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(Click Orlando)   The funniest and worst "Glamour shots" you'll ever see   (clickorlando.com) divider line 394
    More: Fail, glamour  
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39234 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Apr 2012 at 10:06 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-24 12:19:14 PM  
30.media.tumblr.com

not a glamour shot but...
 
2012-04-24 12:20:15 PM  

SFSailor: We laugh at Glamour Shots... but Instagram was just purchased for $1Billion.

I'd be ill about that thought, but there are many, MANY hearty LOLs in this thread taking the edge off.

Thanks to all LOL providers! Keep up the good work!

/ many new favorites, too


To be fair, F'book bought Instagram not to necessarily use it for anything, but to head off future competition in the patent market. A smart move actually, but maybe not a smart price and definitely not a smart time. They are right before an IPO, and their 1Q earnings are down 12%. That looks bad to potential investors, and that one purchase had a lot to do with that drop. I think it will cause there to be a lot more thorough examination on what the future market for app-related patents is likely to be, as well as how stable a market it will be, which is a good thing.
 
2012-04-24 12:21:38 PM  
I worked at the lab that processes Glamour Shots. These are nothing, really (not gonna click through all 40, but the 10 or so I did click through were typical).

The ones that we noted were the topless/nude shots. Photographers aren't supposed to take them, but they did anyway. Stupid, because the lab won't send those, even if the customer selected those frames. The customer will get a note saying to pick another frame that doesn't have naked boobies in it. That didn't keep the printers from printing them, of course. Supposedly one guy kept the choice ones in the trunk of his car. For wanking after work, I suppose.
 
2012-04-24 12:22:06 PM  

kiwimoogle84: I have a picture of my mother from 1985 with the epic 80's fro hair, wearing a white dress with TEAL COW SPOTS. I laugh at it every time.


Oh, I remember when cow spots were totally rad.
 
2012-04-24 12:24:00 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Photographers aren't supposed to take them, but they did anyway.


Nothin' like gettin' one of those beauties to let it all hang out on the company dime, if you know what I'm saying, and I think you do.
 
2012-04-24 12:24:57 PM  

theorellior: kiwimoogle84: I have a picture of my mother from 1985 with the epic 80's fro hair, wearing a white dress with TEAL COW SPOTS. I laugh at it every time.

Oh, I remember when cow spots were totally rad.


gainesvilleconsoledoctor.com
 
2012-04-24 12:25:27 PM  

theorellior: kiwimoogle84: I have a picture of my mother from 1985 with the epic 80's fro hair, wearing a white dress with TEAL COW SPOTS. I laugh at it every time.

Oh, I remember when cow spots were totally rad.


Seriously it's painfully funny to look at now.

In the 70's my mom had the perfect Farrah Fawcett 'do too.
 
2012-04-24 12:25:54 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: [30.media.tumblr.com image 280x400]

not a glamour shot but...


i312.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-24 12:27:27 PM  

bluehubcap: Those hollow-eyed little girls remind me of these dolls:
[i644.photobucket.com image 375x500]
Had one when I was a little girl


I wanted one of those dolls sooo bad when I was little, but I never got one because they were expensive and my mother wouldn't buy me one.

I'm glad I didn't flip out and make a girl baby so I could turn her into one of them.

/I was only self-destructive, thankyouverymuch.
 
Skr
2012-04-24 12:27:30 PM  
That seems about par for the course with Glamour Shots. Had some taken of me when I was a teen and holy fark did it make me look 20x worse than I usually do. It was like witnessing a poorly trained monkey touching photoshop for the very first time.
 
