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(Cracked)   Remember Highlights magazine? Here are 5 Depressing Lessons you may have learned from it   (cracked.com) divider line 120
    More: Interesting, Highlights magazine, common courtesy, bacterial infections, lessons  
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28139 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2012 at 3:46 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-23 03:25:09 PM  
i522.photobucket.com

As you can see, Gallant is a dirty Commie and should be turned in to Uncle Joe at the earliest opportunity.
 
2012-04-23 03:48:20 PM  
#6 Magazine subscriptions cost about double if you live in Canada.
 
2012-04-23 03:48:39 PM  
I love Highlights. When I see it lying around in waiting rooms I always read it. I get a few funny looks.
 
2012-04-23 03:49:29 PM  
Before I click the link...is the article split across 5 pages?
 
2012-04-23 03:49:53 PM  

The Wizard of Frobozz: Before I click the link...is the article split across 5 pages?


Just two, like any good Cracked article.
 
2012-04-23 03:50:16 PM  

BurnShrike: #6 Magazine subscriptions cost about double if you live in Canada.


Better privatize the USPS!
 
2012-04-23 03:51:00 PM  
It began publication in June 1946.

Wow, I had no idea it was around that long.
 
2012-04-23 03:51:54 PM  

BurnShrike: ...good Cracked article.


I never thought I'd see that string of words.
 
2012-04-23 03:52:23 PM  
I always associate it with doctor and dentist waiting rooms from my childhood, so I harbor an aversion.

My daughter gets it in the mail (gift from some relative). She never looks at it.
 
2012-04-23 03:52:26 PM  
My grandma had signed me up for Highlights when I was about 4, they kept coming, every week/month/whatever the hell it was, until my parents finally begged them to stop... considering I was 25 and well out of the house.

/and well past learning my abc's... sorta
//still get nostalgic when I see them around though.
 
2012-04-23 03:52:44 PM  

The Wizard of Frobozz: BurnShrike: ...good Cracked article.

I never thought I'd see that string of words.


The word "good" would have been ideally typed in the sarcasm font.
 
2012-04-23 03:53:50 PM  
#7 No one likes to have to go farther than the page they are on. For example, Highlights Find the Objects, or Cracked Articles.
 
2012-04-23 03:54:13 PM  
#4. Double Check, aka Spot the Differences

Lesson: Your Mind Will Betray You


Wait, some folks never learned to cross their eyes?
 
2012-04-23 03:54:19 PM  
"Boy, that Goofus is a real jackass."
 
2012-04-23 03:55:08 PM  
Haven't read it yet, is one "this magazine only exists in hospitals and dentists offices?"
 
2012-04-23 03:55:27 PM  
I only liked it for the hidden pictures puzzle. I can remember nothing else from that magazine.
 
2012-04-23 03:56:00 PM  

engrishmajor: I only liked it for the hidden pictures puzzle. I can remember nothing else from that magazine.


Me too. That was my favourite part. I never read the articles.
 
2012-04-23 03:57:45 PM  
Heh heh.
Goofus is cool.
 
2012-04-23 03:58:05 PM  
"The game is teaching kids that focusing too hard on even an ordinary object can ruin their understanding of it. What's worse, no one is really sure how to determine when focus starts becoming detrimental; we have no metric for that. We're all just sort of guessing our entire lives at how to continue seeing the forest through the trees, and for a kid that's a terrifying insight."

It may be because I'm off today and decided to smoke some bud, but this cracked article is particularly insightful...
 
2012-04-23 03:58:54 PM  
Goofus bogarts the fattie. Gallant knows to puff, puff, pass.
 
2012-04-23 03:59:14 PM  

Taikoluigi: Wait, some folks never learned to cross their eyes?


You'd be surprised how many people don't think of this tactic.
 
2012-04-23 03:59:19 PM  

BurnShrike: The word "good" would have been ideally typed in the sarcasm font.


Comic Sans?
 
2012-04-23 03:59:21 PM  
I often like the cracked articles posted here, but this one sucked ass.
 
2012-04-23 04:00:59 PM  
for some reason i'm remembering a family called The Timber Toes. to be honest i'm overdue for my meds, so there is a chance i'm imagining the whole thing.
 
2012-04-23 04:01:00 PM  
I read Grit. Highlights was for pussies.
 
2012-04-23 04:01:02 PM  
#4. Double Check, aka Spot the Differences

Oh, I'm good at these things!!!


i112.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-23 04:02:46 PM  
Gallant is straight. Goofus is straight. we get it. neither is "gay" especially his homo friends.
 
2012-04-23 04:03:41 PM  

KrispyKritter: for some reason i'm remembering a family called The Timber Toes. to be honest i'm overdue for my meds, so there is a chance i'm imagining the whole thing.


you remember (kind of) correctly


I count vouch for a lack of rule 34 in that GIS, so watch out.
 
2012-04-23 04:05:02 PM  

NkThrasher: You'd be surprised how many people don't think of this tactic.


I didn't until now.

/The More You Know
 
2012-04-23 04:05:04 PM  

KrispyKritter: for some reason i'm remembering a family called The Timber Toes. to be honest i'm overdue for my meds, so there is a chance i'm imagining the whole thing.


