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(Salon)   Is your wife or girlfriend baby crazy? If so, their biological clock is ticking, and science has finally proved it to be true   (salon.com) divider line 120
    More: PSA, cultural phenomenon, reproductive healths, evolutionary psychology  
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10087 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2012 at 2:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-22 09:19:43 PM
img.photobucket.com

Her biological clock is just tickin' away...
 
2012-04-22 09:21:02 PM
I had never wanted kids in my teens and early 20s. I wanted to finish college. I wanted to begin my career. I wanted to settle down eventually. My long-term plan was to bank all of it on a successful law career and if nothing panned out I would be homeless on a beach in Hawaii. It was a good plan.

Then, I found the right guy. Now, I want kids. Now, my husband wants kids. We're just not in the right place financially. We have to save 2 million for retirement. How are we supposed to do that with a litter? Do you know how much a Bontesla-heir would increase the insurance? $500 a month. How the heck do I save two million? I anticipate retiring early.

So, now I'm 27 and I find myself behaving like an insane person when it comes to babies, commercials that are "touching", and bonding with Pam from The Office (I also wanted to cry because of that Traveler's commercial with the dog trying to hide his bone). *I* wanted to cry. Prior to this - my emotional range was "amused" to "skeptical".

I used to be a very, very sane person. I used to be so rational, it was clinical.

Now, I feel like my ovaries ache when I see babies. Do you know what that's like? It makes me want to punch a baby. That's how irritating it is. Punch that stupid, wonderful creature. I hate it.

And I realize that my genetic material is not worth preserving. It logically makes more sense for us to adopt. We have no actual need to biologically reproduce. It makes sense for us to adopt one of the other critters someone else didn't want. But my ovaries don't understand the brilliant logic in it and so I get that ache.
 
2012-04-22 09:25:26 PM

wax_on: Where are all these baby crazed girls in the SF bay area? I hear stories about them and would love to have kids but can't seem to find one. Must be my penchant for dating highly independent women and not putting up with a lot of BS.


I don't know many single women who openly that that particular freak flag fly when it comes to potential boyfriends/husbands. Maybe they're hiding it well?

Good luck though.
 
2012-04-22 09:30:50 PM

Gyrfalcon: It's got nothing to do with culture memes or societal norms. I had to explain this to a guy not too long ago.

Females are born with their entire complement of eggs (ova) already in place. Unlike men, who produce sperm every day, women have all the eggs they will ever have from day one. Our eggs mature along with us; and after a certain period in our lives, those eggs are no longer "fresh", that is, viable and able to produce healthy offspring. That's why, for instance, even though a woman can get pregnant after age 35, the risk of Down syndrome babies is so much higher--the eggs have "aged" and there is a risk of chromosomal damage. It's also why medical research can't be done on women of childbearing years--the danger of harming viable eggs is just too great.

Women's biological clocks start "ticking" about the time we reach that age when we've only got a few safe years left to naturally produce healthy babies, between the ages 28-34. Our bodies were programmed back when we were hunter-gatherers and the fact that women CAN give birth safely after age 40 hasn't yet been rewired into our brains. So women really really want babies at a time when their bodies are saying "Gotta have that baby! Running out of fresh eggs!" Men, who always have fresh sperm, don't have this drive.

Those of us who lack this maternal drive--well, it's probably just population control. There are too many people out there now already. Is there any way to prove this? No, but doesn't it make common sense?


I think this is the case. It's funny because in high school - we were taught how to prevent babies (don't have sex - and if you do - your nether regions rot and fall off unless you're married).

I came across an article which said that fertility drops at around 30 - and drops at an alarming rate every year after.
 
2012-04-22 09:41:53 PM

Gyrfalcon: Females are born with their entire complement of eggs (ova) already in place. Unlike men, who produce sperm every day, women have all the eggs they will ever have from day one. Our eggs mature along with us; and after a certain period in our lives, those eggs are no longer "fresh", that is, viable and able to produce healthy offspring.


