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(Entertainment Weekly)   Johnny Depp reveals why Tonto's hair is a bird   (insidemovies.ew.com) divider line 53
    More: Followup, Johnny Depp, Lone Ranger, tonto, Armie Hammer, Gore Verbinski, American Midwest, Navajo Nation, chocolate factory  
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7638 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 23 Apr 2012 at 12:37 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-23 12:41:39 PM  
I'm going to play amateur psychologist here and diagnose that Johnny Depp, despite the fact that 98.2% of straight women and 8.9% of confirmed lesbians would still fark him, he's concerned about approaching 50 and therefore feels the need to cake cartoonish make-up on himself in every role in fear that his natural boyish good looks aren't what they used to be.

Women still want to fark you, you farking asshole farking fark. Now lose the complex. And for Chrissakes, sign the divorce papers. It's over between you and Tim Burton, he's going to have to accept it.
 
2012-04-23 12:42:00 PM  
He wants to fly like an eagle... to the sea?
 
2012-04-23 12:42:08 PM  
Because when your Johnny Depp you can do whatever the hell you want.
 
2012-04-23 12:43:52 PM  
I'm hoping that this will be a Pirates Of The Caribbean reunion with Keira Knightley playing Tonto's squaw and Geoffrey Rush playing Tonto's Comanche nemesis,Bearded Owl.
 
2012-04-23 12:45:35 PM  

Mugato: I'm going to play amateur psychologist here and diagnose that Johnny Depp, despite the fact that 98.2% of straight women and 8.9% of confirmed lesbians would still fark him, he's concerned about approaching 50 and therefore feels the need to cake cartoonish make-up on himself in every role in fear that his natural boyish good looks aren't what they used to be.

Women still want to fark you, you farking asshole farking fark. Now lose the complex. And for Chrissakes, sign the divorce papers. It's over between you and Tim Burton, he's going to have to accept it.


That explains Scissorhands - he didn't want people to know who horribly old he was so he used a lot of makeup.
 
2012-04-23 12:54:14 PM  
He likes to paint his face, that's a given.
 
2012-04-23 12:54:55 PM  
I actually found his explanation of basing his character on that painting pretty interesting and completely coherent, unlike the interviewer who does the written equivalent of a double-take and plays dumb for a while. Native Americans seem to be giving him the benefit of the doubt for now, and while the crow on his head seems fanciful and destined to be an instant meme, the rest of his outfit is historically accurate to one tribe, so it's not like he's inventing it whole cloth.
 
2012-04-23 12:56:00 PM  
Because he's been hanging out with Tim Burton for too goddamn long.
 
2012-04-23 12:56:52 PM  
without knowing anything about this movie, I was 100% expecting to click a link where Depp was the lone ranger and he leaked that Nicolas Cage was going to be playing Tonto.

thanks internet memes, you've messed up logical thought once again.
 
2012-04-23 01:03:10 PM  
Confirmed lesbians?
 
2012-04-23 01:06:59 PM  

Jake Havechek: Confirmed lesbians?


You've never been to a lesbian confirmation hearing?
 
2012-04-23 01:08:22 PM  
After RTFA it sounds like Depp actually did his homework and tried to pull inspiration from elsewhere. He's got the look down, i just need him to get that "complex and self sufficient" version of Tanto to come across. I think it could be memorable, so long as he doesn't make Captain Tanto Sparrow.
 
2012-04-23 01:12:45 PM  
"Independent Native American is serious business, savvy Lone Ranger?"
ewinsidemovies.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-04-23 01:13:02 PM  
Meh, that argument is invalid.
 
2012-04-23 01:14:43 PM  

Expolaris: After RTFA it sounds like Depp actually did his homework and tried to pull inspiration from elsewhere. He's got the look down, i just need him to get that "complex and self sufficient" version of Tanto to come across. I think it could be memorable, so long as he doesn't make Captain Tanto Sparrow.


I want Captain Tonto Scissorhands - that will put the fear of god in the bad guys
and you can't see his hands in the picture so maybe, just maybe
 
2012-04-23 01:16:30 PM  
stagevu.com
 
2012-04-23 01:19:15 PM  

Titor's Time Machine: Jake Havechek: Confirmed lesbians?

You've never been to a lesbian confirmation hearing?


I have. Stay away from the buffet.
 
2012-04-23 01:29:51 PM  
Credit goes to the farker who actually posted the painting mentioned in the article when the publicity photo first hit.
 
2012-04-23 01:47:27 PM  

Mugato: It's over between you and Tim Burton, he's going to have to accept it.


He's going to have to leave his other wife, Helena Bonham Carter, as well.
 
2012-04-23 01:57:28 PM  

Titor's Time Machine: Jake Havechek: Confirmed lesbians?

You've never been to a lesbian confirmation hearing?


Bat Muffzvah?
 
2012-04-23 02:05:25 PM  
Because your argument is invalid...duh.
 
2012-04-23 02:17:51 PM  

Mattevil: Credit goes to the farker who actually posted the painting mentioned in the article when the publicity photo first hit.


This one?

jspivey.wikispaces.com
 
2012-04-23 02:19:19 PM  
The mystery masked man was smart
He got himself a Tonto
'Cause Tonto did the dirty work for free
But Tonto he was smarter
And one day said kemo sabe
Kiss my ass, I bought a boat
I'm going out to sea
 
2012-04-23 02:20:31 PM  
media.comicbookmovie.com

I want to know where LR's powder blue jump suit and nifty red neck scarf went to. I'm pretty sure Jesse James wore something similar to that, too!
 