Timber Toes were there, you're probably overmedicated.
 
2012-04-23 04:05:11 PM  
Gallant has always exemplified the cornerstones of social etiquette, while Goofus has remained a shockingly unrepentant dick for over 60 years.

I haven't seen a Highlights since I was 8 (in the early '70s), but that's the funniest line I've read anywhere.
 
2012-04-23 04:05:12 PM  
And that horrible moment when you realize that these guys are the modern day equivalent....

i0.kym-cdn.com

Gallant and....

img3.ranker.com

Goofus.

/links are hot.
 
2012-04-23 04:06:12 PM  

oh_please: Gallant has always exemplified the cornerstones of social etiquette, while Goofus has remained a shockingly unrepentant dick for over 60 years.

I haven't seen a Highlights since I was 8 (in the early '70s), but that's the funniest line I've read anywhere.


This
 
2012-04-23 04:06:29 PM  
i.crackedcdn.com

Gallant is sort of a wuss. And he has Bieber hair.
 
2012-04-23 04:06:31 PM  

Raug the Dwarf: And that horrible moment when you realize that these guys are the modern day equivalent....

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 400x396]

Gallant and....

[img3.ranker.com image 367x326]

Goofus.

/links are hot.


BINGO!
 
2012-04-23 04:07:13 PM  
All I know about Highlights I learned from there job postings in papers in Columbus. It wasn't that long ago either, 5 years or so. Customer service, masters degree preferred, $9.50 per hour.
 
2012-04-23 04:07:18 PM  

BurnShrike: The Wizard of Frobozz: Before I click the link...is the article split across 5 pages?

Just two, like any good Cracked article.


Plus, let me guess, a half dozen or so stock photos that have nothing to do with the subject matter of the article, with half-assed captions to tie them in? I can't get enough of those. (To say nothing about the oxymoron that The Wizard of Frobozz pointed out...)

/work filter prevents me from accessing Cracked at the office
//I realize it's doing me a favor
 
2012-04-23 04:08:21 PM  

NkThrasher: You'd be surprised how many people don't think of this tactic.


You're probably right.
 
2012-04-23 04:09:29 PM  

GBmanNC: It may be because I'm off today and decided to smoke some bud, but this cracked article is particularly insightful...


theorellior: Goofus bogarts the fattie. Gallant knows to puff, puff, pass.


Ha!
 
2012-04-23 04:09:48 PM  
The very first word I saw on the Find a Word was "deflower".

/hmm
 
2012-04-23 04:09:50 PM  
Never got it, but I tried to publish an article in it when I was in 6th grade geared towards the youngins but it was rejected with a nice note months later. My teacher at the time had a huge publishing house book that listed publishers and how much they would pay per word if the article was accepted. I took down a list of magazines I wanted to try to write for.

I also tried to publish an article in Penthouse Forums because it was around 25 cents per word at the time and I was going to become a rich young man. It got rejected without a note. I suppose 6th graders aren't all that proficient in writing erotica. Go figure...
 
2012-04-23 04:12:17 PM  

karmaceutical: All I know about Highlights I learned from there job postings in papers in Columbus. It wasn't that long ago either, 5 years or so. Customer service, masters degree preferred, $9.50 per hour.


Goofus turns down a job that overs no return on his educational investment.

Gallant takes the job and still tithes 10% to the Church of Jeebus, even though his family is starving.
 
2012-04-23 04:12:49 PM  
That's actually worse than most Cracked articles. Well done, Subby. (For wasting my time!)
 
2012-04-23 04:15:11 PM  
I used to date a woman who, well into her late 30's, still used the word "Stellar!" to describe anything particularly appealing.

Someone in this thread has to know the name of the snail that taught her that...
 
2012-04-23 04:16:17 PM  

Taikoluigi: #4. Double Check, aka Spot the Differences

Lesson: Your Mind Will Betray You

Wait, some folks never learned to cross their eyes?




Dude, someone else mentioned this today ... then all of a sudden this article comes along and IT WORKED.

/mind blown
 
2012-04-23 04:17:36 PM  
Goofus comes on her face. So does Gallant, but only after sticking it in her pooper.

/really need some sleep
 
2012-04-23 04:18:09 PM  

Xanlexian: #4. Double Check, aka Spot the Differences

Oh, I'm good at these things!!!


[i112.photobucket.com image 491x550]


No matter how many times I've seen that, it never fails to crack me up...
 
2012-04-23 04:19:59 PM  
i149.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-23 04:23:44 PM  
I was more of a fan of Ranger Rick.
 
Bf+
2012-04-23 04:23:44 PM  
Gallant did get out. He enrolled in the college courses with me, and although it was hard, he gutted it out like he always did. He went on to college and eventually became a lawyer. Last week, he entered a fast food restaurant. Just ahead of him, two men got into an argument; one of them pulled a knife. Gallant, who'd always made the best peace, tried to break it up. He was stabbed in the throat; he died almost instantly. Although I hadn't seen him for more than 10 years, I know I'll miss him forever.
 
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