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(Cracked)   Six nobodies who turned into superheroes and blew dust in your eyes   (cracked.com) divider line 51
    More: Hero, Mary Poppins, warnings, heart  
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30210 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2012 at 1:57 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-22 11:34:05 AM
Anyone getting a "content loading error" when they try to click over to page two?
 
2012-04-22 12:25:37 PM
6. Never heard of him, sounds like the kind of person you'd want to hang around though.
5. I remember seeing those photos. Maybe she should marry him, TFA doesn't say if he's available or not.
4. Don't recall hearing about her, but I've heard similar stories from Australia and Japan.
3. Hadn't head that story before. Neat. Good on him.
2. Cool story, brah. No, really, cool story.
1. Mustache power. Got to get me some of that.
 
2012-04-22 01:30:55 PM
Heard of only a couple of these stores like the Air Florida crash in DC. When I read stories like these, they give me hope for our species.
 
2012-04-22 01:41:43 PM
Years ago when riding the subway in Atlanta, a young woman carelessly had her purse sitting on the aisle side of her body when the train pulled into a station. As the doors opened, a fairly muscular young thug snatched the purse and headed out the door at full speed towards the nearby exit.

At nearly the same time, a classic greasy-haired geek with birth-control glasses who was almost painfully thin ran out through another door and intersected the purse snatcher with a classic hockey cross-check, knocking the thief off his feet and slamming his head into the wall, knocking him out. The geek calmly picked up the purse and handed it back to the woman. He then got back on the train (several people where holding the doors open) and acted as if he'd hadn't done anything special.

A few weeks later, I saw the kid cooking at a wing place across from The Varsity. I found out from the waiter that he'd gotten a free annual transit pass and a nice certificate from the transit police. Of course today he'd probably be sued by the thief, but times were simpler in the '90s.

/ CSB, I know
 
2012-04-22 01:44:22 PM

Man On A Mission: / CSB, I know


awesome story
 
2012-04-22 02:03:09 PM
I only see 3 nobodies. Their editor sucks.

(I don't go past page one on Cracked)
 
2012-04-22 02:10:42 PM
#4

"The BHCT claim that Lane's rogue suicide prevention efforts endanger the lives of the people trying to kill themselves."

Suicide prevention. They're doing it wrong.
 
GBB
2012-04-22 02:11:11 PM

Man On A Mission: Years ago when riding the subway in Atlanta, a young woman carelessly had her purse sitting on the aisle side of her body when the train pulled into a station. As the doors opened, a fairly muscular young thug snatched the purse and headed out the door at full speed towards the nearby exit.

At nearly the same time, a classic greasy-haired geek with birth-control glasses who was almost painfully thin ran out through another door and intersected the purse snatcher with a classic hockey cross-check, knocking the thief off his feet and slamming his head into the wall, knocking him out. The geek calmly picked up the purse and handed it back to the woman. He then got back on the train (several people where holding the doors open) and acted as if he'd hadn't done anything special.

A few weeks later, I saw the kid cooking at a wing place across from The Varsity. I found out from the waiter that he'd gotten a free annual transit pass and a nice certificate from the transit police. Of course today he'd probably be sued by the thief, but times were simpler in the '90s.

/ CSB, I know


Very CSB

/don't mess with geek rage.
 
2012-04-22 02:14:31 PM
Rapeseed trifecta now in play?
 
2012-04-22 02:15:05 PM
www.corporate-aliens.com

And like that, [poof] he's gone, Submitter?
 
2012-04-22 02:15:06 PM
The final artice about Lorenzo claims the cure was rapeseed oil and olive oil. I was horrified a few FARKs ago. I feel better now.
 
2012-04-22 02:15:12 PM

Man On A Mission: Anyone getting a "content loading error" when they try to click over to page two?


People try to click over to a Cracked's page one? Let alone a page two?!
 
2012-04-22 02:15:49 PM
FTFA: BHCT claim that Lane's rogue suicide prevention efforts endanger the lives of the people trying to kill themselves.

WTF?
 
2012-04-22 02:17:13 PM

Colin O'Scopy: I only see 3 nobodies. Their editor sucks.

(I don't go past page one on Cracked)


Well you sure showed them!
 
2012-04-22 02:17:56 PM
I see we think alike austin_millbarge
 
2012-04-22 02:19:19 PM
Which one went home and farked the prom queen?
 
2012-04-22 02:20:37 PM
The suicide prevention story reminds me of Chen Sah, who was profiled in GQ and This American Life about his efforts to stop people from committing suicide off of the Yangtze River Bridge in China.
 
2012-04-22 02:22:21 PM
Whar Zimmerman? Whar!?

/amidoingthisrite
 
2012-04-22 02:26:02 PM
I don't know followed the link to the New York Magazine article on the subway hero, but that Esposito guy he got to represent him sounds like an utter sociopath. Like he and the Ocean Marketing guy sound like twins.
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-04-22 02:26:16 PM
#4 sounds like the opening scene from The Incredibles.

"I saved your life!"
"YOU RUINED MY DEATH!"
 
