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(New York Daily News)   In a world where America fights to remain in front: Talking pineapple question on state exam stumps Students, Teachers and Principals   (nydailynews.com) divider line 338
    More: Obvious, professor emeritus  
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21793 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Apr 2012 at 1:36 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-20 03:46:16 PM

FarkingStan: StaleCoffee

Unfortunately for you, I spent several years in Australia building up an immunity to Iocaine powder.

--------
The real lesson here is you never challenge a hare when a pineapple is on the line.


Or start a land war in a lovely enchanted forest that flourishes with magical, talking animals.
 
2012-04-20 03:46:33 PM
Unbelievable. Why just yesterday I was in the kitchen having a conversation with my celery and a tangerine from next door and they thought the idea of a talking pineapple was simply ridiculous.
 
2012-04-20 03:47:05 PM
They ate it because it was food, and the wisest animal was whichever one didn't participate in the entire idiot fest. Rabbit is the dumbest for racing a fruit.

/Doesn't require a genius, but this is a rather messed up question to be asking 8th graders.
 
2012-04-20 03:47:55 PM

BeesNuts: StoPPeRmobile: If your grandmother told you she had committed a crime, would you turn her in?

Cool questions.

Nope. Snitches get stitches. unless this is an interview, in which case, you know, that largely depends on the gravity of the crime. It's important to be ethical in our dealings with one another, with our customers and our supply chain, and part of that requires that we police ourselves. This doesn't necessarily imply that it's appropriate to throw a comrade under the bus. After all, the important thing is that we all learn from our mistakes and grow as people because when we grow as people, we grow as an organization, and the growth and success of the enterprise is always our ultimate goal as employees. We're part of something here, and we need to own our mistakes. And we need to do our level best to prevent them from happening in the future.

How long do you want me to go on? I can shiat you around for at least another 5 paragraphs.


She is dead.
 
2012-04-20 03:49:02 PM
You've made a powerful enemy, talking animals!

www.thetick.ws
 
2012-04-20 03:51:47 PM

FlacidDonkey: An employee making up tests for Pearson creates a bizarre story about magical animals and talking fruit, then inserts it into a standardized test. The questions about the story confuses everyone. The employee is:

A) Off their meds.
B) Smoked out
C) Pissed at their supervisor and decides to be an a**hole!!!


You clearly aren't familiar with how Pearson does business. They buy inferior crap second hand from other companies, repackage it, and use their huge marketing arm to sell it at inflated prices. This is their business model - and they've done quite well with it (God Bless America).
 
2012-04-20 03:52:23 PM
At first I was like
www.up-video.com

but then
teamaltman.com

They cut one of us up with A KNIFE!!!

/no good pic of the pineapple's death
 
2012-04-20 03:54:36 PM
Why is it that online "jounalists" put up huge farking images of everyday items if they are even remotely connected to the story -- as if no one already knows what they look like -- yet they consistently fail to put up images for articles discussing the visual aspects of actual new products/phenomena/displays/events/etc.?

WE ALL KNOW WHAT A PINEAPPLE LOOKS LIKE!
 
2012-04-20 03:54:51 PM
images.wikia.com

I ate the fuzzy little man peach. Why? Love games!
 
2012-04-20 03:55:21 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com

In order to understand why they ate the pineapple, Neo, you must BECOME the pineapple.
 
2012-04-20 03:56:08 PM
Lemme write a better question (on the scantron)

How fark high were you when you wrote this shiat?
 
2012-04-20 03:56:31 PM
"Is this a pineapple I see before me?" - Macbeth
 
2012-04-20 03:57:20 PM

SonOfSpam: "What's a tortise?"

/iamabanana.jpg


On Tuesday night I (brought my coat and) rewatched that (plus a bunch of other Don Hertzfeld stuff) with a couple of friends. Laughed until we cried.

/what's a battle?
 
2012-04-20 03:57:50 PM

socodog: I'd like to see the actual question.


Vic Sage or Renee Montoya?
 
