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(Salon)   Is your wife or girlfriend baby crazy? If so, their biological clock is ticking, and science has finally proved it to be true   (salon.com) divider line 120
    More: PSA, cultural phenomenon, reproductive healths, evolutionary psychology  
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10094 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2012 at 2:39 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-22 11:26:44 AM
Enjoy it while it lasts men, because it means they also want to have lots of sex. After that biological clock halts, so does their desire for sex. :-(
 
2012-04-22 11:44:58 AM
I've been curious about this lately. This girl I've been dating off and on lately has it bad. Luckily, she's not annoying about it and tries to keep it to herself but I can tell. The way she looks at kids and babies and the way she just ADORES her dog give her away. But she can't have kids (problems with uterus) so I thought it was just that.

And the articles claims men get it too. I've never seen it but I suppose. Wasn't a whole lot of data. I do know some guys get a little annoying with all the "guess what junior did today" talk. I'm polite and I'll act like I care but stop acting like junior is the first baby on the planet to play with the dog, grab at a football or make talky sounds.
 
2012-04-22 11:56:30 AM
alwaysjaded: It may not be the first, and it certainly won't be the last, but to a parents mind? It's the cutest kid to have ever been born. Even if the kid looks like some kind of deformed lizard.

Nature programs us that way.
 
2012-04-22 11:59:06 AM
"Baby fever" must be some special motor-neuron loop in the brain just like certain brains have a propensity to believe in god or not.


CSB, I advised a friend to take a Plan B (she had unprotected sex with some dude the night before). Later that day we were all over at a friend's house watching a movie and she could not stop Ooohing and Ahhhing about the babies on TV. Normally she's not like that. It really annoyed everyone else who was watching.
 
2012-04-22 12:07:33 PM
laist.com
 
2012-04-22 12:12:12 PM
I think part of it also has to do with peer pressure. Everybody seems to get married at once, and then they seem to all have kids at once. Gotta keep up with each other somehow.
 
2012-04-22 12:16:37 PM

Earpj: alwaysjaded: It may not be the first, and it certainly won't be the last, but to a parents mind? It's the cutest kid to have ever been born. Even if the kid looks like some kind of deformed lizard.

Nature programs us that way.


Yea, that's why I'm polite about it and will feign interest. I've heard all my friends talk about that feeling they all get when they hold their kid for the first time. So I'm sure there's some sort of "parental chemical" that's released when viewing your own child. I don't have kids so I'll just take their word for it.
 
2012-04-22 12:19:37 PM

alwaysjaded: Earpj: alwaysjaded: It may not be the first, and it certainly won't be the last, but to a parents mind? It's the cutest kid to have ever been born. Even if the kid looks like some kind of deformed lizard.

Nature programs us that way.

Yea, that's why I'm polite about it and will feign interest. I've heard all my friends talk about that feeling they all get when they hold their kid for the first time. So I'm sure there's some sort of "parental chemical" that's released when viewing your own child. I don't have kids so I'll just take their word for it.


"It's different when it's your own." I have no kids, I have no desire for kids, but I just can't help the squishy, gooey love that my brain tells me I feel when I see my nephew. Even during his hideous pink-lump of a newborn days. And yet, when I give him back and go home, I'm still happy not having kids.
 
2012-04-22 12:20:44 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: I think part of it also has to do with peer pressure. Everybody seems to get married at once, and then they seem to all have kids at once. Gotta keep up with each other somehow.


I can see this. People keep asking me when we are going to have a kid.
 
2012-04-22 12:28:13 PM
i140.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-22 12:33:40 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: alwaysjaded: Earpj: alwaysjaded: It may not be the first, and it certainly won't be the last, but to a parents mind? It's the cutest kid to have ever been born. Even if the kid looks like some kind of deformed lizard.

Nature programs us that way.

Yea, that's why I'm polite about it and will feign interest. I've heard all my friends talk about that feeling they all get when they hold their kid for the first time. So I'm sure there's some sort of "parental chemical" that's released when viewing your own child. I don't have kids so I'll just take their word for it.

