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(SF Weekly)   Judge rules that you can't pay someone to masturbate in Utah, a state that I didn't even know had emissions standards   (blogs.sfweekly.com) divider line 104
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10203 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Apr 2012 at 7:12 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-25 12:22:15 AM
But they're not being paid to masturbate. They're masturbating and somebody is paying somebody else.
 
2012-04-25 12:31:30 AM
*groans*
 
2012-04-25 01:25:13 AM
I thought this was going to be about the Hotel Utah Saloon in South of Market.
 
2012-04-25 02:02:38 AM
Good thing I don't charge. I often do it... pro boner.

/I'll be here all week
 
2012-04-25 04:24:36 AM
She bop - he bop - a - we bop
I bop - you bop - a - they bop
Be bop - be bop - a - lu - she bop
Oo - oo - she - do - she bop - she bop


/Ah, what were we talking about?
 
2012-04-25 05:43:20 AM

jaylectricity: But they're not being paid to masturbate. They're masturbating and somebody is paying somebody else.


images.wikia.com
 
2012-04-25 07:19:38 AM
jaylectricity:
But they're not being paid to masturbate. They're masturbating and somebody is paying somebody else.

As if that will matter, in the country where it`s often illegal to give free food to homeless people or smoke marijuana in your own home.
 
2012-04-25 07:20:38 AM
What's the sound of one hand clapping?
 
2012-04-25 07:25:13 AM
That's a groaner.. in perhaps more ways than one.
 
2012-04-25 07:26:23 AM
I think you mean omission, subby.

/pet peeve
 
2012-04-25 07:28:58 AM
Prostitution itself should be a protected constitutional right. I would bet that if it were to be put to the test then it would be upheld as such. I mean a person has the right to hire their skills to anyone they wish whether it be carpenter, mechanic, tour guide, masseuse, ET AL. What's wrong with a lady hiring out her hump, her hump, her lovely lady lumps?
 
2012-04-25 07:33:58 AM
No wonder the rest of the civilized world laughs at us.
These backward ass rednecks that used to biatch about what consenting adults do have risen to power and are making laws to try and stop it in 2012.

This nation has become very regressive since 2008 (wonder what happened then?

Granted it is Utah, but this shiat is spreading. 1940s here we come!
 
2012-04-25 07:39:47 AM
Wow apparently paying a woman to bare a breast is a sex crime in Utah. That lacks taste.
 
2012-04-25 07:39:59 AM

Freak: What's the sound of one hand clapping fapping?


/FTFY
 
2012-04-25 07:42:29 AM

Animatronik: Wow apparently paying a woman to bare a breast is a sex crime in Utah. That lacks taste.


Most breasts do lack actual taste with the exception of lactation or the subtle saltiness of a breast glistening with sweat and....well....ahem. Yeah. Where's the crime?
 
2012-04-25 07:49:35 AM
"Granted it is Utah, but this shiat is spreading. 1940s here we come!"

I think the onset of this phase of sexual repression in this country was probably postwar.
 
2012-04-25 07:52:08 AM
Nice headline, subs
 
2012-04-25 07:52:49 AM

roadkillontheweb: This nation has become very regressive since 2008 (wonder what happened then?


Hahahah, nice try. Like before then was all sweetness and light.
 
2012-04-25 07:54:53 AM

Animatronik: Wow apparently paying a woman to bare a breast is a sex crime in Utah. That lacks taste.


You're absolutely repugnant. The worst kind of immoral, woman hating, country destroying filth. You dare, hell, you even presume to suggest that a woman be paid to bare a breast?

Women should bare both breasts when paid. Assholes like you, angling for the 50% off deal, are simply human abominations.

Pay up in full, you cheap son of a biatch.
 
2012-04-25 07:58:09 AM

roadkillontheweb: Granted it is Utah, but this shiat is spreading. 1940s here we come!


1940s? If these idiots had their way, we would be going back to the 1840s.
 
2012-04-25 08:02:17 AM
The same amendment that guarantees free speech also protects against libel, which this, judging from the specifics of the case, is an example of. So yeah, I'm ok with this too.
 
2012-04-25 08:05:22 AM

roadkillontheweb: This nation has become very regressive since 2008 (wonder what happened then?


Desperate republicans started pandering to extremist fringe groups.
 
2012-04-25 08:05:28 AM
But I heard a bunch of jackoffs lived in Utah.
 
