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(KGW Portland)   Instruments stolen from band bus. Authorities warn that the suspects may be prone to violins   (kgw.com) divider line 68
    More: Asinine, portland  
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1646 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Apr 2012 at 7:38 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-25 01:04:27 PM
Will authorities take this lying down?
 
2012-04-25 01:19:44 PM
Could this be classified as a sax crime?
 
2012-04-25 01:26:07 PM
Authorities plan to drum up support among local pawn shops in hopes of snaring the criminals.
 
2012-04-25 01:28:43 PM
Oboe you di'int!
 
2012-04-25 01:35:51 PM
What a clef-hanger! Whoever did this is in real treble!

suzifiner.typepad.com
 
2012-04-25 01:44:51 PM
Tuba'd they don't have any leads.
 
2012-04-26 07:44:41 AM
They just wanted to sniff the flutes.
 
2012-04-26 07:45:21 AM
Did they check with the brass before getting on the horn about this situation?
 
2012-04-26 07:47:41 AM
The perpetrators are probably from maraca.
 
2012-04-26 07:49:49 AM
Did anyone read that as "bang bus" at first?

Just me then?
 
2012-04-26 07:52:21 AM
What sitar about eh? Those thieves are total pianists.
 
2012-04-26 07:54:40 AM
The wind section just can't give a toot after this happened.
 
2012-04-26 07:55:19 AM
Okay, put out an APB for Mr. B Natural. And I want a man in every junior high hallway and 12-year-old boy's room.
 
2012-04-26 07:56:56 AM
That's no way to conduct yourself. I hope they're able to orchestrate a search for the instruments. With nothing to play on, this group will just end up with a bad rap.
 
2012-04-26 07:59:01 AM
Whoever orchestrated this plan know this, sax is violins.
 
2012-04-26 08:01:17 AM
This headline and the following puns should be soundly beat.
 
2012-04-26 08:04:48 AM
This one time...
 
2012-04-26 08:05:53 AM
{sadtrombone}
 
2012-04-26 08:10:41 AM
Violin is not a band instrument!
 
2012-04-26 08:15:10 AM
Personally, I'd have a couple of guards out watching the vehicle once the expensive instruments like the strings have been put inside. It's always so exciting with two out and the basses loaded.
 
2012-04-26 08:19:33 AM
you think they would have noticed the suspect casing the joint prior to his robery... some big brass ones on that guy...
 
2012-04-26 08:20:15 AM
Because they couldn't recover the trombones, they had to let that charge slide. The police really blew it.
 
2012-04-26 08:20:31 AM
Violins aren't band instruments.
 
2012-04-26 08:22:16 AM
Sheesh. First a bouzouki found in the garbage and now this.
 
2012-04-26 08:25:00 AM

hornblowerfan: Violins aren't band instruments.


We had one for concert band, though she moved after a year. Damn shame, as she was adorable/cut/hot as hell. And as a bonus, she had bad taste in men which meant I had a shot! :(

Also, I propose we launch subby into the sun for the headline, as well as every 5th person who made a band instrument pun.
 
2012-04-26 08:25:09 AM
Of course, the guilty parties wanted to trumpet this achievement, but they were told to baritone it down.
 
2012-04-26 08:27:33 AM
I guess you could call it a reed-istribution of wealth.

/Somebody stop me.
//Please. I can't be the mouthpiece for any more puns.
 
2012-04-26 08:29:39 AM
You know, there's been some really clever headlines on Fark lately.
 
2012-04-26 08:38:19 AM
Seventy-six trombones led the big parade
With a hundred and ten cornets close at hand.
They were followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos,
the cream of every famous band.
 
2012-04-26 08:39:50 AM

indarwinsshadow: You know, there's been some really clever headlines on Fark lately.


I guess for some farkers it's their forte.
 
2012-04-26 08:43:31 AM
So long as it's not on television.

learnjavafx.typepad.com
 
2012-04-26 08:46:24 AM
B-A Bay

B-E Bee

B-I Bicky-by

B-O Bo

Bicky-Bi-Bo-B-U Boo

Bicky-Bi-Bo-Boo
 
2012-04-26 08:47:12 AM
That's the pizz.
 
2012-04-26 08:47:12 AM

hstein3: I guess you could call it a reed-istribution of wealth.

/Somebody stop me.
//Please. I can't be the mouthpiece for any more puns.



Personally I would prefer not to have your posts dim alto-gether. Almost makes me feel that I'm part of a famuli of punsters, and all these posts, well, I like to reatum.
 
2012-04-26 08:48:53 AM
The responses in this thread baritone of levity that is inappropriate.
 
2012-04-26 08:51:05 AM
This headline has the potential for bes tof the year.
 
2012-04-26 08:52:28 AM

unchellmatt: hstein3: I guess you could call it a reed-istribution of wealth.

/Somebody stop me.
//Please. I can't be the mouthpiece for any more puns.


Personally I would prefer not to have your posts dim alto-gether. Almost makes me feel that I'm part of a famuli of punsters, and all these posts, well, I like to reatum.


If I keep going, I'm going to have to scale things up. Eventually, the jokes are going to fall flat.
 
2012-04-26 08:52:35 AM

finnished: Did anyone read that as "bang bus" at first?

Just me then?


No, me too. I've never heard a dildo referred to as an instrument before.
 