"It's different when it's your own." I have no kids, I have no desire for kids, but I just can't help the squishy, gooey love that my brain tells me I feel when I see my nephew. Even during his hideous pink-lump of a newborn days. And yet, when I give him back and go home, I'm still happy not having kids.


I've always wondered what causes the lone wolf aspect of my personality. I would be fine with a wife and kids but I would also be perfectly happy on my own for the rest of my life. Even if I do one day have a family, I sure as shiat going to have some sort of sanctuary.
 
2012-04-22 01:40:34 PM

alwaysjaded: Yea, that's why I'm polite about it and will feign interest. I've heard all my friends talk about that feeling they all get when they hold their kid for the first time. So I'm sure there's some sort of "parental chemical" that's released when viewing your own child. I don't have kids so I'll just take their word for it.


i.imgur.com

Its like going to Neptune. If you've been to Neptune then you can only really communicate about to someone else who's been to Neptune. If you've never been there is no amount of discussion or information to replace the existential experience of parenting. This book put it all into perspective for me. Best parenting book I've ever read. Brutally honest and farking hi-larious.

/parent
 
2012-04-22 01:40:48 PM

weave: Enjoy it while it lasts men, because it means they also want to have lots of sex. After that biological clock halts, so does their desire for sex. :-(


So, the best thing to do would be to have a vasectomy, keep that fact secret, then find a baby crazy broad and fark 'til your dick whistles Dixie?

And if she winds up pregnant, you can really have some fun farking with her, just like that urban legend you see posted on the 'net every so often.
 
2012-04-22 02:08:02 PM

weave: Enjoy it while it lasts men, because it means they also want to have lots of sex. After that biological clock halts, so does their desire for sex. :-(


My desire took a hit when I realized making a baby was a bigger turn on for her than having sex with me.

/ouch
 
2012-04-22 02:19:13 PM

weave: Enjoy it while it lasts men, because it means they also want to have lots of sex. After that biological clock halts, so does their desire for sex. :-(


ummm, actually I'd like to suggest that might not be the case if she regularly gets a happy ending in the before time.

/and remember the old wives tale kids, makin' babies is serious work, no happy endings for her while you're trying.
 
2012-04-22 02:34:22 PM
How is babby crazy formed?
 
2012-04-22 02:38:56 PM
Christ, I hope I don't get like that in my late twenties. Babies are cute and all, but only if they aren't my responsibility.
 
2012-04-22 02:44:10 PM
I spent a minute trying to figure out what a "girlfriend baby" is.
 
2012-04-22 02:46:42 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: I think part of it also has to do with peer pressure. Everybody seems to get married at once, and then they seem to all have kids at once. Gotta keep up with each other somehow.


I get this a lot. A number of my friends' wives have asked me when I'm getting married over the past several years. I tell them "When I find a woman I can spend time with and not become incredibly annoyed."
 
2012-04-22 02:47:04 PM
I have never once felt like that for any of my friend's kids, nor my nephews. Kids look expensive and not worth the effort or time.

I fear I may appear on some part of the Aspergers spectrum.
 
2012-04-22 02:49:39 PM

FirstNationalBastard: weave: Enjoy it while it lasts men, because it means they also want to have lots of sex. After that biological clock halts, so does their desire for sex. :-(

So, the best thing to do would be to have a vasectomy, keep that fact secret, then find a baby crazy broad and fark 'til your dick whistles Dixie?

And if she winds up pregnant, you can really have some fun farking with her, just like that urban legend you see posted on the 'net every so often.


The mental image here is hilarious. Where did you get this idiom?
 
2012-04-22 02:52:22 PM

Somacandra:

Its like going to Neptune. If you've been to Neptune then you can only really communicate about to someone else who's been to Neptune. If you've never been there is no amount of discussion or information to replace the existential experience of parenting. This book put it all into perspective for me. Best parenting book I've ever read. Brutally honest and farking hi-larious.