2012-04-25 08:08:32 AM
Prostitution laws are idiotic. While it could be argued that prostitution spreads disease, many of the acts prohibited in anti-prostitution laws cannot possibly spread a disease. Handjobs, for example.
If one argues that the law prevents the exploitation of women's bodies, remember that because of beauty, no reasonably attractive woman can be completely destitute. She always has the choice to exploit herself or not to. Many acts of prostitution are a one-time-deal, but they rarely get caught.
How would you like it if no matter how foolish you were with your money, there was something in your pocket that you could exchange for 200 bucks, and then get it back an hour later no worse for wear? There's your dignity, of course, but only a drug addict prostitutes herself to ugly weirdos she finds on the street. Yet, that isn't the only type of prostitution prohibited.
I find the work, eat, sleep, be taxed, pay fees, repeat until dead system that the US has in place to be a might bit exploitative, too. If you can't stop being exploited by others, but CAN be stopped from exploiting yourself, what have you got?

I think you have what Kenya and The Sudan have. Large game preserves that produce practically no wealth, and large tracts of ugly dry land for your people to live on. First world countries will mine your deserts, take your materials and leave, but if you want to eat bush meat from your own country, you get shot, even when bush meat is the only meat.
 
2012-04-25 08:09:34 AM
My peen stays in my pants, then. I'm not jacking it unless there's something in it for ME.
 
2012-04-25 08:10:02 AM
"you jackin it?"

-- Mark Foley(R-teen boy chaser)
 
2012-04-25 08:17:18 AM

roadkillontheweb: No wonder the rest of the civilized world laughs at us.
These backward ass rednecks that used to biatch about what consenting adults do have risen to power and are making laws to try and stop it in 2012.

This nation has become very regressive since 2008 (wonder what happened then?

Granted it is Utah, but this shiat is spreading. 1940s here we come!


This actually isn't particularly unusual for anywhere in the Democratic west, most places outlaw or harshly limit sex shows along with prostitution.

Admittedly the weirdly specific charity with the sponsoring people to masturbate is getting struck down by unfortunate wording, but in all fairness that's an event so retarded in such a specific way that it's like they specifically designed their event to conflict with the law, which is more than a bit dodgy.

//Unless it's intended as civil disobedience and they _want_ to be arrested, which I guess is legit if they really feel that sex shows are that important to their lifestyle.
 
2012-04-25 08:29:05 AM

ChaoticLimbs: Prostitution laws are idiotic. While it could be argued that prostitution spreads disease, many of the acts prohibited in anti-prostitution laws cannot possibly spread a disease. Handjobs, for example.


While the first point is somewhat arguable (prostitution was tied pretty inseparably to human trafficking and some really nasty labor practices even before it was outlawed most places) I feel a bit more honor-bound to point out that the second point is incorrect. A handjob can transmit a number of STIs, herpetic diseases (more specifically, herpes) and lice come to mind. Might want to keep that in mind if you're um, thinking about acting on that assumption.
 
2012-04-25 08:30:41 AM
What if you're not paying them to masturbate, but paying to watch them?
 
2012-04-25 08:31:45 AM
The sperm bank lobby is going to be up in arms over this!
 
2012-04-25 08:40:10 AM

Jim_Callahan: ChaoticLimbs: Prostitution laws are idiotic. While it could be argued that prostitution spreads disease, many of the acts prohibited in anti-prostitution laws cannot possibly spread a disease. Handjobs, for example.

While the first point is somewhat arguable (prostitution was tied pretty inseparably to human trafficking and some really nasty labor practices even before it was outlawed most places) I feel a bit more honor-bound to point out that the second point is incorrect. A handjob can transmit a number of STIs, herpetic diseases (more specifically, herpes) and lice come to mind. Might want to keep that in mind if you're um, thinking about acting on that assumption.


Don't forget about the genital warts! (not likely, but possible)

/this is why they have to make the laws in the first place - people aren't smart enough to protect themselves.
//do your part for a better America: educate yourself!
 
2012-04-25 08:45:49 AM
What's all this about some Utah jerk-off?
 
2012-04-25 08:46:06 AM
Yet another reason not to move to Utah...
 
2012-04-25 08:48:49 AM
I masturbate for free
 
2012-04-25 08:51:33 AM
This article really hits me because I've had problems with masturbation in the past. I guess, thinking back, it started late in high school, but really got bad in college. Then when I moved into my own place and could pretty much do it anytime I wanted, I went pretty crazy. I was masturbating thirty to forty times a day. Like any other addiction, it consumed my every waking thought. I was either thinking about masturbating, actively masturbating, or feeling guilty because I'd just masturbated.

You might say, "Hey, it's just masturbating. How bad can that be?" Well it's pretty bad when your penis becomes so desensitized that you start using sandpaper to stimulate yourself. I will never fully recover from the self inflicted injuries. I have the smoothest, pointiest penis you will ever see. No woman would want anything to do with it. The last time I went to a prostitute for a blow job, I poked out one of her eyes. Now she has to wear a patch, and the other prostitutes laugh and throw toothpicks at her. It's humiliating.

I tried a twelve step program, but I hated going up and down, up and down, up and down. And sitting in the smoky room, listening to everyone's war stories about masturbation only made me want to do it more. It's only been through the power of Christ that I've been able to control myself.