2012-04-26 08:56:08 AM
Police are on the lookout for their prime suspect, a young girl who's the center of her own attention...
 
2012-04-26 09:34:07 AM

hstein3: unchellmatt: hstein3: I guess you could call it a reed-istribution of wealth.

/Somebody stop me.
//Please. I can't be the mouthpiece for any more puns.


Personally I would prefer not to have your posts dim alto-gether. Almost makes me feel that I'm part of a famuli of punsters, and all these posts, well, I like to reatum.

If I keep going, I'm going to have to scale things up. Eventually, the jokes are going to fall flat.


I doubt it. As the day goes on, more will waltz right in here, read these posts and, with lip quaver-ing excitement, pick up the tempo. Of course, this is not a thread I'm likely to fugue-et about any time soon.
 
2012-04-26 09:50:17 AM

Satanic_Hamster: We had [a violinist] for concert band, though she moved after a year.


I guess your school didn't have the resources to have a separate orchestra class for the five Asian kids at school, huh?

That's weird, because concert band scores never include a violin part. Did she read off the oboe part or something?
 
2012-04-26 09:58:24 AM

poot_rootbeer: I guess your school didn't have the resources to have a separate orchestra class for the five Asian kids at school, huh?

That's weird, because concert band scores never include a violin part. Did she read off the oboe part or something?


She was white. IIRC, we had like three Asians in the entire school, all Vietnamese or Cambodian.
 
2012-04-26 10:09:50 AM
If you spell punishment with a capital "P", does that make it capital punishment?

I got nothin.
 
2012-04-26 10:16:50 AM

ArkyBeagle: So long as it's not on television.

[learnjavafx.typepad.com image 320x240]


Thanks for that. Saved me some work.
 
2012-04-26 10:20:33 AM

Nogale: The responses in this thread baritone of levity that is inappropriate.


Let's try to raise the tenor of things. Alto, I've mezzo many musicians with a bass sense of humor that somebody else is going to have to make a pun on "soprano."
 
2012-04-26 10:33:16 AM
[Insert music pun here]
 
2012-04-26 10:39:06 AM

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: Personally, I'd have a couple of guards out watching the vehicle once the expensive instruments like the strings have been put inside. It's always so exciting with two out and the basses loaded.


CSB Time

Back in my music playing days, I got the chance to sit in with a symphony to play Beethoven's Ninth conducted by a very prestigious guest conductor. While he was well known and respected, it turns out he's a total dick in person. All week leading up to the performances he wouldn't give suggestions -- he'd berate people for not knowing his mind and just *know* how to play the music. Anyway, the day before the concert, two of the violas had had enough, told him off and stormed out (one of his particular gripes was that if a viola player was really any good, they'd be playing violin). During a break, the rest of us were discussing that these two guys, who were our friends, were clearly in the right and we should do something to show solidarity with them. The bassist and cellists noted that towards the end of the piece, they've got very little to do, so they decide to sneak off stage during the performance and start doing shots. Since they'd be in the wings, the conductor could see them, but not the audience, just as an added stab at him. The oboist -- a particularly crafty sort (don't ever cross and oboist as they'll hunt you down and eliminate your family line) decided that she was going to take some thread and sew the pages of his score shut right at the end. That way, when the time came, he'd be unable to keep up with his music. We also played a few other minor stunts like rearranging the furniture in his dressing room and the like.

Anyway, the night of the performance and it looks like we're going to pull it all off and the fancy pants conductor will just have to grin and bear it. The oboist got to the conductor's music in time and nobody saw her do it (a fricken ninja, that one). The cellists brought in a whole liquor cabinet, it seemed. To top if off, the two violas that had stormed off managed to get front row seats just to give the conductor the evil eye the whole night. The night started, the downbeat came and away we went. For most of the performance, it seemed like nothing was amiss. About halfway through, the conductor almost seemed to relax like he was expecting some kind of prank but it wasn't coming. Then at the end of the third movement, the basses got up and slinked off stage. The conductor scowled, but continued on. As we started approaching their return right at the end of the symphony, we realized that they just put away enough liquor to kill a horse -- each -- and we were no longer in playing condition. As they stumbled back to their instruments, the oboists plan struck. The conductor goes to turn the page and ends up flinging the music across the auditorium as everything was sewn together. At this point, the conductor breaks all semblance of professionalism, slams his baton down, curses loudly, turns to the audience to apologize and says, "I can't believe this! It's the bottom of the Ninth, the bases are loaded, the score is tied and there are two men out!"
 
2012-04-26 10:53:00 AM
Donnchadha: that's beautiful.
 
2012-04-26 10:57:41 AM
CSB

Back in my high school days I was a total band nerd/geek. First chair trumpet, had multiple girlfriends who were flautists, the whole nine. There was a certain band trip where we toyed several locations/universities in the northwest, the last of which was the University of Idaho up in Moscow. We arrived in Moscow late afternoon, toyed the campus, ate dinner, then loaded back up in the tour bus and went to the hotel.

When we all were awoken the following morning we found out that the tour busses had been broken into (the lower storage areas that were padlocked had been torn of) and six full size sousaphones (the big big type of tuba) had been stolen. To this date I have no idea why someone would do that, but they were never recovered.

\CSB

\Also, Flautists and Trumpet players are the best kissers
 
2012-04-26 10:58:00 AM

Donnchadha: CSB Time


That was far too long a story for such a weak punchline.
 
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