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(Washington Post)   "This guy is the Taliban equivalent of the 'Home Alone' burglars"   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 94
    More: Fail, home alone, Taliban, Paktika, Afghan National Security Forces, lack of resources, security checkpoint, burglary, Taliban equivalent  
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17520 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2012 at 6:11 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-17 07:05:10 PM
Or he's not actually a commander at all, just some guy who got fingered by a neighbor and now plans to get his cash and rely on the local justice system to free him. Ha. Ha ha.
 
2012-04-17 07:07:48 PM

JesseL: doglover: B: He's not being perforated by .30 caliber DU shells from a C-130. They don't shoot POWs.

1. AC-130s can have cannons in 20mm, 25mm, 40mm, and 105mm. .30 caliber would be ridiculously tiny to put on something like that.
2. There's no such thing as a .30 caliber DU shell.


Thanks. It's one thing to make fun of weapons geeks, but don't try to use lingo and mess it all up. :)

It's all in fun of course.
 
2012-04-17 07:08:58 PM
We need more men like this.
 
2012-04-17 07:15:29 PM

Marcintosh: And still, somehow, they keep the US tied into knots.

How do they do it?


Because terrorism.
 
2012-04-17 07:16:33 PM
Not possible, Fark independents have assured me that the Taliban are all powerful and omnipresent and we must devote all our time and resources to killing them or... what's that? This year Iranians are the boogeyman justification to erode my civil liberties? Oh, ok.

Carry on then.
 
2012-04-17 07:17:10 PM
These are the people whom the most powerful military in the history of the world cannot defeat. Fark!
 
2012-04-17 07:28:21 PM

Rapmaster2000: These are the people whom the most powerful military in the history of the world cannot defeat. Fark!


An army can only beat another army, not a country. Even if you start at one side of Afganistan and started killing EVERYONE, your own troops would turn on you long before you made a dent, hopefully even sooner. Not to mention what every other country on earth would do to ya.

Look at all the empires that have lost wars there despite winning all of the battles. Kill all the bad guys and you're just pruning the bush. New thorns will spring up.
 
2012-04-17 07:29:27 PM

Digital Communist: Not possible, Fark independents have assured me that the Taliban are all powerful and omnipresent and we must devote all our time and resources to killing them or... what's that? This year Iranians are the boogeyman justification to erode my civil liberties? Oh, ok.

Carry on then.


This is the first time I've seen political hackery directed towards an ambiguous group
 
2012-04-17 07:31:26 PM
did no none else watch this "Behind Taliban lines" from Frontline (new window)
 
2012-04-17 07:32:59 PM

ZeroCorpse: One
Hundred
Dollars?


www.sweetslyrics.com
 
2012-04-17 07:35:47 PM
Bit'O'Gristle:
the reward was a measly 100 bucks. Really? could get 5 lap dances for that.

Many more than that in Afghanistan. Downside is, the lap dancers there are 11 year old boys :/
 
2012-04-17 07:39:59 PM
This reminds me of an old Herman cartoon. A guy walks into the Post Office next to a poster that reads, "Wanted: The Brain". He says, "If I turn myself in, do I get to keep the money?"

But really, why is this bad? Extend the offer to anyone, "stop fighting and we'll give you $100 to keep."
 
2012-04-17 07:41:10 PM
I almost feel sorry for the stupid this guy has.
 
2012-04-17 07:50:52 PM
ok ok ok
 
2012-04-17 07:51:18 PM

rolladuck: Let's see, two to three month's pay, get to live in the Detetention Facility in Parwan for a couple of years in air conditioning with three meals a day, receive job training, learn to read and write, imam services, occasionally play soccer and get ice cream and showers two times a week, and free face-to-face visits with your family every six months.
...
Or continue to climb around the Hindu-Kush mountains while starving and waiting for an A-10 to hamburgerize you.

This guy isn't an imbecile, he's probably the smartest one from his cell.


It sounds like a good deal with the ice cream and everything but do you have to see your family every 6 months?

That ruins it for me.
 
2012-04-17 07:59:30 PM

rolladuck: Let's see, two to three month's pay, get to live in the Detetention Facility in Parwan for a couple of years in air conditioning with three meals a day, receive job training, learn to read and write, imam services, occasionally play soccer and get ice cream and showers two times a week, and free face-to-face visits with your family every six months.
...
Or continue to climb around the Hindu-Kush mountains while starving and waiting for an A-10 to hamburgerize you.

This guy isn't an imbecile, he's probably the smartest one from his cell.