Not necessarily...?
 
2012-04-22 09:58:28 PM
Mark me on the do not want list. I went through a stage when hubby and I first got hitched with the baby fever. Never wanted to be a Mother, but he really wanted kids, so dammit, so did I!.. stopped the birth control, and after 2 years of disappointment and counting cycles I was over it. Thank god.
It's been 5 years now, I'm almost 33, he is 35. He still wants a kid, but has accepted the fact that I would be a horrible mother (after me telling him this for years) and that I do not want to be responsible for anyone else. I have pets; I love them very much, treat them like children. But they can pretty much be left alone and fend for themselves. I don't want the responsibility.
I dislike even being around children most times. I can deal with being around kids old enough to fend for themselves and basically act like midget adults, but the screaming, spoiled asshole kids...Jesus. I can't deal with that shiat at all. I'm sure it's some personality dysfunction but I actively dislike being around kids, hearing kids talk, laugh etc. I must be defective.

I've got enough trouble being responsible for myself. A total financial failure, etc, etc. Most all of our friends have kids. People are always asking me when are you gonna have a baby?! Like it's some great thing. I tell them don't you think it's more responsible of me to not have one when I know I don't want one? Like, at all? I could ship it off somewhere like a UPS package and be done with it? They look horrified but most say, Oh, honey, it'll be different when you have one.

So, here I am 5 years post birth control, contemplating starting using condoms again with my husband because on the off chance some horrible luck should strike and I find myself pregnant, I know he would be thrilled and I would want to kill myself. Somehow, we manage to still be best friends.
 
2012-04-22 10:06:40 PM

The Wizard of Frobozz: [img.photobucket.com image 599x336]

Her biological clock is just tickin' away...


Came for Marisa Tomei and that just-been-farked hair, leaving satisfied.
 
2012-04-22 10:41:34 PM
Came here for the Archer reference, did not leave disappointed.
 
2012-04-22 11:19:33 PM

Bontesla: I had never wanted kids in my teens and early 20s. I wanted to finish college. I wanted to begin my career. I wanted to settle down eventually. My long-term plan was to bank all of it on a successful law career and if nothing panned out I would be homeless on a beach in Hawaii. It was a good plan.

Then, I found the right guy. Now, I want kids. Now, my husband wants kids. We're just not in the right place financially. We have to save 2 million for retirement. How are we supposed to do that with a litter? Do you know how much a Bontesla-heir would increase the insurance? $500 a month. How the heck do I save two million? I anticipate retiring early.

So, now I'm 27 and I find myself behaving like an insane person when it comes to babies, commercials that are "touching", and bonding with Pam from The Office (I also wanted to cry because of that Traveler's commercial with the dog trying to hide his bone). *I* wanted to cry. Prior to this - my emotional range was "amused" to "skeptical".

I used to be a very, very sane person. I used to be so rational, it was clinical.

Now, I feel like my ovaries ache when I see babies. Do you know what that's like? It makes me want to punch a baby. That's how irritating it is. Punch that stupid, wonderful creature. I hate it.

And I realize that my genetic material is not worth preserving. It logically makes more sense for us to adopt. We have no actual need to biologically reproduce. It makes sense for us to adopt one of the other critters someone else didn't want. But my ovaries don't understand the brilliant logic in it and so I get that ache.


I got it so bad when I was in my late 20s that I would start to lactate if I were around babies. It was horrible. After a few years of that nonsense, we adopted. The doctors were not so big on checking hormone levels back then, I'm sure I was a mess. I would see a woman with twins and start thinking ...what does she need TWO babies for. I should just take one. She'd still have one and then I would have one, too. Fortunately, I would realize that was crazy and I never did anything stupid. But just the fact that my brain would go there scared the bejeebers out of me.
 