2012-04-20 03:58:02 PM
Was the essay question "You're in a desert. You look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help. You're not helping it; why is that?"
 
2012-04-20 03:59:29 PM

Oznog: At first I was like
[www.up-video.com image 480x360]

but then
[teamaltman.com image 240x176]

They cut one of us up with A KNIFE!!!

/no good pic of the pineapple's death


Dude, spoiler alert. Goddamn.
 
2012-04-20 04:01:40 PM
Quote FTFA:

AS an eighth grader I would like to say that this is not the version of the story that was on the test and the Animals ate the pineapple because they were annoyed that they had cheered for a loser. Also there was an owl in that version who said "pineapples don't have sleeves" which made him the wisest.

 
2012-04-20 04:02:11 PM

Befuddled: Was the essay question "You're in a desert. You look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help. You're not helping it; why is that?"


You wanna know about my pineapple? I'll tell you about my pineapple *BLAM!*
 
2012-04-20 04:04:03 PM

Befuddled: Was the essay question "You're in a desert. You look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help. You're not helping it; why is that?"


Because Om needs to learn some farking humility.
 
2012-04-20 04:04:35 PM

LaraAmber: Am I the only person who honed in on this sentence?

All the animals in the forest (but not the pineapples, for pineapples are immobile) arranged a finish/start line in between two trees.

No shiat. Pineapples are also not ANIMALS. Might as well say "all the animals in the forest, but not the rocks". Whoever wrote that was definitely high.

So the animals and the pineapples speak English, "just like you and me". But not Miguel over there, that asshole speaks "ghetto".


that was the point, for certain things to be addressed in the answer. Pineapple not being an animal was key. it was a simple light hearted exercise in comprehension.
 
2012-04-20 04:04:54 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: Walker: 1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?
a. they were annoyed
b. they were amused
c. they were hungry
d. they wanted to

HOW CAN I READ ANIMAL'S MINDS??? QUESTION IS INVALID!

d. they wanted to.

They did not have a reason to eat the pineapple. Therefore, if they ate the pineapple without a reason, it is because they wanted to.

2. Who was the wisest?
a. the hare
b. moose
c. crow
d. owl

Duh. C. Crow.


1: C
Ascribing "wants" to animals is anthropomorphizing. They ate because they were hungry.
2: C
The crow was wrong, but logical.

or, maybe something else
 
2012-04-20 04:05:26 PM

fisker: Quote FTFA:

AS an eighth grader I would like to say that this is not the version of the story that was on the test and the Animals ate the pineapple because they were annoyed that they had cheered for a loser. Also there was an owl in that version who said "pineapples don't have sleeves" which made him the wisest.


As an adult I would like to say that I already suspected the transcription of this story to be inaccurate, so thanks for clarifying that... but I would *also* like to say that the only way to know that those two particular answers are the "correct" answers, the story itself would have had to literally declare them so.

Something like a sentence in the story saying "This annoyed the animals." and "The wise owl said..."

In which case it's still a farking awful question because you're not testing reading comprehension, your testing regurgitation and keywording.
 
2012-04-20 04:06:02 PM

Havokmon: I thought the owl was the wisest, because doing a search on 'owl' finds no references to the owl other than it being an answer. Therefore the owl was wise enough to avoid the whole sham and not get stuck with a vegetarian meal.


Bravo
 
2012-04-20 04:07:13 PM
this reads like one of those short stories retard kids who think being random automatically makes you funny vomited. HEY GUYS PINEAPPLES AND shiat HOLY shiat I'M FUNNY NO WAIT MONKEY NIPPLES.
I have just received a job offer from Pearson.
 
2012-04-20 04:07:23 PM

BeesNuts: fisker: Quote FTFA:

AS an eighth grader I would like to say that this is not the version of the story that was on the test and the Animals ate the pineapple because they were annoyed that they had cheered for a loser. Also there was an owl in that version who said "pineapples don't have sleeves" which made him the wisest.