/parent


Thanks. I have 2 friends about to have kids and they're going through the roof right now. I'll get them a copy from Amazon. Maybe they'll quit yapping their damn heads off about it every time I go over there.

/ and what the hell. I'll get a copy myself and just throw it on the shelf if I ever need it.
 
2012-04-22 02:52:24 PM
Well, you get other women asking you why you're 30 and don't have babies (plural). Media also makes it seem like every mother that's ever given birth somehow is better and deserves a medal for having brought life into the world, so clearly, somethings wrong with you if you haven't. When I would go on dates, dudes would ask if you've ever been married or had kids, when you say no, some would visibly deflate and ask "why not?" So guys are just as guilty of perpetuating the biological clock phenom
 
2012-04-22 02:53:10 PM
Oh, and all you baby-crazy people are incredibly annoying. And you're boring to talk to.
 
2012-04-22 02:54:53 PM
Goddammitsomuch!

/poor Mr. Wookies.
//still waiting until I get another raise...waiting waiting waiting.
///poor Mr. Wookies.
 
2012-04-22 02:55:53 PM
Chemical messengers (a/k/a hormones) not only control sex-related stuff, but everything from how hungry you get to the adrenaline you feel when someone jumps out from behind a door. Hormones are very powerful, and can't be overcome with sheer force of will.

Not all humans are the same, so some females (and, yes, males-- I know a couple of guys personally who lust after babymaking the same way women do) will be overcome by those hormones, and some won't; YMMV.

I had breeding mania since I was 17, and had my first (and so far, only) child at 23.
 
2012-04-22 02:56:58 PM
Oh lordy. I am 40 and do not want children and never really wanted them. I'm proud of the fact that I've never changed a diaper. I get to see relatives' kids and that's fine. I have a 45 year old friend who feels the same way.

Whenever somebody gives me a young baby to hold, it feels like a moist germy wormy useless thing that I have to treat like the most precious treasure ever. I hand the baby back as quickly as possible. It does nothing for me.

I have only felt that warmth in the chest that I guess you're supposed to feel about babies -- twice -- once, holding kittens, and once, when an autistic kid was floundering into me.

BTW I have wide hips and am from a very fecund family so it's not like I lack the biological ability to have babies, I just never wanted them, and took the necessary precautions to avoid them.
 
2012-04-22 02:59:17 PM
I had baby fever. Then I had a baby. Now I have natural immunity. Miserable pregnancy and postpartum depression FTW...?
 
2012-04-22 02:59:34 PM
I'm happy to have never had any sort of desire like this, but I'm a guy so I doubt that's unusual.
How many billions of people does the planet need?
 
2012-04-22 03:00:02 PM
I have no desire for kids, but somewhere around 25, my lady parts tried to decide the issue for me Suddenly any guy who demonstrated even the smallest amount of caring towards a small life form jumped 4 or 5 notches in desirability

Father with kid on his shoulders: Sploosh
Guy with a dog or cat: Totally doable
Guy with a live spider plant: worth taking a second look at.

If it weren't for these pesky morals, I'd probably have done a few married guys. Seriously, I can see how it happens.
 
2012-04-22 03:01:11 PM
Gonna go ahead and posit you're probably better off without some hero who wants to be a just add dad for a divorcee and her four kids.
 
2012-04-22 03:02:01 PM
I'm a 30 year old woman and I've never wanted kids...people used to tell me that I would "change my mind" or crap like that, but I don't hear it as much anymore. Anyway, I love being an "Aunt" to my best friends daughter...I think she's the cutest kid in the whole damn world and she softens my cynical heart of stone, but I still have zero desire to have my own. My mom said I never played with dolls or stuff like that when I was a kid...maybe it's just how I was born. Whatev. I'd much rather spoil the bejeezus out of other people's kids than have my own. I guess I'm an evolutionary defect.
 
2012-04-22 03:04:13 PM
It seems to make intuitive sense, but the science on exactly how this mechanism might work is just not there.

Subby is a genius troll.
 