You forgot the cockmeat sandwiches. NEVER forget the cockmeat sandwiches.
 
2012-04-17 08:08:19 PM

Slaxl: Jeez, I was expecting it to be like £10m and he had an plan to sacrifice himself and get the money to a relative or something to fund more insurgency or whatever but... wow.

Most importantly, however, how does a blithering imbecile manage to even become wanted for insurgency? Shouldn't he have blown himself up because he lit a match to get a better look at a gunpowder barrel?

He's going to really regret that decision.


I think he was one of these... Jump to 1.45

Link (new window)
 
2012-04-17 08:10:31 PM

theunblinkingeye: [www.cbc.ca image 584x329]
Which one of these guys was it?


Damn you! *shakes tiny fist*

Should have scrolled down a bit more...
 
2012-04-17 08:13:45 PM
I think they should give him the money, or give it to his family. It may encourage others to turn themselves in, which may end up yielding useful intelligence.
 
2012-04-17 08:20:09 PM
That's STILL marginally less embarrassing than Home Alone 3 through Home Alone 5.
 
2012-04-17 08:33:27 PM
For every Brain there are a million Pinkys. *NARF*
 
2012-04-17 09:00:42 PM

NobleHam: I checked three times to make sure this wasn't The Onion. Wow. How did he not die in a stupid accident years ago?


It's better to be lucky than good. Almost only counts when it comes to horseshoes and hand grenades.
 
2012-04-17 09:02:57 PM
FTFA:
A biometric scan confirmed that the man in Afghan custody was the insurgent they had been looking for.

This is the part that should be talked about. What kind of Star Trek shiat are they doing over there?
 
2012-04-17 09:04:06 PM
Why exactly are we spending billions fighting these assholes?
 
2012-04-17 09:12:51 PM

Digital Communist: Not possible, Fark independents have assured me that the Taliban are all powerful and omnipresent and we must devote all our time and resources to killing them or... what's that? This year Iranians are the boogeyman justification to erode my civil liberties? Oh, ok.

Carry on then.


So, it's just the right playing this game?
 
2012-04-17 09:14:35 PM

poisonpill: JesseL: doglover: B: He's not being perforated by .30 caliber DU shells from a C-130. They don't shoot POWs.

1. AC-130s can have cannons in 20mm, 25mm, 40mm, and 105mm. .30 caliber would be ridiculously tiny to put on something like that.
2. There's no such thing as a .30 caliber DU shell.

Thanks. It's one thing to make fun of weapons geeks, but don't try to use lingo and mess it all up. :)

It's all in fun of course.


I'm so glad someone else understands!
 
2012-04-17 09:20:37 PM

elk-tamer: Or maybe the dude, unlike everyone in the US military apparently, has heard of a trojan horse.


Er... are you implying that he's got a crack team of Taliban insurgents hiding in his colon?

Or maybe he's got an explosive cell phone that will kill everyone in the holding cell when the Joker calls it?

encefalus.com
 
2012-04-17 09:43:49 PM

SharkTrager: Digital Communist: Not possible, Fark independents have assured me that the Taliban are all powerful and omnipresent and we must devote all our time and resources to killing them or... what's that? This year Iranians are the boogeyman justification to erode my civil liberties? Oh, ok.

Carry on then.

So, it's just the right playing this game?


When does the left ever dehumanize foreign groups to further a political agenda?

Remember how evil and powerful Iraq was leading up to the war? Seventh largest military in the world! They have biological, chemical, nuclear and nerf weapons! We have to fight them over there so don't have to fight them over here! You're with us or you are with terrorists!

The left is guilty of a lot of things. But the right has the fear mongering market cornered.
 
2012-04-17 09:43:58 PM

andrewagill: elk-tamer: Or maybe the dude, unlike everyone in the US military apparently, has heard of a trojan horse.

Er... are you implying that he's got a crack team of Taliban insurgents hiding in his colon?
Or maybe he's got an explosive cell phone that will kill everyone in the holding cell when the Joker calls it?

I was thinking more along the lines of "Prison Break".
 
2012-04-17 09:56:48 PM

mat catastrophe: FTFA:
A biometric scan confirmed that the man in Afghan custody was the insurgent they had been looking for.

This is the part that should be talked about. What kind of Star Trek shiat are they doing over there?


I was wondering this, too.
 
2012-04-17 10:21:12 PM
Keep the change ya filthy animal
 
2012-04-17 10:21:39 PM

Submitted First With a Better Headline: mat catastrophe: FTFA:
A biometric scan confirmed that the man in Afghan custody was the insurgent they had been looking for.

