04-26 10:37:28 AM
images.yuku.com.s3.amazonaws.com
 
2012-04-26 10:37:36 AM

mortimer_ford: Say what you want about America, but we don't parade our nukes down Times Square.


The parade thing was kind of a ritual back in the old days. It was partially bread and circuses for the masses of course (hell, who doesn't like seeing big military crap?), but it was also the way that the soviets unveiled new stuff. They knew that we watched the parades like hawks, so when it was time to unveil a new thingiemadoodle or upgrade to another dohickey, they would just include it in the parade. I'm not entirely sure that we don't do the same thing at air shows, parades and that kind of thing. But for some reason it was pretty much SOP for the Soviets.
 
2012-04-26 10:38:03 AM
i went on a North Korean cruise and all I got was a bottle of Budweiser and some dried fish.
 
2012-04-26 10:38:59 AM

pute kisses like a man: Father_Jack: The thing with artillery is, ist very effective against soft targets for a barrage or two, then people dive into trenches or bunkers or whatever, and its effectiveness drops dramatically (which is why we're trying to develop those self contained batteries that fire entire barrages at diffrent angles with different charges so the shells fired in quick succession all land on target more or less simultaneously). Same would apply here.

furthermore, as the nazis found out in russia (and we found out later when we did the same to the nazis), you can get extremely entrenched in the rubble of a shelled city. although this scenario involves bombing civilians, a bombed out city is a very effective position to defend. Once you've knocked some buildings to ruins, it is difficult to mess up any more from the air, difficult to travel through on the ground and difficult to surveil. and there is a lot of effective cover to use in defense.

/ i think there was some church on a hill which was inhabited by nazis. we bombed it and shelled it to oblivion... which basically made it easier for the nazis to defend. some professor of history told me back in the schooling days. don't remember much of the facts, just his assessment that rubble can be advantageous to the defender.


Uhhhhh. Well, you might be kind of missing the forest for the trees there. Yes, you're right, of course, that a bombed out city is easy to defend. Of course you're kind of missing the larger issue: the shelling of a city of 10 million people to rubble would be catastrophic. The shelling of the second largest metropolitan area on the planet into rubble would be worse. You're thinking in terms of conquest, which isn't realistic anyway. Try thinking in terms of the millions of dead in those "soft targets" you proclaim will become bastions after they fall down. Try thinking in terms of the billions-upon-billions of dollars of damage it would do.

That's what North Korea is threatening. It's blackmail, not invasion.
 
2012-04-26 10:39:16 AM

XveryYpettyZ: Yes, but to whom? Do you think their idiotic rhetoric is targeted at us? Do they really, honestly believe that US Marines are going to come storming off their beaches? That South Korea wants to attack and subjugate them? Not for a second. They want the population to believe that. But all this theater is purely for domestic consumption. And to the fools it's targeting it makes them feel secure, justifies the current social distribution (and 18-year mandatory conscription).


True, they are primarily concerned with saving face with locals after their disastrous rocket launch (even they couldn't pretend that was exactly a rousing success), but look at all the trouble they go through to convince Western tourists and journalists that NK is heaven on earth.

Honestly, the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland is less contrived, and precisely no one is fooled, but they nonetheless spend a fortune on these little pageants, because they think everyone is as gullible as their own people. Or at least they really really hope.
 
2012-04-26 10:40:29 AM

Jake Havechek: i went on a North Korean cruise and all I got was a bottle of Budweiser and some dried fish.


Whoa, someone's a high-ranking party official.
 
2012-04-26 10:40:56 AM

pute kisses like a man: / i think there was some church on a hill which was inhabited by nazis. we bombed it and shelled it to oblivion... which basically made it easier for the nazis to defend. some professor of history told me back in the schooling days. don't remember much of the facts, just his assessment that rubble can be advantageous to the defender.


i think youre thinking of...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_stalingrad

however, i have absolutely certainty the north koreans would never be able to avance into s. korea...they might just be able to make their own regime collapse painful.
 
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