As an adult I would like to say that I already suspected the transcription of this story to be inaccurate, so thanks for clarifying that... but I would *also* like to say that the only way to know that those two particular answers are the "correct" answers, the story itself would have had to literally declare them so.

Something like a sentence in the story saying "This annoyed the animals." and "The wise owl said..."

In which case it's still a farking awful question because you're not testing reading comprehension, your testing regurgitation and keywording.


I'd be interested to know the percentage of correctly answered questions, before and after this question.
 
2012-04-20 04:07:36 PM

1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?
a. they were amused
b. they were hungry
c. they wanted to
d. they postmoderngentleman.com
 
2012-04-20 04:07:56 PM

StaleCoffee: Befuddled: Was the essay question "You're in a desert. You look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help. You're not helping it; why is that?"

Because Om needs to learn some farking humility.


I would have gone with, "Them's good eatin'."
 
2012-04-20 04:09:36 PM

My Third Testicle: AverageAmericanGuy: Walker: 1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?
a. they were annoyed
b. they were amused
c. they were hungry
d. they wanted to

HOW CAN I READ ANIMAL'S MINDS??? QUESTION IS INVALID!

d. they wanted to.

They did not have a reason to eat the pineapple. Therefore, if they ate the pineapple without a reason, it is because they wanted to.

2. Who was the wisest?
a. the hare
b. moose
c. crow
d. owl

Duh. C. Crow.

1: C
Ascribing "wants" to animals is anthropomorphizing. They ate because they were hungry.
2: C
The crow was wrong, but logical.

or, maybe something else


In what universe is anthromorphology NOT a legitimate literary device that has to be taken into account when reading?

If a story tells me that the cabinet secretly desired to have brass handles, rather than aluminum, it's no less "real" in the context of that story than if it had told me that the cabinet's owner was a woman. It's a narrative, and you have to accept the facts of the story. Apparently the correct answer is annoyance, which can only be deduced from facts not present in the version provided by the article. I think this entire thing might be a media fabrication.

I guess we're all a little burnt out on Trayvon.
 
2012-04-20 04:11:52 PM

Virtue: Next question on the exam.

What is in my pocket.

a.
B.
c.
D.


*Gollum eyes you warily*
 
2012-04-20 04:12:01 PM
"The coyote placed the pineapple in front of the starting line, and the hare was on his way."

Dudes. Pineapple just won by default. You start from BEHIND the line, not in front of it.
 
2012-04-20 04:12:06 PM

BeesNuts: fisker: Quote FTFA:

AS an eighth grader I would like to say that this is not the version of the story that was on the test and the Animals ate the pineapple because they were annoyed that they had cheered for a loser. Also there was an owl in that version who said "pineapples don't have sleeves" which made him the wisest.

As an adult I would like to say that I already suspected the transcription of this story to be inaccurate, so thanks for clarifying that... but I would *also* like to say that the only way to know that those two particular answers are the "correct" answers, the story itself would have had to literally declare them so.

Something like a sentence in the story saying "This annoyed the animals." and "The wise owl said..."

In which case it's still a farking awful question because you're not testing reading comprehension, your testing regurgitation and keywording.


Completely agree.
 
2012-04-20 04:12:25 PM

StoPPeRmobile: BeesNuts: fisker: Quote FTFA:

AS an eighth grader I would like to say that this is not the version of the story that was on the test and the Animals ate the pineapple because they were annoyed that they had cheered for a loser. Also there was an owl in that version who said "pineapples don't have sleeves" which made him the wisest.

As an adult I would like to say that I already suspected the transcription of this story to be inaccurate, so thanks for clarifying that... but I would *also* like to say that the only way to know that those two particular answers are the "correct" answers, the story itself would have had to literally declare them so.

Something like a sentence in the story saying "This annoyed the animals." and "The wise owl said..."

In which case it's still a farking awful question because you're not testing reading comprehension, your testing regurgitation and keywording.

I'd be interested to know the percentage of correctly answered questions, before and after this question.


