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(YouTube)   25 years ago today, the first Simpsons short aired during the Tracy Ullman show. 25 years ago tomorrow, the first complaint that The Simpsons isn't as good as it used to be   (youtube.com) divider line 76
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3306 clicks; posted to Video » on 19 Apr 2012 at 1:44 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-19 12:35:51 PM
Hear ye!! Hear ye!!! I declare this thread to be a favorite Simpsons quote thread.

Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: He sold poison milk to school children.

Krusty the Clown: And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.

Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos

Also:

i881.photobucket.comi881.photobucket.comi881.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-19 01:09:17 PM
img835.imageshack.us

Tonight, on "Eye on Springfield": just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. The government calls it the "army", but a more alarmist name would be "The Killbot Factory."

Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, body guard, unauthorized biographer, and drug dealer...er, keeper-awayer.

Marge: We're too late!
Cobb: I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry.

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you.
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: It's not Batman!

"What if." What if I stepped in the shower and slipped on a bar of soap? Oh, my God! I'd be killed!
 
2012-04-19 01:13:31 PM
Chalmers: You're fired!
Skinner: I'm sorry, did...did you just call me a liar?
Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Skinner: Oh. That's much worse.

Jimbo: We got Skinner's underpants! And there's nothing you can do about it, Mr. Ex-Principal.
Skinner: That's not true. I can buy a new pair! [checks his wallet] No, I can't. I needed those, I really did.
 
2012-04-19 01:17:22 PM
Brockman: "All this drinking, violence, destruction of property. Are these the things we think of, when we think of the Irish?"
 
2012-04-19 01:17:48 PM
i182.photobucket.com

Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?

Homer: Never! Never, Marge. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
 
2012-04-19 01:20:34 PM
Grampa: Welcome home, son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?

Homer: Never mind, you wouldn't understand.

Grampa: Flu?

Homer: No.

Grampa: Protein deficiency?

Homer: No.

Grampa: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?

Homer: No.

Grampa: Unsatisfying sex life?

Homer: N- yes. But please, don't you say that word.

Grampa: What, seeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeeex.
 
2012-04-19 01:21:37 PM
Homer: "It takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen"
 
2012-04-19 01:33:41 PM
Writer: You, sir, have the boorish manners of a Yalie!

Roger Meyers: Here's a woody rejoinder for ya *throws name plate at writer's head*
 
2012-04-19 01:51:03 PM
Made for kids by kids and we pass the slavings on to you! --Krusty the Clown
We've tried nothing, and we are all out of ideas. --Flanders mother on Ned's discipline issues.
 
2012-04-19 01:52:43 PM
Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal might have died of loneliness.

Mr. Burns: Oh, "meltdown". It's one of those annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an "unrequested fission surplus"

"Next up's a real lowlife. Bob Dylan wrote a song to keep him in prison."
 
2012-04-19 01:55:30 PM
Ralph:

Hello Super Nintendo Chalmers.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

I broke my wookie
 
2012-04-19 01:55:47 PM
Lisa: "Uh, maybe I need to talk to somebody with a little more age and wisdom."

Grampa: "Death stalks you at every turn!"

Lisa: "Grampa!"

Grampa: "Well, it does. Aaah! Death! There it is. Death!"

Lisa: "It's only Maggie."

Grampa: " Oh, yeah. You know, at my age, the mind starts playing tricks. So, aaah! Death!"

Lisa: "That's only the cat."

Grampa: "Oh. Aah! Death!"

Lisa: "That's Maggie again, Grampa."

Grampa: "Oh. Where were we? Death!"
 
2012-04-19 01:58:22 PM
My favorite Groening strip. Has nothing to do with the Simpsons. Written after Frank died:
www.zappa.hu
 
2012-04-19 01:59:31 PM

Car_Ramrod: [img835.imageshack.us image 300x300]

That picture is from the Tommaco episode, yes?

I never noticed that gag.