2012-04-22 11:31:24 PM

Gramma: Bontesla: I had never wanted kids in my teens and early 20s. I wanted to finish college. I wanted to begin my career. I wanted to settle down eventually. My long-term plan was to bank all of it on a successful law career and if nothing panned out I would be homeless on a beach in Hawaii. It was a good plan.

Then, I found the right guy. Now, I want kids. Now, my husband wants kids. We're just not in the right place financially. We have to save 2 million for retirement. How are we supposed to do that with a litter? Do you know how much a Bontesla-heir would increase the insurance? $500 a month. How the heck do I save two million? I anticipate retiring early.

So, now I'm 27 and I find myself behaving like an insane person when it comes to babies, commercials that are "touching", and bonding with Pam from The Office (I also wanted to cry because of that Traveler's commercial with the dog trying to hide his bone). *I* wanted to cry. Prior to this - my emotional range was "amused" to "skeptical".

I used to be a very, very sane person. I used to be so rational, it was clinical.

Now, I feel like my ovaries ache when I see babies. Do you know what that's like? It makes me want to punch a baby. That's how irritating it is. Punch that stupid, wonderful creature. I hate it.

And I realize that my genetic material is not worth preserving. It logically makes more sense for us to adopt. We have no actual need to biologically reproduce. It makes sense for us to adopt one of the other critters someone else didn't want. But my ovaries don't understand the brilliant logic in it and so I get that ache.

I got it so bad when I was in my late 20s that I would start to lactate if I were around babies. It was horrible. After a few years of that nonsense, we adopted. The doctors were not so big on checking hormone levels back then, I'm sure I was a mess. I would see a woman with twins and start thinking ...what does she need TWO babies for. I should just take one. She'd still have one a ...


That's actually really frightening.
 
2012-04-23 12:24:20 AM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: don't mistake hormones for love.


This bears repeating. Once at a company holiday party, I got hit on by an older (but attractive) and very assertive woman in my company's HR department, who (I'm pretty sure) made that very mistake and thus decided that she was going to make me her lover by getting both of us drunk and then having wild sex in her car. Well, regardless of my mental state, I wasn't prepared to have sex without protection unless I really wanted kids (which I didn't), nor was I willing to have sex in any sort of public place (let alone in a parked car right in a busy part of town). Once she realized I wasn't going to have sex with her right then and there, she started crying like I've never seen a grown woman cry before.

I didn't quite realize how big a bullet I'd dodged until later, when (a) I learned that she had become a single mom at 18, and (b) a few years after that holiday party her daughter ALSO became a single mom at 18.
 
2012-04-23 12:36:41 AM
I'm going through the ovary & breast ache part now. I originally never thought I would want to have kids and if I wanted a family then I would adopt.

Then I got knocked up and went baby crazy.

I would dearly love another baby but I have 3 children now (preteen and teen) so not very feasible. Doesn't stop me from getting all weepy at baby commercials or stuff with kids and their moms.

/Still irritated with boohooing like a little girl over the Friend's re-run where Rachel has her baby. I hated that show.
 
2012-04-23 12:58:16 AM
Evidently biology skipped me, I've never had the urge (working retail in a game store helped kill anything resembling it). Then when the endometriosis hit about two years ago and I couldn't do normal activities without a big dose of advil, and the first treatment of that stopped working three months in, I had had enough. No chance of it now. Husband made a few noises before we got married but eventually he admitted he didn't want to do the work of raising a kid. He seems satisfied with the brief visits from his sister's four kids. If we ever change our minds, I'll push for adoption.

Now if only I had a way to increase my libido, he'd be a much happier camper =/
 
2012-04-23 01:23:48 AM

weave: After that biological clock halts, so does their desire for sex. :-(


WAY too true.
 
2012-04-23 08:47:24 AM

belhade: The Wizard of Frobozz: [img.photobucket.com image 599x336]

Her biological clock is just tickin' away...

Came for Marisa Tomei and that just-been-farked hair, leaving satisfied.