Same. I don't think that granularity of data are available, though. And certainly now that this story has taken over the internet, you wouldn't be able to wade through the bullshiat to find it in any reasonable amount of time.
 
2012-04-20 04:13:21 PM
www.strugglemuffins.com

Je suis un ananas!
 
2012-04-20 04:13:46 PM
Can I mumble dogface to the banana patch?
 
2012-04-20 04:14:26 PM
They said that they wanted the test to be less obvious and harder to do well on, and that's just what the company gave them. If you doubt it, just read the pineapple fable question.

The smartest animal was the rabbit. It saw that the pineapple was talking BS but ran the race any way, knowing that it couldn't lose.

The moose was an idiot for taking the metaphor "up his sleeve" literally.
The crow outsmarted himself by thinking the pineapple had a clever trick, which the crow would have had if it had been him, but which the stupid pineapple obviously would not have because he's a fricking pineapple with no legs.
The owl wasn't even mentioned. It's just a trap for lazy students who know the expression "wise old owl" or "wise as an owl". They could have said "snake" in some other cultures where the snake is deemed the wisest or cleverest of animals (as it is in the second chapter of Genesis, where it deceives Adam and Eve).

As for the question of why the animals ate the pineapple, they were obviously annoyed at themselves for being so stupid so they turned on the one person who made them look foolish. That's the way it always is in fables and real life--you scapegoat somebody for your own faults. It's obvious that "because they wanted to" is a stupid answer. People do everything and nothing because they want to. It's obvious that because they were hungry is another clever trap for people who didn't bother to read the stupid fable.

I'm sure I would have done very well on this test.

The real questions are: what are the answer grid answers to these two multiple choice questions? And do they mark this question or is it just a trick to prevent people from stealing the test. Publishers do that sort of thing, you know. An old trick is to put some fake location on a map to make sure nobody copies it.

For example, there is no such place as "New York City". It is just a made up name. Why the Hell would anybody who knew the City of York want to build another one?

To quote Homer Simpson: "I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! "

Another question I just thought of is, why didn't the article tell us that it was multiple choice in the first place? Then we wouldn't have had to read the stupid fable and questions because we'd have known it doesn't make any difference any way. You have a one in four chance of getting any multiple choice question right, and better if you can eliminate one or more answers by reasoning rather than reading comprehension.

The whole point seems to be that the questions don't matter any more than the answers if you know how to take these damn tests.
 
2012-04-20 04:14:59 PM

Fish in a Barrel: StaleCoffee: Befuddled: Was the essay question "You're in a desert. You look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help. You're not helping it; why is that?"

Because Om needs to learn some farking humility.

I would have gone with, "Them's good eatin'."


I thought that might be too obscure, but fark always proves otherwise.
 
2012-04-20 04:15:09 PM
If I found this question on a test that I'd been studying for, for countless hours, because it could mean making it into a good school or not, I would have either strolled up to the proctor and started punching him/her in the face until I was pulled off him/her, or I would have written a beautifully prosaic and well-thought-out treatise on how such a stupid question should have never been included in such a test.

And with how I was when I was 16 years old, it would have been the former, 7 times out of 10.
 
2012-04-20 04:18:58 PM

mercator_psi: If I found this question on a test that I'd been studying for, for countless hours, because it could mean making it into a good school or not, I would have either strolled up to the proctor and started punching him/her in the face until I was pulled off him/her, or I would have written a beautifully prosaic and well-thought-out treatise on how such a stupid question should have never been included in such a test.

And with how I was when I was 16 years old, it would have been the former, 7 times out of 10.


Fortunately... this test is completely meaningless to the students that take them.
 