(also: The toilet recommended a place called 'AmericaTown')

 
2012-04-19 02:00:38 PM
I knew I left that somewhere.
 
2012-04-19 02:03:06 PM
Homer: Awww, twenty dollars... I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Lisa: Friends?... My only friends are grown-up nerds like Gore Vidal, and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will.
Marge: Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.

Homer: Waitaminit waitaminit wait a minute... Lisa honey, are you saying you are never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops!?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, maaagical animal.
 
2012-04-19 02:03:46 PM
Lisa - "I'm losing my perspicacity! AHHHHHHH"

Homer - "Well it's always in the last place you look."
 
2012-04-19 02:05:02 PM
 
2012-04-19 02:06:44 PM
Marge: Have you noticed something different about Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No. He just seems disturbed lately.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I want to see what's bothering Bart, but I'm afraid I'd be smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it.
 
2012-04-19 02:09:09 PM
Meh, the Simpsons used to be funny. I still chuckle now and again, but it's no Bob's Burgers
 
2012-04-19 02:15:21 PM
Japan
Behind the Laughter
Das Bus

three episodes that never get deleted from the DVR

/zeppelin ruuuuuuuules..........
 
2012-04-19 02:20:27 PM
I respect the Simpsons, and they've had some great moments. But the issue is they're rarely topical (not that they should be). So the storylines have kinda run out.

Compared with South Park and (at times) Family Guy. South Park can be funny for the next few decades if they want to keep it going. Simpsons just can't.
 
2012-04-19 02:21:41 PM
So... Maggie spoke in the first Simpsons short ever? How did I forget that?!?

To this day I cannot look at or prepare a package of farfalle pasta without thinking "Farfalle, vendetta! Vendetta! Vendetta!"
 
2012-04-19 02:23:54 PM

Bill_Wick's_Friend: Japan
Behind the Laughter
Das Bus

three episodes that never get deleted from the DVR

/zeppelin ruuuuuuuules..........


Go banana!
 
2012-04-19 02:29:08 PM
Why did you think a big balloon would stop people?

Shut up! That's why!
 
2012-04-19 02:32:43 PM
Beekeeper: Well, very clever, Simpson, luring our bees to your sugar pile and selling them back to us at an inflated price.

Homer: Bees are on the what now?
 
2012-04-19 02:48:21 PM
Homer: Snappy answers to stupid questions! I'm great at these! Ask me if something smells funny in here, boy.
Bart: Does something smell funny in here?
Homer: I don't think so...STUUUPID!!
Marge: Homey, do you want pork chops for dinner?
Homer: No, I want roast beef...YOU CLOD!!

Homer: Oh, badger my ass, it's probably Milhouse.

Marge: (responding Homer's loud heckling of Flanders' football coaching) You know, Homer, it's very easy to criticize.
Homer: Fun, too!

Chalmers: There are no bad parents in the wilderness, son.
(Scene cuts to a papa bear trying to eat his cub. Irate mama bear storms over and cuffs him in the back of the head).
 
2012-04-19 02:51:57 PM
Let's go crazy BROADWAY STYLE!

---

Marge: Do you want your son to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren wasn't a stripper!
Homer: Now, who's being naïve?

---

Works on Commission [?] No [,] Money Down [!]

---

I hate every chimpanzee, from Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z

--

New Orleans! Tacky overpriced souvenir stores!

Will this bewitching floozy seduce this humble newzie? Oh what's a simple paperboy to doooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?
 
2012-04-19 02:54:26 PM
i.saucesome.net
 
2012-04-19 03:05:32 PM

alwaysjaded: [Mom & Pop Hardware Sign]


I absolutely HATE it when they use that Macintosh "Chicago" font in signs...it was in the "St. Patty's Day Parade" sign in the erotic baker episode, and a couple other more recent ones...it looks like some high school kid's art project from 1995...
 
2012-04-19 03:05:38 PM
blog.nextdayflyers.com
 
2012-04-19 03:05:54 PM
i still have an Uncle Matt's Fun Club card.

onion, belt, all that. cloud.
 