2012-04-24 12:27:34 PM  

spentmiles: Oh wow, people hating on Glamour Shots... Back in the early 1980s, I bought a franchise and opened a store at a mall in Richland Hills, just outside of Dallas. I was in my early twenties, but I'd been taking photographs my entire life. For all the people that hate on it, you have to understand just how farking hideous these people are when they walk into the store. Typically, it's a middle aged woman whose trying to take a "sexy" shot for her boyfriend, but not so sexy that it will get confiscated by the prison guards who monitor the mall. So it's my job to make this humongous, flabby white woman look good enough for Paco to jack to while he's doing a five year minimum for the statutory rape of the woman's daughter. Hey, I consider myself an artist, up to any challenge, but you have to understand -- the Sistine Chapel was already pretty damn beautiful before Michelangelo started on it.

Forget the size of them, these woman were so ugly that I'd wake up at night, screaming, covered in sweat, and punching myself in my own cock. I had to basically build them a new head using clown make-up, hairspray, and Satanic prayer. I'll probably go to hell for it. The only way I could tell if I'd done a reasonable job is to have the woman look in the mirror to see if it'd shatter. I was unable to masturbate to orgasm my entire tenure there.

So please, do not hate Glamour Shots itself. It was a reasonable idea that preyed on people's vanity. I closed shop, though, when this particularly hideous walrus took off her robe and asked for some tasteful nudes. Her nipples... my God... her nipples...


My sister had a glamour shot of herself done (totally non-explicit, thank god) and stuck it on her fridge. I don't know if she had it done for anyone in particular, and have always been afraid to ask.

Most of these can be divided into three categories: could be a porn star, could have been a porn star once, and no, not ever, unless we're talking about really edge-of-rule-34 German stuff involving bodily waste products.
 
2012-04-24 12:30:10 PM  
27.media.tumblr.com

don't expect the boobie fairy any time soon, young one
 
2012-04-24 12:36:50 PM  
These would be alright with more vaseline on the lenses to give them a softer look.

I'm thinking maybe a thickness of an inch or two would do the trick.
 
2012-04-24 12:37:38 PM  
26.media.tumblr.com

the one on the left looks like a certain attention whore farkette.
 
2012-04-24 12:38:14 PM  

freetomato: I'm embarrassed to say I had some of these done when I was about 16. They had me do the "Fonz" pose and wear about 10 times more makeup then I was used to. Even though I was pretty cute back then (or so I hear) the pictures are ridiculous and I pull them out to laugh at them once in a while.


Based on the pic in your profile you look pretty cute now...

/ Like the puppies
// Wants a doggy
 
2012-04-24 12:39:44 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: the one on the left looks like a certain attention whore farkette.


I disagree, unless you know someone I don't...
 
2012-04-24 12:41:18 PM  
What was more hilarious than these were the poster sizes old people had us make for them, which they then paid us (quite a lot) to airbrush (yes, actual airbrushing, this was slightly before Photoshop came along) their wrinkles out of.
Creepy. Old people with no wrinkles still look old, FYI.

What kind of tool has poster-sized pictures made of themselves?
 
2012-04-24 12:43:26 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: What was more hilarious than these were the poster sizes old people had us make for them, which they then paid us (quite a lot) to airbrush (yes, actual airbrushing, this was slightly before Photoshop came along) their wrinkles out of.
Creepy. Old people with no wrinkles still look old, FYI.

What kind of tool has poster-sized pictures made of themselves?


Back in the 80s... a lot of people did. If there was ever an era of "Look at me I'm an attention whore", the 80s was just that.
 
2012-04-24 12:44:02 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: Balchinian: [i.imgur.com image 388x520]

Yo Dawg, we heard you like afros...

i loved watching him paint.


LOL...I thought that too. Either it was the "happy accident" painter guy...or Leo Sayer.
 
2012-04-24 12:44:29 PM  

kiwimoogle84: Andrew Wiggin: the one on the left looks like a certain attention whore farkette.

I disagree, unless you know someone I don't...


this one is a dead ringer in my opinion. haven't seen her in liter land in forever though.
 
2012-04-24 12:49:00 PM  
Aw, I can't bring myself to mock these people. I think I'm getting soft.

i253.photobucket.com

Maybe it's a kindred spirit thing.
 