2012-04-22 02:29:37 PM
I saved my ex-gf from choking on food, her friends were really quick to act as they just stared at her, and I calmly gave her the Heimlich. As she cried, and I held her saying, 'it's ok baby, you're fine.' They just continued to stare. Very quality friends she has.
 
2012-04-22 02:31:47 PM
This part in regards to #4 pisses me off: "But he said he has been criticised by Beachy Head Chaplaincy Team (BHCT) for breaking health and safety rules. BHCT said its members were fully trained and declined to comment on his allegations."

The guy has stopped, at the point this was written, 29 people from jumping off this particular cliff. So where were these fully trained suicide prevention people while he was doing this?
 
2012-04-22 02:32:17 PM
Experts sometimes fail us. Police officers and firemen can't be everywhere at once.

*facepalm*
 
2012-04-22 02:34:21 PM

NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: Which one went home and farked the prom queen?


My moneys on the dancer. The straight ones get mad tail.
 
2012-04-22 02:35:06 PM

Schlock: This part in regards to #4 pisses me off: "But he said he has been criticised by Beachy Head Chaplaincy Team (BHCT) for breaking health and safety rules. BHCT said its members were fully trained and declined to comment on his allegations."

The guy has stopped, at the point this was written, 29 people from jumping off this particular cliff. So where were these fully trained suicide prevention people while he was doing this?


Never set foot in between a bureaucracy and its "mission".
 
2012-04-22 02:35:21 PM

Schlock: This part in regards to #4 pisses me off: "But he said he has been criticised by Beachy Head Chaplaincy Team (BHCT) for breaking health and safety rules. BHCT said its members were fully trained and declined to comment on his allegations."

The guy has stopped, at the point this was written, 29 people from jumping off this particular cliff. So where were these fully trained suicide prevention people while he was doing this?



They talked people down who called in on the help line before they headed off for the cliff. I'm sure their efforts have saved people and I dont discount what those people do, but if they are calling the help line, I'm thinking they are not in the same place mentally as the people who are walking to the cliff for a short hop. And rather that yelling at the guy for climbing down, I think buying him some pitons and rope would be more appropriate, or perhaps conducting their own patrols.
 
2012-04-22 02:37:06 PM

Schlock: This part in regards to #4 pisses me off: "But he said he has been criticised by Beachy Head Chaplaincy Team (BHCT) for breaking health and safety rules. BHCT said its members were fully trained and declined to comment on his allegations."

The guy has stopped, at the point this was written, 29 people from jumping off this particular cliff. So where were these fully trained suicide prevention people while he was doing this?


Wiping their sandy vaginas?
 
2012-04-22 02:38:39 PM
These are all great stories, but the dancer on the CC gets the prize, IMO. I've met a few guys like him who LOOK weak and not muscular but wind up being motherfarkers in the strength dept.
 
2012-04-22 02:43:59 PM

LeroyBourne: I saved my ex-gf from choking on food, her friends were really quick to act as they just stared at her, and I calmly gave her the Heimlich. As she cried, and I held her saying, 'it's ok baby, you're fine.' They just continued to stare. Very quality friends she has.


I'm not sure that really says anything about the quality of her friends. It's a pretty common phenomenon for non-trained types to not know how to respond in an emergency situation. Particularly when there are other people around.

This isn't even bad really. If everyone who doesn't know what to do when someone starts choking freezes and does nothing; it makes it really easy for the one guy who does know the heimlich to give it.
 
2012-04-22 02:44:28 PM

LeroyBourne: I saved my ex-gf from choking on food, her friends were really quick to act as they just stared at her, and I calmly gave her the Heimlich. As she cried, and I held her saying, 'it's ok baby, you're fine.' They just continued to stare. Very quality friends she has.


That's okay. My card buddy went purple in the face and basically passed out sitting straight up. I poked his belly once then jumped up and ran to the phone. I searched the wall above the phone looking for the number to call 911.

By the time I realized the number to call 911 is 911 his purple face turned to its normal pinkish hue. He didn't remember a thing.

We call the move "pulling a vig" or "doing the vig". We're pretty sure one of us is going to be killed by a lethal combination of a royal straight flush and a poop joke.
 
2012-04-22 02:58:04 PM
i269.photobucket.com

Did someone say Nobody hero?
 
2012-04-22 02:58:11 PM

Man On A Mission: Anyone getting a "content loading error" when they try to click over to page two?


Click on page two? Sounds like you need the AutoPager extension for your browser. They make it for both Firefox and Chrome (I use the Chrome one). When you scroll to the bottom of the page on these multipage articles it automatically inserts the next page at the bottom. You just keep scrolling down. Works like a charm for me on Cracked.
 
2012-04-22 03:16:14 PM

Metalupis: Rapeseed trifecta now in play?


The mods like rapeseed.
 
2012-04-22 03:42:52 PM

nekom: 6. Never heard of him, sounds like the kind of person you'd want to hang around though.
5. I remember seeing those photos. Maybe she should marry him, TFA doesn't say if he's available or not.
4. Don't recall hearing about her, but I've heard similar stories from Australia and Japan.
3. Hadn't head that story before. Neat. Good on him.
2. Cool story, brah. No, really, cool story.
1. Mustache power. Got to get me some of that.