2012-04-19 03:13:23 PM

stevegarbowski: Ralph:

Hello Super Nintendo Chalmers.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

I broke bent my wookie


FTFY
 
2012-04-19 03:13:45 PM
When I grow up, I want to go to Bovine University!

---

God, schmod -- I want my Monkey-Man!
 
2012-04-19 03:22:40 PM
Number 1: Sorry- no Homers.

Homer Glutnick: Huh hyuh hyuk!
 
2012-04-19 03:29:59 PM
"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
 
2012-04-19 03:31:22 PM
Pray.

For.

Mojo.
 
2012-04-19 03:35:54 PM
I love boobies!
 
2012-04-19 03:42:14 PM
"And to think, If I were to have him killed I would be the one to go to jail!"
 
2012-04-19 03:47:11 PM
Are you wearing a grocery bag?
I have misplaced my pants.

I don't even know you, and I'm sure you're a jerk!

Oh, I never thought I'd have to do this again.

Reverend, is God punishing me?
Ohhh, short answer yes with an if, long answer no, with a but.

and so many, many more
 
2012-04-19 03:48:15 PM
Homer: I'm sorry honey, but my mind is always open to new ideas, and I - ONIONS? IN THE PEAS?! WHAT THE HELL?!!

Homer: (through a mouth full of food)...passa ketchup...
[Bart uses his knife to shoot the ketchup bottle toward him like a hockey puck, but Lisa blocks it]
Lisa: You'll have to do better than that tonight, chump.
[Bart angrily shoots a mustard jar the same way, this time getting past Lisa and into Homer's hand]
Homer: Hey, I said ketchup...I'm eatin' SALAD here!
 
2012-04-19 03:52:19 PM
Boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-boom
I'm Mr. Plow, and I'm here to say,
I'm the plowin'est guy in the USA.
I got a big plow and I'll move a lot of things,
Like your cow if you have one...
 
2012-04-19 03:56:56 PM
I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now THATS psychiatry! Huh? Huh?!?

It's time to put this pony out to stud.
Whoo hoo! First stop, Maude Flanders

Fat Tony, you mean the mob only did something for me so I would have to do something in return? For shame.
I know. I will go now.
(goes outside) Hey, wait a minute!

Well, I hope you learned something.
Marge, my friend. I haven't learned a thing.
 
2012-04-19 03:57:50 PM

Loaf's Tray: Boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-boom
I'm Mr. Plow, and I'm here to say,
I'm the plowin'est guy in the USA.
I got a big plow and I'll move a lot of things,
Like your cow if you have one...


Well, well well. If it isn't Mr. Plow...
 
2012-04-19 04:06:10 PM
Homer: See, I got this friend, Joey Jo-Jo Junior... Shabadoo?
Moe Szyslak: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[a man runs out of Moe's crying]
 
2012-04-19 04:08:59 PM
Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
 
2012-04-19 04:09:04 PM

The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight: Homer: See, I got this friend, Joey Jo-Jo Junior... Shabadoo?
Moe Szyslak: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[a man runs out of Moe's crying]


Joey Jo-Jo!
 
2012-04-19 04:10:48 PM

Great_Milenko: Loaf's Tray: Boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-boom
I'm Mr. Plow, and I'm here to say,
I'm the plowin'est guy in the USA.
I got a big plow and I'll move a lot of things,
Like your cow if you have one...

Well, well well. If it isn't Mr. Plow...


Senor Plow, no es macho-- es solamente un borracho.
 
2012-04-19 04:13:03 PM
"You're a dull boy, Billy."
...........................................

"Put it in H!"
 
2012-04-19 04:16:28 PM
Lt. Smash: It's a three-pronged attack: subliminal, liminal, and super-liminal.
Lisa: "Super-liminal"?
Lt. Smash: Yeah, I'll show ya; (out window to Lenny and Karl passing by on street) HEY YOU! JOIN THE NAVY!
 
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