If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Cracked)   "You Can Call Me Al" may sound upbeat, but it's included in the 6 Popular Upbeat Songs You Didn't Realize Are Depressing   (cracked.com) divider line 246
    More: Interesting, OutKast, Lucy Liu, Hey Ya, Hey, polaroid, attention spans, upbeat, Paul Simon  
•       •       •

16230 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Apr 2012 at 1:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



246 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-04-19 02:07:03 PM

puckrock2000: How the hell did the author miss this obvious one?


Could have also gone with "Glory Days".
 
2012-04-19 02:09:18 PM
Alone Again, Naturally

Sounds upbeat, despite the title, but damn, listen to the words
 
2012-04-19 02:10:18 PM
Who didn't know "You Can Call Me Al" is a depressing song?
 
2012-04-19 02:10:20 PM

MrFisher_84: The Future's So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)


It's something of a sardonic commentary on materialism, but the character in the song certainly believes life's awesome.
 
2012-04-19 02:11:20 PM

puckrock2000: How the hell did the author miss this obvious one?


Because Born in the USA isn't catchy. And the first verse:

Born down in a dead man town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that's been beat too much
Till you spend half your life just covering up
 
2012-04-19 02:13:32 PM

puckrock2000: How the hell did the author miss this obvious one?


Damn it I was going to say that one too.
 
2012-04-19 02:13:41 PM

buntz: Alone Again, Naturally

Sounds upbeat, despite the title, but damn, listen to the words


Oh, yeah, the guy gets left at the altar so he jumps off a tower. I've actually heard that at a wedding.
 
2012-04-19 02:13:42 PM
Can I just be the first to say that "Pumped Up Kicks" is a really catchy song the first time you hear it, but by the third time you're ready to get all stabby on random passersby?
 
2012-04-19 02:14:15 PM
The Cure's-Just Like Heaven certainly sounds upbeat.

And no one included this? Link
 
2012-04-19 02:18:20 PM
Maxwell's Silver Hammer. The most upbeat song about a serial killer I ever heard.
 
2012-04-19 02:19:14 PM
"Depending on who you ask, "Jump" represents the exact moment in time when Van Halen either stopped or started being awesome. If you fall into the former category, you're probably a die-hard Van Halen fan. If you fall into the latter category, you're the type of person who ruins anything good and everybody hates you. Sorry to break that to you on a comedy site."

A-Farking-men, Cracked article writer dude...
 
2012-04-19 02:20:32 PM

Strongbeerrules: Maxwell's Silver Hammer. The most upbeat song about a serial killer I ever heard.


What about Mack the Knife?
 
2012-04-19 02:20:54 PM
harp-tab.com

Ruby lips above the water,
Blowing bubbles, soft and fine,
But, alas, I was no swimmer,
So I lost my Clementine. -- Chor.

How I missed her! How I missed her,
How I missed my Clementine,
But I kissed her little sister,
I forgot my Clementine. -- Chor.
 
2012-04-19 02:21:00 PM
Nick Lowe - Marie Provost
 
2012-04-19 02:22:31 PM
Linvin' La Vida Loca not on the list? Unpossible.
 
2012-04-19 02:23:25 PM

PsyLord: Linvin' La Vida Loca not on the list? Unpossible.


Livin'

/can't spell
 
2012-04-19 02:26:26 PM

Rent Party: "Depending on who you ask, "Jump" represents the exact moment in time when Van Halen either stopped or started being awesome. If you fall into the former category, you're probably a die-hard Van Halen fan. If you fall into the latter category, you're the type of person who ruins anything good and everybody hates you. Sorry to break that to you on a comedy site."

A-Farking-men, Cracked article writer dude...


What about the people that listen to music to enjoy it without giving a damn when a song was written, or when a band was suppedly 'awesome' or not?
 
2012-04-19 02:27:07 PM
Now that I've read the article, there are a few more songs by Steely Dan that are more creepy and a farkton less obscure than "Everyone's Gone to the Movies".