This is the part that should be talked about. What kind of Star Trek shiat are they doing over there?

I was wondering this, too.


What, you thought they wouldn't fingerprint the dude, and just take his word that he was the terrorist wanted?
 
2012-04-17 10:43:53 PM
Please, this guy is a genius. I've seen hundreds of Taliban and Haqqani Network commanders captured and released. This guy will get the money and use it to buy bomb makign materials. Laugh at him all you want but it's ISAF that are the idiots.
 
2012-04-17 11:03:50 PM
He's probably illiterate, and the other Talibani just told him he'd won an award as a prank. They probably never thought the poor dumb bastard would really go for it.

They're probably still laughing at him.
 
2012-04-17 11:30:42 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: But remember: these people are so bad, so incredibly, powerfully evil, that grown politicians shiat their pants at the mere thought of trying them in the US


No--its simply the impossibilitiy of trying these peope in a full blow criminal trial--especialy as there is no grounds to do it, nor requirement to do so.
 
2012-04-17 11:50:57 PM

Digital Communist: When does the left ever dehumanize foreign groups to further a political agenda?


They don't, usually. They just dehumanize local groups to further a political agenda.
Foreign groups, they embrace. Because, being foreign, those groups must be better than us 'Mericans.
 
2012-04-18 12:27:57 AM
I'm starting to have trouble discerning real happenings from The Onion news stories.
 
2012-04-18 12:32:55 AM

theunblinkingeye: Which one of these guys was it?


came to post a different pic from that movie, but will leave satisfied.
 
2012-04-18 01:14:29 AM

s1ugg0: Why exactly are we spending billions fighting these assholes?


Because terrorism.

Also because Truth, Justice, and the American Way Amen.
 
2012-04-18 01:19:03 AM

JesseL: poisonpill: JesseL: doglover: B: He's not being perforated by .30 caliber DU shells from a C-130. They don't shoot POWs.

1. AC-130s can have cannons in 20mm, 25mm, 40mm, and 105mm. .30 caliber would be ridiculously tiny to put on something like that.
2. There's no such thing as a .30 caliber DU shell.

Thanks. It's one thing to make fun of weapons geeks, but don't try to use lingo and mess it all up. :)

It's all in fun of course.

I'm so glad someone else understands!


AC-130As were armed with either two or four 7.62 miniguns along with 20 and 40mm cannon. They have all been retired at this point, but they served up through the end of the 1st gulf war. The majority of the kills on "the highway of death" were attributed to a single AC-130A named Azrael (each AC130 is named by its crew). The AC130 loitered over the road for 8 hours, returning to base only after using every single round of ammo that it carried, over 20 tons of ammunition.

You are correct about the lack of DU 30 cal ammo, They used a combination of armor piercing incendiary, armor piercing incendiary tracer, and full metal jacket ammo.

AC130 E, H, and U models deleted the 7.62 miniguns in favor of a 105mm howitzer.
 
2012-04-18 09:44:44 AM

JesseL: doglover: B: He's not being perforated by .30 caliber DU shells from a C-130. They don't shoot POWs.

1. AC-130s can have cannons in 20mm, 25mm, 40mm, and 105mm. .30 caliber would be ridiculously tiny to put on something like that.
2. There's no such thing as a .30 caliber DU shell.
3. POWs can certainly be exectuted, just not summarily.
4. Captured insurgents/Taliban/whatever aren't POWs and don't qualify for any protections as such.


and some things that go boom.
 
2012-04-18 12:04:14 PM

elk-tamer: Or maybe the dude, unlike everyone in the US military apparently, has heard of a trojan horse.


You're over-thinking. With the huge reintegration program we did over the last couple of years, the Taliban know that if they turn themselves in, the US will treat them with kid gloves. The reintegration results have been so abysmal that any mid or upper level Taliban that reintegrate are worth so much in PR it's idiotic to put them in jail. Trying or convicting this guy will torpedo reintegration. When all's said and done, they'll probably give him the $100 reward too.
 
2012-04-18 12:39:13 PM
I just want to know what that green stringy stuff in the lower right of his wanted poster is?
 
2012-04-18 03:29:31 PM
I never understood why they won't give you the reward for turning yourself in. Turning yourself in is BETTER than if someone told the police where you were. No chance of a shootout or anything like that. They have saved thousands on labor costs and shiat like that. Just give the dude his 100 bucks for christ sake.
 
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