That was exactly what I expected.

I don't think you get stoned from PCP. You turn into a raging psychopath who is unfazed by anything lower than .50 caliber. Stoned is different.

That was different but funny

im annoyed that i liked that.

"Now, that was easy!" I lol'd

As a new homeowner, any lawn-based humor is hysterical right now. The PCP stuff was just the icing on the cake.

So, the worst taste, the better.

/sometimes I want to set my lawn on fire
//not really
///I'm not mowing that front slope...

I just mowed my lawn and I have grass in my eyes and down my throat and I wish I had some PCP right now.

That's pretty much what I would expect a chronic stoner's yard to look like.

Transpogue: As a new homeowner, any lawn-based humor is hysterical right now. The PCP stuff was just the icing on the cake.

So, the worst taste, the better.

/sometimes I want to set my lawn on fire
//not really
///I'm not mowing that front slope...

There'll be a neighborhood kid coming around at some point (unless you have the uber-lawn from hell, at which point, investing in a riding mower or a service is a good idea.).

Going rate here in Michigan is about $15 for front and back (usually takes about 45 minutes to an hour for reference), a bit less if you don't need a weedwhacker, a bit more if you have a dog or need an edger. Quality ain't the greatest, but the service runs about $20-25 so it's your $5/week.

/Good riding mowers are really fun to drive. They're fast, nimble, and controllable.
//It's what I imagine driving a sports car to be like.

That was better than 90% of SNL skits.

/Gilly cuts the lawn
//TSA on PCP

It's a very good thing that it's late in the day and most of my coworkers have gone home, or they would have heard me laughing my ass off.

Wasn't that the same dude in the Doritos commercial that was denied?

Cracked up!

Found another one: Taste in powder (new window - skips to the good part)

/Hint: The powder is not Cocaine

Have you ever mown you lawn, on weeeeed?

LesserEvil: ShawnDoc: That was way funnier than it should have been.

I came here to say this.

Still, it could have used a pulpy baby body at the end, just to emphasize the need to clear the yard of obstructions.

his foot is pumping jets of blood at the end.

I've taken the PCH a few times.

My how the mighty have fallen.

meyerkev: There'll be a neighborhood kid coming around at some point (unless you have the uber-lawn from hell, at which point, investing in a riding mower or a service is a good idea.)

Back in the 70's I made a deal with a real estate company to cut lawns for hoses they wanted to sell.
My buddy was skeptical until I brought out a scythe to mow down the tall grass with.

Worth every $15 per lawn, and got killer upper bod guns for it.

That was awesome.

How did he get his clothes back on?

I focus on the important things.

meyerkev: Found another one: Taste in powder (new window - skips to the good part)

/Hint: The powder is not Cocaine

CSB:

In the Army, we bunked with a guy who bragged that he'd seen more drugs that all of us put together. One guy told him that he'd gotten a line on some great coke, and asked if he wanted in. Drug-braggart gave him a twenty, and my pal bought some headache powder with it. Dude snorted it up, pronounced it excellent, and demanded more. We milked that guy for beer money for weeks, as his sinuses slowly burned away from the aspirin.

/CSB

PCP?

"Daddy ate my eyes."

bugmn99: I just mowed my lawn and I have grass in my eyes and down my throat and I wish I had some PCP right now.

Maybe you need a new mower. They're not supposed to do that.

Around here the local lawn crews charge about $75 to mow ~2 acres. Friends of mine in town pay over $100 per mow. Every week! Makes me want to quit my job and start mowing lawns instead.

stevetherobot: Have you ever mown you lawn, on weeeeed?

I have done many things stoned, but never the lawn. I really don't believe in mowing. Thankfully, I've rarely had to worry about it. But if I ever do have a lawn that I regularly have to worry about, I'll do everything I can to avoid mowing it regularly, including putting in English grass*. And because I hate lawnmowers even more than I hate mowing lawns, I'll use a mechanical push mower. Really. I even own one right now.

(* I don't actually know what this stuff is, or even what it's really called. I call it "English grass" because I noticed it's common on a lot of old English estates. It's basically a really dense grass that grows to about six inches or so, then just sort of stops there. I'm pretty sure it grows in huge mats that are actually single colonies of one plant. We have some patches in our lawn right now; the grow at about an inch a year. Is it the most beautiful grass ever? No, but it's fine to walk on, and IT NEVER NEEDS MOWING.)

Marshall Willenholly: bugmn99: I just mowed my lawn and I have grass in my eyes and down my throat and I wish I had some PCP right now.

Maybe you need a new mower. They're not supposed to do that.

Around here the local lawn crews charge about $75 to mow ~2 acres. Friends of mine in town pay over $100 per mow. Every week! Makes me want to quit my job and start mowing lawns instead.

Keep in mind that a riding mower is roughly equivalent in price and ongoing costs to a car. Except that it's a car that gets driven over one of those offroad tracks at its top speed 12-14 hours per day by a person who doesn't pay to maintain it. And every single worker needs to get paid (albeit at minimum wage). And you'd better have a way to move it from yard to yard, so that means big trucks and lots of gas.