Just for funsies, "King of the World" is a post-apocalyptic fantasy, "Peg" is about a porn fanboi, and "Josie" is about a gang-bang.
 
2012-04-19 02:27:34 PM

downstairs: puckrock2000: How the hell did the author miss this obvious one?

Because Born in the USA isn't catchy. And the first verse:

Born down in a dead man town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that's been beat too much
Till you spend half your life just covering up


"Born in the USA" not catchy? It's the same six-note melody repeated over and over for four and a half minutes; if that doesn't get stuck in your brain, nothing will.
As far as the verses go, everyone ignored them in favor of the chorus, leading people like George Will and Ronald Reagan to believe it was a patriotic, flag-waving anthem, rather than the rant of a bitter, unemployed Vietnam vet.
 
2012-04-19 02:27:56 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Yeah, and Cuddly Toy, by the Monkees, is really about a gang bang. What's yer point?


Can't forget Last Train to Clarksville, which is about a GI going off to 'Nam. Also Randy Scouse Git is pretty negative in the chorus, Not Your Stepping Stone is basically about a guy fed up with a chick using him for personal gain. There's also these pretty upbeat songs by the Monkees:

Going Down:
Sock it to me...

Floatin' down the river
With a saturated liver
And I wish I could forgive her
But I do believe she meant it
When she told me to forget it
And I bet she will regret it
When they find me in the morning wet and drowned
And the word gets 'round
Goin' down
Goin' down

Coming' up for air
It's pretty stuffy under there
I'd like to say I didn't care
But I forgot to leave a note
And it's so hard to stay afloat
I'm soakin' wet without a boat
And I knew I should have taken off my shoes
It's front page news
Goin' down
Goin' down

I wish I had another drink
It wouldn't be so hard to sink
I should have taken time to think
Besides I got the picture straight
She must have had another date
I didn't need this extra weight
I wish that I could see the way to shore
Don't want no more
Goin' down
I'm goin' down

And now I see the life I led
I slept it all away in bed
I should have learned to swim instead
And now it's really got me stumped
I can't believe why I jumped
I'd like to get my tummy pumped
I can't believe they drink this stuff in town
This dirty brown
Goin' down

Goin' down

I wish I looked before I leaped
I didn't know it was so deep
Been down so far I don't get wet
Haven't touched the bottom yet
This river scene is gettin' old
I'm hungry, sleepy, wet and cold
She told me to forget it nice
I should have taken her advice
I only want to go on home
I'd gladly leave that girl alone
What a way to spend the night
If I don't drown, I'll die of fright
My pappy taught me how to float
But I can't swim a single note
He threw me in to teach me how
I stayed there floatin' like a mama cow
And now I've floated way down stream
I know this has to be a dream
If I could find my way to shore
I'd never, never do this anymore
I'll give you three, I've been down nine
I'm goin' down just one more time.
Goin' down.
Goin' down.

Now the sky is gettin' light
An everything will be alright
Think I finally got the knack
Just floatin' here lazy on my back
I never really liked that town
I think I'll ride the river down
Just movin' slow and floatin' free
There's a river swingin' under me.
Waving back to the folks on shore
I should have thought of this before
I'm floatin' on down to New Orleans
Goin' to pick up on some swingin' scenes
I know I'll know a better day
I'll go down groovin' all the way
Goin' down
Goin' down

Mommy and Daddy:
Ask your mommy and daddy
What happened to the Indian
Ask your mommy and daddy
To tell you where you really came from
Your mommy and daddy
Will probably quickly turn and walk away
Then ask your mommy and daddy
Who really killed JFK

Ask your mommy if she really
Gets off on all her pills
Ask your daddy why doesn't
That soldier care who he kills?
After they've put you to sleep
And tucked you safely down in your bed
Whisper mommy and daddy
Would it matter if the bullet went through my head?