Yeah, well, who wouldn't come for Marisa Tomei?
 
2012-04-23 11:01:42 AM

twfeline: weave: After that biological clock halts, so does their desire for sex. :-(

WAY too true.


Yep. All those 40 year old cougars out ther just want to spoon and go to sleep. Riiiiight. ;)
 
2012-04-23 11:10:28 AM
It is called Babies Rabies.
 
2012-04-23 12:38:03 PM

ArgusRun: I have no desire for kids, but somewhere around 25, my lady parts tried to decide the issue for me Suddenly any guy who demonstrated even the smallest amount of caring towards a small life form jumped 4 or 5 notches in desirability

Father with kid on his shoulders: Sploosh
Guy with a dog or cat: Totally doable
Guy with a live spider plant: worth taking a second look at.

If it weren't for these pesky morals, I'd probably have done a few married guys. Seriously, I can see how it happens.


This. I had a colleague in the late 90s, totally cute, mutual attraction, but I was mega-nerdy and she was...not. Strict drinking, hockey and date-guys-who-treat-her-like-crap-but-look-hot kinda girl. Never dated her, mainly due to the 'don't date your co-workers advice'.

Once I got married and popped out a kid, that all changed. We went out to lunch one day, and after seeing some pics of me and the little guy she says "man, if I had known you made such good-looking kids..." and sorta left it at that. I also noticed it in the stores...for some reason, women notice you and smile more when you're playing hug and kisses with your kid (fark that macho BS, if my kid wants a hug and a kiss, I am not going to deny that, ever).

My friend eventually married a drinking, hockey guy who didn't treat her like crap and had cute kids of her own, so I'm glad I didn't tap that. Plus she was mega-Conservative and a Glenn Beck worshiper so I'd have seen the political issues becoming a huge problem down the road.

/Partly biological urges
//Partly sexual (some of the best sex for me was baby-making sex
///Partly societal - if you're 38 and unmarried/childless, people somehow assume something is wrong with you...
 
2012-04-23 01:53:23 PM

anfrind: ExperianScaresCthulhu: don't mistake hormones for love.

This bears repeating. Once at a company holiday party, I got hit on by an older (but attractive) and very assertive woman in my company's HR department, who (I'm pretty sure) made that very mistake and thus decided that she was going to make me her lover by getting both of us drunk and then having wild sex in her car. Well, regardless of my mental state, I wasn't prepared to have sex without protection unless I really wanted kids (which I didn't), nor was I willing to have sex in any sort of public place (let alone in a parked car right in a busy part of town). Once she realized I wasn't going to have sex with her right then and there, she started crying like I've never seen a grown woman cry before.

I didn't quite realize how big a bullet I'd dodged until later, when (a) I learned that she had become a single mom at 18, and (b) a few years after that holiday party her daughter ALSO became a single mom at 18.


Ah ha! So my assertion gains some evidence backing it up. Crazy is genetic!
 
2012-04-24 09:46:58 PM

neutronstar: anfrind: I didn't quite realize how big a bullet I'd dodged until later, when (a) I learned that she had become a single mom at 18, and (b) a few years after that holiday party her daughter ALSO became a single mom at 18.

Ah ha! So my assertion gains some evidence backing it up. Crazy is genetic!


I think it's likely a combination of genetics and bad parenting. Years ago, I volunteered with a support group for people with mental disorders (mostly ADHD, but we also had people with depression, Tourette's Syndrome, etc.). One of the saddest cases I saw was a girl who came down with severe depression in her early teens, and became a single mom at 17. Her mom recognized the depression early on and tried to do something about it, but her dad was completely useless, and managed to severely hamper any attempt at treatment just by being around.

I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back I realize that her dad was just as depressed as she was, and he was receiving no treatment whatsoever (he was probably too depressed to even consider treatment, and nobody could force him to do anything about it). Had he received proper treatment before his daughter's downward spiral, I suspect things might have turned out a lot better for her.
 
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