6. vaguely remember hearing about this.
5. I remember seeing those photos as well
4. never heard of hear.
3. never heard of him
2. *cues up the 1992 movie Lorenzo's Oil.
1. watched this live -long before 24/7 "breaking" news, shoving it down your throat, cnn, msnbc, etc.
 
2012-04-22 03:43:40 PM

mongbiohazard: Man On A Mission: Anyone getting a "content loading error" when they try to click over to page two?

Click on page two? Sounds like you need the AutoPager extension for your browser. They make it for both Firefox and Chrome (I use the Chrome one). When you scroll to the bottom of the page on these multipage articles it automatically inserts the next page at the bottom. You just keep scrolling down. Works like a charm for me on Cracked.


Doesn't work for me.

Was Lenny Skutnik on the list?

Had just crossed the 14st bridge (~2min) when Flight 90 hit it.
 
2012-04-22 03:44:27 PM
Arland Williams, RIP
God love him
 
2012-04-22 03:44:56 PM

Ruiizu: [i269.photobucket.com image 197x365]

Did someone say Nobody hero?


What Nobody may look like:
www.univie.ac.at
/hot
 
2012-04-22 03:58:40 PM
"I just clicked the 'APPLY TO ALL' button on Monster.com."

Heh, that was pretty awesome.
 
2012-04-22 04:06:01 PM
#3. The Dancer Who Rescued Cruise Ship Passengers (the Hard Way)


i.crackedcdn.com
Yeah, that is the hard way. Those ships are damn heavy.
 
2012-04-22 04:10:28 PM

nekom:
5. I remember seeing those photos. Maybe she should marry him, TFA doesn't say if he's available or not.


Damn, do you hate this guy or what? You're basically suggesting his reward should be that he is forced to stick his dick in crazy forever.
 
2012-04-22 04:20:24 PM

ZMugg: Was Lenny Skutnik on the list?

Had just crossed the 14st bridge (~2min) when Flight 90 hit it.



He's mentioned and there's a video link about him in the part about Arland D. Williams, who died after helping five other Flight 90 passengers get pulled to safety.
 
2012-04-22 04:42:45 PM

Flappyhead: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: Which one went home and farked the prom queen?

My moneys on the dancer. The straight ones get mad tail.


Truth, you speaks it.
 
2012-04-22 05:10:52 PM
that Lane fellow needs some kind of medal.
and being a newyorker i remember that guy who dove under the train, that was huge.

LeroyBourne: I saved my ex-gf from choking on food, her friends were really quick to act as they just stared at her, and I calmly gave her the Heimlich. As she cried, and I held her saying, 'it's ok baby, you're fine.' They just continued to stare. Very quality friends she has.


that sounds about par. i once cycled across a street after the light changed. some driver came sailing through the intersection, clipped my front wheel, and i went flying, pretty much literally. so everyone else who was crossing stood there and stared at me lying on the pavement.
 
2012-04-22 05:18:39 PM
No mention of Moss Hills? He was on the MTS Oceanos when it started to sink off the coast of South Africa back in 1991. When the ship started to sink the crew panicked and abandoned ship without orders from the Captain to do so. Not only that, but the Captain left the ship while there were still hundreds of passengers on board. He claimed that he left the ship to help coordinate the rescue effort! It was up to Moss Hills, a musician, to make his way to the bridge to send out an SOS message. A couple of ships came to the rescue by high seas and the list of the ship meant that they could only take off about half of the 571 passengers. A 7-hour helicopter airlift was then launched to take off the remaining 225 passengers. Moss and his wife (also a musician onboard) stayed on the deck of the ship and assisted his fellow passengers in getting into the harnesses that were lowered from the helicopter. The two of them were the last of the passengers/crew to be evacuated from the ship.
 
2012-04-22 05:54:04 PM

Tyrone Slothrop: Ruiizu: [i269.photobucket.com image 197x365]

Did someone say Nobody hero?

What Nobody may look like:
[www.univie.ac.at image 640x426]
/hot


Nobody was cooler than Tonto. There I said it
 
2012-04-22 07:31:58 PM

mongbiohazard: Man On A Mission: Anyone getting a "content loading error" when they try to click over to page two?

Click on page two? Sounds like you need the AutoPager extension for your browser. They make it for both Firefox and Chrome (I use the Chrome one). When you scroll to the bottom of the page on these multipage articles it automatically inserts the next page at the bottom. You just keep scrolling down. Works like a charm for me on Cracked.


I just loaded that up, works like a charm. thanks for the tip.
 
2012-04-22 07:35:23 PM
upload.wikimedia.org

I hope no Canadian ever forgets this guy. RIP Terry.
 
2012-04-22 07:52:24 PM
For some reason, my concept of a super hero is different than the article writer's and subby's.
 
2012-04-22 09:58:14 PM
Never try to stand someone who has just had a seizure on their feet.
 
2012-04-22 10:27:01 PM

indarwinsshadow: [upload.wikimedia.org image 200x432]

I hope no Canadian ever forgets this guy. RIP Terry.


Pfft. Terry was a quitter.

:-D
 
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