If it was my blood spilling on the kitchen floor,
If it was my blood, mommy, would you care a little more?
Don't be surprised when they turn and start to cry
And tell your mommy and daddy
Tell your mommy and daddy
Scream it to your mommy and daddy,
They're living in a lie, lie, lie
It's all a lie, it's all a lie, lie, lie...

Long Title: Do I Have To Do This All Over Again?:
Do I have to do this all over again?
Didn't I do it right the first time?
Do I have to do this all over again?
How many times do I have to make this climb?
Didn't I? Didn't I?

Can I see my way to know what's really real
They say time can fix things by itself
I know life's more than just some kind of deal
Won't you tell me what all, when my soul comes off the shelf
Didn't I, oh, didn't I?

Do I have to do this all over again?
Didn't I do it right the first time?
Do I have to do this all over again?
How many times do I have to make this climb?
Didn't I?...

Star Collector:
Think I'll let her keep on going,
Wherever it is she's going to,
Give her my autograph and tell her,
It's been nice knowing you.

Cause she's the star collector,
Collector of stars,
She only aims to please,
Young celebrities,
Yeah, she's the star collector,
Collector of stars,
How can I love her,
When I just don't respect her?

When everything is going my way,
She wants to be close at hand,
She moves to some other doorway,
When things don't go,
The way she planned.

Yes, she's the star collector,
Collector of stars,
She only aims to please,
Young celebrities,
Yeah, she's the star collector,
Collector of stars,
Oh, it won't take much time,
Before I get her off my mind.
 
2012-04-19 02:28:30 PM
Am I getting old? This is the first one that came to my mind.

Link


(pops like an old one-hit wonder)
 
2012-04-19 02:29:47 PM
"1984" was pretty much the swan song of Van Halen. I love that album--yes, even "Jump"--but the very things that made it such a fine album were the very things that spelled doom for the band and its sound.
 
2012-04-19 02:30:19 PM
List MegaFails without The Beatles - Help.

Lennon wanted it to be a slow somber song. Record company forced them to make it poppy to sell more.
 
2012-04-19 02:32:14 PM
Link

/Mac: well it sounds like a song about a guy who breaks into your house and rapes you
 
2012-04-19 02:32:58 PM

theorellior: Now that I've read the article, there are a few more songs by Steely Dan that are more creepy and a farkton less obscure than "Everyone's Gone to the Movies".

Just for funsies, "King of the World" is a post-apocalyptic fantasy, "Peg" is about a porn fanboi, and "Josie" is about a gang-bang.


But nothing beats "Gaucho" - a rich old man invites a boy toy up to his apartment only to have him arrive with a rent boy from Rio.
 
2012-04-19 02:34:18 PM

EMCGuy: Rent Party: "Depending on who you ask, "Jump" represents the exact moment in time when Van Halen either stopped or started being awesome. If you fall into the former category, you're probably a die-hard Van Halen fan. If you fall into the latter category, you're the type of person who ruins anything good and everybody hates you. Sorry to break that to you on a comedy site."

A-Farking-men, Cracked article writer dude...

What about the people that listen to music to enjoy it without giving a damn when a song was written, or when a band was suppedly 'awesome' or not?


If you enjoy Jump, then you enjoy shiatty music. That song sucked no matter who did it. That it was at the vanguard of Van Halen producing decades of songs that suck is relevant.
 
2012-04-19 02:34:36 PM
Did you know that "Star-Spangled Banner" is about a battle?
 
2012-04-19 02:35:06 PM

Strongbeerrules: Maxwell's Silver Hammer. The most upbeat song about a serial killer I ever heard.


Its my ringtone, to boot!

/CSB
 
2012-04-19 02:35:17 PM
 
2012-04-19 02:36:00 PM

Abner Doon: Cisco-Kid: Bare Naked Ladies "The Old Apartment" is about a psycho stalker ex-boyfriend.

Punched a hole in the wall.
Ripped the phone out of the wall.
Why did you change the locks? Why did I have to break in? I only came here to talk...
(yeah, right.)