A surprising amount of money is getting invested straight back into that business. If those 2 acres take a half hour with 3 people, that's $12 in wages, another few bucks in gas, a hilarious amount in maintenance, plus paying for the time and effort of getting all that equipment out to the house in the first place, and paying off the $20K that the mower cost to begin with. $100 for an hours worth of work (which once you include transit time, it probably is about that on a 2-acre lawn) is nearly costing them money.

/Ain't seen nothing until you've seen the mechanic holding a fist-sized piece of metal that costs more than you make in a month.
//A good professional weedwhacker is ~$500, and will last you 2 years. 1 as the awesome weedwhacker, and 1 as the terrible weedwhacker that takes 5 minutes and 3 people to get going. And that was at a golf course where the super firmly believed in the awesome power of pesticides sprayed around every tree, so we only pulled out the weedwhacker every week instead of every day.

I like the part when he yelled.

Pretty funny stuff. Nice job.

meyerkev: There'll be a neighborhood kid coming around at some point (unless you have the uber-lawn from hell, at which point, investing in a riding mower or a service is a good idea.).

Michigan must have slightly more desperate neighborhood kids than we do. 8 years of homeownership and, honestly, not one time. Hell, the neighbor across the street has 5 healthy (as far as I can tell) kids aged 7-21. Is on at least some public assistance programs. And hires a lawn crew.

Lawnchair: meyerkev: There'll be a neighborhood kid coming around at some point (unless you have the uber-lawn from hell, at which point, investing in a riding mower or a service is a good idea.).

Michigan must have slightly more desperate neighborhood kids than we do. 8 years of homeownership and, honestly, not one time. Hell, the neighbor across the street has 5 healthy (as far as I can tell) kids aged 7-21. Is on at least some public assistance programs. And hires a lawn crew.

Honestly, it requires certain specific things.

1) The kid must have access to a lawnmower at bare minimum. Preferably a lawnmower and a weedwhacker and a blower. So that requires a certain amount of wealth on the parent's part and a willingness on their part to let the kid use their stuff since that's about $1000 in capital investment.

2) The lawns can't be huge (but they can't be too small either, or there's no money in it because people will take the 15 minutes). Smallest yard I did took about 30 minutes, front and back, largest was just under an hour. If they're huge, the kids don't want to do them because it'll take 23 hours(and honestly, the service can show up and do it significantly faster and better). Also, if the lawns are huge, it means less people, and since I ended up getting 4 lawns out of about 100 flyers, that's critical.

3) Jobs must be scarce or require a car. $60/week for 4 months plus ~$250 in lump sum payments for leaf raking in the fall isn't a lot, but it's better than nothing, and it's better than blowing several thousand on a car and gas and insurance, and then making it up at $5/hour after taxes. (Seriously, it's not (just) that teenagers these days are lazy or don't want to work, it's that it's no longer economical).

/It also helped that Dad worked at a golf course, so that's where my brain was sitting.
//There was me, 2 kids down the street, and a kid on the next street over, and we had about a square mile or so split up between us.
///Also, to all people who wanted their mowed lawn bagged, I truly hate you. I only had a mulch lawnmower that was older than me.

That was PERFECT LOL!

Uchiha_Cycliste: casual disregard: I don't think you get stoned from PCP. You turn into a raging psychopath who is unfazed by anything lower than .50 caliber. Stoned is different.

you... you are no fun.
That was outstanding.

Aw, I'm fun, I promise. I did in fact enjoy the video, I just think stoned was a poor choice of words.

stevetherobot: Have you ever mown you lawn, on weeeeed?

Yes. Every time!

meyerkev: /Good riding mowers are really fun to drive. They're fast, nimble, and controllable.
//It's what I imagine driving a sports car to be like.

I don't even have a good sportscar anymore and this comment makes me cry.

Bacontastesgood: meyerkev: /Good riding mowers are really fun to drive. They're fast, nimble, and controllable.
//It's what I imagine driving a sports car to be like.

I don't even have a good sportscar anymore and this comment makes me cry.

Have you seen the ones that they use to mow around the trees?

Those things can literally turn on a dime, accelerate like mad, don't want to stop ever (The official "How do I brake?" was "Take your foot off the accel and turn up a hill"), magnify every little bump and hollow in the ground and transmit it straight into your spine, and sound as loud as a jet engine. Best of all, because the operator is about 8 feet behind the wheelbase and directly on top of the only wheel that can turn, every time they make a tight turn (like when they mow around a tree), the mower tries to toss them off and they're forced to steer with one hand and grab onto whatever they can find with the other to stay in the seat.

A greens mower is boring. Those suckers are fun (when you're not being thrown). And in 30 years, when I have my midlife crisis, I'll be looking for a car that feels like that mower did.

And given that I've never seen a sportscar in person, much less driven one, eh, that's my best guess.

//All those statements should have very, very large "For a mower" statements attached.