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(New York Daily News)   In a world where America fights to remain in front: Talking pineapple question on state exam stumps Students, Teachers and Principals   (nydailynews.com) divider line 338
    More: Obvious, professor emeritus  
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21789 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Apr 2012 at 1:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-20 02:11:15 PM
Grammar fail in the first sentence of that mess.
 
2012-04-20 02:11:56 PM

Russ1642: It's a neat tale that shows how dumb ideas can spread and how they can even seem logical to some people...


Sounds like most of the threads on fark.
 
2012-04-20 02:11:59 PM
southparkstudios-intl.mtvnimages.com

I'd answer in the context of Paris Hilton in a Whore-Off.
 
2012-04-20 02:13:06 PM

Uzzah: Thus, the animals ate the pineapple because that was the Law. They did not choose to.


I thought the Law for talking animals was "No Spill Blood" ?
 
2012-04-20 02:13:32 PM

Uzzah: Rent Party: The obvious answer is d. They wanted to. All the other answers presume some motivation on the animals part that can not be known. The only confirmed fact we have in evidence is that they did, in fact, eat the pineapple, and therefore must have wanted to.

Incorrect. As you should have deduced from the various fantasy elements of the story -- talking animals, monkeys and moose occupying the same habitat, etc. -- the world in which this story takes place is presided over by a deranged and impulsive deity. You are all obsessed with the apparent illogic of a non-mobile pineapple challenging a speedy hare to a race, but the lack of any superficial logic justifying that plot element should have clued you into the fact that the author of the story was purposefully concealing something. The thing he was concealing is this: the insane deity that rules this world hath decreed that the penalty for losing any proposed race is to be immediately consumed. (The deity also imbued the pineapple with an unprecedented degree of hubris because the deity in question is a huge dick, but that's another matter.)

Thus, the animals ate the pineapple because that was the Law. They did not choose to.


Nice!

* golf clap *
 
2012-04-20 02:14:39 PM
t2.gstatic.com
 
2012-04-20 02:15:59 PM
Notice the "talking" pineapple didn't say a word after its conversation with Rabbit? That's because rabbit made up a story about the pineapple being able to talk and challenge him to a race, so he could con the other animals.

Rabbit = wisest
 
2012-04-20 02:16:18 PM
I ate a talking pineapple once...I could have sworn the bowel movement I had the next day said, "hello..."

/With sincere apologies to Tom Robbins
 
2012-04-20 02:16:40 PM
Ambrose Bierce concludes the introduction to Write It Right (his 1909 handbook on usage and style), with the following paragraph:

Precision is much, but not all; some words and phrases are disallowed on the ground of taste. As there are neither standards nor arbiters of taste, the book can do little more than reflect that of its author, who is far indeed from professing impeccability. In neither taste nor precision is any man's practice a court of last appeal, for writers all, both great and small, are habitual sinners against the light; and their accuser is cheerfully aware that his own work will supply (as in making this book it has supplied) many "awful examples"--his later work less abundantly, he hopes, than his earlier. He nevertheless believes that this does not disqualify him for showing by other instances than his own how not to write. The infallible teacher is still in the forest primeval, throwing seeds to the white blackbirds.

Q: What is the primary attribute of a `white blackbird'?
 
2012-04-20 02:16:56 PM
but how many pineapple upside-down cakes did Lex Luthor steal?
 
2012-04-20 02:16:58 PM
In any single standardized science test I have seen in the last 9 years there is at least one question that will stump a group of teachers - either through being VERY poorly worded or outright impossible with the information given.
 
2012-04-20 02:17:11 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

/will eat your pineapple
 
2012-04-20 02:17:44 PM

Lunaville: Bennie Crabtree: Pearson publishes the worst university textbooks I have ever seen. The errors are enormous, obvious, and plentiful.

I'm out of work and my skills aren't what they could be. Do you think Pearson has any job openings?


Your sentence was easily read, had no errors and made perfect sense. You're overqualified for a position at Pearson.
 
2012-04-20 02:18:04 PM

RembrandtQEinstein: [upload.wikimedia.org image 300x225]

Did someone say talking pineapple?

(obscure?)


missed that, glad I am not the only one

yes obscure
 
ows
2012-04-20 02:18:23 PM
well since this is a fictional question, i would give one hell of a convoluted answer. maybe something about the "other animals" being some sort of mutated cross species that feed strictly on the brains of idiots who make up farked up test questions.
 
2012-04-20 02:18:23 PM
The bottom line is that this 2 part question actually had 2 part correct answers. Pressure should be put on this company to give the correct answers, and the reasoning behind it. They are basing children's futures on the correct answer to this question.
 
2012-04-20 02:18:57 PM

Bubba_the_Hutt: Notice the "talking" pineapple didn't say a word after its conversation with Rabbit? That's because rabbit made up a story about the pineapple being able to talk and challenge him to a race, so he could con the other animals.