Uhm, it's been a long time since I listened to that song, but I think you're wrong. Aren't they both going back to the apartment they used to live in and reminising?


Nope, he's right... The singer's gone to her apartment and broken in, since she's changed the locks and he insists on talking to her.
Additionally:
"How is the neighbour downstairs?
How is her temper this year?
I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun"

Clearly, the subject of his affections still lives there. And is going to catch hell from her downstairs neighbor.
 
2012-04-19 02:36:08 PM
Copacabana by Barry Manilow is an upbeat disco hit, but its depressing as hell.
 
2012-04-19 02:36:08 PM

OldManDownDRoad: theorellior: Now that I've read the article, there are a few more songs by Steely Dan that are more creepy and a farkton less obscure than "Everyone's Gone to the Movies".

Just for funsies, "King of the World" is a post-apocalyptic fantasy, "Peg" is about a porn fanboi, and "Josie" is about a gang-bang.

But nothing beats "Gaucho" - a rich old man invites a boy toy up to his apartment only to have him arrive with a rent boy from Rio.



Hey 19 was always a little dark, ply a 19 year old with Tequila and Pot and you can have your way with them, just kick them out before morning.
 
2012-04-19 02:38:28 PM

OldManDownDRoad: But nothing beats "Gaucho" - a rich old man invites a boy toy up to his apartment only to have him arrive with a rent boy from Rio.


Actually, not his apartment: his skybox at the "Custerdome", where all the other old rich guys are having a good guffaw at the situation.
 
2012-04-19 02:38:47 PM
Not really THAT popular of a song, but..

"They'll Need A Crane" by TMBG.
 
2012-04-19 02:39:47 PM
Her tears flowed like wine. Try not snapping your fingers along with this tune. I dare you.
 
2012-04-19 02:40:50 PM

browneye: Copacabana by Barry Manilow is an upbeat disco hit, but its depressing as hell.


Since the 1st time I ever heard that song was on the Muppet Show done by Liza, I always thought it was a sad song.
 
2012-04-19 02:41:10 PM
"Everything's Coming Up Roses" from the musical Gypsy.

It sounds like upbeat kitsch. In reality, it's about a coont of a Stage Mother having a meltdown after finding out her 13-year-old snowflake eloped with one of her backup dancers just to get away from her. So now said Stage Mother is forcing her other daughter into showbiz, even though she's begging her mother that all she wants to do is live a normal life.

/I know, I know...
//sethrogen_paulrudd.jpg
 
2012-04-19 02:41:23 PM

Crewmannumber6: Here's a catchy little ditty about a school shooting
Link


And it's so catchy a friend of a friend walked in to their wedding reception to that tune. I turned to my wife and asked her if they had ever listened to the lyrics.

/csb
 
2012-04-19 02:41:45 PM

Theaetetus: Abner Doon: Cisco-Kid: Bare Naked Ladies "The Old Apartment" is about a psycho stalker ex-boyfriend.

Punched a hole in the wall.
Ripped the phone out of the wall.
Why did you change the locks? Why did I have to break in? I only came here to talk...
(yeah, right.)

Uhm, it's been a long time since I listened to that song, but I think you're wrong. Aren't they both going back to the apartment they used to live in and reminising?

Nope, he's right... The singer's gone to her apartment and broken in, since she's changed the locks and he insists on talking to her.
Additionally:
"How is the neighbour downstairs?
How is her temper this year?
I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun"

Clearly, the subject of his affections still lives there. And is going to catch hell from her downstairs neighbor.


They have a few songs that are extremely dark.

Namely, "Tonight Is The Night I Fell Asleep At The Wheel", a song about driving to see a girl and dying in a car crash. This is the chorus, which sounds so happy on the track.

I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
So much bloooooooooooooooood


and "Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank"

You say you love me, is that the truth?
Although they've heard the songs, my friends want living proof.
I know your address, I ring the bell
I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells.
 
2012-04-19 02:41:49 PM
"Anything written by Paul Simon, ever."

Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. But not much.
 
2012-04-19 02:42:47 PM

kyoryu: "Anything written by Paul Simon, ever."

Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. But not much.



Please don't take my Kodachrome
 
2012-04-19 02:44:06 PM
Most Bruce Springsteen songs?

Chorus == Happy
rest of song != Happy

Born in the USA should not be played as a patriotic anthem.

Born to Run? This place rips the bones from your back it's a death trap? yup, happy.
 
2012-04-19 02:46:22 PM

Tom_Slick: kyoryu: "Anything written by Paul Simon, ever."

Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. But not much.


Please don't take my Kodachrome


I was about to say this. It's one of my favorite songs. If I had a top 10 list, it would be on there.
 
2012-04-19 02:47:56 PM

Tom_Slick: Hey 19 was always a little dark, ply a 19 year old with Tequila and Pot and you can have your way with them, just kick them out before morning.


I don't know if there are purists here who think that the latter two Dan albums are canon or not, but "Janie Runaway" is by far the sickest upbeat Dan song ever. Start with a young girl who runs away from an abusive father in Florida by burning down their house. Add a rich dilettante who picks her off the streets of New York, plies her with booze and rich food and uses her as a cum dumpster. Finally, send them off to a rural lovenest in Pennsylvania for a threesome with another starving waif, on the promise that he'll take her to Spain for her birthday. End scene.

It took me a while to parse the whole thing out, but I was soooooo impressed with the songwriting craft when I got it.
 
2012-04-19 02:48:28 PM

Tom_Slick: kyoryu: "Anything written by Paul Simon, ever."

Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. But not much.


Please don't take my Kodachrome


Too late.
 
2012-04-19 02:48:51 PM

kab: I can tell you why Jump is secretly depressing... because it's a shiatty tune.

List really should include a song about being robbed on Christmas eve, tracking down the thief, shooting him, dumping the body in the river, and making it home in time for your kids to open their presents, with nary a regret. (new window)

/one of the best bands you've never heard of.


ZZZZZZZzzZZZzzzZzzzzz. There is a reason nobody ever heard of them.
 
2012-04-19 02:49:58 PM
Stereolab's pretty good for this (for varying levels of upbeat):

Cybele's Reverie
Ping Pong
Brakhage

Also, if anyone wants to subject themselves to J-pop, the closing credits to the original Tenchi Muyo!, Ren'ai no Sainou. The original Japanese lyrics translate roughly to "If you say we're lovers, it's not love, so let's not."

/ Of course, the English translation rewrite is sappy tripe
 
2012-04-19 02:51:08 PM
"There She Goes" by The La's is about heroin addiction.

That was what I found funny when Christian band Sixpence None The Richer covered it.
 
2012-04-19 02:51:37 PM

theorellior: Tom_Slick: Hey 19 was always a little dark, ply a 19 year old with Tequila and Pot and you can have your way with them, just kick them out before morning.

I don't know if there are purists here who think that the latter two Dan albums are canon or not, but "Janie Runaway" is by far the sickest upbeat Dan song ever. Start with a young girl who runs away from an abusive father in Florida by burning down their house. Add a rich dilettante who picks her off the streets of New York, plies her with booze and rich food and uses her as a cum dumpster. Finally, send them off to a rural lovenest in Pennsylvania for a threesome with another starving waif, on the promise that he'll take her to Spain for her birthday. End scene.

It took me a while to parse the whole thing out, but I was soooooo impressed with the songwriting craft when I got it.


Sounds like a wonderful version of Sublime's "Wrong Way", about picking up a 12 year old prostitute, hearing her sad story, having sex with her, running away with her, and then she leaves him anyway.
 
2012-04-19 02:53:05 PM

Cisco-Kid: Bare Naked Ladies "The Old Apartment" is about a psycho stalker ex-boyfriend.


My ex-girlfriend's roomate (at the time) is in that video.
 
Displayed 50 of 246 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report