2012-04-22 03:05:03 PM
Gee just want I want to do; Have my girlfriend squeeze an 8 pound ball of meat money-pit out her vag so we can validate our lives. No thanks. I left that prehistoric urge in the dumpster behind Planned Parenthood.
 
2012-04-22 03:07:03 PM

Readysteadystop: FirstNationalBastard: weave: Enjoy it while it lasts men, because it means they also want to have lots of sex. After that biological clock halts, so does their desire for sex. :-(

So, the best thing to do would be to have a vasectomy, keep that fact secret, then find a baby crazy broad and fark 'til your dick whistles Dixie?

And if she winds up pregnant, you can really have some fun farking with her, just like that urban legend you see posted on the 'net every so often.

The mental image here is hilarious. Where did you get this idiom?


Misuse of the phrase "you ain't just whistlin' dixie", most likely.
 
2012-04-22 03:07:20 PM

Don't Troll Me Bro!: The My Little Pony Killer: I think part of it also has to do with peer pressure. Everybody seems to get married at once, and then they seem to all have kids at once. Gotta keep up with each other somehow.

I get this a lot. A number of my friends' wives have asked me when I'm getting married over the past several years. I tell them "When I find a woman I can spend time with and not become incredibly annoyed."


funny enough that is how my wife descibes why she liked me, she could spend the day with me and not want to kill me at the end of it.

currently my wife would like to have a kid, I'm fairly indifferent about it, if we have one I'll be happy and do my best to raise it well, if we don't I'll be happy and put that time and energy towards other pursuits
 
2012-04-22 03:12:52 PM
I'm mildly worried that something like this will happen to me, but hopefully I'll be able to sail through to forty without my brain going all "OMG GET PREGNANT." I've never wanted to breed; the implied responsibility and heartbreak seem daunting.

/Nothing but respect and admiration for the parents out there
 
2012-04-22 03:15:08 PM

Britney Spear's Speculum: "Baby fever" must be some special motor-neuron loop in the brain just like certain brains have a propensity to believe in god or not.


CSB, I advised a friend to take a Plan B (she had unprotected sex with some dude the night before). Later that day we were all over at a friend's house watching a movie and she could not stop Ooohing and Ahhhing about the babies on TV. Normally she's not like that. It really annoyed everyone else who was watching.


farm5.staticflickr.com

Well? Did she abort it or what?
 
2012-04-22 03:16:31 PM

Katred00: I'm a 30 year old woman and I've never wanted kids...people used to tell me that I would "change my mind" or crap like that, but I don't hear it as much anymore. Anyway, I love being an "Aunt" to my best friends daughter...I think she's the cutest kid in the whole damn world and she softens my cynical heart of stone, but I still have zero desire to have my own. My mom said I never played with dolls or stuff like that when I was a kid...maybe it's just how I was born. Whatev. I'd much rather spoil the bejeezus out of other people's kids than have my own. I guess I'm an evolutionary defect.


That's how I feel too. Hopefully when I get into my late twenties I'll remember all the reasons I don't want to have kids (not least of which is a lot of hereditary problems in my family). I love several kids I know, but I can only take so much of them.
 
2012-04-22 03:17:46 PM
What's actually amusing about this article is that the author, Tracy Clarke-Flory, has long been one of Salon's uber-feministas.

Last year when they fired almost everyone at Broadsheet so that Salon could stay afloat they kept her around to write sex columns and over the past year she's written many "wow I was so ignorant about sexual practice X" and "sex turns out to be really groovy" columns.

So here she is at the "elderly" age of 28 writing:

In the past, I'd always written off the cliché of the woman in her late 20s or early 30s with a "ticking biological clock" as a sexist trope. Now I find myself reconsidering and wondering how real it is, and why it is.

It makes me wonder what other "sexist tropes" from her college years she is going to be rethinking.
 
2012-04-22 03:23:44 PM
Gosh I'm glad I dodged this bullet (thus far). 31 and still no desire for children, not even an inkling. I don't even want friends who have kids. People keep telling me at some point this desire for babies will kick in, but I'm hoping not.