Rabbit = wisest


shh.. dont spoil it
 
2012-04-20 02:18:59 PM
Perhaps this will help:
files.redux.com
 
2012-04-20 02:19:47 PM
People are stupid this is an easy question to answer.
1.Why did the animals eat the pineapple? a. they were annoyed
2.Who was the wisest? a. the hare
The animals were upset at their own stupidity so they lashed out at the pineapple as is often the case with stupid people anger is always a tool for the weak of mind. The hare was the wisest for accepting a race he knew he could easily win.

I cry for the human race.
 
2012-04-20 02:23:08 PM
I'm pretty sure the answer is 42
 
2012-04-20 02:23:14 PM

Bennie Crabtree: Pearson publishes the worst university textbooks I have ever seen. The errors are enormous, obvious, and plentiful.


Oh farking this! And their on-line learning system is horrifically bad. Besides making Blackboard's usability look like something Apple came up with, the material is often at direct odds with the textbooks.

Fark Pearson.

/ Just finished with a Pearson curriculum.
// We hates it...
 
2012-04-20 02:23:17 PM
The pineapple knew its ruse would result in being eaten. Hell, the whole plan hinged on it. The pineapple knew that once consumed, the seeds inside it would pass through the animals' alimentary systems, and would be deposited in rich compost. The pineapple trees would then grow large and produce am army of pineapples, who would then decimate all mammalian life in the forest by using coordinated suicide attacks, during which they would fall on the animals' heads.
 
2012-04-20 02:23:28 PM
Here are some questions I'd like to see on state exams:

Ten crows are sitting on a fence, a cat pounces and eats one crow. How many are left?

Two drops of water, plus two drops of water equal how many drop of water?

Two cats plus two sardines equals what?

Redesign the human genitals so that they might be more equitable (as a writing or art exam question)
 
2012-04-20 02:23:47 PM

Crazy Lee: Q: What is the primary attribute of a `white blackbird'?


The glass ceiling is much higher.
 
2012-04-20 02:24:30 PM

ChrisDe: As I started reading the article, I thought "Pearson". And yes, it was. That company is a farking joke, yet they get billions from education every year. They can't deliver test results on time, and you can read what kind of questions they come up with. I swear they must be blackmailing school boards to get the contracts they have.

/not a teacher, just a parent that sees the crap they pull


This.

I've had minor encounters with these Pearson assclowns over the years - this is par for the course.

From everything I've seen, they're an education company in name only. They really just seem to be a marketing firm that uses strong-arm sales tactics to sell second-hand crap to the unwary.
 
2012-04-20 02:24:38 PM
Next question on the exam.

What is in my pocket.

a.
B.
c.
D.
 
2012-04-20 02:25:05 PM
I'm confused. None of the available answer choices addresses fact that the animals were all cruel, insensitive bullies to the pineapple who clearly was gay.

I mean, look at its hair style . . .

/not that there's anything wrong with that
 
2012-04-20 02:27:34 PM
"My reaction is horror that a question that's so obviously confusing should be used on a test that is going to be used to determine our kid's future and the future of our children's schools," said parent Leonie Haimson, of Class Size Matters, who Boobiesed the question on her blog.

She's just pissed because her snowflake isn't college material and she's too stupid to figure out the question.

Why did they eat the pineapple? I mean, duh. Subby is right, it is obvious, and the backlash just goes to show you how incompetent our overpaid teachers really are. Drawn from the bottom third of their colleges, indeed.
 
2012-04-20 02:27:49 PM

LoveRBS: THEN WHO WAS PINEAPPLE?!


Look, you already know that the Walrus was Paul so the rest is a simple matter of Arithmetic now isn't it?

/don't you feel foolish?
 
2012-04-20 02:28:05 PM
Pineapples are dumb as f*ck.
 
2012-04-20 02:28:11 PM
The point of the test is not to win, but to face fear and accept the possibility of death.
 
2012-04-20 02:30:21 PM

miss jinxed: Ten crows are sitting on a fence, a cat pounces and eats one crow. How many are left?


None. They flew away when the cat pounced

miss jinxed: Two drops of water, plus two drops of water equal how many drop of water?


One. It's just a bigger drop.

miss jinxed: Two cats plus two sardines equals what?


2 happy cats

miss jinxed: Redesign the human genitals so that they might be more equitable (as a writing or art exam question)


Is a photocopy of my wonderfully perfect penis an acceptable answer? I don't really have drawing skillz.
 
2012-04-20 02:31:23 PM
Your exam question is invalid
lh3.googleusercontent.com
 
2012-04-20 02:32:01 PM
I don't believe this article is telling me the truth. That story was far too interesting to be part of a standardized test.

It was also poorly written. But interesting. Full of pointless asides, and light on details that might feed into reading comprehension.

And then I read it again and...
The next day, the competition was coming into play. All the animals in the forest (but not the pineapples, for pineapples are immobile) arranged a finish/start line in between two trees.

...

About a few hours later, the hare came into sight again. It flew right across the finish line, still as fast as it was when it first took off.


This IS a magical forest!
 
2012-04-20 02:32:12 PM

Crewmannumber6: [i37.photobucket.com image 96x77]


i470.photobucket.com

Your picture lacked a certain fruity something. A double serving to make up for it.
 