2012-04-24 12:49:25 PM  
Yeah.
You guys were never the target audience of those pics.

Having done kissy faces and sent to spouse really hope those don't make fark/internet.

I do not regret the feelings I had when I sent those.

looking at some of those pictures, I felt that.

/the other ones though...
 
2012-04-24 12:51:43 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: What was more hilarious than these were the poster sizes old people had us make for them, which they then paid us (quite a lot) to airbrush (yes, actual airbrushing, this was slightly before Photoshop came along) their wrinkles out of.
Creepy. Old people with no wrinkles still look old, FYI.

What kind of tool has poster-sized pictures made of themselves?


This is the sort of thing that earned the 1980s the name "The 'Me' Decade".
 
2012-04-24 12:51:51 PM  

brap: I think I'm getting soft.


me too, after seeing those pics.
 
2012-04-24 12:52:25 PM  
And say what you like about these glamourati, but not one of 'em is making DuckFace.
 
2012-04-24 12:52:44 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Smelly Pirate Hooker: What was more hilarious than these were the poster sizes old people had us make for them, which they then paid us (quite a lot) to airbrush (yes, actual airbrushing, this was slightly before Photoshop came along) their wrinkles out of.
Creepy. Old people with no wrinkles still look old, FYI.

What kind of tool has poster-sized pictures made of themselves?

This is the sort of thing that earned the 1980s the name "The 'Me' Decade".


that and all the coke. and the disco.
 
2012-04-24 12:53:07 PM  
s3-ec.buzzfed.com

Thank you all. I am now blind.
 
2012-04-24 12:54:30 PM  

Andrew Wiggin:

you sound like a nickelback fan.


That reminds me. Last night I found the most offensive photo on the internet.

i881.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-24 12:58:28 PM  

alwaysjaded: Andrew Wiggin:

you sound like a nickelback fan.

That reminds me. Last night I found the most offensive photo on the internet.


What is "Things Everyone Hates Except For Idiots", Alex.
 
2012-04-24 01:01:02 PM  

Akabander: Rich Cream: [www.clickorlando.com image 294x360]

I need an explanation for this inclusion.

Boy George was everywhere during the 80s.



I was afraid of that. I was hoping it was the 80s eyebrows and a large ribcage.
 
2012-04-24 01:01:44 PM  

Matthew Keene: I didn't throw up a little in my mouth. I spewed chunks all over the keyboard and my cat.

[cdn.smosh.com image 450x635]


And with that I'm off the the kitchen to get an ice pick to gouge out my eyes.


I'm just amazed that there is an actual manufacturer that makes a leather garment that large.

"What size? Be right back, getting another whole cow hide."
 
2012-04-24 01:01:45 PM  

LordSunder: This one is "fake"

[www.maggiejeans.com image 400x595]

As in fake that she's (the subject) is a professional photographer who takes these self portrait pictures as art. I wish I could rememebr her name , but one of her pieces sold for over a million bucks.


Cindy Sherman, IIRC
 
2012-04-24 01:02:36 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: [30.media.tumblr.com image 280x400]

not a glamour shot but...

They

think they're very glamorous and that you should d a four-way with them.
 
2012-04-24 01:05:19 PM  
This thread is going to give me nightmares.
 
2012-04-24 01:07:04 PM  

kiwimoogle84:

What is "Things Everyone Hates Except For Idiots", Alex.


Wearing those in public would make for some interesting reactions.

i881.photobucket.com

"I must go. My planet needs me."

/ excellent work as always, spentmiles
 
2012-04-24 01:07:53 PM  

readymix: Would you be offended if I edited that photo with your caption and used it later for further laughs?


It's all yours.
 
2012-04-24 01:10:01 PM  

alwaysjaded: Andrew Wiggin:

you sound like a nickelback fan.

That reminds me. Last night I found the most offensive photo on the internet.