2012-04-20 04:23:48 PM

Fish in a Barrel: I thought the story was a little Voight-Kampff-esque, too.


media.avclub.com

Holden: You're in a magical forest, sitting near a tree, when all of a sudden you look over...
Leon: What one?
Holden: What?
Leon: What forest?
Holden: It doesn't make any difference what forest, it's completely hypothetical.
Leon: But, how come I'd be there?
Holden: Maybe you're fed up. Maybe you want to be by yourself. Who knows? You look over and see a hare, Leon. It's talking to you...
Leon: Hare? What's that?
Holden: You know what a rabbit is?
Leon: Of course!
Holden: Same thing.
Leon: I've never seen a rabbit... But I understand what you mean.
Holden: You look at the hare, and you challenge it to a race, Leon.
Leon: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden? Or do they write 'em down for you?
Holden: The hare sprints off the starting line, clearly wanting to win the race. But it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
Leon: What do you mean, I'm not helping?
Holden: I mean: you're not helping! You're just sitting there, not racing! Why is that, Leon?
 
2012-04-20 04:27:44 PM
This story triggers the retirement of not one, but two memes.
1) This question is maximum trolling and as such, precludes anything else from earning that title.
2) LOL Wut? is the only possible response to this question and as it is a perfect response, the response can not be used for anything else, since its soulmate has been found.
 
2012-04-20 04:29:08 PM

The Third Man: Fano: 2. How is a raven like a writing desk?

It is nevar placed back to front.


In addition to this odd answer, Lewis Carroll came up with another answer to his own unanswered riddle which makes a fair amount of sense, although it's not a great joke:

Because a few drops of ink spilled on them isn't noticeable, the reason being the raven is totally black, while the writing desk (or its blotter) is so splattered with ink that a few more makes no visible difference.
 
2012-04-20 04:31:15 PM
Holden: Maybe you're fed up. Maybe you want to be by yourself. Who knows? You look over and see a pineapple, Leon. It's talking to you...
Leon: Pineapple? What's that?
Holden: You know who Edward James Olmos is?
Leon: Of course!
Holden: Same thing.


FTFY
 
2012-04-20 04:35:19 PM
Teacher: "Make sure you read all the instructions"
Instructions: "Don't answer the pineapple question"
 
2012-04-20 04:37:30 PM
That's right Imaginary Pineapple! You too sweet to spell!
i227.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-20 04:40:53 PM
It seems pretty straightforward to me. The animals in the story are confronted by a nonsensical situation with an obvious answer: the rabbit will win a race against an immobile pineapple. However, the animals wrongly conclude that because the situation is so extraordinary, the answer must be equally extraordinary.

The objective of the test question is to determine whether or not the students are smart enough to recognize the lesson in the fable and not overthink the question. The answers are "d. they wanted to" and "a. the hare". It's no surprise that a bunch of dumbass adults act just like the animals, get tricked into overthinking the scenario, and fail to recognize the obvious answers.
 
2012-04-20 04:48:59 PM

thamike: Holden: Maybe you're fed up. Maybe you want to be by yourself. Who knows? You look over and see a pineapple, Leon. It's talking to you...
Leon: Pineapple? What's that?
Holden: You know who Edward James Olmos is?
Leon: Of course!
Holden: Same thing.


FTFY


25.media.tumblr.com

You've made a man's joke, sir!
 
2012-04-20 04:49:26 PM
You know, when you get SO many presumably-intelligent people who use different methods to arrive at DIFFERENT answers which are all OBVIOUSLY correct to the person who answered that way, it's almost as though the question has many different valid interpretations which yield different results. Such a question HAS no correct answer and it has no business being on an 8th-grade reading test.

Or is this the 8th-grade reading test's version of a FARK Politics tab discussion?
 
2012-04-20 04:51:04 PM

dustygrimp: This story triggers the retirement of not one, but two memes.
1) This question is maximum trolling and as such, precludes anything else from earning that title.
2) LOL Wut? is the only possible response to this question and as it is a perfect response, the response can not be used for anything else, since its soulmate has been found.


Well, congrats. The Universe has now been replaced by something bizarre and inexplicable.
 
2012-04-20 04:51:15 PM

algrant33: Such a question HAS no correct answer and it has no business being on an 8th-grade reading test.*


*in multiple-choice format with no room for justification...i.e. the test designer believes there's one clear-cut answer from the information provided.
 
2012-04-20 04:52:13 PM
 
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