2012-04-20 02:33:06 PM

Russ1642: Fish in a Barrel: Arkanaut: You laugh now, Daily News, but do you have a better way of telling which of our children are actually replicants?

I thought the story was a little Voight-Kampff-esque, too.

This might also be some kind of calibration question. Although I'm not sure what a nonsense question would be used to calibrate. Perhaps identify cheating if too many people chose the same answer?

Could be.


This was my first thought. And that the administrators would not have suspected the same speaks much about their tunnel vision.
 
2012-04-20 02:34:43 PM

miss jinxed: Here are some questions I'd like to see on state exams:

Ten crows are sitting on a fence, a cat pounces and eats one crow. How many are left?

Two drops of water, plus two drops of water equal how many drop of water?

Two cats plus two sardines equals what?

Redesign the human genitals so that they might be more equitable (as a writing or art exam question)


1. Zero
2. One
3. A fight
4. There's a Bill Plympton cartoon of God's first plans for intercourse. There's some nose to belly botton and foot to ear action. Unfortunately, I cannot find a link.
 
2012-04-20 02:35:09 PM
"What's a tortise?"

/iamabanana.jpg
 
2012-04-20 02:35:22 PM
Why did the animals eat the talking fruit?

One to hold down the Llama, and the other six to fill the bathtub with herring.


Which animal was wisest?

A piece of tomfoolery from the void, in which all the lofty questions have become involved.
 
2012-04-20 02:36:18 PM
There once was a rapping tomato,
That's right I said rapping tomato,
He rapped all day from April to May,
And also guess what, it was me.

Link
 
2012-04-20 02:39:06 PM

miss jinxed: Here are some questions I'd like to see on state exams:

Ten crows are sitting on a fence, a cat pounces and eats one crow. How many are left?


Vague reference. How many what?

Two drops of water, plus two drops of water equal how many drop of water?

A drop can only be singular. If you had asked how many drops of water?, well that would be a different matter.

Two cats plus two sardines equals what?

One hell of a good stew.

Redesign the human genitals so that they might be more equitable (as a writing or art exam question)
 
2012-04-20 02:39:10 PM
i0.kym-cdn.com

~140 comments and no LOL WUT pear? Fark. Is. Slipping.

/hot
 
2012-04-20 02:39:25 PM

Crewmannumber6: Here we go again
[i11.photobucket.com image 205x143]


Dear Algebra,

Stop asking us to find your X.
She's not coming back.
 
2012-04-20 02:39:35 PM
I'm relatively certain that this was written by spentmiles
 
2012-04-20 02:39:55 PM
images.cheezburger.com
 
2012-04-20 02:41:55 PM
1) Ate it 'cause it couldn't defend itself/stop them

2) Smartest animal figured out #1 first


Duh...
a. they were annoyed
b. moose

/not very hard.
//ask me to show my work if you don't get it.
 
2012-04-20 02:42:09 PM

RembrandtQEinstein: [upload.wikimedia.org image 300x225]

Did someone say talking pineapple?

(obscure?)


Un ananas quis parle? Et maintenant, chantons-nous avec les squelettes!

I loved Telefrancais waaaay too much in Middle School. I even got my teacher to let me borrow her VHS tapes so I could watch the episodes we didn't have time for in class.
 
2012-04-20 02:43:14 PM

KyDave: 1) Ate it 'cause it couldn't defend itself/stop them

2) Smartest animal figured out #1 first


Duh...
a. they were annoyed
b. moose

/not very hard.
//ask me to show my work if you don't get it.


First you must realize the truth.

There is no moose.

/no, really.
 
2012-04-20 02:43:30 PM
(1) Annoyed
(2) Hare

I'm surprised how few people realized the answers to this. Personally, I found the scenario amusing to read, especially when compared to the standard reading comprehension exam dreck.
 
2012-04-20 02:43:37 PM

Lunaville: angrycrank: Lunaville: angrycrank: But teachers who object to these standardised tests as a way to evaluate their performance are just a bunch of lazy overpaid union thugs, amirite? And those snowflakes should stop whining, get off my lawn, and gbtw.

/the hare was the wisest. He avoided all the crap philosophising and just ran the damn race.
/they ate the pineapple because they wanted to, duh.

How dare you claim they merely wanted to eat the pineapple! The animals were annoyed and they had a right to be annoyed. That smug, arrogant pineapple was sitting there, mocking the animals. The pineapple knew he didn't have feet! But who had the last laugh when that trickster found himself on the dinner menu?

Are you denigrating those animals by implying they couldn't possibly have controlled their emotions? No, they may have been annoyed, but they CHOSE to act on that annoyance by eating the pineapple, just as gays chose to be gay and dinosaurs chose to give rides to Jesus.

That pineapple was manipulative. Are you implying the animals didn't have a right to defend themselves against, and dine upon the tasty goodness, of a sociopath-huckster like the pineapple?


Since the pineapple appears to be sentient, they should have regarded it with loving compassion. In order to achieve enlightenment, we must wish to liberate all sentient beings, no matter how repugnant, from the sufferings of cyclic existence. This applies even to rats, Republicans, and, yes, pineapples.
 
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