If anything good has come of it, I started a new career as a locksmith. I like making people laugh. And picking a lock while humping the door handle seems to do the trick.
 
2012-04-25 08:53:18 AM
i60.photobucket.com
FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!


/damn activist judges
 
2012-04-25 08:59:00 AM
Is buying dinner still legal?
 
2012-04-25 08:59:40 AM

Animatronik: Wow apparently paying a woman to bare a breast is a sex crime in Utah. That lacks taste.


As is anything you might purchase from a dominatrix it seems, or using the strict wording of the law, a professional massuse
 
2012-04-25 09:00:31 AM
Goddammit! Utah escorts are already lame enough. Now they're going to be even worse. :(
 
2012-04-25 09:00:45 AM

spentmiles: You might say, "Hey, it's just masturbating. How bad can that be?" Well it's pretty bad when your penis becomes so desensitized that you start using sandpaper to stimulate yourself. I will never fully recover from the self inflicted injuries. I have the smoothest, pointiest penis you will ever see. No woman would want anything to do with it. The last time I went to a prostitute for a blow job, I poked out one of her eyes. Now she has to wear a patch, and the other prostitutes laugh and throw toothpicks at her. It's humiliating.


Haha. Very well done. This one of your best.

/wipes tear
 
2012-04-25 09:03:19 AM
If they're going to pass laws making prostitution illegal they need to pass one that makes women give it up easier. After all, isn't that the root of the problem anyway? Seriously though, I don't see why its anyone's else's business what two people do in the bedroom. Like the old saying goes, you're paying for it one way or another.
 
2012-04-25 09:04:06 AM

Jim_Callahan: ChaoticLimbs: Prostitution laws are idiotic. While it could be argued that prostitution spreads disease, many of the acts prohibited in anti-prostitution laws cannot possibly spread a disease. Handjobs, for example.

While the first point is somewhat arguable (prostitution was tied pretty inseparably to human trafficking and some really nasty labor practices even before it was outlawed most places) I feel a bit more honor-bound to point out that the second point is incorrect. A handjob can transmit a number of STIs, herpetic diseases (more specifically, herpes) and lice come to mind. Might want to keep that in mind if you're um, thinking about acting on that assumption.


Wow. I bet you're a lot of fun at parties.
 
2012-04-25 09:07:56 AM

ReapTheChaos: If they're going to pass laws making prostitution illegal they need to pass one that makes women give it up easier. After all, isn't that the root of the problem anyway? Seriously though, I don't see why its anyone's else's business what two people do in the bedroom. Like the old saying goes, you're paying for it one way or another.


Why do you hate sluts?

/sluts
 
2012-04-25 09:09:16 AM
Traditional marriage is prostitution.

The male provides money, shelter, and well-being to the wife, and in return she takes care of the house-hold, children, and provides sex. It's a simple trade that's been working for our species since well before we were even Homo Sapiens.

To have laws outlawing the more obvious cases of trading sex for something is not only asinine, but completely counter to the way we're wired.

Why do so many people get so uptight about sex? We are all here as a direct result of many generations of humans farking each other's brains out. Grow up and get over it already.
 
2012-04-25 09:11:18 AM

Jim_Callahan: A handjob can transmit a number of STIs, herpetic diseases (more specifically, herpes) and lice come to mind. Might want to keep that in mind if you're um, thinking about acting on that assumption.


Yeah, and you can get AIDS from mosquito bites, genital warts from toilet seats, and sickle cell anemia from Popeye's.
 
2012-04-25 09:12:29 AM
I say mandatory castration of all Utah boys and genital mutilation for the girls.

Its the only way to be sure.
 
2012-04-25 09:12:39 AM

BurnShrike: Why do so many people get so uptight about sex? We are all here as a direct result of many generations of humans farking each other's brains out. Grow up and get over it already.


The only people who I find getting uptight about sex are the ones who either aren't getting any or are complete sicko perverts who are always a day away from "Having a seat over there".
 
2012-04-25 09:13:17 AM

BurnShrike: Traditional marriage is prostitution.

The male provides money, shelter, and well-being to the wife, and in return she takes care of the house-hold, children, and provides sex. It's a simple trade that's been working for our species since well before we were even Homo Sapiens.

To have laws outlawing the more obvious cases of trading sex for something is not only asinine, but completely counter to the way we're wired.

Why do so many people get so uptight about sex? We are all here as a direct result of many generations of humans farking each other's brains out. Grow up and get over it already.


It upsets the aristocracy.
 
2012-04-25 09:13:23 AM
Human trafficking is still a problem, here in America today. (NPR was covering a Eric Holder's focus on the problem this morning) But that has nothing to do with the story in the link.
 
2012-04-25 09:14:17 AM
Utah is a paragon of morality.

Sex is reserved for your 20 underage wives instead of a filthy consenting prostitutes.
 
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