/CSB time

I worked with a guy who's wife was in her early 20's and she desperately wanted children, constantly trying to trick him into impregnating her. She had no job, he was up to his neck in student loan debt, and they lived in a 1 bedroom apartment. She had health issues that would make having a baby complicated, but none of it seemed to matter to her, she wanted a baby. He didn't, at least not yet. He would get super pissed off when she would bring it up yet she continued to do so any time I saw her (I'm sure it was all the time). That crap was crazy and scary. Women, don't be like that, she was driving her husband away with it.
 
2012-04-22 03:27:40 PM
As someone actively trying to conceive for the first time at 32, getting a huge kick...

Actually, it was more of Mr. Danarch's idea than my own - so, yes men do get the baby fever as well. I am not necessarily adverse to the idea, and I'm still kinda indifferent between getting a new kitty or having a baby. People keep asking if I'm excited, nervous, whatever about the prospect and I have to admit that since childbearing and rearing is so outside of the realm of my current experiences, I won't know how much I'll love or hate motherhood until I actually do it.

// bunch of friends now have kids and their tales aren't a ringing endorsement on child related issues
// the baby phase doesn't do it for me - I like toddlers where you can actually witness them starting to become and act like real people
// trying to conceive is a blast... we are both closer than ever as a result and this is after seventeen years of courtship and marriage
 
2012-04-22 03:28:18 PM
On Salon.com these articles are always followed up by other articles like "Is it ok to raise my child as the opposite gender/animal/gay activist/Islamic terrorist?"

And the obligatory "My 19 gay son murdered his stepdad but I still love him and want to get a sex change operation for him".
 
2012-04-22 03:30:28 PM

danarch: As someone actively trying to conceive for the first time at 32, getting a huge kick..


How hard is it? Just keep farking.
 
2012-04-22 03:30:30 PM

isthatyoujohnwayne: I'm mildly worried that something like this will happen to me, but hopefully I'll be able to sail through to forty without my brain going all "OMG GET PREGNANT." I've never wanted to breed; the implied responsibility and heartbreak seem daunting.

/Nothing but respect and admiration for the parents out there


I've gone through the OMG GET PREGNANT phases, but for now it just doesn't seem appealing to me.
 
2012-04-22 03:31:29 PM
i975.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-22 03:31:48 PM

Katred00: I'm a 30 year old woman and I've never wanted kids...people used to tell me that I would "change my mind" or crap like that, but I don't hear it as much anymore. Anyway, I love being an "Aunt" to my best friends daughter...I think she's the cutest kid in the whole damn world and she softens my cynical heart of stone, but I still have zero desire to have my own. My mom said I never played with dolls or stuff like that when I was a kid...maybe it's just how I was born. Whatev. I'd much rather spoil the bejeezus out of other people's kids than have my own. I guess I'm an evolutionary defect.

 
2012-04-22 03:36:11 PM
I believe that this does happen for a number of women, but certainly not all of them. I definitely felt the shift a couple of years ago myself though, when having a baby "someday" (i.e. undefined years into the future) suddenly became "I'd like to have a baby soon." My husband and I have always talked about having kids though and we're both pretty much ready now so it's really kind of a non-story.

The wanting a baby in my case didn't come from pressure from friends or family though, as the article suggests might be the case for some. Most of my friends don't (yet) want kids and my parents and in-laws both are well distracted by grandchildren and little nieces and nephews to bug us about getting pregnant. And I certainly don't give a crap which celebrities are crapping out kids right now either. It just happened.
 
2012-04-22 03:37:21 PM
www.browniepointsblog.comwww.dreamstime.com

Why don't they sell these together??
 
2012-04-22 03:37:33 PM

danarch: // bunch of friends now have kids and their tales aren't a ringing endorsement on child related issues


this may be part of my indifference to having kids, I've worked in a grocery store for 6ish years now, seeing how some other people's children act can be the biggest deterrent to wanting your own, although my nephew is a remarkably well behaved 3 yr old when I see him.
 
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