2012-04-23 02:35:22 PM  

Bukharin:


Thank you masked man!

Goddammit, I like it.
 
2012-04-23 02:46:09 PM  
I just hope he doesn't play him like he is some kind of idiot like he seems to do with all his rolls.
 
2012-04-23 02:46:14 PM  
He just has to jump on it.
 
2012-04-23 02:47:49 PM  

Profedius: I just hope he doesn't play him like he is some kind of idiot like he seems to do with all his rolls.


I lol'd, good troll, keep fishing!
 
2012-04-23 02:52:27 PM  
Please don't screw this up..
 
2012-04-23 02:54:45 PM  
HELLO, EVERYNYAN!
 
2012-04-23 03:16:07 PM  
If they had let Sherman Alexie write the screenplay I might've considered watching...

/ Obscure authors are probably too obscure for fark...
 
2012-04-23 03:54:53 PM  

cryinoutloud: Mattevil: Credit goes to the farker who actually posted the painting mentioned in the article when the publicity photo first hit.

This one?

[jspivey.wikispaces.com image 396x529]


www.dinkydungeons.com
 
2012-04-23 04:00:12 PM  

Bukharin: [stagevu.com image 640x480]


For the act!
 
2012-04-23 04:39:12 PM  

Elzar: If they had let Sherman Alexie write the screenplay I might've considered watching...

/ Obscure authors are probably too obscure for fark...


One of his books was made into a movie with Gary Farmer and Adam Beach. Sherman Alexie is hardly obscure.
 
2012-04-23 04:49:57 PM  

snozilla: Elzar: If they had let Sherman Alexie write the screenplay I might've considered watching...

/ Obscure authors are probably too obscure for fark...

One of his books was made into a movie with Gary Farmer and Adam Beach. Sherman Alexie is hardly obscure.


For real obscurity you need to go to a James Hall Anderson who had a book made into a movie with Michelle Datton and Stanley Keller.

Too obscure?
 
2012-04-23 04:57:58 PM  

Psycoholic_Slag: snozilla: Elzar: If they had let Sherman Alexie write the screenplay I might've considered watching...

/ Obscure authors are probably too obscure for fark...

One of his books was made into a movie with Gary Farmer and Adam Beach. Sherman Alexie is hardly obscure.

For real obscurity you need to go to a James Hall Anderson who had a book made into a movie with Michelle Datton and Stanley Keller.

Too obscure?


If I were a smarter person, I could come up with a funny comment about you commenting on my post while your profile says your name is "nobody."
 
2012-04-23 05:05:40 PM  

snozilla: Psycoholic_Slag: snozilla: Elzar: If they had let Sherman Alexie write the screenplay I might've considered watching...

/ Obscure authors are probably too obscure for fark...

One of his books was made into a movie with Gary Farmer and Adam Beach. Sherman Alexie is hardly obscure.

For real obscurity you need to go to a James Hall Anderson who had a book made into a movie with Michelle Datton and Stanley Keller.

Too obscure?

If I were a smarter person, I could come up with a funny comment about you commenting on my post while your profile says your name is "nobody."



Heh, I was just goofing you. I've never heard of the people you were referring to so I pulled some names out of my ass and rolled with it.

It's Monday.
 
2012-04-23 05:08:52 PM  
Psycoholic_Slag

No problem. Gary Farmer played a guy named Nobody in a movie with Johnny Depp.
 
2012-04-23 05:10:59 PM  
shewalkssoftly.files.wordpress.comlh4.ggpht.comwww.lace-parasols.comawhitecarousel.comlaughingsquid.com
 
2012-04-23 05:35:47 PM  
kennethauthor.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-04-23 05:47:06 PM  
i13.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-23 06:01:37 PM  
I'm torn on this one. I like Johnny Depp, but despite having some native ancestry through a great grand parent, he's basically white, and there's something kind of skeevy about a white person playing a native american...it reminds me of the days when they used to portray 'oriental' characters by putting some eye shadow on white actors.
 
2012-04-23 06:12:00 PM  

ambercat: I'm torn on this one. I like Johnny Depp, but despite having some native ancestry through a great grand parent, he's basically white, and there's something kind of skeevy about a white person playing a native american...it reminds me of the days when they used to portray 'oriental' characters by putting some eye shadow on white actors.


Like they did with John Wayne? The problem is that there are not any Native American actors who can pull in the viewers like Mr. Depp.
 
2012-04-23 08:21:03 PM  

Elzar: If they had let Sherman Alexie write the screenplay I might've considered watching...

/ Obscure authors are probably too obscure for fark...


^^^ THIS ^^^

/Not as obscure as you may think, ennit?
 
2012-04-23 08:21:20 PM  
The Crow stole that look first.
 
2012-04-23 08:43:30 PM  

cryinoutloud: Mattevil: Credit goes to the farker who actually posted the painting mentioned in the article when the publicity photo first hit.

This one?

[jspivey.wikispaces.com image 396x529]


Looks Kiowa to me.
 
2012-04-23 08:48:13 PM  
i26.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-23 08:50:47 PM  
Everyone you meet in America has a Cherokee princess for a grandmother.

"Hrm, yes, well, you see, I identify with the Lakota because my great-grandmother was 1/15th Indigenous First Peoples of America...an."

Fark off. My great grandmother was a French gypsy, you don't see me claiming to own the Champs d'Elysee and looking for restitution from the Nazis.
 
2012-04-23 09:22:56 PM  
came for nicholas cage. leaving satisfied.
 
2012-04-24 06:25:52 AM  
Because Hollywood has ever known dignity for other cultures, obviously.
 
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