[i881.photobucket.com image 500x494]


Only thing missing from that picture is Octomom
 
2012-04-24 01:10:20 PM  
i881.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-24 01:10:57 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: [26.media.tumblr.com image 419x700]

the one on the left looks like a certain attention whore farkette.


That looks nothing like me!
 
2012-04-24 01:11:03 PM  

four95: Thank you all. I am now blind.


Girl on the left looks like a real-life Woll Smoth.
 
2012-04-24 01:12:00 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: the one on the left looks like a certain attention whore farkette.


Looks kinda like Jon-Benet Ramsey to me.
 
2012-04-24 01:12:45 PM  

alwaysjaded: Andrew Wiggin:

you sound like a nickelback fan.

That reminds me. Last night I found the most offensive photo on the internet.

[i881.photobucket.com image 500x494]


Microsloth vid trying to convince people that IE9 isn't so bad.

/really? you think you got it right only 8 versions later? amazing
 
2012-04-24 01:13:13 PM  

Mad Scientist: [www.justsaypictures.com image 640x634]


i281.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-24 01:13:17 PM  

spentmiles: Oh wow, people hating on Glamour Shots... Back in the early 1980s, I bought a franchise and opened a store at a mall in Richland Hills, just outside of Dallas. I was in my early twenties, but I'd been taking photographs my entire life. For all the people that hate on it, you have to understand just how farking hideous these people are when they walk into the store. Typically, it's a middle aged woman whose trying to take a "sexy" shot for her boyfriend, but not so sexy that it will get confiscated by the prison guards who monitor the mall. So it's my job to make this humongous, flabby white woman look good enough for Paco to jack to while he's doing a five year minimum for the statutory rape of the woman's daughter. Hey, I consider myself an artist, up to any challenge, but you have to understand -- the Sistine Chapel was already pretty damn beautiful before Michelangelo started on it.

Forget the size of them, these woman were so ugly that I'd wake up at night, screaming, covered in sweat, and punching myself in my own cock. I had to basically build them a new head using clown make-up, hairspray, and Satanic prayer. I'll probably go to hell for it. The only way I could tell if I'd done a reasonable job is to have the woman look in the mirror to see if it'd shatter. I was unable to masturbate to orgasm my entire tenure there.

So please, do not hate Glamour Shots itself. It was a reasonable idea that preyed on people's vanity. I closed shop, though, when this particularly hideous walrus took off her robe and asked for some tasteful nudes. Her nipples... my God... her nipples...


OMG this is why we read fark. Post of the month.
 
2012-04-24 01:14:39 PM  
Looks like Will Farrell and The Greatest American Hero had a kid. And peed on it.

i881.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-24 01:18:19 PM  

alwaysjaded:


OH MY GOD YOU OWE ME A NEW KEYBOARD.

/and my boss would like a word with you
//that's comic gold
 
2012-04-24 01:20:20 PM  
I grew up in the 80's, but I don't remember things being that fuzzy.

Glamour Shots must keep the pantyhose manufactures in business what with all layers of the stuff they have covering their lenses.
 
2012-04-24 01:21:01 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: swahnhennessy: I'd like to take this moment to assure our younger Farkers that their they're there were attractive women in the 80's, despite what the link may seem to prove.

ftfy

/sorry, pet peeve


ftfy, since it's your pet peeve and all.
 
2012-04-24 01:22:31 PM  

Mugato: Looks like Will Farrell and The Greatest American Hero had a kid. And peed on it.

[i881.photobucket.com image 314x400]


Heh. When I saw that pic, I thought, "It's William Katt, with cat." :)
 
2012-04-24 01:28:39 PM  

ManRay: I grew up in the 80's, but I don't remember things being that fuzzy.

Glamour Shots must keep the pantyhose manufactures in business what with all layers of the stuff they have covering their lenses.


I had more filters with different texture/color stockings on them. A few years when I cleaned out my photo gear from back then I couldn't believe the homemade crap I had in those boxes.
 
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